


Dark Tranquility

by mymoonyandstars



Series: The Moonlit Series [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Bisexual Female Character, Book 2: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Bullying, Character Death, Cutting, F/F, Female Friendship, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hufflepuff, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Character, Loss of Parent(s), Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Parent Remus Lupin, Past Relationship(s), Puberty, Recovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Welsh Character, Welsh Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 130,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22075381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonyandstars/pseuds/mymoonyandstars
Summary: Emma Lupin's life is perfect, or as perfect as a young witch attending a school of magic's life can be. But not everything is safe and sound at Hogwarts. Can Emma survive her second year of school with her own monsters as the rest of the school focuses on the reopening of the Chamber of Secrets? Or will she meet her fate to the demons she never expected?☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾Year One:A Window to the Past
Relationships: Neville Longbottom & Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Remus Lupin & Original Character(s)
Series: The Moonlit Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1561660
Comments: 32
Kudos: 75





	1. King of Swords and Wands

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to year two, wonderful reader! I can't wait to start diving into Emma's second year at Hogwarts. A lot of darker themes are going to be introduced for year two, so please, please, PLEASE heed any warnings that will be written at the start of the chapters.
> 
> I appreciated being able to write an almost entirely fluffy story for the first year because I knew that things weren't going to remain as such. There's a lot of new discoveries, a lot of new adventures, and a continuation of the story that's only beginning. But don't worry - there will still be plenty of sweet moments!
> 
> Thank you for coming along on Emma's journey. It's going to start getting wild.

* * *

**Emelyn Theodosia Lupin felt that** she had the perfect and most normal life. She had a home, she had amazing friends, went to a wonderful school, and most of all, she was happy.

Emma’s life was perfectly normal, at least as normal as the life of a young witch could be. She was almost positive that her loving stepfather was a werewolf; she went to school in a castle to learn magic, had a pet owl, and had friends scattered all across Great Britain that could be reached by stepping into a fireplace.

Nothing could be more perfect.

A warm, gentle breeze rolled in from her open window, pulling the thick, heavy July afternoon air out of her room and bringing in the cool sweetness of the night. Emma had been home from Hogwarts for nearly three weeks and was enjoying her downtime. She knew that Remus expected her to get some of her summer classwork done, but the summer was only beginning, and she had a week away at her best friend Persephone’s house to look forward to.

Emma was lying face down on the floor, head resting lazily on her propped-up hand, legs kicked back behind her as she skimmed through the well-worn copy of _The Catcher in the Rye_ that she had pulled from one of the many book-laden shelves in the living room. She found herself deeply engrossed in the book, only half-listening to the music that filled the quaint home with the melodies of The Beatles. Her owl, Aurora, sat in her cage on her dresser near the window, resting quietly and enjoying her nap.

She reached absent-mindedly into the bag of crisps that sat in front of her as she flipped through the pages. She hummed along softly to the music playing, singing quietly to random bits of songs as they passed through her ears.

Young Emma was so focused on her book that she didn’t register the faint click of the front door unlocking and the grating noise of wood on wood as the door opened. She didn’t hear the sound of shoes being removed and left at the front door or the jingle of keys placed on an entry table. She didn’t hear the sound of the wood floor creaking below soft footsteps as they approached her room.

Her nose crinkled as she recognized the familiar tune of “Hey Jude” starting up. Even though it was a song, she didn’t want to be reminded of her father sitting in St. Mungo’s. Emma’s eyes scanned the page she was on as she slowly began to pick herself up off the floor. She wanted to change the song that was currently playing, but the allure of the pages that sat in front of her made her mission difficult.

Reluctantly peeling her eyes away from the book, Emma turned towards her door and let out a scream. She stumbled backward from the doorway, tripping over her feet and falling back onto the floor, covering her face in fear before peering through her fingers in embarrassment. Aurora hooted grumpily, annoyed that her nap was suddenly disturbed.

Remus Lupin stood in Emma’s doorway, a hand poised to knock on the doorjamb and a look of absolute horror plastered to his face. He remained frozen in place, unblinking with his mouth hanging open as he tried to process the chain of events that led to that exact moment. As Emma’s eyes glared at him through her fingers, he tried in vain to keep his face from splitting into a wide grin. He began to apologize for his unexpected arrival, but instead, a snort of laughter burst forth. He covered his mouth, momentarily embarrassed at his inability to remain serious. He retreated back into the hallway, his shoulders shaking with muffled laughter as he leaned against the wall opposite her door.

A look of distress crossed Emma’s face. She pulled her hands away from her face and watched Remus’s miserable attempts at masking his laughter.

“ _Hey_ ,” Emma whined, a disappointed edge in her voice. She reached to her bed, grabbing a pillow and throwing it out into the hallway at Remus.

The moment Emma’s pillow connected with Remus’s chest, he lost what little composure he had, and he began to howl with laughter. Emma pulled another pillow off the bed with an aggravated shout and threw it at Remus’s head.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said through his laughter as the second pillow nearly smacked into his face. He began to double over with laughter as a third pillow made its way towards him, hitting his legs. Remus started laughing even harder as her teddy bear connected with his stomach. He slid down against the wall, arms wrapped around his stomach as he settled himself on the floor, tears of laughter in his eyes.

“Truly, I’m sorry,” he pleaded, coughing as he tried to stop his laughter. “I really didn’t mean to scare you.” He wiped his tears away on his sleeve as he took in Emma’s aggravated face as she crawled towards him, hell-bent on retrieving her weapons of choice. Spotting her intentions, Remus began to place the pillows out of her reach. His smile grew as he allowed Emma a vain attempt at retrieving her final pillow, his hand already poised to snatch it from her.

Emma was surprised that Remus was willing to leave the remaining pillow sitting between them, a very small barrier between two warring forces. She reached out, her fingers grazing the soft fabric of her pillowcase. Emma froze with an aggravated cry as Remus deftly snagged it from her outstretched fingers. She looked up to glare at him and sat back on her heels, crossing her arms over her chest. She kept herself firmly on her side of the door, not daring to cross the threshold into the hallway.

Remus continued to smile, his face hurting as he made a poor attempt at calming his laughter. He cleared his throat, trying to take in deep breaths as errant chuckles broke through. Forcing himself to calm down, Remus gave Emma a lopsided smile. He held his arms open towards her, beckoning her into the hallway.

“Come here,” he said, shaking his head at Emma’s defiant expression.

With a grumble, Emma crawled into the hallway and yelped as Remus pulled her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, asking for silent forgiveness for his transgression.

“I truly am sorry,” Remus said, kissing the spot near her temple. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you knew that I was home, but I was clearly very wrong.”

“I was reading,” Emma muttered, narrowing her eyes at him.

“I can see that,” he said, looking past her to the book on the floor. “ _Catcher in the Rye_?”

Emma nodded, resting her head on Remus’ shoulder, trying to relax and still her thudding heartbeat.

“That one is one of my favorites.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve told me nearly every book I’ve read is your favorite,” Emma said with a snort. “I’m not sure that I believe that.”

“It’s true,” Remus said. “Any book that you’ve read becomes my favorite because it’s another one that I can discuss with you.”

“You know I don’t like you right now, right?” Emma lifted her head to look at Remus, eyebrows raised.

“I know,” Remus smiled. He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, procuring a bar of chocolate. “Does this help?”

“That’s not fair,” Emma said, eying the chocolate bar Remus held.

“I don’t play fair,” Remus said, his eyes twinkling. “Am I forgiven?”

Emma narrowed her eyes at Remus and took the chocolate bar from his hand with a smile. “I guess,” she said, kissing his cheek. “Thank you.”

Remus smiled at her and gave her another squeeze. “Come on, let’s get off this floor. I’m starving, how about you?”

“So am I,” Emma said with a grin as Remus lifted her up.

“Wonderful. How does takeaway sound tonight?”

“Perfect.”

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

One of the things that Emma enjoyed most was wandering. She loved to discover new places, find new things, and, most of all, enjoyed having a change of scenery. She felt herself growing frustrated as she found herself unable to move in the directions that she wished. She wanted to longingly follow the beautiful butterfly flying overhead or the bird that seemed to float carelessly in the sky. As Emma pulled, she became acutely aware that she was being held back, something holding tightly to her left hand.

Or someone.

Emma turned to her left, finding a set of legs. 

_How odd_.

Her eyes moved upwards, and she nearly gave a start as her eyes met the face of her father, Jude.

“You need to keep up,” Jude spoke. His voice was rough but lilted in a way that Emma didn’t expect. It was almost aristocratic, clear, and sure with a sharpness that she wasn’t expecting. Jude’s voice had a much different cadence than Remus’s, lacking the empathetic softness and subtle Welsh lilt she had grown accustomed to.

Emma tried to pull her hand out of Jude’s, not liking how he spoke to her but found that she couldn’t. Instead of being able to free herself, she felt herself being pulled along faster. 

“Keep up, damn it.”

A frustrated growl erupted from Jude’s throat, and Emma suddenly found her vantage point change. She was no longer looking at things only a few feet from the ground but closer to the height of Jude’s eyes. Almost as if she had been picked up.

Emma took a moment to inspect Jude. His features were darker than hers and much sharper. His dark auburn hair that was slicked back and coiffed seemed to reflect the light more brilliantly, the red sheen reflecting off his tan skin. His dark eyes shifted frantically at everything other than Emma, searching for something she couldn’t see. His facial hair was full and well-manicured, reflecting an air of someone who came from money.

She found herself feeling fortunate that she looked more like her mother than her father, though she couldn’t deny their shared features. Her hair still featured Jude's auburn coloring; she had his high cheekbones and leaned towards having his full lips.

From this vantage point, she could take in the way his crooked nose seemed to have come down in a nearly straight line, except for the slight turn. She noticed how his high cheekbones seemed to force his skin to be smooth, the semblance of bags under his eyes nowhere to be seen. Emma felt that Jude could be a very handsome man if he exuded a softer air and wasn’t as pompous as he was portraying himself.

Her eyes scanned lower, taking in the dark maroon suit jacket that he wore. A black dress shirt was held together at the neck by a matching solid black tie. It wasn’t the type of outfit that Emma would’ve expected, but then she hadn’t expected the way he spoke either. She looked down to see a pair of dark dragonhide dress shoes tied to his feet. A dark cloak was draped over his shoulders, held together by an ornate gold clasp.

 _Did we have money?_ Emma thought to herself, wondering why Jude was so well dressed. She grew more curious as the cobbled pathway they were on shifted to grass. _Where are we going_?

Everything seemed bigger to her, as if the world had suddenly grown larger around her. They continued walking further into the grass, leaving Emma questioning why Jude was so dressed up if they were going on a nature walk. Her eyes found the butterfly once more, and she nearly let out a gasp as she looked past the butterfly and found herself in a familiar place.

 _The meadow_.

The meadow was just how she always remembered, lush and green, the red cabin with the dark roof, the flowers with the soft petals, and the pond. All of it was there, including the forest.

_The forest, the forest, the forest._

Something was wrong with the forest, but Emma didn’t know what. _The howls_.

Trepidation seeped into her being, starting from her toes and tingling through her body as it made its way to the very top of her head. She felt that even her hair felt afraid. She wasn’t sure how her _hair_ could feel frightened, but the fear was there. She felt the hair on the back of her neck and her arms stand up. Everything was wrong.

Emma’s attention was focused on the forest, the dark green foliage stark against the beautiful, lush grass. The forest was dark and unbidden. The shrubbery was rough and unyielding to the massive tree trunks that sprung forth from the ground. If it weren’t for the woods, the entire meadow would be beautiful, but the forest cast an ugly glow.

But nothing could be uglier than the shadows that seemed to grow from the dark forest ground.

“Just on time,” Jude muttered, his eyes fixated on the darkness of the forest. A dark smile crossed his features as he paused just past the pond.

_What’s on time?_

Emma’s question was quickly answered as one of the hulking shadows grew closer to where they were. She spotted the yellowed eyes first before taking in the rest of the person they were attached to.

_Fenrir Greyback. But why is he here?_

Greyback’s leering eyes grew closer to them, stopping feet away from where Jude stood with Emma. He stood motionless, his yellow eyes narrowed at Jude, seemingly suspicious of the man that stood in front of him.

“I bring you a gift, Lord Greyback,” Jude said, breaking the silence.

“Lord Greyback,” the werewolf said with a barking laugh. “If only there were more of the Dark Lord’s followers who spoke like you.”

“Are you not a Lord?” Jude asked, putting on an air of surprise.

“I suppose, if you will, that I could be,” Greyback said, his voice rough as he extended a clawed hand out towards Jude.

Emma felt her whole view shift as everything was suddenly taller than her once more. She tested her left hand to see if she could move it and was pleased to find that it was free. Perhaps she could escape from them, from the meadow, and mostly from Greyback. After all, her father couldn’t hurt her, could he? She watched as Jude took Greyback’s hand, his handshake firm as he kept his eyes locked on the werewolf’s. If she could just convince herself to leave, she sincerely thought that she could escape, but she found herself frozen to the spot.

 _He said that he has a gift_ , Emma thought to herself, watching the two men as they sized each other up. Greyback was much larger than Jude, with broad shoulders and thick muscles underneath his clothing. The last time Emma had seen Greyback, he was wearing cutoff jeans and a flannel, but this time he wore clothing similar to Jude’s. This Greyback was also a lot younger than she remembered.

A dark shirt, a heavy cloak, and thick black boots. Everything both men wore was dark except for the gold details on Jude’s clothing.

_Greyback mentioned the Dark Lord…and his followers…but Jude can’t be…_

Greyback’s yellow gaze turned to Emma’s, and a smirk crossed his face.

“And who is this?”

“That, Lord Greyback, would be one of your gifts. From the Dark Lord. There will be more if the Dark Lord is pleased.”

Emma’s eyes never left Greyback’s, but her thoughts ran wild.

‘ _One of your gifts,’ he said. Me. Gift. Dark Lord._

Greyback’s amber eyes returned to Jude’s, and he cocked his head just as a curious dog would. “A gift from the Dark Lord, you say?”

“Yes,” Jude responded. “In return for your services. He would like to reaffirm your alliance.”

“My services?”

“Yes, Lord Greyback. The Dark Lord requests further assistance in the war. He feels that our side is winning, and he wants to make sure that you are still devoted to the cause. In return, you will receive personal gifts from the Dark Lord in addition to freedom for your pack to live as you please.”

“Is that so?” Greyback asked, intrigued. “And what does the Dark Lord require from me.”

“The rest of your pack, Lord Greyback.” Jude glanced down at Emma briefly before returning his gaze to Greyback. “The Dark Lord asks that you add more members to your pack to serve alongside him. Of course, they will be under your rule, but the Dark Lord feels that there will be additional strength in numbers.”

Greyback's laugh echoed through the meadow, and the shadows in the forest stirred. “This war has been going on for years, and the Dark Lord asks me to help his cause further? He asks a werewolf to affirm their alliance to a cause that’s designed to eradicate half-breeds such as myself? I find that difficult to believe, considering he’s made promises before. What’s different this time?”

“Were you not of Pure-blood descent before you were turned, Lord Greyback? Protection and a better life will be offered to yourself and your pack.”

“I was,” Greyback said. “But my pack is mixed of pure and half-blood alike.”

“But there are no Mudblood’s amongst your ranks?”

“They’re the first to die,” Greyback said nonchalantly. “Their blood isn’t as strong as the others. They serve to fortify the pack.”

“Then your cause is just the same as the Dark Lord’s.”

Another silence passed between the men as Greyback stared at Jude, his eyes narrowed. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? That you’re not working for Dumbledore?”

A smirk crossed Jude’s face as he undid the button on his left sleeve and pulled back the jacket and shirt up. He presented his arm to Greyback to inspect, inclining his head. “I believe this is all the answer that you need.”

Greyback took in Jude’s arm for a moment and then nodded, watching as he pulled his sleeves back down. Satisfied, Greyback stood up to his full imposing height.

“So, to be clear, the Dark Lord asks for my services and my pack and will offer rewards in return? The first of many, I presume, standing here with us today.”

“That is correct,” Jude stated, straightening his clothing out and finding Greyback’s gaze.

Greyback’s eyes turned to Emma with a nod, and he licked his lips as he inspected her. “And what of this one?”

Emma felt herself freeze further as she observed Greyback. The way he stared at her made her uncomfortable, as if he was torn between eating her and…something else. She wasn’t sure what the something else would be, but she didn’t want to find out.

“She’s yours to do with what you will.”

“She’s younger than what I normally take,” Greyback noted.

“Yes,” Jude agreed. “The Dark Lord knows of your penchant for children, but he has one request.”

“Another request? The Dark Lord is demanding, isn’t he?” Greyback let out another barking laugh. “And what would that request be?”

“You may have her, but you must wait. The Dark Lord is a benevolent leader and asks that you only take her when she is of age.”

“Oh?”

“He asks that you wait so that she may be trained to assist you. The girl, though a half-blood, is powerful and will serve your army well in the future. Perchance, if you so wish, she would serve as your wife.”

“I don’t need a wife.”

“But you would like to expand your pack. What better way than to take a wife?”

“I would enjoy expanding my pack, but what good would a wife be?”

Jude was quiet, his own eyes narrowing. He gave a shrug and let out a sigh. “Then she’ll be yours to do whatever you please, Lord Greyback. What you do with her when it is time is your decision. You could eat her for all any of us care.”

“She looks as though she’ll be too small when she’s older,” Greyback said, glancing at Jude before returning to inspecting Emma. “Perhaps she _would_ be good for pups…”

“Then you will accept the Dark Lord’s offer?

Greyback’s gaze snapped back to Jude, his expression contemplative. With a quick glance back at Emma, he held his hand out towards Jude. “Tell the Dark Lord that we have a deal. And I expect my next gift sooner rather than later. It’s not right to bring me a gift that I have to wait for. How old is she?”

“Very well,” Jude said, taking Greyback’s hand. “I’m sure the Dark Lord will reward you in kind. She’ll be two come September.”

Greyback gave an appreciative hum. “I’ll be waiting for longer than I would like,” Greyback said, a low growl rumbling in his throat. “Will it be you who comes to bring me my next gift?”

“I’m unsure, Lord Greyback,” Jude answered, carefully wiping his hand on his pant leg. “It could be any of the Dark Lord’s followers.”

“Very well,” Greyback agreed. “I must ask, though, as I find myself curious. Is this little pup yours?”

Jude was silent for a moment before he cleared his throat. “We were hoping for a son.”

A dark chuckle left Greyback, “And now she’s mine.”

“When she comes of age, she is all yours. Not a moment sooner,” Jude said, reminding Greyback of the agreement. His expression was unreadable as Greyback’s eyes stared into his.

A few minutes passed in silence between the two men when Greyback’s lips pulled back to bare his yellow teeth in the semblance of a smile.

“When she comes of age, then,” Greyback said, turning his attention back to Emma. “I predict that this little pup is going to do great things for our pack.” Greyback ran a clawed finger down Emma’s cheek before curling underneath her chin and pulling her face up towards him.

Terror ripped through her chest, causing her to run hot and cold at the same time, but she couldn’t force herself to wake up. Everything felt too real, as if she had lived through this dream before.

The closer Greyback’s leering face grew to hers, the more Emma became gripped by fear.

_If I could just…_

“Emma, wake up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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> 


	2. Ante Meridiem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** Panic attacks

Emma awoke with a start, breathing hard as if she was coming up for air after being underwater for far too long. A strong hand was gripping her shoulder tightly, which caused her to flinch back instinctively as she sat up quickly. Her eyes shot open, blinking rapidly as she tried to focus on the figure that stood near her as she pulled herself out of their grip.

Remus's startled and concerned eyes stared into hers, his hand still outstretched from where he held Emma. He had grown used to Emma's nightmares, but he had never seen her react so strongly when coming out of her sleep. He studied her carefully, wondering what could have been running through her mind before he woke her up.

He ran his outstretched hand through his hair and sat slowly on the edge of her bed. He looked down at the blanket that had found itself on her floor but thought better of trying to pick it up in Emma's current state. His heart slowly began to break at the distress worn on her face. Her eyes were wary as she watched him before suddenly shifting into recognition, though she wasn't any more relaxed.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, wanting desperately to pull her close and fight off whatever was scaring her.

"I…I don't know," Emma whispered, her voice hoarse from silent screams. Her eyes found his, unfocused before she looked elsewhere.

"It was just a silly nightmare," Remus said, cupping her cheek and wincing slightly as her breath hitched in fear at his touch. He began to pull his hand away, worried that he had done the wrong thing, but her hand flew up to hold it there.

Emma closed her eyes, leaning her face into his touch as she tried to catch her breath. She felt the bed shift as Remus closed the distance between them, his thumb brushing against her cheek. Even with her eyes closed, she could clearly see his look of concern in her mind, his mouth turning into a slight frown as his brows knit close together as he studied her.

"I don't think it was," she muttered, trying to ignore the tightening in her chest, making it even more difficult for her to breathe. "It was too real."

"What do you mean?"

"I…I felt like I've lived the dream before," Emma whispered, frustrated with herself that she struggled so hard to breathe. The chirping noises of the crickets outside were suddenly drowned out by the sound of her pounding heart. The noise of her rapid heartbeat was no longer just in her chest but permeated her ears and her brain, drowning her in the rush of her blood.

She let out a small whine as hot tears burned behind her closed lids. She pulled her hand away from Remus's, immediately flying to the collar of her shirt, everything suddenly feeling too tight on her body. Tears started streaming down her cheeks as she tried to take in air, the darkness closing in on her unexpectedly.

"Oh, Merlin," Remus whispered to himself, not remotely prepared for the panic attack that rapidly took over Emma.

"Hey, hey, hey," he whispered in quick succession, dropping his hand to take one of hers in his. He squeezed Emma's hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles rhythmically, hoping to pull her out of her thoughts. "Breathe with me. You're safe, and you're home."

Emma nodded erratically, trying to heed Remus's words, though they were jumbled in her mind. She reached out blindly with her other hand towards him, gripping anxiously for the front of his cardigan. As her fingers met the cool fabric of Remus's shirt, her attention was temporarily brought to the warmth that was draped over her shoulders. She let out a shuddering breath, distressed by the sudden and unexpected change.

Gentle hands guided hers to the fronts of the cardigan that was now draped over her shoulders. She pulled the fabric up to her face, burying her nose in the familiar scent. She tried to take in a deep breath, but instead, a breathless sob took its place. She frantically closed the remaining distance, pressing her forehead into Remus's chest.

"Try to focus on my breathing, love," Remus whispered to her, wrapping his arms around her loosely and taking in his own deep breaths in the hopes that Emma would follow suit. Relief began to flood through Remus as Emma began to slowly breathe through her sobs. Her progress was slow, but it was progress.

"Perfect, just like that," Remus soothed, rubbing Emma's back gently as her tears slowed and her breathing started to equal out. He spoke soft reassurances to her as the rest of her body began to sag into his, exhausted from her inner turmoil.

Emma turned her head with a shaky breath, pressing the side of her face into his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She wasn't sure how it was possible to be so tired but incredibly awake at the same time. She didn't protest as Remus's arms wrapped around her tighter, enveloping her further into warmth.

"You're like a bloody furnace," Emma muttered, not having any desire to move. She nuzzled into his chest, pulling the cardigan wrapped around her shoulders closer.

"I apologize," Remus said, the hint of a smile in his voice as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Emma answered after a beat. "Very tired."

Remus hummed in agreement, wiping away the remnants of Emma's tears from her face. "I imagine you would be, little one."

Emma let out a long yawn, relaxing into the gentle rise and fall of Remus's chest, his heartbeat just as soothing as the slow return of the chirping crickets outside her window.

"Jude was there," she whispered into the silence, "and…Greyback."

It took every ounce of Remus's power to not freeze, momentarily stunned by Emma's admission.

"You don't have to talk about it right now," Remus said, hoping that his voice remained steady as he spoke. "It's late. Besides, you're home, and you're safe. Nothing is going to happen to you here."

"I…I know," Emma answered, pulling herself out of his arms and sitting up straight to look at him. She took in Remus's face, grateful that he wasn't looking at her as if she was a piece of fine china, teetering on the precipice of falling. "But I'm not safe, am I?"

Remus was suddenly taken aback, blinking quickly. "What makes you say that?"

Emma opened her mouth to speak and closed it quickly. She turned her gaze over to her open window, watching the way the lightweight curtains fluttered in the breeze. Aurora's cage sat empty on her dresser, having long since ventured into the night to hunt for a snack. A wry smile crossed her face as she stared into the darkness.

"He's going to come back for me."

"Who is?"

"Greyback," Emma whispered, turning back to Remus. "He's going to come back for me. Isn't he?"

Remus paled considerably, and he was suddenly grateful that the only light seeping into her room was from the stars and the glowing moon outside. He was startled by Emma's sudden question, her voice so sure and positive that it would happen no matter what. He had made sure to show Emma the wards that he had put in place since she had gotten home with Lyall's assistance, preventing the possibility of Greyback to get too close to the home.

He could only extend his magic so far and had become aware that the older werewolf lurked precariously close, but Greyback wouldn't be able to break through the barriers. It worried him that Emma spoke of Greyback, sure that he would get near her again. As long as he was around, he was determined to keep Fenrir as far away as possible.

"Love, that won't ever be possible," Remus said carefully. "As long as I'm around -"

"But when you're not?" Emma interrupted, her voice bitter. "Then what?"

Remus sighed, looking back to the window. He wasn't sure what exactly had gone on in Emma's mind. Remus found himself curious, wanting to give her assured promises that nothing would happen, but it was late. He turned back to Emma, giving her a gentle smile though she stared at him expectantly.

"It's late, love," he said, standing up and stretching. "I'll get you a Calming Draught so that you can get some rest. Unless, of course, you would prefer a Sleeping Draught?"

"But -"

"It's late, and you need to sleep," Remus said, cutting her off. "Which would you prefer?"

Disappointment crossed Emma's face as she realized Remus wanted to put off the conversation. A traitorous yawn escaped her lips as her exhaustion quickly set back in. She weighed her options, not particularly keen on either potion, but she knew sleep wouldn't come easy otherwise.

"I'll take the Sleeping Draught," she muttered, pulling Remus's cardigan off her shoulders and holding it out.

"Keep it for the night," he said, nodding his head towards her teddy bear that sat haphazardly at the foot of her bed. "Wrap Boris in it." His eyes seemed to twinkle in the dim light as he said the bear's name. He bent down to pick her blanket off the floor and placed it on the bed. "I'll be right back."

A light flush crept into her cheeks as she reached out for bear, pulling it close to her in a one-armed hug.

The moment she had named the bear Remus had gone off on a laughing fit, his laughter deep with youthful exuberance. He had expected her to give the bear a more generic name such as a simple "Teddy" or his favorite, "Bearemy." The name Boris was not one that he ever expected to be uttered into existence, and he couldn't help but find it humorous.

As Emma carefully swaddled Boris in the cardigan, she found herself surprised by the sudden bitter bile that rose in her throat. She didn't understand why she suddenly felt so annoyed by Remus when she had felt so comforted only moments before. It wasn't as if he had completely ignored her; in typical Remus fashion, he was just putting the conversation off for another time.

Emma ran her hands over her face, wiping away her annoyed tears. She grumbled quietly to herself as she started to fix her pillows, adjusting herself so that she could attempt to get comfortable. Emma grabbed the end of her blanket, throwing it over herself haphazardly, and laid down in a huff. With another quiet grumble, she pulled Boris into her arms, holding the bear close to her chest.

She watched as a series of lights were turned on and off outside her open door, signaling where Remus was in the house. The kitchen light had been the first one on, bathing her room in a warm fluorescent hue, the light only interrupted as Remus passed by. The hallway grew brighter as the bathroom light next door was flicked on and then off just as fast. Remus moved across the hall to his room. Emma heard the audible click of his lamp that sat on his dresser near the door being turned on.

Remus breezed past her room once more, turning off the kitchen light and walked past once more to turn on the hallway light. He paused in her doorway, a shadowy figure against the dim light that filtered into her room.

"That doesn't look comfortable," Remus said, a smile evident in his voice.

"It's fine," Emma muttered, a small pout on her face. She was more than aware that her blanket was only half on her body, her pillows placed down in whatever seemed to be comfortable.

Chuckling, Remus walked into her room, placing the cup of purple liquid he held in his hand on her nightstand.

"Sit up," Remus instructed, "Let me help."

Emma sat up, eying the cup near her as Remus adjusted her pillows for her. She was grateful to see that it was only a quarter full, but she wasn't too excited over having to drink it.

"It's not a full dose," Remus said, glancing over at the glass as he finished straightening out the bottom of the blanket. "It's just enough to get you through the rest of the night. Are the pillows better?"

Emma laid back tentatively and let out an appreciative sigh. She never understood how Remus seemed to have an incredible knack for fixing pillows. Still, she was grateful for the skill as she sunk into them.

"Thank you," she said, placing Boris next to her as Remus tucked them both in.

Remus picked up the glass from the nightstand and held it out to Emma, who took it grumpily.

"The whole thing, please," he said, trying not to smile at the face she pulled.

Emma sarcastically raised the glass up as if she were giving a toast as she propped herself up to drink the potion. She pulled a face as she pressed the glass to her lips and tipped the liquid into her mouth. She couldn't stand the taste, but she admired how quickly the potion worked even with a smaller dose.

Settling herself back into her pillows, Emma felt her eyelids grow heavy, the cool room growing comfortably warm.

"We'll talk in the morning, little one," Remus whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Good night."

Emma hummed sleepily in response, turning on her side and cuddling Boris close. With a soft sigh, she slipped back into sleep.

Remus stood watching Emma sleep for a moment, reaching into his pocket and fiddling with the small object he now held. Guilt clenched his stomach as he looked down at the empty vial of Dreamless Sleep in his hands.

He knew that he shouldn't have tricked Emma into taking it by, but the amount of distress she was in meant a regular sleeping draught wouldn't have been as effective. The Dreamless Sleep potion would at least allow her brain to shut off long enough so that she could truly rest. The tastes were similar enough that she would never know the difference, and telling her that it was a smaller dose of sleeping draught was an easy lie for her to believe.

Remus had grown weary of seeing the exhaustion in Emma's face and the way she seemed to drop off in the middle of the day. She was often in a fretful nap when he would get home from work. It had grown evident to him as the weeks went by that Emma barely slept and worked hard to keep up appearances. Her aversion to asking for help made things difficult for him as he _wanted_ to help but knew that she hated receiving it. The moment it became evident that she would need a potion to get through the night, the plan had already been set into motion.

If he gave her a choice between the Calming Draught and the Sleeping Draught, Emma would always pick the Sleeping Draught. She preferred the Sleeping Draught's soft lavender versus the peppermint flavor of the Calming Draught, especially at night. Emma had only taken the Calming Draught once to realize that the one designed for sleep was the lesser of the evils.

She would take a moment to debate with herself on which two to take, a slight glimmer in her eye appearing. She would begin to settle on the Calming Draught before it would fade, and she would agree to the Sleeping Draught instead.

He pocketed the vial, ignoring the unpleasant sensation that had shifted its way to his chest. The feeling subsided briefly as he looked at Emma finally sleeping soundly. He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek and sighed.

"For the greater good," he whispered to himself as he straightened up and walked out of the room, closing the door with a final look at Emma's sleeping form.

When Emma finally awoke, she found herself wanting to sink back into the warmth of her bed. The breeze coming in through her window was soft and cool, almost like a sunny spring day instead of being in July. The air in her room was a crisp cool, a welcome reprieve from the stifling heat that was sinking into the atmosphere.

Emma rubbed her eyes and stretched as she looked over at Aurora, who was sleeping in her cage. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so well-rested, even after the stress of the night. Emma idly thought about how nice it was to feel so awake when her stomach rumbled, signaling that she needed breakfast. The amount of light pouring into her room told her that she slept later than usual, which meant that she was on her own to cook as Remus would already be at work.

With the visions of French toast and sausage dancing in her brain, she opened her door and promptly let out a yelp. She wasn't expecting Remus to be sitting at the kitchen table, mug in hand as he skimmed the Daily Prophet. He glanced up at her as she watched him warily, unsure of why Remus was still home. She quickly crept into the bathroom, trying to figure out how long she had been asleep because their routine was disrupted.

Opening the bathroom door, she peered cautiously down the hallway. Dread began to settle itself in her stomach as she heard the unmistakable sounds of Remus shuffling around the kitchen. She couldn't help but feel as though she had done something wrong, though she couldn't figure out what she could have done. There was no other reason why Remus would be home instead of at work.

Skirting nervously back towards her room, Emma shrunk into her doorway, brows furrowed. Remus looked over his shoulder at her as he pulled plates out of cabinets, clearly setting up for breakfast.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it," Emma said quickly, unnerved by the fact Remus hadn't said a word to her since she had gotten up.

Remus paused for a moment before turning around to look at Emma, confused. "You're not in trouble," he said, a smile playing at his lips. "What would make you think that?"

It was Emma's turn to be confused as she looked at the clock. The clock said that it was nearly 11AM, and she looked back at Remus, her brow furrowing. "Because you should be at work right now," she said quietly, thoroughly confused by his presence in the kitchen.

Giving her a small shrug, Remus continued setting up the kitchen to make them breakfast. "So, you being in trouble would be the reason why I'm home? I called out," he said with a chuckle as he made his way to the fridge. "French toast?"

Emma's lips parted in surprise, amazed that he always seemed to read her mind, and then nodded.

"Sit," Remus said, inclining his head towards the table. "I thought that we could spend the day together instead. You're leaving for Persephone's soon, and I know I'm going to miss you fiercely."

Moving slowly and with large steps, Emma crossed the space between her doorway to her usual chair.

Remus quirked a brow as he watched Emma's movements but shook his head, returning to the routine of making breakfast. He had learned early on that sometimes it was easier to accept things as youthful quirks rather than ask questions.

"I'm only going to be gone for a week," Emma muttered, tilting her head to look at the moving photo on the front page of the Daily Prophet. It looked as though the main article of the day was Bulgaria's newest Quidditch recruit, a surly looking 16-year-old named Viktor Krum. She wrinkled her nose as the photo of the boy sneered back at her, and she returned her attention to watching Remus.

"Gone for a week, home for a while, then off to your grandfathers for the week, and then you're gone until Christmas," Remus said, not looking up from the mixture he was making for the French toast. "That's at least 14 days that I don't get to spend with you, and with how unpredictable my work schedule is…" At this, Remus looked up, giving Emma a sad smile before returning to his mixing. "Well, you know how it is, love."

"But it's not like I'm going away forever," Emma offered, eying Remus's still hot mug of tea that sat across from her. She considered taking it when suddenly –

"Tea?"

Emma looked at Remus, amazed. "How do you always do that?"

With another shrug, Remus set to pouring tea into another cup for Emma. He gave her a cheeky grin as he mixed in half a spoon of sugar. "Intuition," Remus said, placing the cup in front of her. As Emma's hands shot out to pick the cup up, he held a finger out towards her. "Don't drink it right away or you'll complain about how it tastes," he added, giving her a knowing look.

Placing the cup back down, Emma frowned. "You're no fun," she said pouting.

"I'm saving you the trouble of complaining," Remus said with a smile. Satisfied that he could use magic to finish the rest of breakfast, he sat down, waving his wand to set everything off on their own. He sat down across from Emma, suddenly looking serious. "I also thought we could discuss your dream. You said that you felt as though you lived it. What did you mean by that?"

Shifting nervously in her seat, Emma stared into her cup of tea, watching the way smoke drifted lazily from the steaming liquid. "It was more like a memory," Emma said quietly after a moment. "It wasn't like a dream where you _know_ that it's a dream. I suppose it was a dream because I was sleeping, but it was too real to just be a dream."

"Well, I know that sometimes our dreams can appear to be real, but -"

"No, Re, this was _real_ ," Emma said quickly, cutting off Remus's thought. "I don't think about Jude enough that my brain would suddenly shove him in a dream, and I don't think I would even remember what he sounds like if I did." She looked up at Remus, annoyed that his expression was as unreadable as ever.

He was quiet for a moment, lifting his mug to his lips and taking a long sip of his tea. He regarded the cup for a moment before speaking, "You said both Jude and Greyback were in your dream?"

"Yes," Emma said breathlessly, watching as Remus set the cup down and clasped his hands in front of him on the table. "They both were. We were at the meadow, exactly how I remember it from my nightmares…"

Remus remained quiet, waiting patiently for Emma to continue.

She let out a shaky breath, finally taking a sip of her tea and savoring the warmth of it. "I don't know if I would ever be able to make up Jude's voice even if I tried. He was aristocratic and very proper, not the sort of voice I would have ever expected." Emma let out a bitter chuckle as she stared down at the table, her eyes following the pattern that weaved through the wood. "I suppose that would fit with how he was dressed, like he was high class or even like royalty."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he was dressed like Ellis, really. Like all of Persephone's family, honestly. Very high class and upper society."

"That does sound like Jude," Remus said quietly, taking another sip of his tea. "But what makes you think it wasn't just a dream?"

"Greyback looked younger. So did Jude. And everything was from my eyes as if I were very small," Emma said thoughtfully, meeting Remus's gaze for a moment before finding something else in the kitchen to focus on. "He…well, they talked about…the Dark Lord. And Jude referred to Greyback as a Lord himself, though I don't know what was meant by that."

A shudder swept through Emma as a chill went up her spine. It was almost as if the kitchen had grown several degrees colder even despite the warm cup of tea she held in her hands. She looked up at Remus, watching the way his eyebrows twitched slightly as his eyes narrowed, clearly trying to steel himself for whatever she was about to say next.

"Jude was telling Greyback that if he were to reaffirm his allegiance to Voldemort that he would be rewarded," she said quietly, swallowing hard. "With me."

"That's not possible," Remus said slowly, his voice oddly cold.

"How is that not possible?"

A bitter chuckle escaped as Remus leaned back into his chair. "Well, I would know, of course," he answered in response. The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. The look on Emma's nervous face twisted into one of suspicion.

"How would you know?" Emma raised an eyebrow at him, her face set at Remus's sudden and unexpected response.

"It was a different time," Remus answered simply, not wanting to divulge any more information than he needed to.

A deep frown crossed Emma's face, thoroughly disappointed in his response. For a moment, she thought he was going to finally answer her unasked questions, but he didn't seem to be willing to do so.

"All right, then," she said, mirroring his stance as she leaned back in her chair. "Keep your secrets."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that you have some secrets of your own," Remus said pointedly, standing up to check on the progress on their breakfast. With the French toast completed, he decided to cook up bacon by hand instead of with magic. He needed something to distract himself from the conversation.

"What do you mean by that," Emma asked cautiously.

Remus was quiet as he moved back and forth between the stove and the fridge before casting a quick warming charm on the French toast. He had walked himself into a conversation he wasn't prepared to have, and he needed to think quickly. It wasn't his preferred method, but if he could redirect the conversation back on Emma, he could potentially avoid having to tell his secret.

"How much do you actually know about Greyback," Remus asked, turning himself so that he could watch both the bacon sizzling in the pan and Emma's guilty face.

"I, erm…I know as much as you've told me," she lied, her voice dipping slightly as she spoke. She gave Remus an overly innocent smile, which switched quickly to a grimace at his dubious hum.

"I asked Professor McGonagall to speak to you," Remus said, trying to ignore the internal roar of satisfaction that his plan was working.

"She did," Emma answered, sitting up in her chair. This wasn't a lie.

"And what did she say?"

"She said that you were about ready to storm the castle," she answered, unconsciously picking up on the game that he was trying to play.

"Emelyn, you know what I meant."

Looking deflated, Emma sunk back in her chair again, crossing her arms over her chest.

"She said for me to stop doing whatever research I was doing.

To Emma's dismay, Remus gave her "the look." It was the look that he gave her when he was more than aware that she wasn't giving him the full story. It was an all-knowing, impossibly impassioned, and uncomfortably piercing look. When she received "the look," she knew that she was close to being in trouble, and Remus had no shame in making his disappointment known.

"She possibly, in her own way, might have also suggested that I keep doing what I was doing," Emma grumbled, looking wary at the dark laugh that came from Remus. "You…you aren't going to tell her that I told you, are you?"

A dangerous smirk crossed Remus's face. "Oh, no, I'll be sure to write her today," Remus said, ignoring Emma's sudden anxious pleas that he didn't. "Although, knowing that you didn't listen brings me back to my question from earlier. How much do you know?"

Emma grew quiet, looking at Remus, to her half-empty cup of tea, back to Remus, and then suddenly settling on a spot on the table.

"Enough," she whispered. She refused to look away from the table, not wanting to look at Remus and see his look of disappointment.

"What is 'enough?'"

"Exactly that."

"Emelyn, if you keep it up, you're not going to Persephone's, and you'll be going to your grandfather's instead," Remus said, his voice holding a warning. "Look at me. How much do you know?"

Emma frowned, meeting Remus's intense gaze unwillingly. "I know that he's a werewolf," she answered, wincing as his jaw tightened.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What else do you know? I can hardly imagine that you reached that conclusion on your own, so clearly you were doing your research well."

Emma shifted nervously in her chair, wanting desperately to break her eyes away from his, but unable to. "I read a little on the werewolf wars. But that's it, I swear. I…I stopped after that."

Remus nodded slowly, turning back to face the sizzling pan of bacon that he had started to ignore. "Okay," he said.

"Oh…okay?"

"Okay," Remus repeated. "I don't know what else could be said."

"Well, you could maybe tell me how you know Greyback?"

Remus was glad that he was no longer facing Emma as he let out a silent curse as his plan had someone managed to fail. He was annoyed that Emma had continued to research Greyback, putting her one step closer to figuring out the truth, but he was more annoyed with himself at his inability to loop the conversation back.

He remained quiet as he began dividing the French toast and bacon between the plates that he had set on the counter. Emma's eyes were practically boring into the back of his skull, and he knew that he had to say something.

 _She doesn't have to know everything_ , he thought bitterly to himself. He had lost count of how many times she had asked who Greyback was after he had snuck into her room. If there was an ounce of truth to Emma's dream, though he had his doubts, perhaps it would be better to supply the information himself instead of her finding it through other sources.

"I've known Greyback since I was very young," Remus spoke into the silence, placing a plate in front of her before taking his seat.

Emma already had a generous piece of French toast in her mouth by the time Remus had sat down. It dangled precariously from her mouth as she was pulled out of her thoughts and was focused on Remus. She was about to speak, but Remus held his hand out to silence her.

"Eat," he said, his voice low. "Don't ask questions. You will accept the information that I give you as is. Nothing more, nothing less."

Emma chewed slowly, not sure if she was imagining their conversation. She pondered for a moment if she would be able to break his resolve and ask questions, but the steely glint in his eyes told her she didn't have a chance. Emma nodded vigorously, wanting to hear what he had to say instead of missing the opportunity.

Remus studied Emma for a moment before letting out a long exhale.

"I wouldn't say that Greyback and I are friends," Remus said, running a hand through his hair. "But I won't deny that we know each other and have for a very long time. I know you asked me earlier this year about my scars…"

With wide eyes, Emma nodded feverishly. "Are they -?"

"What did I say?" Remus warned, his voice sharper than he had intended.

"Sorry."

With a heavy sigh, Remus placed his elbows on the table and peered at Emma over his steepled fingers. "Yes, they're from Greyback."

Emma opened her mouth, wanting desperately to ask Remus questions, but closed it quickly. Instead, she nodded in understanding, though she wanted to know more.

She watched as his jaw tensed momentarily before an unreadable expression ghosted across his face. Slowly, Remus turned his attention to his shirt sleeves, unbuttoning them and slowly rolling them up to his elbows, revealing harsh and deep scars that she had never seen before. Remus never rolled his sleeves further than the mid-point of his forearm, revealing much softer scars that never would have prepared her for the harsh and jagged lines.

Emma looked up at Remus, comparing the scars that cut across his face to the ones that lined his arms, stunned. She traced the scars carefully with her eyes, surprised at the length of a few on his right arm that extended past his elbow. When she returned her gaze to his other arm, her eyes found what appeared to be a crescent shape of marks, but before her eyes could focus, Remus was rolling his sleeves back down. She couldn't be too sure if she had imagined the marks or not, but she wasn't about to ask.

"Like I said, we're not friends," Remus said, clearing his throat. "And he's not someone that you need to worry about, dream or not. I'll make sure of it."

Emma swallowed hard and nodded, giving him a smile. She looked down at her half-eaten breakfast, suddenly not as hungry as before.

Remus cleared his throat again, straightening up in his chair. He motioned towards Emma's plate, picking up his fork pointedly.

"Eat before it gets cold," Remus said, beginning to eat himself.

With the conversation clearly over, Emma found herself with even more questions than she had before. She slowly picked up her fork and gave Remus a furtive look before returning to her food. She knew that she would have to do more of her own research to find the answers she desperately wanted.

But for the time being, she would force herself to be content and look forward to spending time with her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. First Moon

"You've been weird the entire time you've been here," Persephone said, flopping herself onto her massive bed next to Emma. She turned on her side, propping her head on her hand to stare at Emma.

"I have?"

Emma turned on her side to look curiously at her friend, who eyed her suspiciously, sizing her up as if she was on display.

"Yes," Persephone said, her eyes narrowed. "You've been here for five days, and you've been eerily quiet. You never shut up."

With a snort, Emma began to laugh. "I think you have us confused," she said through her laughter. "You're the one who doesn't shut up." Her laughter slowed as a sudden cramp took hold in her stomach. She knew that she was homesick, but she didn't think it would take hold physically.

Persephone scrunched her nose up at Emma and then shook her head before rolling onto her back. "No, I think you're the one who doesn't shut up."

Rolling her eyes, Emma rolled onto her back and let out a small sigh. "I suppose I have been weird," she said thoughtfully.

Emma's time at the Moon household had been nothing short of enjoyable. Persephone's parents were excellent at making her feel welcome and comfortable. When Emma had Floo-ed into the Moon household, she had expected to enter a mansion but was pleased to enter an almost quaint two-story home. She knew that Persephone came from money. It was very evident by the clothes that she wore outside of school hours and had honestly expected to enter a lavish home with only the finest objects.

She had been incredibly anxious before leaving, knowing that the home she shared with Remus wasn't ornate or even up to date. Persephone didn't even bat an eye at the shape of her home during her short stay, but Emma couldn't help but feel worried that she wouldn't fit in.

Her anxiety had been for nothing as she was greeted with what she could perceive as a "normal" home, a sturdy mix of Muggle appliances with magical touches and plenty of rich-looking objects and artifacts that sat in bookshelves and curio cabinets. If Emma didn't know any better, she never would have guessed that she walked into the home of a magical family. The only reason she knew at all was the constant buzz of magic and the existence of two tiny house-elves that tended to the family.

Emma had been pleased that she could practice her spell work with Persephone without fear of getting in trouble. Persephone informed her that it was frowned upon to do underage magic, but the Trace couldn't decipher which magical signature cast a spell. Emma had tried to convince Remus to let her practice at home, and though he kept telling her no, she felt that she was making progress. While her attempts weren't going to plan, she still sometimes did smaller spells without him knowing.

She even attempted one-on-one Quidditch matches with Caspian while Persephone acted as referee. Emma wasn't entirely thrilled with the idea of playing Quidditch as she didn't enjoy flying, but Caspian's overall joy made the arduous task worth it. Emma had even come to realize that Persephone's parents were nowhere near as terrible as her friend had suggested.

Of course, the matriarch, Sage, was a force to be reckoned with, and it was an excellent idea to stay on her good side. For the most part, Emma found that she was pleasant. Her demeanor was similar to Professor McGonagall's, a stoic and calm authority compounded with a matter-of-fact personality. It was clear to her that Persephone took after her mother more than she thought; Sage was always quick to take charge with a self-righteousness that Emma could easily see in her friend.

On the other hand, Ellis was the polar opposite of Sage, which made her question how the Moon family came to be. Ellis was fluid and continuously ebbing and flowing with the change of the day. Though Ellis could take things as they came, he would approach most conflict with the type of quick wit she had quickly come to associate with Ravenclaws. He was fiercely intelligent and took pride in his ability to analyze situations quickly. In another life, Emma could imagine her life being very similar to Persephone's.

Seeing how Ellis interacted with his children made Emma wonder how he and Jude could have ever been friends. Despite Remus's insistence that her dream was only a dream, she was positive that it had been a memory that had come to her in her sleep. Jude didn't seem like someone who would be friends with someone so happy-go-lucky. But then again, her best friend happened to be a Slytherin. As she reflected more on her thoughts, she realized that Hogwarts' friendships were strange things and nothing like the friendships she made in her Muggle primary school.

To Emma's horror and delight, she was brought to a family party where she met some of Persephone's cousins. It was an outdoor soiree, and though Emma felt she looked out of place amongst the darker haired family members, she felt included.

Emma enjoyed helping Persephone's mother outside in the garden that she helped cultivate with the two house-elves' assistance. She joined Persephone in de-gnoming, shouting at the ugly potato-looking creatures as they tried to bite. Emma had found the Moon household's elves fascinating creatures. She found the way their magic worked curious and was thoroughly embarrassed and baffled by the elves' sincerity and persistence.

After nearly a week of living with the Moons, Emma couldn't figure out why Persephone felt how she did. Perhaps it was a side-effect of not having two parents, but Emma could see that Persephone was very much loved. As much as she wanted to bring it up to her friend, she remained silent on the issue. She hoped that, in time, Persephone would discover that her parents loved her dearly.

Caspian, who was eagerly awaiting his Hogwarts acceptance letter, was disappointed on their trips to Diagon Alley. Their letters from school hadn't arrived just yet, but their time amongst the shops was enjoyable. Sage and Ellis treated the children to massive ice creams from Florean Fortescue's. Emma was also brought on her first nauseating trip to the Moon family vault at Gringotts.

She hadn't expected to be whirled around in a minecart that was pulled along an expanse of track that reminded her of a rollercoaster. She made a mental note to let Remus take care of their trips to Gringotts as she wasn't sure she wanted to go through the process again.

Even though Emma was enjoying herself, she found herself missing home and missing Remus. She missed the quiet and being able to just sit in a room with someone and not feel the need to fill the silence. She missed her books, she missed the familiarity of home, and Emma even missed Aurora's little aggravated hisses when she wasn't being fed at the correct times.

Emma was grateful that she had been able to try and do her own secret research while at Persephone's, but her questions were left just as unanswered as before. She wanted to do further research on Greyback in addition to learning more about werewolves. However, the Moon household didn't really have any books that helped her on her quest. Instead of answering her questions, she found herself with even more questions and was growing increasingly frustrated. She squashed the feelings down as best as she could. She needed to have fun.

Emma sighed as she looked over at Persephone, ignoring the increasing cramping in her stomach. Persephone was staring at her closely, curled up on her side, her dark eyes intense.

"I'm fine now," Emma said, smiling at Persephone.

"Are you sure? Because right now, you look as though you're going to be ill," Persephone said questioningly. "I don't know how fine you could actually be."

"I'm fine, really," Emma said, her eyebrows raising slightly.

Persephone gave Emma another questioning look and then shook her head. "Suit yourself," she said with a heavy sigh. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

"That was my plan until you burst into the room," Emma said, rolling her eyes. "I suppose I should go brush my teeth, though."

Emma began to roll out of bed, stretching as her feet hit the floor.

"Oh, Merlin's saggy tits," Persephone said with a gasp as Emma stood up.

Surprised by Persephone's tone of voice, she turned around to look at her friend. "What are you on about?" Emma snapped before letting out a gasp of her own. Emma immediately began spluttering seeing the red stain that marked Persephone's bedsheets. "I'm so sorry!" She covered her face in embarrassment, her entire body running hot.

"It's…it's fine," Persephone said in surprise. "You've never had your –?" She let the question trail off as Emma shook her head vigorously. She stared at Persephone, bouncing on the balls of her feet nervously.

"Oh, Merlin," Persephone said with a low moan. "MUM! We need help in here! Don't bring dad!" Persephone leaped off the bed, looking between the spot on the bed and Emma, a sympathetic expression worn on her face.

After a few moments, Sage appeared in the room. She paused in the doorway, taking in the scared looks on both of the girl's faces. "What could _honestly_ require my assistance so late," Sage asked, sure that the girls had no issues.

"Mum, Em's…"

"Emma, what? Spit it out, child."

Persephone looked at Emma biting her lip as Emma cringed, but she stepped to the side to show her mother the stain.

Sage's eyes grew wide in realization as she understood what had happened. She cleared her throat and stood up to her full height, suddenly not sure of what to do herself. She had already gone through it with Persephone, but Emma's situation was unique considering she had no female figures at home to help.

"Has this happened to you before?" Sage asked, her voice much softer than it had been just moments before.

Emma shook her head, her eyes darting to Persephone and then back to Sage.

"Well, my dear, it appears as though you're having your first moon."

"My first what?" Emma looked at Persephone, horrified. Emma was not at all amused when she only grimaced back.

"Your first moon. Your menarche." Sage looked at Persephone as if Emma had suddenly grown several heads. "Surely, you know what's happening right now?"

Emma let out a long groan. _Her period_. She should have known it was coming at some point, but a part of her thought it wouldn't happen until much later. "Yes, I do," she said, remembering with a shiver one of the final health classes she had taken in her Muggle school. "But this is… _different_." Hot tears stung her eyes in embarrassment, though she didn't understand what she was embarrassed about.

"Mum, you have to remember that she was brought up like a Muggle," Persephone said softly, reminding her mother of Emma's upbringing.

A long exhale escaped Sage as she watched Emma still dancing on the spot. "Please, calm yourself, child," Sage said sharply. She let out another sigh as Emma looked at her, terrified, and spoke softly. "It'll be fine. Persephone, have one of the elves change the sheets." She grew quiet for a moment as she watched Emma force herself to try and stay in one spot. "Come along, let's get you cleaned up. You're in for a long night."

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma and Persephone sat across from Sage in the sitting room, a gratuitous amount of chocolate and sweets laid out on the table between them. Sage had the house elves put together a very warm and relaxing bath for Emma, including frothy bubbles and even a glass of wine that she only took small tentative sips of.

The combination of the bath and the wine (which she was sure was spiked with a pain-relieving potion) helped relieve her cramps. Knowing that she had her period had somehow made her cramps' pain increase ten-fold to the point she was nearly doubled over in pain. If the wine held a potion, she wasn't at all opposed. It was better than feeling nauseous.

The three had sat together, discussing the basics of magical puberty. While a lot was similar, Emma was surprised to learn that puberty started much earlier in witches. There wasn't any real accurate information about why, but it was an unfortunate part of having a uterus in the magical community. Young wizards started puberty around the same time as Muggle boys and there wasn't much different that they had to worry about.

Sage began to introduce Emma to menstruation management. Emma was thrilled to hear that it wouldn't be as terrible as she thought.

"There's a potion?" Emma looked to Persephone and then to Sage, skeptical. "And that stops it?"

Sage nodded and let out a gentle laugh. "Of course, there's a potion. You'll be able to begin taking it after your first one has run its course. It's similar to Muggle birth control, but the potion only deals with menstruation, which means you'll need to take measures for contraceptives. Has Remus really never told you any of this before?"

"Well, the conversation has never come up," Emma said with a small shrug. She looked guiltily at the chocolate in front of her before taking another piece and placing it in her mouth. If she had to feel as though she was sitting on an oversized diaper, she figured it would be acceptable to have another piece of chocolate. "I haven't thought about it before, and I certainly wouldn't have thought to ask him. We're close, but I don't know if we're _that_ close."

"Merlin, save that man," Sage said quietly, shaking her head. "Unfortunately, as witches, whatever higher being you believe in, has cursed us to start growing up early. We normally have grand parties to welcome a young witch into womanhood…"

"My First Moon party was wonderful," Persephone said, expressing a fondness that Emma wasn't expecting. "We invited _everyone_."

"Everyone?"

"Only witches," Sage said with a smile. "No wizards or warlocks allowed."

"Oh," Emma said in surprise. "What do you normally do?"

"Things we normally shouldn't in everyday society," Persephone said, half glancing in her mother's direction. "You know, dance around fires naked and chant love spells."

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but only a choked noise came out.

Sage shook her head. "Never mind Persephone. Sometimes she gets outlandish ideas, and she likes to shock you whenever she has a moment," Sage said, watching as Emma's expression shifted from horror to relief. "However, we do dance. It's a celebration of growing up. We share stories, offer support in your most recent life change. We could throw one tomorrow if you would like. It would be a wonderful send-off."

"I…oh," Emma's shoulders slumped as she looked from Sage's stoic demeanor to Persephone's sudden excitement. "I didn't expect that, thank you. But are you sure?"

"Of course," Sage said. "Merlin knows Remus wouldn't have a clue what he was doing."

A small chuckle left Emma's lips as she tried to imagine Remus planning a party, especially one that was as specific as a First Moon Party. Lyall would be able to do a better job of it, but she wasn't sure that she felt comfortable with either man trying to handle such a delicate task.

"Well, I suppose that would be nice," Emma said, a smile creeping onto her face. "Thank you."

Persephone gave an excited shout, which died midway as she saw the look on her mother's face. She cleared her throat and turned to Emma in excitement. "We have to invite _everyone_."

"Everyone? You think anyone is going to come?"

"Trust me, they'll come," Persephone said with a wide smile. "The moment one hears about it, the others will talk. Come on, let's go start writing out invitations. What time are you thinking, mother?"

"I would think around 8 in the evening would be appropriate. Whoever is allowed to may stay the night."

Persephone gave another excited shout and grabbed Emma's hand, ripping her off the couch and back to her room so that they could start writing.

Sage remained on the couch, watching the spot where the two girls had disappeared and sighed. She felt sorry for Emma knowing that the girl had further challenges ahead. She made a mental note to have Persephone invite Emma back towards the end of the summer. They could have a witch's day out, and Emma could pick up the things she needed for her changing body without embarrassment.

With another heavy exhale, Sage straightened up on the couch.

"Mipsy, Tippy," Sage called.

With loud cracks, two house-elves appeared to the side of Sage, Mipsy curtsying, and Tippy bowing low so that his nose nearly touched the ground.

"Yes, Mistress Moon?" The two house-elves echoed in unison.

"We have a party to plan for tomorrow night," Sage said, giving the two elves polite smiles. "But first, I have to write a letter."

The two house-elves looked at each other in surprise and then nodded, disappearing with another loud crack.

Sage had no idea what she would write to Remus, but she thought the sooner he knew the better. She stood up from the couch, smoothing out her clothing and heading towards the parlor. She allowed herself a smile as she found herself excited to throw another First Moon party, hoping that Emma would enjoy herself.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma's First Moon party seemed to be precisely what the upcoming second year girls needed for a mid-summer break. Emma had been shocked to see that everyone that had been invited was able to come, even the girls who had prior engagements. It became evident that First Moon parties were a _big_ deal within the magical community, and news traveled faster than she could have expected.

The animosity that existed between the Hogwarts houses seemed to disappear for the night. Slytherins got along with Gryffindors, and the quiet Hufflepuffs got along splendidly with the Ravenclaws' bright dynamics. Emma, who had been anxious over the entire affair, had no idea that she could have so much fun. The four houses all mingled together in a comfortable understanding that what happened that night wouldn't leave the Moon household.

To Emma's dismay, all of the girl's mothers were invited to join in the festivities. Of course, her mother would be unable to join, but Sage pulled up the reigns and kept Emma firmly under her arm as if she were her own. Sage was a natural host and graciously guided the mothers of the Muggleborn girls with an awe-inspiring purpose. Emma felt incredibly special.

The early hours of the night were spent honoring Emma, who wore a perpetual flush of pink in her cheeks, on the newest chapter of her life. Sage had mentioned that the party would be joyous and festive, but her words seemed to downplay just how merry the party would become.

The party was full of music, dancing, laughter. Fine elf-made wine was free-flowing amongst the older women while a similar liquor was passed among the younger witches. Snacks and finger foods lined long labels, there was a table devoted to just chocolate, and there were desserts upon desserts that made the girls squeal with delight.

As the night began to wind down, all of the women, young and old, gathered in the living room. Sage kept a loving arm around both Persephone and Emma, both girls snuggled up to the woman. Each mother sat close to their daughter – some girls on laps, others lying down, and a few that just sat close together. The older women shared stories of their own journey into womanhood while all of the girls listened with rapt attention.

To Hermione's embarrassment (and wide-eyed pride), her mother shared her own stories of growing up and puberty, making the girls giggle.

Emma was positive that the entire party was going to be a night that she would never forget. She never imagined that the four houses would be able to gather the way they were, forgetting that they weren't all friends for just a little while. For just one night, they were able to bond together. Though they were all different, they were united in their womanhood.

As the moon crept higher in the sky, the girls made their way to Persephone's bedroom. They were in awe of the massive squashy mattresses that lined the floor and the incredible number of cozy pillows and blankets.

The friend groups slowly found themselves splitting up. Each smaller group took a section of the mattress and an expanse of pillows. Emma found herself snuggled up in a pile with Persephone, her friends from Hufflepuff, Sally Smith and Megan Jones, Persephone's Slytherin friend Tracey Davis, and Hermione, who shyly joined them.

Sally busied herself trying to tame Hermione's bushy hair while Tracey's head laid on her lap, fast asleep. Emma absent-mindedly pet Megan's hair as she leaned on her shoulder, slowly drifting asleep. Emma herself was lying back against Persephone's chest, sitting between her legs and trying not to laugh as Persephone's hands worked through her hair, trying to braid it into something ornate.

"Tonight was wonderful," Emma whispered, rubbing her face gently. Her cheeks hurt from all of the smiling she had done, and a dull ache crept into them as a sleepy smile appeared.

"I told you it would be fun," Persephone said, a smile in her voice as she worked an intricate pattern into Emma's hair.

"Remind me to thank your mother tomorrow," Emma said, closing her eyes and relaxing further into her friend.

"Will do, you oddball," Persephone said, reaching an arm around Emma's shoulders to give her a one-armed hug.

One by one, the girls fell asleep, an errant giggle occasionally echoing across the room. It truly was a perfect night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. War of the Roses

All good things must come to an end, and Emma's perfect night was no exception. The girls all woke to an ear-piercing scream, a sound that didn't go unnoticed by any of the occupants of the house.

Millicent Bulstrode woke up with her hair a shocking hot pink color. She immediately started to turn her fury on Hermione while Pansy Parkinson and Lisa Turpin from Ravenclaw snickered in a corner. Persephone and Emma had to get in front of a shaking and pleading Hermione, using all of their force and combined efforts to keep Millicent from clawing at the bushy-haired girl.

An aggravated Sage stormed into Persephone's room, still wrapping her dressing gown tightly around her body in a huff. Both house-elves followed close by, anxiously fidgeting as they looked in the room. Sage opened her mouth to speak, but as her eyes connected with Millicent's suddenly bright shock of hair, she froze uncharacteristically in alarm. Collecting herself quickly, Sage ordered the girls out into the living room.

The girls let out groans and began to pass heated glares at each other in sheer exhaustion. The sun had barely started to rise in the sky, and they were already being forced to get up.

Sage attempted to determine who the culprit behind Millicent's pink hair was, but none of the girls were willing to fess up. They sat angrily in the living room, muttering silently under their breaths. Most of the girls knew that Hermione wasn't the one to charm Millicent's hair pink. Still, Millicent insisted that Hermione was the only one smart enough to have done it without anyone knowing. This started an argument as Mandy Brocklehurst grew aggravated and started to shout at Millicent and say that the other girls were smart.

With an aggravated sigh, Sage listened to their heated shrieks. The way Pansy and Lisa tried to hide their proud grins wasn't lost in the cacophony, but the others were too busy arguing with each other to notice. The party ended a lot sooner than it should have.

"I'm sorry, Em," Persephone said as the last girl was finally picked up by her mother. They sat at the main dining table, watching as the house-elves magicked away the other tables they had conjured. "We were supposed to do more before everyone left."

Even with the very unexpected early morning wake up, Emma couldn't help but give a wide smile. "It's okay," she insisted, "It was still fun."

It had been just before the afternoon that the last girl was picked up, leaving the girls to their own devices until Emma was to be picked up later. She could Floo back home by herself, but Sage had insisted that Remus come to pick her up. Around one that afternoon, Ellis and Caspian finally returned from the excursion that Sage had sent them on. After a very filling lunch, Emma and Persephone retreated back into the living room, snuggling together on the couch for a much-needed nap.

Around three that afternoon, Remus stepped through the fireplace of the Moon household. He dusted himself and was surprised to immediately be met with Persephone and Emma sleeping on the couch. The sight brought a small smile to his face.

Sage stepped into the living room, having seen the flash of emerald of the Floo. She glanced at the girls sleeping on the couch and beckoned Remus to where she stood. "Let them sleep," she said quietly. "It was a fiasco."

Remus quirked a brow as he looked at Sage and glanced at the girls for a moment before following Sage into the dining room.

Sage began to pour herself a generous glass of wine before turning to Remus, reaching for a second glass.

"Would you like a glass?"

"Yes, that would be wonderful," Remus said. The corners of his lips twitched as Sage shot him a sharp look.

"Remus Lupin, trust me – if you had to deal with more than twenty girls and their mothers all morning, you would have several glasses," Sage said, passing him the second glass. She sunk into a chair, looking exhausted. Her usually well-coiffed hair sat messily atop her head in a bun. It grew messier still as she pulled the elastic out, allowing her hair to tumble down her back.

"Forgive me," Remus said with a snort, taking the seat across from Sage. "I don't believe that there has ever been a time that I have seen you like this. You certainly didn't show any stress while we were at school."

"It'll be the only time," Sage said with a snort of her own. "I don't make it a habit."

"It suits you," Remus said mischievously, holding his glass up in a toast.

"Shut it, Lupin," Sage said sharply. Her look was icy, but it slowly thawed as she began to smile into her glass. "I suppose I could stand to let my hair down more often."

"You should. It makes you nicer," Remus said, waggling his eyebrows at her. "You practically pull your hair out with how tight you keep that bun of yours."

"It's very McGonagall-ish, isn't it," Ellis asked as he entered the room. "Good to see you again, Remus."

Remus stood up to shake Ellis's hand. "Likewise," Remus said politely, sitting back down. "I imagine you escaped without harm?"

"I ran," Ellis said with a chuckle. "Ran as far as I possibly could with Caspian and only came back when I was assured _many_ times it was safe. Did you hear what happened yet?"

"Not yet, but I'm looking forward to it," Remus said, looking at Sage expectantly.

Sage let out an aggravated huff of air and took an extraordinarily long drink from her glass. She practically slammed the glass back down on the table and gave both men icy stares. "One of the girls turned another girl's hair bright pink. It was absolutely atrocious. None of the girls would admit to doing it."

"It wasn't Emma…was it?" Remus asked a very hopeful note in his voice.

Rolling her eyes, Sage shook her head and picked up her glass, holding out towards Ellis for him to refill.

"You _would_ wish that little girl is a little trouble-maker like you were in school," Sage said, a frown crossing her face. "No, it was one of Persephone's roommates and a girl from Ravenclaw. The girl who suffered from their little prank was another girl from Slytherin. Then, said girl decided to go after one of the girls from Gryffindor. Trying to explain what happened to their parents was miserable, and I don't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Well, I suppose that it was better that it _wasn't_ Emma then," Remus said with a snort. He was hopeful that Emma would become more mischievous as she grew up, especially since she had the perfect opportunity to play a prank, but so far, the young girl was turning out to be an avid rule-follower. "Did she at least have fun?"

"She seemed to enjoy herself," Sage said, raising her glass towards Ellis in thanks before taking another drink. "She's going to be exhausted for the rest of the weekend, and I'm not too sure that you're prepared to take care of her."

Remus froze mid-drink, his eyes narrowing at Sage.

"What do you mean by that," Remus asked accusingly. He placed his glass down on the table and gave Sage a look. "Of course, I'm prepared to take care of her. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Remus, she's a young woman now with no education in _our_ ways. She only knows what it's like from a Muggle standpoint. Do _you_ even know how to handle it?"

"I do have a sister, you know," Remus said, raising an eyebrow. "I remember when Margaret insisted that our mother throw a First Moon party after attending a friend's. Da and I went off fishing for the weekend to avoid it. Plus, Lily was my best friend. It may have been quite some time since I've dealt with a witch on her cycle, but I'm hardly as clueless as you think. I just wasn't expecting _all of this_ to happen so soon. She's still a child."

"Not anymore she isn't," Sage said, giving Remus a pointed look. "Remus, you need to educate that poor child so that she doesn't get herself into trouble. She's a brilliant girl, but you remember how things were when we were kids."

"We were also in the middle of a war," Remus said, wincing as he started to remember what his days at Hogwarts were like. During Voldemort's prime, it wasn't an average week at Hogwarts if there wasn't at least one pregnancy scare amongst their classmates. "I suppose that you do have a point. Even without the war, I imagine hormonal teenagers are still a recipe for disaster."

"You'll get through it, mate," Ellis said, clasping Remus's shoulder. "It's a bizarre conversation to have, but you'll get through it. I think Emma is just a little more mature than Persephone is and will handle it pretty well."

"I don't think that _I'll_ be the one to be able to handle it," Remus said grimly. "I know that she can handle it, but I think I'm more worried about myself."

"Have your father help," Sage suggested. "Worst case scenario… Well, let me just say that I wanted to take the girls out before school started. To be quite frank, you know that Emma's going to need" - Sage's face was suddenly set in a line as she motioned towards her chest vaguely - "feminine things."

"Oh, _Merlin and Morgana,"_ Remus groaned, picking up his glass and downing the rest of his wine in a single swallow.

An amused grin crossed Ellis's face at Remus's proclamation. He kissed Sage quickly, trying to hold back his laughter. "As hilarious as this conversation is, I promised Caspian that we would go flying, so I will bid you both _adieu._ "

Ellis could no longer hide his mirth as he walked out of the room as he began snickering the further he got. "I have faith in you, Remus," he shouted over his shoulder, laughing to himself all the way.

"This is it," Remus said dramatically, rubbing his face. "This is my downfall, it's the end of the world. This is how I die."

"Oh, quit being dramatic," Sage said impatiently. "You always did have a flair for dramatics. Or was that Sirius? Either way, the lot of you were absolutely miserable, especially Pettigrew. Merlin, he used to follow you all around like a lost puppy." Sage allowed herself to get lost in the memory for a moment, looking past Remus towards the living room where the girls were sleeping. "Emma is growing up, Remus, it's not the end of the world. Her life is just beginning."

"Yes, and that means that I'm the one who has to help her deal with it," Remus grumbled. "I wish that Margaret was here to help through this. I can help with a lot, but I can't help with everything."

"You certainly act like an overdramatic woman sometimes," Sage remarked with a sniff, sitting up straight in her chair. "If you ever get _beyond_ desperate, I'm a Floo call away. Merlin knows it gets boring in this house by myself, especially when the kids are at school."

Remus gave Sage a disgruntled look and rubbed his temples, a pained look on his face. "I am not prepared for this."

"Clearly, but you'll figure it out," Sage said, growing silent as she listened carefully. She turned her head towards the living room, hearing something being knocked over, a telltale sign that at least one of the girls was awake. "Well, it appears that someone is up." She turned her attention back to Remus, jabbing a pointed finger at him. "Do _not_ screw things up for that girl. If you mess things up now, she will remember it for the rest of her life."

"Thank you for your _wonderful_ words of wisdom, Sage," Remus said sarcastically as he stood up.

"You're very welcome," Sage said, smiling at Remus. Though her voice was dripping with sarcasm, her smile was genuine. _He'll do fine_ , Sage thought to herself as she watched Remus head towards the living room to figure out which girl was awake.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Emma's return back home was plagued with one issue after another, but Remus took things in stride the best he could.

Remus found himself entirely out of practice on how to deal with witches on their periods. He remembered the basics (heat, sweets, and plenty to eat), but clearly forgot the fundamental need to approach with caution. He had apparently managed to sneak up on Emma again coming home from work, and that set her off far worse than it had the first time he did it.

Instead of just a barrage of pillows being thrown his way, Emma burst into hysterical tears. Remus made the mistake of trying to comfort her. He was met with her mood taking a complete turn around, and she grew increasingly irate. After she threw several insults his way, he thought it was best to leave her to her own devices and made sure to close the door behind him as he went. As his final act of misdeed, Remus opted to practically toss Emma's dinner into her bedroom. He was almost positive that his ears were close to bleeding with how loud her shriek was.

It was later on that night when Emma grumpily came out of her room and slumped onto the couch that she apologized. She knew he didn't mean to (in her words) do stupid things, but she also didn't understand why she was so upset over _everything_. Remus gave her a gentle smile in response, getting up to her annoyance, and returning with a hot water bottle and a steaming cup of chamomile tea.

Emma situated herself on her side with her head on Remus's lap with a hot water pressed to her lower stomach, and a cup of tea held awkwardly in hand. She listened in horror at Remus tried to gently explain that everything she felt was normal. The conversation started off awkwardly as Remus lost his footing early on, and Emma turned bright red with embarrassment.

By the end of the conversation, Emma let out roars of laughter, Remus's embarrassment in the conversation taking over hers. Her laughter only grew louder as she explained to him that Sage had already gone over most of the basics. Tears poured down her face as she laughed, the noise echoing throughout the house. She had to place her cup of tea on the floor out of fear of the liquid sloshing out of the cup and onto the floor.

Emma had never seen Remus blush before, and it was brilliant. By the time she finished admitting that she knew everything he was trying to tell her, he had turned the color of a very ripe red tomato. The look on his face was one she planned on committing to memory and remember forever. As she wiped away her tears, smile plastered to her face, she apologized for not telling him sooner and thanked him for his attempts to make her feel better.

The moment Emma finally managed to catch her breath, her laughter turning into small giggles fractured by hiccups, Remus began to laugh himself. His laughter nearly set her off laughing again, though he could collect himself much faster than Emma could.

"Merlin, you are going to be the death of me, Little One," Remus said, wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye.

"I'm sorry," Emma said, rolling onto her back to look up at Remus. "It was too easy. You just tried to explain why I've gone absolutely barmy, and I couldn't figure out how to stop you. I appreciate it, but Sage already told me everything. I'm sorry I got absolutely nutters, I really didn't mean it."

"I know," Remus said, a small smile on his face. He watched as Emma let out a content sigh, sinking into the couch cushions and becoming lost in thought as she readjusted the hot bottle on her stomach. She worried her lip between her teeth, her brows furrowed as she began to wander further into her thoughts.

"Hey," Remus whispered, pulling Emma temporarily out of her thoughts. She blinked a few times, trying to bring herself back into the present, and then met his gaze, confused.

"Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? It doesn't matter what it is."

Emma's eyebrows raised, and her eyes grew wide. She rolled back on her side, avoiding Remus's studying gaze. "I know," she said quietly, ignoring the flush that crept up her neck.

Realizing that their conversation wasn't going to go any further, Remus sighed and began to stroke Emma's hair. It wasn't long before he heard the sound of soft snoring, and he couldn't help but grin. He knew she wouldn't make it easy, but he realized that he could handle anything that she threw his way.

A few days later, the Lupin family received owls from St. Mungo's with news that none of them expected. Despite running multiple tests, Margaret's health was failing, and the Healers couldn't guarantee how long she had.

Remus took off work and made the initial trip to St. Mungo's to receive more information while Lyall took half-days at work to help take care of Emma. A few more days passed, and the three made the trip together. It was Emma's first time setting foot back in St. Mungo's since her mandatory check-up in April, and she felt uncomfortable walking through the hallways.

Both men left Emma alone with Margaret so that they could take care of a few things. Emma couldn't help but sit nervously next to her mother's bed, watching her closely as she stared at the blank wall in front of her.

With a shaking hand, Emma reached for Margaret's hand, taking it in hers for the first time since she was a child. She ran a thumb over her knuckles, noting how soft and incredibly cold it felt in her hand. Emma swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and gave Margaret a smile, trying to make herself feel better.

"Hey, mum," Emma said quietly, feeling silly talking to her, knowing that she wouldn't be able to respond. "I've never been able to figure out if you could understand what I'm saying, but Neville told me that I should try anyway. He told me that he thinks sometimes his parents understand what he's saying and that they know who he is. I'd like to think that he's right and that you're just happy to listen to me talk. Maybe you're answering me in your head, I don't know, but I'd like to think that you are even if you can't actually speak to me."

Emma paused, trying to process her thoughts as she looked at Margaret, wishing that she could hear her voice; to have a real conversation with the woman who gave birth to her.

Her eyes moved apprehensively to where Jude sat in his bed. After her dream, she had further doubts about the man who was her biological father. She had already felt disconnected from the man and only felt that divide more, untrusting his motives.

It never seemed like Jude was like the other residents of the Janus Thickey Ward. He didn't bear the signs of someone who had been placed on a strict hospital regimen, his face consistently fuller than the others. He was thin, but not in the way that she would expect of a long-time resident. Whenever she would glance at him while talking to Margaret, she felt that he was listening. As much as she wanted to bring it up to Remus or Lyall, she couldn't help but think that her concerns were just that – concerns. She didn't believe that they would understand.

She turned back to Margaret, trying to bring back her smile, wanting to appear brave, even though she didn't feel like it.

"Being home is strange after spending so much time at Hogwarts. I've made some really amazing friends, and I'm glad that I was sorted into Hufflepuff. I don't think I would fit in any other house, though Persephone jokes that I would be a good Ravenclaw. Did I tell you about Persephone the last time I was here? I can't remember, so much has happened since Christmas. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to come during Easter holidays, but I got pretty sick."

Emma sighed, thinking about how dreadful that week had been. There had been several times where she felt like she was going to die because of how difficult things had been.

"I'm sure that Remus already told you, but he adopted me. Officially. I'm a Lupin now, and I feel like it makes a lot of sense; I don't feel lost anymore. I feel like I'm finally where I belong. It was a really scary thing to do, and the entire ceremony was really scary, but now that it's over, I'm happy. I didn't realize how much I wanted to be a part of the family until that day, and I feel like I'm closer to you now."

Emma suddenly froze, almost positive that she had felt a twitch of Margaret's hand in hers. She stared at their joined hands for a moment, shaking her head. Her mind had a strange habit of playing tricks on her when she was in the magical hospital.

"I'm a little scared, though…"

Pausing for another moment, Emma looked up, taking in Margaret's face sadly, wondering if she truly understood what she was saying. Her smile faltered, but she shook her head, bringing it back. She gave Margaret's hand a small squeeze, ready to go find Lyall and Remus.

"It's nothing to worry about, though. Remus will keep me safe no matter what; I know he will. I love you."

Emma stood up and kissed Margaret's cheek, feeling slightly foolish as she did so. Neville told her that it made a difference, and she hoped that the shy little Gryffindor was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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	5. Evenfall

Something was wrong. Even in Emma's sleep state, her entire being registered that things were very wrong.

Emma was acutely aware that she was small again and in the meadow. It seemed as though nearly every single one of her dreams involved the meadow to some capacity. The frequency of seeing the meadow meant that she wasn't as afraid of it as much anymore, but the new addition made her freeze.

"Pup! Why are you running that way?"

Greyback was sitting on the ground, legs crossed as he hunched over. A thick brow was quirked on his face, the start of a sharp, yellow smile crossing his face. He held his arms open, as if in welcome.

To Emma's horror, she found herself moving closer to Greyback. It was evident that she climbed onto his lap as the ghost of arms encircling her made her way to her being.

"You should know not to run away from me so close to the moon, Pup," Greyback murmured, his nose burying into her hair.

Emma wasn't sure what was happening, but whatever was happening next, she didn't like it. She was squirming, trying to get away from Greyback, but she could swear she felt the tightness of arms being locking around her tightly. She could see Greyback's hands begin to travel lower down her body.

Her mind forced itself to go dark, nausea beginning to take over. The scene shifted almost immediately leaving Emma feeling even more uncomfortable at the sudden change. She couldn't bear the idea of being stuck with Greyback.

 _Another memory_?

Instead of being met with the foul sight of Greyback, Remus's face, much younger and with considerably less grey hair, came into her vision. The long dark-haired man she was vaguely familiar with stood behind Remus, a smile on his face, while a slightly shorter man with equally dark hair and glasses stood next to him. Both dark-haired men looked pale, though the long-haired man looked hopeful, and the shorter one looked close to being ill.

_Sirius…and Harry? No, that must be his father…_

A squeal of laughter left Emma as her sides were tickled by Remus, his own laughter breaking through what appeared to have been a solemn scene.

"See, Prongs? Children are easy, mate! All you've got to do is tickle them, and they're good to go – no more crying!" Sirius nudged James in the side with his elbow

"James, I promise that when Harry is born, it'll be fine," Remus said, giving Emma a wide-eyed look with a wide smile as he proceeded to play Peek-a-Boo with her.

"There's no way that it's that easy," the shorter man, James, said. "If Harry is anything like me, he's going to be a menace."

"I think it's Lily you need to worry about," Sirius said solemnly. "That woman is a firecracker ready to explode, mate. I still have the scar from when she chucked that book at me."

"To be fair, you deserved it," Remus said, "And you were too proud to let any of us fix the cut _or_ go to Madame Pomfrey."

"And tell that woman that I was attacked by an angry woman? No, thank you," Sirius grumbled.

"What about the time Mini Moons gave you a black eye?" James asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"It was _one_ time," Sirius hissed, "Who would've guessed a baby would pack such a powerful punch?"

"Lily nearly fell on the floor laughing, but that pregnant belly of hers ruined that," James said, the corners of his lips quirking up. "Although, I do believe that she wet herself from laughing so hard."

Remus let out a snort and tried to mask it with a cough as Sirius glared at him.

"Why don't you try playing with her, James," Remus suggested gently, moving to the side to make space on the floor.

James suddenly looked terrified, but he knelt down on the floor next to Remus and gave her a nervous wave. "'Lo, there," he said, his smile more like a dubious cringe.

"Don't let her grab your hair," Sirius warned as James reached out towards Emma.

"Padfoot," Remus hissed, "don't scare Prongs any more than he is! Lily's going to have the baby soon, and he needs to be ready!"

Remus gently placed Emma into James's arms, and the bespectacled man smiled.

"This…this isn't so bad," James said, grinning ear to ear. "But what do I do now?"

"You can try rocking her," Remus suggested, watching James carefully.

Sirius snorted just behind Remus as James began to awkwardly bounce with Emma in his arms. Remus and James both stood carefully, Remus watching James's hold on Emma closely. James continued to awkwardly bounce Emma in his arms, giving Remus a hopeful look.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to work on that," Remus said, covering his mouth in an attempt to hold back his own laugh. He hoped that he looked inquisitive rather than amused.

James gave Sirius and Remus exasperated looks. "Listen, I didn't have a younger sibling to grow up with. I don't know what I'm doing."

"It's really not that difficult, mate," Sirius said, an eyebrow quirking. Sirius ran his hand through his long hair and then threw an arm around Remus's shoulder. "He looks good with a baby, doesn't he, Moons?"

"He does, he just…needs some work."

Small hands reached up to take James's glasses off his face. There was a sudden wail from Emma as she played with the glasses in her hand. The arm of the glasses opened straught and caught the skin of her fingers between the hinge.

Sirius moved quickly to take Emma from James's arms and held her as Remus rushed over, appraising the situation. He gently took her hand and dislodged the glasses and handed them to James. Kissing the red spot on her finger, he took Emma from Sirius's arms. Both James and Sirius looked entirely out of their element as they watched.

"Don't worry, Little One," Remus spoke soothingly to Emma, shooting James and Sirius looks before gently rubbing his nose against Emma's. "Even if your mother isn't fond of me, I will always be here to take care of you. I will _always_ keep you safe."

Emma woke up with a start, her mind trying to process the assault it had just gone through. She went from something disgusting and horrifying to something that made her feel safe.

She kicked off her covers, feeling hot and agitated. She noticed that her teddy bear, Boris, lay on the floor next to the bed. She wiped her face to remove the light sheen of sweat that covered her face and breathed deeply, trying to collect herself. She was sure that her brain was showing her another memory, but she didn't understand why. A chill ran down her spine as she briefly thought of the memory with Greyback.

With a frown, she stared at the gap of her bedroom door, wondering if she imagined the light or if Remus was still up. The darkness outside of her window told her it was still late, but Remus never kept a regular sleep schedule.

Swinging her legs over the side of her bed, Emma crept over to her door, opening it slowly so that she could peek into the hallway. She nearly let out a sigh of relief seeing the faint glow of a lamp from the living room. She turned her head to look at the kitchen clock to see it was four in the morning.

Biting her lip, she found herself in a conundrum. With it being so late, she wasn't sure if Remus had fallen asleep on the couch. She didn't want to wake him up, but she wouldn't be opposed to a hug if he was still up.

Creeping into the hallway, Emma padded down the short length to the living room and looked in. She frowned slightly as she saw Remus, who looked to be asleep.

He sat on the couch, arm propped on the armrest with his head resting in his hand. His legs were stretched out, legs crossed at his ankles. The previous days Daily Prophet sitting on his lap, opened to the crossword puzzle with a pen sitting precariously on top. Even though he was asleep, he still looked exhausted. He had picked up several double shifts at work, and the draining effect it had was noticeable.

With a quiet sigh, Emma turned back around to head back to her room.

"I'm awake."

Emma let out a yelp, surprised by the sudden noise. She leaned back carefully to look back into the living room, startled to see Remus watching her with one eye open.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered quietly, backing herself up into the living room. She crossed an arm over her chest, grabbing onto her arm with a sheepish smile.

Remus opened his other eye and studied Emma for a moment before removing the paper from his lap and placing it on the coffee table. He motioned for her to join him on the couch, and Emma quickly obliged.

Instead of settling into the spot next to him on the couch, Emma climbed carefully into his lap. She pressed the side of her face into his chest, curling up as best as she could as she snaked her arms around his body. She inhaled deeply and let out an equally deep breath. _Chocolate, the Juniper trees in the backyard, and cinnamon_. _Safe_.

Taken aback, Remus wrapped his arms around Emma. She liked to be close to him if she had dreams that bothered her, often snuggling into his side and falling back asleep, but this was entirely new. He started to ask her what was wrong, but the gentle shake of her head made him stop.

He wasn't entirely sure what she needed comfort from, but he could be content with just holding her if that's what she needed. He rubbed her back gently, trying to figure out what to say. Eventually, he decided it was better to just say nothing at all.

It wasn't long until he felt her body grow heavy, her breathing becoming slow, and even as she fell back asleep. He stayed on the couch for a while before carefully gathering Emma in his arms and tucking her back into bed.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Remus sat in his armchair, legs crossed, watching the small clock on the mantle roll from July's rainy heat into the warmth of August. A small smile crossed his face as they entered the very early morning of August 1st. Emma had lived with him for exactly one year; 365 days of bliss and fear, but overall joy.

He glanced over at Emma's sleeping form on the couch, snoring softly with a half-read book sitting open on her chest. A quiet chuckle escaped his lips as he noticed her hands still holding onto the edges of the book, almost as if she would wake up and begin to read again. He loved that Emma was reading so much while being home, but he couldn't help but wonder if her constant need to read was a way for her to cope with something else. It was rare for Emma to not have a book in her hand. The sight of seeing her asleep with a book in hand had become increasingly common.

Remus was impressed by the places he would find her asleep as she rarely fell asleep on the couch or in her bed. Remus would mostly find her curled up on the floor next to the fireplace. However, he had also found her in the kitchen, precariously kicked back on a chair with only two chair legs touching the floor. Once, he even found her in the bathtub, filling it with every pillow she could find and a stack of books surrounding her.

With practiced ease, Remus stood up from his chair and took the book from Emma's hands, dog-earing the page she left off before closing it. He placed the book down on the table and looked down at her with a sigh. Remus couldn't believe how different she looked from the year prior. He had known that the side effect of adopting Emma would bring out changes in the girl, but he wasn't expecting how quickly the changes would take hold. The fact that she was growing up made the changes more apparent. The difference between her coming home from school and coming home from staying with Persephone was very evident.

He marveled over the way her face had grown softer, losing the sharp features that Jude's face held. She had started to lose the baby fat in her cheeks, which had been like a slap in the face to Remus when he walked into the kitchen one morning. He wasn't sure how her face could thin out but still be soft, and it was startling to see how much more like Margaret she was starting to look. Her hair color had begun to lose most of the auburn color, shifting into a soft brown that matched his own. Remus was positive that Emma had grown at least another inch since she had been at Persephone's, but she was still small. She was still a good foot shorter than he was, and he didn't think she would grow much more, if at all.

When he was sure that Emma wasn't paying attention, Remus found himself staring in awe. He couldn't help his joy at the fact Emma looked more like a Lupin than anything, but then Jude's face would creep into his mind, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. As quick as the thought would trickle into his mind was as fast as he would force it away.

As far as he was concerned, Emma was entirely his. She was as close as he would ever get to having a child and, in his eyes, she was perfect. Taking care of her scared him more and more every day, but her gentle demeanor and happy nature made things easy. He had been petrified over the idea of having a child in his home, but her energy was infectious. A part of him wondered why he was ever afraid in the first place.

However, in the past week and a half, Remus couldn't help but feel that Emma's constant need to read was to make up for something going on in her mind. The night that she had crept into the living room had gone mostly unspoken, but Remus couldn't deny the pain that clouded her eyes. Emma had grown increasingly reserved since then. Her even further gentle approach seemed to hide darkness that he feared would leak into her generous spirit. Remus couldn't deny that she had gone through a lot in the past year. Despite her insistence, he felt that she wasn't as okay as she said. He tried to make it a point to check on her daily, never pressing Emma to talk more than she wanted, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.

Remus took a quick look at the clock, debating whether or not he should attempt to move Emma to her bed or leave her on the couch for the night. The moment he made his decision, Emma's eyes fluttered open. Remus had to suppress the urge to laugh as she began to feel around for the book that she had been holding onto.

"Did I fall asleep?" Her voice was sleepy, her eyes even more so. She rubbed her eyes in a vain attempt to wake herself up and locked eyes with Remus, who smiled at her in response.

"With a book in hand, like always, love," he said, placing his hands in his pockets. He couldn't help the intense feeling of fondness as Emma covered her face with a groan.

"What number are we up to now this week?"

Remus thought for a moment before lifting Emma's legs, sitting down on the couch, and placing them back down on his lap. He pat one of her legs sympathetically before turning to face her. "I think it's been every day," Remus said, pretending to count on his fingers. "Well…yeah, no, it's been every day."

Emma let out a sigh, readjusting the pillows that lay under her head and settling back into them. "I don't know why I keep doing that," she murmured, looking around for the book she had been reading. Spotting it on the table, Emma leaned over to pick it up and opened it to the page Remus had marked for her. She started to skim the page and then closed the book in frustration, realizing that she didn't have the attention span to read.

"Is everything okay, little one?"

Tossing the book back on the table, Emma sighed again. She frowned as she looked over at Remus, seeing how intently he was studying her. It was a look where Emma felt as though he was trying to get into the very depths of her soul. It was a gentle look that he gave, which meant he didn't want to pry, but he was concerned. She hated it.

"Yeah, everything is fine," she said with a small smile. The truth was, though she would never admit it, was that she wasn't okay. Emma couldn't tell Remus how she was concerned about so much, how she couldn't stand that he avoided her questions as if he didn't trust her. Most of all, she was concerned about her mother and the upcoming school year. So much felt _wrong_ , but she didn't know how to explain it. Delving into her thoughts, trying to think about everything going on, Emma could admit that everything else _was fine._ That was the answer that she could give Remus whenever he asked.

"Hmm," Remus answered in response, a gentle hum that voiced his doubts without outright expressing his disappointment. "Love, I hate to tell you this, but you are more like me than you know. I know when you're trying to avoid a conversation."

"I know," Emma muttered, rolling her eyes. "Doesn't take much to realize that you have a habit of avoiding my questions as well."

A shadow of guilt flashed across Remus's face as he sighed. With a gentle pat on her leg, he looked at the clock. "I suppose you'll have to forgive me. It appears as though we have some celebrating to do."

Emma shot a quizzical look at Remus, turning her attention to the clock. "I don't know what we're celebrating," she said, a stray yawn escaping her lips.

"You don't remember the first day you came home?"

It took a moment for Emma to understand what Remus was talking about, but suddenly her eyes grew wide in recognition as she sat up. Emma looked at the clock and then looked back at Remus, her expression changing from confusion to a sleepy joy. "Has it really –"

"One year ago, today, I took you home for the very first time," Remus said, looking at her fondly.

"Wow," Emma whispered, swinging her legs off Remus's lap so that her feet touched the floor. "It doesn't feel like it's been a year."

"A lot has happened in such a short amount of time, love."

There was a companionable silence between the two as they became lost in thought.

"Has it really only been a year? It feels like so much longer," Emma said, breaking the silence. She scooted herself closer to Remus and rested her head on his arm.

"It's only been a year," Remus replied, placing his arm around her shoulder and pulling her into his side. "An incredibly fast year, but only a year." He placed a gentle kiss in her hair, smiling as she relaxed into his side.

Ever since their trip to St. Mungo's, Emma wasn't as affectionate as she usually would be. She would give him hugs and accept his in return without hesitation, but she rarely stayed close to him for longer than a few moments. The only real exception had been when she got up in the middle of the night recently, but even those moments weren't common anymore.

Remus couldn't help but wonder if her sudden need for space directly correlated between what was happening with Margaret or if there was something else. He could attribute a lot of it to her becoming a teenager soon and growing up, but a nagging feeling made him think otherwise. An unwanted thought crossed his mind that caused his blood to run cold.

 _She doesn't know, does she_?

He glanced down at Emma, watching as her eyes fluttered closed, sleep beginning to take over. He wondered if he had said too much in their conversation at the beginning of July, but Emma gave him no indication that he had done so. Surely if he had gone too far, her nightmares would have started up out of fear of what he was.

Another smile crossed his face as he felt Emma relax further into his side as sleep took over completely. He carefully adjusted her to be more comfortable, cringing as she let out a grumpy whine as she stirred. With a sigh, Remus pushed a lock of hair that had fallen in front of Emma's face behind her ear, realizing that he was now stuck where he was.

Remus pulled the blanket he kept draped over the couch down and over the both of them, making sure that Emma was tucked in and safe. He carefully furnished his wand from his pocket, waving it towards the dying fire embers to snuff the remaining flames, and settled in. Resting his cheek on the top of Emma's head, Remus fell asleep.

The rest of the summer holiday seemed to move at lightspeed. Emma and Remus spent the first week of August reminiscing over her early days at Lupin cottage with broad smiles. They tried to have ice cream for dinner most nights, but the closer the nights would approach midnight, the hungrier they would become. With laughter, the little family would wander out into the town in hopes of finding places open for them to eat.

Most of that week was spent with a gratuitous amount of Chinese takeaway. They would camp out on the living room floor, takeaway boxes spread out on the floor in front of them as they watched late-night Muggle television.

In the second week of August, Emma found herself at Lyall's for a week away with her grandfather. Her Hogwarts letter arrived shortly after she arrived in Wales. The massive brown owl dropped her school list unceremoniously into her cereal as she sat at the kitchen table. When she wrote Remus in excitement, he wrote back to assure her that they would go to Diagon Alley by the end of the next week.

Lyall and Emma spent most of their time in Muggle London, partaking in tourist attractions and spending time updating her wardrobe.

The day Remus made his return to Lyall's, the three made the trip to Diagon Alley to pick up her school things.

Remus couldn't help but find himself laughing at the books for her Defense Against the Dark Arts class. When Emma questioned Remus about the books and his persistent snickering as he would flip through pages, she was given a "You'll see for yourself" in response. Not sure what he meant by that, Emma allowed the conversation to drop. She couldn't help but notice Remus picked up _Wanderings with Werewolves_ several times, his expression unreadable.

The week before the start of term was busy. Emma returned to Diagon Alley with Sage and Persephone to enjoy a day of unexpected pampering. It was the sort of experience she was sure she would have had with her mother. She found herself growing sad at the thought, but she felt a lot more prepared for the upcoming year with Sage's help.

Remus nearly had a heart attack that Emma had set foot into a witch's lingerie store but did his best to accept the fact that she was growing up. However, he wasn't prepared to accept that fact easily.

The two took a final trip to St. Mungo's together to visit Margaret. Emma was adamant that she wouldn't speak to Jude, only to Margaret. Remus tried to convince her to say hi to her father, but deep down, he was thrilled that she appeared to want nothing to do with the man.

Emma was surprised to see that Neville was at the hospital at the same time. She was introduced to his grandmother, a stern-looking old woman who had clearly seen a lot in her time. Remus was polite as ever, remembering Augusta from years prior.

"Neville's told me about you," the old woman said to Emma. Augusta had regaled Emma with a story of Neville's parents. Emma gave Neville a sympathetic look as his face flushed pink as he tried to tell his grandmother that Emma had to see her own parents.

With anxious giggles, the two hugged and reassured each other that their second year was going to be a good year. As they parted, Emma wondered why she didn't think to invite Neville over to the house over the summer. She enjoyed his company whenever she was able to spend a few moments with him. He was a timid boy, but his love of Herbology could get him talking for hours. She didn't mind listening as he spoke of his favorite plants.

Emma found herself sitting in the chair next to her mother, once again unsure of what to say. Remus talked to Margaret for a little before departing to speak to the Healers outside of the room, leaving Emma alone. Her hand dropped down to her left wrist to fidget with her bracelet, gently jingling the charms against each other.

"Hi, mum. I head back to school soon, and I'm a little nervous," she started, her gaze turning to Neville for a moment. She sighed and looked back at Margaret, her expression pained.

"I know that you're not doing too well right now, and I really hope that you get better. Even though you can't talk back to me, I like knowing that you're around if I need you. I imagine that we were really close when I was little, and a part of me knows that we were, but I wish that I could remember those times. I feel like I remember you singing to me to sleep, and I would help try and cook with you in the kitchen. A part of me feels like when I daydream of how things used to be, I'm thinking of things that actually happened. I wish you were able to tell me if I'm imagining things or if they really happened."

Emma turned her attention to the large entrance doors sadly.

"I'm worried about going back to school and not having Re with me. He can be a right terror, but he's fun, and I'm incredibly lucky. He teaches me new things all the time, even though I can't practice magic outside of school –" Emma trailed off and looked around the room furtively, a smirk crossing her face. She dropped her voice a few octaves so that only Margaret could hear. "– but when we go to Grandpa's, he lets me practice. We know that I'm not supposed to, but it's really fun.

"We didn't go that much, but I did get to spend a week with grandpa, and that was fun. Re thought it would be a good idea for me to start learning non-verbal magic. He seems to think that it's really important that I learn. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I think he'll be able to teach me how to do it. Sometimes he makes me wish that he taught at Hogwarts…he would be a really good professor.

"Even though I'm nervous to go back to school, I'm excited to spend time with Persephone again. I miss the girls in Hufflepuff, too. I'm hoping that we all have a sleepover in the middle of our dorm again like we did last year. It was really fun."

The doors swung open, and Remus walked back into the ward, a sweet smile on his face.

"Oh, Re's back…I guess that means it's time for us to head home."

Emma returned Remus's smile as he walked over, leaning into him as he put his arm around her. "I hope that I have a good school year, mum. Get better, and I'll see you at Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	6. Double Trouble

September 1st came faster than Emma and Remus would like, and the day was moving even more quickly.

"Re, we are going to be late," Emma shouted, dancing on the balls of her feet nervously around the kitchen. Remus was taking his time getting ready while Emma had been awake and dressed several hours prior.

Remus peered around the side of the open bathroom door, his face half-shaved and the rest covered in shaving cream. He took a look at the clock on the wall of the kitchen, his eyebrows raising. He gave Emma a lopsided grin, amused as the fact that she couldn't keep still.

"Emma, love, it's only ten in the morning. We take the Floo into The Leaky Cauldron, and it's only a fifteen-minute walk," Remus said with a chuckle. He popped back into the bathroom to finish shaving. "We can leave in a half-hour and be fine. How much time do you think we need?"

"You're _shaving_? At a time like this?" Emma let out a long, exaggerated groan as she ran into the doorway of the bathroom. "How could you do this to me?"

"You know that you can go without me, right?" Remus looked at Emma in the mirror's reflection, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "I can meet you on the platform. I'm sure Persephone will be waiting for you."

"But we're supposed to go _together_ ," Emma moaned, pressing an arm to her forehead with a loud and drawn out sigh. She clutched her heart with her other hand, backing up against the wall and sliding down it, her tongue hanging out as she feigned death. If she put on her most theatrical performance, she hoped that Remus would move faster.

"Then you must wait," Remus said, turning his head to look at her briefly. " _Patience_ , my love. You'll get there in time."

Remus had been optimistic that they would make it to the platform on time, but he didn't anticipate everyone else being late as well. The Floo was blocked, and Emma was not moving from her spot in the fireplace.

" _Remus_ ," Emma exclaimed as she glared at him from the fireplace, alarmed that she wasn't going anywhere. "I am _going_ to be _late_!"

"We could always Apparate," Remus suggested, smirking at Emma's look of alarm. "Or, we could just wait for the Floo to reopen."

Emma groaned, folding her arms over her chest. "I _told_ you we were going to be late."

Remus gave Emma a sympathetic look and held the jar of Floo powder out. "Try again? Take less this time."

With a frustrated groan, Emma took a small handful of Floo powder. With a pointed look at Remus, she dropped the powder and spoke a lackluster, "The Leaky Cauldron." To her surprise, emerald flames erupted, and she disappeared into the fire with a choked yelp.

She found herself stumbling out of the fire at The Leaky Cauldron and tumbling onto the hard stone. Emma let out a groan as she began to pick herself up and then smiled as a pair of familiar shoes stepped into her vision.

"Well, this seems awfully familiar," Persephone said, crouching down in front of Emma with a smile on her face. She stood up and helped Emma up and began to dust soot off of her friend. "What took so long? Mum and Cas are already at the platform."

"Re decided that today was the _perfect_ day to shave and the Floo's been blocked up," Emma said, looking behind her and waiting impatiently for the flash of emerald signaling Remus's arrival. "Should we wait, or should we go?"

Persephone checked her watch and frowned. "I think we should run. If he's late, he can send your things," Persephone said, grabbing onto Emma's hand tightly. "Let's go!"

With squeals of laughter, the girls ran through the crowded pub and out onto the streets of London. They ran as fast as their legs would allow, navigating the crowds of tourists with Persephone leading the way. As they approached large crowds they would let go of each other's hands and meet around the other side in the middle. The Floo being blocked meant they had lost precious times, and they propelled themselves to King's Cross as fast as they could.

They ran into the train station, giggling all the way and skidding to a halt at the entryway to Platform 9 ¾.

"Together?" Emma asked, looking at Persephone with glittering eyes.

"Together," Persephone agreed, taking a tighter grip on Emma's hand and pulling her towards the wall and onto the platform.

"You're late," called a voice near the bright red Hogwarts Express.

Emma looked at Persephone with a look of disbelief. They stood practically leaning on each other as they caught their breath.

"He cheated," Emma exclaimed, meeting Remus's smiling eyes. A grin crossed her face as she took in the stark contrast between Remus and Sage. Remus was relaxed while Sage, who was put together, bore an air of worry. Remus clearly knew that the two girls would make it on time, but Sage didn't look convinced.

"You two are going to be _late_ ," Sage said as they approached. She began to anxiously smooth out Persephone's clothes. "What took so long?"

"We've got little legs," Emma said in protest.

"Correction, _you've_ got little legs," Persephone smirked. "I've got perfectly normal sized legs."

Sage let out an exasperated breath and rolled her eyes. She pulled Persephone in for a quick hug before giving Emma one as well. "All the same, you two need to get on the train."

Remus snorted and shook his head as he watched Sage try to appear more relaxed. He turned to Emma, who gave him an exhausted grin. Remus let out a groan as she suddenly leaped into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He held her close for a few moments before settling her back onto the ground. He took a quick look at his watch and knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in his.

"I'm going to miss you," Emma said sadly. She glanced over at the train over to Persephone speaking to her mother, and then looked down at the ground.

"You'll be back home for the holidays before you know it," Remus said with a smile.

Emma gave Remus a shaky smile and returned her gaze to the train, her face going blank.

Remus noticed the subtle quiver of Emma's lower lip before she took in a long breath in an attempt to steady herself. He knew that she would be homesick for a few days, but he didn't expect her to be so emotional before even getting on the train. Remus took a quick look at Persephone, who was giving an Emma an odd look, clearly just as confused as he was.

"Hey, I'm going to get on the train now," Persephone said, watching Emma carefully. "I'll save you a seat. Bye mum, bye Remus."

"Okay," Emma said, her expression shifting suddenly as a smile crossed her face. "I'll be on in a minute." Her face fell the moment Persephone stepped on the train.

Sage gave the Lupins a quick glance before silently departing. She never made it a point to remain on the platform, and with both children already on the train, she no longer had a reason to stay.

Remus stood and placed a gentle hand on Emma's shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts with a small start. "Sweetheart, is everything okay?"

Emma immediately threw her arms around his middle and pressed her face into his chest.

"I don't know," Emma murmured, trying to fight back her tears. To some extent, she really wasn't sure about why she had anxiety about going back to Hogwarts other than something seemed _wrong_. Of course, she was excited to be returning to see the rest of her friends and learn more magic, but Emma found herself wanting to stay home. She worried about her mother and already craved the quiet solitude of being surrounded by her books. Emma loved the time she spent at night winding down from the day with Remus. She wasn't entirely sure she was ready for the constant buzz of the castle.

Her biggest issue was her nightmares; She didn't want to go through another year of a constant barrage of nightmares. _Memories_ , she corrected herself. There was no way that her brain could concoct some of the visions in her mind on its own.

With a sigh, Remus held Emma tightly. He struggled to think of the right words to say to the anxious girl. He knew that he needed to say something, but he wasn't sure what.

"I know I don't have the answer to everything, and I can't guarantee that I'll always know the right thing to say, but whatever is bothering you will be okay," Remus said softly. "I promise."

Emma let out a sniffle as she untangled herself from Remus, jumping slightly as the train's horn let out a warning yell. She kept her head ducked, wiping away the silent tears that had fallen. "Okay," she said, giving Remus a shaky smile.

Remus pulled Emma back into his arms with another sigh. He kissed the top of her head and gave her an even tighter squeeze. "Get on the train before it leaves without you," he said, kissing the top of her head again. "Write me tonight. I'm sure Aurora will appreciate the long journey back home. I love you, Little One."

Emma nodded, reluctantly pulling herself away from Remus and without a second look, ran to the train. If she spent any more time on the platform, she would never have been able to convince herself to leave. Emma quickly scanned compartments, rushing down the long length of the train searching for Persephone. She couldn't help her smile as she saw that Caspian had made himself at home with his sister. She wasn't surprised that Tracey Davis was in the compartment, but a part of her was surprised that Neville was there.

She settled herself in the seat between Caspian and Neville, greeting everyone in the compartment. The moment she sat down, the train began to move, and the others moved to the window to wave at the people remaining on the platform. Neville motioned for Emma to join them, but she shook her head in response. She couldn't get herself to look back out on the platform and watch as Remus's face disappeared as they turned the corner. A wave of sadness passed through her, knowing that Remus was probably waiting to see her one last time, but she knew that he would understand.

"What do you mean, 'something is wrong,'" Persephone asked, staring at Emma in confusion.

The compartment had dwindled down to just the two Moon children and Emma halfway through the trip. The compartment mates had all chatted idly through the journey. Eventually, Tracey went off to sit with her other friends. Neville decided that he wanted to say hi to whoever he could. The moment the other two had left, she was questioning Emma.

"I can fix it," Caspian said, puffing out his chest and speaking with all the force and conviction an eleven-year-old boy could have. "I will find the problem, and I'll fix it!"

Emma smiled at Caspian before turning back to Persephone. "I don't know. I know, but I don't really know," Emma admitted, shifting nervously. "I'm starting to think that _I'm_ what's wrong. There's just something off about going back to school."

Caspian suddenly threw his arms around Emma, a move that both surprised her and didn't at all. She awkwardly pat the boy's arm before he let go.

"Everything will be fine, Em! I promise," Caspian said, giving her a wide, toothy smile.

"If anyone asks, we're not related," Persephone said, raising her eyebrows as she eyed Caspian. "Seriously, Em, if anyone asks you – I am not related to _that_."

Emma finally smiled at her friend, giggling as Caspian shrugged, but her smile began to droop almost immediately.

Persephone returned her attention to Emma, lips pursed. "Is everything okay with your parents?" In a few owls, Emma had mentioned that they were going to St. Mungo's a lot more, but she never elaborated on _why_.

"Well, dad's okay," Emma offered, her face twisting slightly as she brought up Jude. After multiple trips to St. Mungo's, she realized that she felt no attachment to Jude. The more her dreams – _memories_ – twisted, the less Emma liked to think about Jude. She didn't feel the same sort of love for the man that she felt for her mom. All she had were her doubts to compound the feeling. Emma wasn't entirely sure that her suspicions were valid.

Remus had been so sure that her dream was only a dream. He certainly didn't know about the other set of dreams that she had. The entirety of that night had gone unspoken. Perhaps she would bring it up when she wrote to Remus that night.

"And…your mom?"

"She's sick," Emma answered quietly after a long and drawn-out silence.

"I'm sorry," Caspian said, glancing at his sister nervously.

Emma grew quiet, staring out the window as the train continued on its journey. The sky had grown darker, and Emma was struggling to watch the world outside their window.

"I think we're almost there," Emma said after a while. "We should get ready."

Emma wasn't surprised that Persephone and Caspian were concerned by her subdued personality. She was grateful that the two didn't question her further once they learned that her mother wasn't doing well. She wasn't sure that she would be able to handle any more questions. They all got changed and separated at the platform. Caspian joined the other first years on their boat trip to the castle and Persephone and Emma following the older students towards the carriages.

She was surprised that the carriages moved by themselves, trundling towards the castle at an even trot. The surprise was wiped away as the castle came into view.

Soft fluttering butterflies formed in her stomach at the sudden excitement of seeing the castle for the first time since term ended. She already missed Remus more than anything, but the idea of seeing the rest of her friends was a welcome thought. Persephone and Emma separated once off the carriage, searching out the other members of their respective houses and joining them.

"Hi, Em," Leanne shouted, running towards her in the crowd. Emma smiled as Leanne tackled her into a tight hug. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too," Emma said with a laugh. She flushed as Wayne Hopkins approached and pulled her into a tight hug. She had started to have a small crush on Wayne near the end of their first year, and seeing him again brought butterflies to her stomach.

"Come on," Wayne said with a grin as he ran his hand through his dark curls. He jerked his head towards the castle, waiting expectantly for the girls to follow. "Let's get in to watch the sorting! I'm starving, aren't you?"

"Wayne! How?" Leanne let out a groan and explained as they followed Wayne, "Megan, Ernie, and Wayne got a lot off the trolley. I'm not sure if I can eat anything else."

"I could eat," Emma said, appreciating the infectious energy surrounding her.

The three sat down at the Hufflepuff table, talking excitedly with each other and then shouting in excitement at the rest of their second-year friends joined. Susan and Hannah were giggling with Justin and Ernie. Wayne and Roger began to talk animatedly about something while Sally, Megan, and Leanne talked. Emma watched her friends catch up with each other, a sleepy smile crossing her face. She was exhausted and ready to eat.

The Great Hall grew quiet as the doors were opened, a small crowd of nervous faces following behind Professor McGonagall.

Emma felt the hair on her arms begin to rise, the nagging sensation that something was wrong coming back to her. It didn't take long for her to realize the problem as the crowd moved further into the massive room.

"Oh, no," Emma whispered as the first years grew closer to where they sat near the front of the hall. Her stomach was in knots as she recognized some of the faces in the crowd besides Caspian's.

"What's wrong?" Megan asked, watching as trepidation crossed Emma's face.

Emma swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, the taste of acid sitting in her mouth. "I know some of the new first years," she muttered, paling considerably as she picked out three familiar faces.

One of the faces she spotted was a round-faced, blonde-haired boy she lived with at the children's home. She didn't remember much about him other than that she had no problems with him. But two of the faces in the crowd made her feel ill.

Chloe and Jocelyn stood out amongst the crowd of first years, and Emma couldn't help nausea from flooding her being.

Though Emma felt like she wanted to throw up, she couldn't help but smile as her eyes found Caspian's face in the crowd. She found herself focusing on the way his face lit up as he looked around the Great Hall in awe. He gave Persephone a happy wave, not reacting as she quickly hid her face. He then turned and gave Emma an even more excited wave as he found her. Emma returned his wave, giving him a reassuring smile and then immediately hid her face as Jocelyn and Chloe turned to look and see who Caspian was waving at.

Leanne, sitting next to Emma, scanned the crowd of first years confused and turned to Emma. She reached out and took Emma's hand tightly. "It'll be fine," she said sweetly. "They probably won't even be sorted into Hufflepuff if they're that terrible."

Megan whispered to Wayne, who tried scanning the first years in confusion, glanced at Emma, and then turned to whisper quickly to Justin. It wasn't long before Ernie reached his hand out into the middle of the table towards Emma. She looked at Ernie in confusion before taking his hand and nearly burst into tears as each of the second years added their hand to the pile.

Emma wasn't expecting her friends to literally reach out to help her, but she was grateful for the gesture all the same. It made her thankful that she was sorted into Hufflepuff as the other houses didn't seem as close. Persephone might be her best friend, but the camaraderie amongst the Hufflepuffs was the best thing that she could have. She felt fortunate to have her friends.

When Emma looked back up from the pile of hands in the middle of the table, she was surprised to see that the Sorting Hat had already finished its song. Her eyes immediately trailed to Caspian's, startled that the boy was still observing her. She gave him a small smile and shook her head, jerking her head towards McGonagall, standing next to the hat.

McGonagall cleared her throat, drawing everyone's attention to the front of the room. Everyone except for Jocelyn, who seemed to try to bore a hole through Emma's skull as she stared. It wasn't until McGonagall started calling names that Jocelyn finally faced the front.

The first name called was an "Archibald, James" who was sorted into Ravenclaw. The Ravenclaw table erupted into applause, excited to have the first pick of the new first year students in addition to having their first new house member. James Archibald, who had been nervous as he sat underneath the hat, wore a massive smile on his face as he joined his new school family.

Emma couldn't help but watch the crowd of first years closely, wondering where Jocelyn and Chloe would be placed. She knew that Caspian would be placed in Slytherin with Persephone, so she wasn't worried where he would be placed. Emma didn't like the idea that Caspian's sweet spirit could potentially be soured by her ex-roommates.

"Carmichael, Jocelyn."

 _Not Chloe?_ Emma was surprised, sure that the two girls would have begged to be placed in the same home. Emma wondered if Tracey would be joining Hogwarts the next year, and she felt herself growing hot with nerves.

As Jocelyn sat down on the stool, her eyes met Emma's, a smirk crossing her face as the hat dropped on top of her head.

" _SLYTHERIN!"_

A snort escaped Emma at the declaration causing her friends to glance at her nervously. She wasn't surprised that Jocelyn was placed in Slytherin. It didn't appear as though Jocelyn wasn't either as she made her way to the cheering Slytherin table.

Emma stared hard at Persephone, glad that her friend turned her head to look at her. Emma jerked her head towards Jocelyn, and Persephone's jaw dropped. Early on in their friendship, Emma had told Persephone the horrors of her roommates and openly shared the names. Persephone lifted herself up to stare at Jocelyn and pointed at her questioningly. When Emma nodded, Persephone made a face and then mimed that she was going to punch Jocelyn. Emma's mouth dropped slightly in surprise, and she had to duck her head away quickly so that she wouldn't laugh.

Turning her attention back to the Sorting, Emma cringed as she noticed Professor McGonagall giving her a look. The other Hufflepuffs turned and looked at her, snickering before quieting at the look they also received. For a moment, all anxiety was forgotten.

A few more names were called before suddenly a –

"Duffy, Chloe."

Chloe was much more apprehensive about making her way to the Sorting Hat than Jocelyn was. It was almost as if her entire personality had changed not being around Jocelyn. It didn't excuse the horrors that she put Emma through the year prior. She avoided Emma's steady gaze as she sat down on the stool, the hat perching carefully on her head.

" _HUFFLEPUFF!"_

There was a collective gasp from the second year Hufflepuffs while the rest of the table clapped wildly for their newest housemate. Even with the commotion around her, Emma couldn't hear a thing as she watched Chloe make her way to the table. She sat on the other side of Ernie, who gave Emma an apologetic look as he pulled his hand from the pile as he welcomed Chloe to Hufflepuff. Emma pulled her hand away from the pile quickly to hold herself tightly.

Emma tried to force herself into watching the rest of the sorting, waiting patiently for Caspian's turn. Before she knew it, McGonagall was at the M surnames, and she knew that the youngest Moon child would be next.

"Moon, Caspian."

Caspian practically skipped to the Sorting Hat, excited beyond belief. He tripped on his robes as he made his way up to the hat, causing the Great Hall to erupt into giggles. He didn't let it bother him. He sat down excitedly on the stool, happily pulling the hat on his head until all that could be seen was his excited smile.

" _HUFFLEPUFF!"_

Emma's gaze immediately shot back over to the Slytherin table where she locked eyes with Persephone in surprise. The two were so sure that Caspian would have been sorted into Ravenclaw if he didn't follow his sister into Slytherin. Hufflepuff was never on the table.

An excited noise came from Caspian as he pulled the hat quickly off his head, darted over to the Hufflepuff table, and wedged himself in between Leanne and Emma.

"Hi, Em!" Caspian said, beaming at her.

"Hi, Caspian," Emma said slowly, trying hard to hold back her laughter. She was starting to feel manic with the emotional rollercoaster that she had experienced that entire day. She couldn't deny the fact that she enjoyed Caspian's company and was secretly glad to have the small boy joining her in the house of badgers.

Chloe's eyes darted over to Emma and Caspian, seemingly flabbergasted that Emma seemed to be enjoying herself. Emma was never that happy at the children's home, and even though it had only been a year, she couldn't believe the radiance that exuded from her. Chloe seemed even more surprised that Emma knew the name of the dark-haired boy that sat next to her.

Emma, feeling Chloe's eyes on her, looked up at the girl hoping that her expression was unreadable. She gave Chloe a once over, a deep frown on her face before returning to talking to Caspian.

With the final student sorted (Ginny Weasley to Gryffindor) and the Sorting Hat cleared from the front of the hall, Dumbledore stood taking in all of the students. He gave a few idle announcements, reminding everyone not to go into the Forbidden Forest, among other things. With a clap of his hands, the tables were filled with food.

The Great Hall erupted in noise, everyone tucking into the food in front of them. Emma couldn't wait to get down to the Hufflepuff dorm so that she could write to Remus right away. She knew he would want to know about Jocelyn and Chloe being at Hogwarts and would be equally as surprised that Caspian was a Hufflepuff.

Emma decided right then and there that her second year at Hogwarts would not be anything like she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	7. Quiver of the Quill

> _Dearest Emma,_
> 
> _It was nice to see Aurora sitting in the kitchen late last night with your letter. I wasn't expecting you to write so soon, but I'm glad that you did. I know that I suggested you write to me when you got to school, but I'll admit that I wasn't expecting you to actually listen. Your ability to pick and choose when to listen to me can be frustrating, but it can surprisingly be one of your most endearing qualities. I hope you know that I say that with utmost love and affection, my dear._
> 
> _I'm just as surprised as you are that Caspian was sorted into Hufflepuff. While most families tend to follow a pattern, it's not entirely uncommon for family members to be split up. I believed that young Caspian would follow in his sister's footsteps and join her in Slytherin. However, it is very nice to hear that you'll have another friend in your house. I must admit that you've made me feel as though it'll be important for you to have close friends this year. I worry about you, little one._
> 
> _I'm somewhat disappointed to hear that two of your ex-roommates from the children's home are also at Hogwarts. Their names are familiar, but I confess that you never gave me much context other than their names. I can only hope that they're not the same ones that were hurting you while you were not in my care. If they give you any issues, please don't hesitate to tell someone. Go to Professor Sprout, or if you don't feel comfortable speaking to her, visit Professor McGonagall – she has expressed many times to me that she will help you with anything you may need. Professor McGonagall isn't your head of house, but she adores you._
> 
> _If you don't feel comfortable talking to either professor, please write to me and tell me. I know that I'm not there, and I'm limited in what I can do, but I will do everything in my power to help._
> 
> _I hope that your first week back at school goes well. Although, I anticipate that I will hear from you well before the week is done. That being said, I look forward to your reply, as always._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Remus_

Emma read the letter repeatedly, focusing on what Remus had written: _'If they give you any problems, please don't hesitate to tell someone_.' She couldn't help but snort at his words, knowing very well there wasn't anything he could do. The way that Jocelyn eyed her from the Slytherin table at breakfast that morning meant nothing but trouble.

"Schedules!" shouted Wayne from her right, startling her out of her thoughts. She took one of the papers that she was handed and let out a sigh of relief. Emma waved her schedule in Persephone's direction, giving her a silent cheer as she did so.

Persephone gave her an odd look, not understanding what she was cheering about. Persephone ripped the pile of schedules out of Pansy Parkinson's hands, and a wide smile crossed her face.

Hufflepuff and Slytherin had Potions and History of Magic together. That meant the two girls could goof around in history with little issue, and Persephone would get a much-needed boost in potion-making. Emma's skills were more suited towards Potions, where Persephone seemed to have a knack for Charms. With potions being very hands-on, Emma was never able to tutor Persephone the way that she wanted, but that would change. Even with Jocelyn and Chloe being at Hogwarts, the year suddenly didn't seem so bad.

Emma looked up at the Great Hall entrance, the sound of Caspian's voice echoing as he entered the room. She smiled at the boy as he sat down, not surprised to see that he was a bundle of energy that morning.

"Hey, Em!" Caspian said, practically shouting at her and causing the surrounding Hufflepuffs to look at him in shock.

"Morning Cas," Emma said with a laugh. Even though Caspian was Persephone's younger brother, she couldn't help but find him annoyingly endearing. Caspian was exactly how she imagined a younger sibling should be. A part of her felt a small pang of jealousy that she didn't have a younger sibling of her own.

Emma's hand went to absent-mindedly fidget with the bracelet Remus bought for her birthday last year and froze, the cold feeling of the gold missing from underneath her fingers. She pulled her sleeve up, horrified that the bracelet was noticeably absent from her wrist and began to search around the table, wondering if it had unlatched itself. She bent backward on the bench, searching the floor behind her to see if she could spot the flash of gold. She bent underneath the table carefully, searching anxiously for her bracelet.

When Emma sat back up, brows furrowed, she noticed that Hannah gave her a funny look. "Is everything okay," Hannah asked, glancing over at Justin, who returned her confused look.

"Not really," Emma said with a grumble. "Did you see my bracelet in the dorm, by any chance?"

Hannah shook her head and looked over at Susan who shook her head as well. "Hmm…hey Sally, have you seen Em's bracelet?"

Sally looked up from her conversation with Megan and Leanne and looked at Emma thoughtfully. "No, I haven't," she said, "Did you leave it in the room?"

"I don't know," Emma said, taking another quick look around the area before standing up. "I think I'm going to run back and look. If I'm late for Herbology, please apologize to Professor Sprout for me. That bracelet is really important."

"All right," Sally said, looking at Emma with concern. "I'll bring your things to the greenhouse for you. Did you want any help looking?"

"No, it's fine, thank you," Emma said with an appreciative grin. She let out a long exhale and rushed out of the Great Hall, ignoring Persephone's stares as she left.

Bolting through the entry, Emma dashed through the door to head downstairs towards the basement. Emma became lost in her thoughts as she tried to figure out what had happened with her bracelet. Emma felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she realized she couldn't remember if she was wearing it on the train.

As Emma reached the floor to the kitchens, she frowned. Why couldn't she remember if she was wearing the bracelet or not? Emma never took it off, and she didn't recall taking it off before getting in the shower the day before. She couldn't remember putting it back on either. Emma was so focused on her thoughts and trying to figure out where her bracelet escaped. She didn't even register a foot suddenly kicking out in front of her. Emma felt herself catapult forward, falling face-first onto the stone floor. Landing hard, Emma let out a groan and closed her eyes tightly at familiar laughter.

"Apparently, some things never change," Jocelyn's voice echoed over her.

Emma pulled herself off the floor, trying to ignore the ache in her knees from the collision with the stone and the scrapes in her hands. She glared at Jocelyn as she brushed her robes off and was surprised to see Chloe standing next to her. While Chloe looked less than enthused to be there, she didn't look entirely uncomfortable with the situation. There were other faces crowded around Jocelyn that she didn't know, and Emma wasn't surprised that the girl had already done some recruiting. _Clearly, some things never change_.

"Never thought I would have to see _you_ again," Emma muttered, her eyes locking on Jocelyn's. She backed away slowly, groaning inwardly as she moved further away from the entrance to the common room.

"Oh, I don't get a welcome? That's such a shame," Jocelyn said, prowling closer towards Emma. "I missed you so much this past year. You've always been rather fun to play with."

"Hmm," Emma murmured, looking down at her hands and wincing at the bright red patches as blood rose to the surface of the scrapes. "Well, unfortunately, I can't say the same."

"Shame," Jocelyn said, grabbing onto Chloe's hand and jerking her head towards the rest of the group. "We'll talk later…"

"Sure," Emma muttered, watching as the small group walked away. She couldn't understand how Chloe was sorted into Hufflepuff if she was still hanging out with Jocelyn. For a moment, Emma was sure that Chloe turned around to give her a sympathetic look, but she doubted it.

Nursing her hurt hands carefully, Emma continued down the hallway to the barrel stack, knocking on them as best as she could. When the barrel split open, and the door swung out, Emma climbed through and made a quick trip into the common room and to the second year girl's dorm. She wasn't sure that she could rip through her belongings fast enough when she made her way to her bed. Emma tore through the entirety of her trunk, ripped back her bedsheets and quilt, and even crawled around on the floor. In a last-ditch effort, she pulled out her wand, sweeping it across the room.

" _Accio bracelet_ ," Emma said, hoping that the bracelet would just find its way into her hand. She waited with bated bread for the bracelet, her wandless hand held out in preparation, but nothing flew through the air. Waiting a few moments more, Emma let out a groan. She didn't understand where the bracelet could have disappeared to.

With a frown, Emma looked at the clock hanging on the wall over the doorway. She didn't have enough time to run to the owlery to send a message back with Aurora, but she did have enough time to write a letter to send during her break. She went into her side table and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen with a sigh. She didn't have enough time to bother unrolling parchment and a quill – she needed to get her message sent fast.

> _Hi Re,_
> 
> _I haven't started my classes yet – I'm actually writing to you before I need to leave. I have Herbology with the Gryffindors and History of Magic with the Slytherins this morning and then Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts with the Ravenclaws along with Transfiguration with the Gryffindors after lunch. It's not a terrible day, and I'm grateful for the break before lunch, which is when this letter will be sent. I have double Transfiguration tomorrow morning, and I'm a little excited about that._
> 
> _I hate to admit that the two from the children's home are the same two that were my roommates. I admit that I'm worried that Tracey, who is Jocelyn's sister, will wind up at Hogwarts next year. Jocelyn was the worst of them, but that's not why I'm writing to you now._
> 
> _Unfortunately, I appear to have misplaced the bracelet that you bought me for my birthday last year. I have tried to backtrack here the best that I can, but it hasn't shown up. I'm not sure if I accidentally left it at home or not. I tried looking through all of my things here, but it hasn't shown up._
> 
> _If you find it, could you please send it back with Aurora? I feel really weird without it. Thank you, Re!_
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Emma_

Emma sighed as she read back what she wrote. She hoped that she wouldn't disappoint Remus by losing his gift. She was so sure that she had her bracelet on before leaving for the train, but things had gotten too chaotic, and the entire day was a blur. She folded the paper up, stuffed it into her inside robe pocket, and ran out of the dorm and the common room. If she moved quickly, she had just enough time to make it to Herbology on time. She didn't want to get on Professor Sprout's bad side this early in the term; her classmates would never let her live it down otherwise.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

**September 2nd, 1992**

> _Dearest Emma,_
> 
> _You'll have to forgive me for being very surprised to receive a second letter from you in less than 24 hours. Of course, I am more than happy to hear from you as it gets rather lonely without you here, but it's a little disconcerting to see a response from you so quickly._
> 
> _I'm sorry to say that I haven't come across your bracelet here. I did a full search of the house, but it didn't appear. If you accidentally lost it on the train, then it will find its way back to you. Just watch and see what happens after a few days. Bring it up to Professor Sprout, and she'll be sure to let you know if she comes across it or it is brought to her. I can't tell you how many times my friends and I would leave things on the train on accident and have it returned to us after the start of term. Peter was admittedly the worst at keeping his things together, but I'm sure the others didn't help. It'll show up in time, I'm sure of it._
> 
> _Since you mentioned that the girls are your ex-roommates, I must remind you of what I said in my previous letter. If those girls give you any issue, please make sure to tell someone._
> 
> _I'm looking forward to hearing back from you (hopefully not too soon). I didn't get a chance to tell you before you left, but I hope that you have a good term. Keep your chin up, Little One, it's only the beginning of the year._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Remus_

Emma read through Remus's letter and sighed. He had been quick to reply and had written back to her last night so that she would have his letter by breakfast, but she didn't feel any better. She was relieved that he didn't seem to be mad that she had misplaced the bracelet, but she couldn't help but feel odd without it.

She took the piece of toast that she held between her teeth out of her mouth and placed it down on her plate. Persephone had already left the Great Hall, and Caspian was sitting with his new friends. The rest of her class was busy finishing up their breakfast, already browsing through their books in preparation for Transfiguration.

She pulled her schedule out of her pocket and looked at it again. Double Transfiguration and their first Potions class of the year made up her morning, and she frowned. She needed to mentally prepare herself for the long day and decided that she needed a few moments in the common room alone before heading upstairs for three hours with McGonagall.

Giving her friends a grin, Emma stood up from the table. Leanne looked up at Emma for a moment as she stood but returned to her conversation. All Emma needed was a few moments by herself, and then she would start to feel better, she was sure of it.

**September 8th, 1992**

> _Dear Re,_
> 
> _It's Tuesday morning, and my bracelet still hasn't turned up. At this point, I am fairly positive that I have lost it, and I'm so sorry. I don't know where it could have gone, and if you haven't seen it, then I think it's truly gone. I'm really, really, really sorry. I know that it was expensive, and it was one of my most prized possessions. I'm absolutely gutted._
> 
> _Classes have been all right, I suppose. It's nice having Persephone with me in History of Magic and potions. Professor Binns is terribly dull, and Snape is Snape. He seems to avoid saying my name as much as possible, which is fascinating as he's apparently been reduced to just calling me 'You.' A part of me finds it rather funny, but it's difficult to know when he's talking to me – most of the time I don't even realize. It appears as though that when he's in a mood, I'm allowed to have a name again, but it's Nickels. I hate it, but I know there's not much I can do about it… it is Snape, after all. It was funny when he called me Lupin all the time, but now that the tables have turned? Not so much…_
> 
> _Before term started, I recall that you mentioned that I would understand why you found my Defense Against the Dark Arts books terrible. The entirety of the class is a joke. This Lockhart fellow is odd, and after everything that you've taught me at home, I truly wonder if he knows what he's doing. Most of the girls seem to have fallen in love with him, including Persephone, but I don't know what they see. Don't get me wrong, he is rather handsome, but he doesn't seem to be interested in anything other than himself. I truly don't enjoy him at all. I wish you were here teaching the class instead because at least we would learn something useful. I hardly believe that knowing Professor Lockhart's favorite color is lavender (or is it lilac?) will prepare us for anything dart arts related._
> 
> _Professor McGonagall has asked me to tell you hello, although I have a sneaking suspicion that you have already written to her. The way that she not so subtly mentioned Jocelyn and Chloe sounds as though you have already taken it upon yourself to speak to her. Not to mention that Professor Sprout opened the class up yesterday, mentioning that if we have any issues, we are more than welcome to speak to her…It all seems somewhat curious, no? I sincerely hope that you haven't talked to either professor about the situation. I'll handle Jocelyn and Chloe, I promise._
> 
> _I can't believe that I'll be thirteen tomorrow. It seems odd that I'll be a teenager before most of my class. I know Hermione's birthday is in ten days…perhaps you could help me pick out a gift for her? She enjoys books just as much as we do, and since she's a Muggle-born, she enjoys learning about anything magic._
> 
> _I suppose that I should start to get ready for class now. I'll send this off with Aurora before History of Magic, but I'm sure you don't need to know that information. Oh, well._
> 
> _I miss being home. I miss you. Write back soon._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Emma_

Emma laid back in her bed, stretching out her legs. She decided to skip breakfast so that she could write to Remus instead. To her dismay, her stomach let out a rumble. With a quick look at the clock, Emma groaned. She didn't have enough time to run upstairs to the Great Hall and eat while also making sure to get her letter sent off.

With a sigh, Emma got up and stretched once more. Mailing her letter off was more important, and if she was truly desperate, she could visit the kitchen for something to eat.

After all, it was one of the perks of being in Hufflepuff.

**September 9th, 1992**

Emma let out a gasp as several packages were dropped in front of her. She expected Remus's package, but she didn't expect the package's size and for three owls to have to carry it in. There was a welcome addition from her grandfather and even a gift from Persephone's parents.

She blushed as Persephone practically ran over to the Hufflepuff table, adding a gift to Emma's pile.

"You haven't even looked at anything?" Persephone stared at Emma, mouth agape. "Who _are_ you?"

"I just sat down," Emma said with a laugh. "This is all too much! From your parents? Really?"

"You'll be getting something from Caspian, too. You're a teenager now – let people dote on you," Persephone said, pulling Emma into a tight hug. "Happy birthday, you menace. Now, open your presents. We haven't got all day!"

"Shouldn't I wait for Cas?"

"No!" Persephone shouted, picking up Remus's package, pulling the envelope off, and passing it to Emma. "Start!"

Emma laughed as she opened the envelope to Remus's letter.

> _Dearest Emma,_
> 
> _Happy birthday, sweetheart! Welcome to your teenage years – it's strange to think that you were such a tiny little thing when I first met you, and now you're thirteen._
> 
> _I believe that my teenage years were some of my best, although I must admit that I fear for myself. Your mother didn't make things very easy for our parents when she was a teenager. You have proven to me many times that you possess the very same energy that she did, but do you want to know what scares me even more? It's the fact that you are somehow so much like me. The older you get, the more I am going to have to work. Trust me when I say that I welcome the challenge, but please go easy on me – I am an old man._
> 
> _I wasn't sure what to get you for your birthday this year as your bracelet hasn't shown up yet. I'll admit that I had planned to add to the charms, but I didn't want to send any charms without a bracelet to attach them to._
> 
> _I hope you enjoy your gifts this year, and I truly hope that thirteen is everything you hoped it would be._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Re_

Emma smiled at Remus's letter and took the package that Persephone was holding out to her. She shook the box curiously, surprised by the weight and the lack of rattling, but tore open the brown paper. Her eyes lit up immediately when she realized that Remus had sent her several books.

"Books? If I didn't know you, I swear I would say that you're an absolute swot," Persephone said with a lopsided grin.

"Oh, shut it," Emma said, smiling at the books. "I can't help the fact you can't seem to pick up a book to save your life."

Persephone rolled her eyes, grabbing another package from the pile and passing it to Emma. "Keep going, you git."

**September 10th, 1992**

> _Dear Re,_
> 
> _You have truly outdone yourself this year; a book of poems, the entirety of the Chronicles of Narnia, a book on Greek mythology, and a journal? Are you mad?_
> 
> _I know that you'll write back and tell me that grandpa contributed to the gift this year, but his massive package of sweets tells me that this was all you. You know I would have been more than alright with just one of the things that you've sent. All the same, thank you._
> 
> _The E.E. Cummings book has been a fascinating bonding experience. Your notes in the margins and the warnings of 'do not read' on the naughtier poems made us giggle last night as we took turns reading. Some of the girls have fallen in love with poetry, and a few of us are planning to track down some books in the library. I'm not quite sure that wizards would be able to capture the same meanings as a Muggle poet, but I'm intrigued._
> 
> _Caspian has been fascinated with the Chronicles of Narnia books since he saw his name. He told me that they read Muggle books at home, but he had never seen the Chronicles of Narnia before. I'm sure that I'll be sharing the books with him before the year is out. Persephone was equally as fascinated when she was flipping through the mythology book. It was a miracle that she even picked it up since we both know she refuses to read if she can figure things out by herself. Although, I think she might have unintentionally been scarred by the story of Hades and Persephone as she has now requested that I call her Effie. I don't think I could laugh any harder at her nickname request, but I'll go along with it. I doubt that she will be picking up a book anytime soon, but at least she tried._
> 
> _Are there any charms you could tell me to make sure that no one can read the journal? I'm sure that none of the girls would read it, but it would be nice to know that they really can't read anything._
> 
> _Thank you again, Re. You're the best!_
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Emma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 


	8. Sticks and Stones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** self-harm

Emma sat in the Great Hall, eyes closed and exhausted. She held her heavy head with a propped arm on the table, trying to tune out the din of late dinner arrivals. Her latest potions essay sat in front of her, book laid out to the side, but her quill and ink remained untouched. She frowned as her stomach rumbled, but the pounding of her head kept her from wanting to move. It had been a few days since she had eaten properly, and her body was doling out its punishment.

With a heavy sigh, Emma opened her eyes. She was amazed that the year had gone by quickly as the crisp October days prepared to lead into an even cooler November. Emma stretched and met Caspian's eyes as he observed her from across the table, still eating his dinner. She gave him what she hoped was a happy smile before pulling her potions essay closer to read it. Her second year that she had expected would be as magical as her first was turning out to be a complete disaster.

The first few weeks back at the castle had started off as normally as they could. The Hufflepuffs had celebrated her birthday in the common room, but Emma couldn't focus. She couldn't help but be perplexed by where her bracelet had disappeared to. The second years had fallen into a steady routine.

Charms was one of the classes that she felt she could succeed in. The concepts were challenging, but she picked up the spells quickly. History of Magic gave Emma and Persephone a chance to talk and work on their other work when they weren't taking naps. Persephone was stronger at Transfiguration than Emma, but not as adept at Charms. The two would often trade tips instead of paying attention to their history class. Emma still couldn't understand how a ghost could make history sound so dull.

Herbology was once again shared with the Gryffindors, which made Emma happy. She enjoyed spending time with Neville, who had the same fondness for magical plants that she did. It was refreshing for her to see the shy boy come to life as they worked to replant Mandrakes and keep the greenhouses clean. They also shared Transfiguration with the Gryffindors, something that Emma wasn't too thrilled about.

Emma spent most of her Transfiguration classes glowering at Hermione, both ashamed and alarmed at her jealousy. Emma knew that she was smart, but there was something about Hermione's constant need to answer questions before everyone else that rubbed her the wrong way. Emma would find herself raising her hand, but before she could get her arm fully extended, Hermione's hand would already be up and waving. Emma made sure she stuck with Neville, Megan, and Leanne, who also seemed to struggle in the class.

Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts were shared with the Ravenclaws, the house that Emma found she had the least number of friends. She had become fast friends with Mandy Brocklehurst, a tall brown-haired girl, and Anthony Goldstein, a blonde boy with brilliant blue eyes. Even though she was friends with both Ravenclaws, Emma couldn't help but feel like she was the third wheel in their friendship. Both Mandy and Anthony possessed a fun-loving disposition that drew Emma compared to their other housemates' studious nature. She stuck close to Anthony in Potions, finding he spent more time ensuring his brews were correct. In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Emma, Mandy, and Anthony bonded over their confusion over Professor Lockhart and wishing they were learning something of use.

At the beginning of October, Emma and most of the Hufflepuffs fell victim to a cold that seemed to pass through the students quicker than a Niffler finding something shiny. It wasn't uncommon to walk into class to see several classmates with steam coming out of their eyes from Madam Pomfrey's Pepper-Up potion. Even with the use of the school matron's potions, it seemed as though someone would pick the cold back up and the cycle would start anew.

It didn't take too long for most students to be cut off from Pepper-Up Potion, and if one became sick, they would have to deal with it the "old fashioned way." After spending a miserable weekend with the flu, Emma had taken to avoiding anyone who looked remotely sick. Even with the promise of another one of Remus's care packages full of chocolate, Emma couldn't stand the idea of being sick again. She was grateful when things began to finally taper off closer to the end of the month.

Despite Emma's classes going as well as they could and her fairly clean bill of health, things weren't all they seemed behind the stone walls of Hogwarts castle. The only thing that she felt was going right was taking a potion to stave off her monthlies. If it weren't for that one tiny convenience, she felt sure that she would go insane. Emma fought hard to keep up her appearances as much as possible, but she was hurting under her happy exterior.

Setting her potions essay aside, she reached into her bag to pull out Remus's letter that she received that morning at breakfast.

> _They are doing everything that they can for your mother. I've visited as much as I can, and I know your grandfather stops by every night after work. The concern right now is making sure that she is comfortable. She doesn't appear to be in any pain, and that is the most important thing for right now. She is stable, she's in a good environment, and there are people with her whenever possible._

Emma snorted slightly as she read the next passage.

> _Forgive me, but I was surprised to see that your latest letter home wasn't as long as it is typically. I hope that everything is all right. I know that you expressed some trouble with your classes this year, and I truly hope that is all that's going on. If you need help with your classes, please reach out to your professors – that's what they're there for._
> 
> _Christmas holidays will be here before you know it. Looking forward to hearing back from you, as always._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Re_

She read the letter over and over again, ignoring the rumbling in her stomach. _'Christmas holidays will be here before you know it' but not soon enough_ , Emma thought to herself. She wanted nothing more than to be _home_ and away from the castle. Emma was worried about her mother, annoyed that the only updates she would receive came through letters, but she really wanted to get away from Jocelyn. Nothing compared to having to deal with the first year for the past month, and she didn't know how to explain it to her friends, so she didn't. There was no escaping the castle; Emma decided she would just have to deal with it.

Jocelyn was the same menace that she always remembered. It appeared that the year apart from each other had only given the first-year girl a new drive to make Emma's life a living hell. The girl had been easy to mostly ignore at the children's home, but at Hogwarts, Jocelyn wasn't alone. The only thing that made Emma feel better was the fact things hadn't turned physical. At least, not yet.

It seemed to Emma that Jocelyn didn't waste any time in recruiting others to her cause. Even Chloe, her own housemate, would join in on Jocelyn's "fun." Emma had hoped that the two sisters being separated meant that the younger girl would have some form of empathy, but when it came to Emma, she didn't have an empathetic bone in her body.

"You're such a fucking freak," Emma would hear as she walked through the hallways, forcing her to walk quicker.

Another time, Emma would hear, "You're so ugly – you always have been. Just like a creepy little toad." Or Emma's current new favorite, "You really need to stop eating. You're getting really fat."

There was very rarely a face to the words. Sometimes it felt as though the taunting and teasing whispers were coming from the shadows.

"What's the matter with you?"

Emma jolted as Persephone sat next to her, an inquisitive look on her face. Emma glanced at the letter that she held in her hand and quickly folded it up.

"Nothing," Emma said brightly, turning to her friend and giving her a smile. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because you've got that look on your face," Persephone said with a frown. She stared at Emma for a few seconds before sighing. "Are you done eating? I don't think I saw you pick anything else up. Caspian said he didn't see you eat anything, either."

"Yeah, I'm not feeling too good," Emma said, grimacing slightly at her lie. Perhaps the look on her face would make her lie more convincing.

"Do you need to go see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No, I should be okay. I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Okay," Persephone said slowly, casting Caspian a concerned side-long glance.

Without another word, Emma stood up, collected her things, and walked out of the Great Hall, leaving a very confused Persephone behind.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

"Aurora, what are you doing?"

Emma stepped into the owlery, surprised to see her tawny feathered owl with a letter attached to her leg. She watched the owl flutter down to a lower perch, sticking out her leg so that Emma could remove the envelope.

"Is this from Re today? Why didn't you knock on the dorm window? I would've met you outside," Emma said to the owl, turning the envelope over in her hand. Aurora shook out her feathers in response, making Emma frown. She stroked the owl's feathers for a moment before placing Remus's letter in her pocket and furnishing one she had written for Remus. "I know that you just got here, and I really should read his letter, but could you fly back and give this to him? I'll use one of the school owls to answer his letter. Take a rest and make sure that he gives you tons of owl treats."

Aurora let out a hoot and clicked her beak together, which Emma assumed meant that the owl agreed. Giving the bird a smile and affectionate pat, Emma held her letter out for Aurora to take. Aurora took off through one of the open windows in a flurry of feathers, leaving Emma to her thoughts.

It wasn't like Remus to write to Emma before receiving a response back from her. Her stomach clenched as she pulled the envelope back out of her pocket. The only reason he would have written so soon was that something had changed with her mother. Anxiously, she ripped open the envelope and made her way out of the owlery, walking down the stairs slowly as she read.

Emma was so engrossed in reading Remus's letter that she overlooked Jocelyn and her friends tucked in one the alcoves until the letter was ripped out of her hands. Before she had a chance to react, she found herself pulled into the alcove, her arms pulled behind her back.

"What do we have here?" Jocelyn asked, prancing backward away from Emma, dangling the letter in her hands. "A lost little badger with a letter? You seem to get a lot of these, don't you?"

"Give that back," Emma said with a snarl, trying to pull her arms free. "That's not yours." She struggled against the person holding her arms, gritting her teeth as their grip tightened.

"Well, it's mine now," Jocelyn said with a smirk. "Who's this from?"

"Give. It. Back. Now."

"'Dearest Emma,'" Jocelyn read aloud, with a laugh. "Who the bloody hell is this even from? No one writes like this. Did you write this to yourself, you freak? I wouldn't put it past you."

"It's from my father," Emma snarled, pulling harder against the arms holding her back.

"Oh, your _father_? Funny. Didn't think you had one of those since you were holed up in a children's home."

"So were you, Jocelyn. Just in case you forgot."

Jocelyn's eyes darkened for a moment as she glanced over Emma's shoulder at the person holding her back. "I think you forget who has the upper hand here," Jocelyn spat, her lip curling. With her eyes narrowed, Jocelyn began to silently read through the rest of the letter. The more she read, the more Jocelyn's snarl would turn into a smirk. With a hum, Jocelyn balled up the letter and threw it down at Emma's feet.

With her smirk plastered on her face, Jocelyn sauntered over to Emma. Emma had finally given up fighting her captor and watched Jocelyn closely. Emma let out a cry as Jocelyn stomped down on the letter at Emma's feet, twisting her foot so the paper began to tear under her feet. "Funny," Jocelyn said slowly, "for someone you said it your father, it doesn't appear as though he considers himself that."

Jocelyn laughed as Emma let out another cry as she was released from her captor's grip, falling to her hands and knees in front of Jocelyn. Emma glared up at Jocelyn, eyes blazing as the girl crouched down in front of her.

"I mean, you left the children's home fairly early, didn't you? I know it's been over a year," Jocelyn said with a tut. "Perhaps he doesn't want you at all, and he's pretending to care about you. It's not as if he sent any good news, after all."

Jocelyn stood back up, her laugh echoing in the alcove as she slammed her foot down on Emma's back, forcing her to lay flat on the floor. As Jocelyn and her friend departed, Emma could hear their laughs echoing through the stairwell.

Emma remained on the floor, listening as the laughter disappeared. A tear rolled down her cheek as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. She carefully gathered Remus's damaged letter in her hands and slid herself backward and leaned against the wall, tipping her head back. Emma didn't want to admit it, but Jocelyn had a point. Remus never really referred to himself as her father, even after adopting her.

There had been many moments where Emma couldn't help but wonder if Remus regretted the decision. If he did, Remus never made it obvious as he treated her the same way that he always did. She still couldn't help but feel as though she were a burden in his life. Emma would see it in the way he would sit at the kitchen table or the times he would shut himself in his study. She felt that it was apparent in the way that he would sometimes become lost in his own world, seemingly as though she wasn't there.

Maybe Jocelyn was right; Remus didn't want to be her father or take care of her at all. She wouldn't blame him if that was how he felt. Hot tears fell down her cheeks as she let the thought settle itself into her brain like an invasive seed settling itself deep into the dirt of a garden. But this flower would not bloom into something beautiful, but something as ugly as she felt.

Now that Remus was in her life, she couldn't imagine a time where she wasn't greeted to tight hugs of cinnamon and juniper trees. She didn't want to picture not returning to the small cottage in the middle of nowhere or trips through the Floo to Lyall's Tudor home with gnome filled gardens. Emma didn't want to think of no longer sitting at the kitchen table during sleepy mornings with Remus, eating breakfast with a book while he did a crossword in the Daily Prophet. Most of all, she didn't want to imagine being alone again.

With a groan and a shaky breath, Emma peeled herself off the stone floor and tucked the battered letter into her pocket. She wiped away the rest of her tears and made her way slowly down the stairs, making sure that she wasn't being followed.

Instead of going right down to dinner, Emma decided she would take a nap. She needed some time for herself, and the comfort of her blankets and Boris seemed like the perfect thing.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

The prospect of Halloween seemed to have the entirety of Hogwarts castle abuzz. Emma spent the week leading up to the holiday, joining in lively conversations with her housemates. However, she didn't share the same excitement that they had. Halloween the year prior had been spent making sure that Hermione was okay and dealing with an angry Troll. This year had been ruined by Jocelyn and her friends.

As it turned out, Jocelyn was the exact reason Emma found herself standing in front of a mirror of the shared second year Hufflepuff girl's bathroom. Halloween eve quickly rolled into Halloween morning, and Emma made sure that the door was locked. She wasn't worried that anyone would walk in as her roommates were sound asleep, drapes drawn tightly around their beds, but the locked door made her feel better. Emma had been waiting all day to investigate herself after her most recent incident with Jocelyn and her friends, but she didn't want to raise any suspicions.

After Emma's incident with Jocelyn the week prior, things escalated to the point that she never expected. Emma, already upset that Remus's letter was to inform her of her mother's further declining health, had found herself at her breaking point. Remus's letter had clearly given Jocelyn the ammunition that she had needed as the girl's words plagued her very existence.

"Honestly, you're better off dead. You can follow your poor sick mum," Jocelyn whispered to her a few days later as the two passed by in the hallway. Much of the same seemed to follow her wherever she went, just like a shadow that she couldn't shake. Though Emma tried to ignore them, their words would wedge themselves into her thoughts.

Most nights, Emma would close the curtains tightly around her bed, cast a silencing charm, and cry herself to sleep. None of her roommates ever suspected anything other than her nightmares returning, which she was found to be both a blessing and a curse. Dreams of the meadow had steadily been replaced by visions of Remus telling her that he was bringing her back to the children's home. Emma would wake with fresh tear tracks down her face and a tight chest. She had no idea it was possible to feel as broken as she did, and she didn't know what to do. Persephone would never understand.

Emma's thoughts were pulled back to earlier that day, just after she felt she had spent enough time at dinner. She had eaten enough to not arouse anyone's attention and decided to take a walk on the grounds before the sun set over the horizon. The weather had been unseasonably warm that day, and she wanted to take in the last of the warmth before the days grew cold. With a smile and a wave, Emma departed the Great Hall, book in hand with an air of hope surrounding her as she prepared to destress for the weekend.

She had become fond of a tree full of Bowtruckle by the Black Lake, enjoying the twig-like creatures and their curiosity. They had startled her one day as she sat by the tree, jumping up as she heard angry chittering and moving branches. Positive that the tree had come to life, Emma had started to run away but realized that the branches were small creatures.

It had taken time for them to warm up to her, but after deciding she wasn't a threat, they kept to themselves. The braver Bowtruckle would climb down the tree and settle into her hair or shoulder, and Emma would read to them. It was this very tree that Emma planned to sit at until the sky grew dark. She wasn't sure if the small creatures liked her reading to them, but she enjoyed the practice.

Unfortunately, Emma never made it that far. Upon exiting the Great Hall, she was swiftly pulled into one of the unused hallways off the main entrance where Jocelyn and her friends waited.

Emma took in the faces that surrounded her. She didn't know most of their names, but she had started to associate voices with the faces. Nine girls were surrounding her, a mix of Ravenclaw and Slytherin and Chloe, the lone Hufflepuff, standing at Jocelyn's side. Emma paled as she realized that one of the Slytherins was Millicent Bulstrode, stocky with her arms crossed over her chest as she sneered.

"What's going on?" Emma asked, swallowing hard against the lump that had quickly formed in her throat.

She was met with silence as the group looked at Jocelyn. With no one saying anything, Millicent took matters into her own hands, plucking Emma's book out of her hand and beginning to rip pages out.

With a cry, Emma tossed her bag on the ground. She dove down to collect the pages that were unceremoniously fluttering to the floor. Gathering the fallen pages, Emma failed to notice the foot that swung out into her side. Toppling over, Emma gasped, dropping the pages as she kept her hands out to keep herself in a somewhat upright position. She wasn't given the opportunity as another foot swung out and into her inner elbow and causing her arm to buckle. Emma was no longer sure where one pain started, and another ended as hands and feet swung out at her.

"Don't get her face!" Jocelyn shouted, almost in a rage as someone's hand nearly clipped Emma's cheek. "I already told you to not get her face. You never want anyone to see; keeping it quiet sends a message. Physical proof does nothing except make things obvious, especially with this one."

It seemed ages before the assault finally stopped. Emma took in shaky breaths, her arms covering her face as she curled in on herself. Sobs of pain tore through her body. A part of her felt that she deserved what happened, but she couldn't understand why. She flinched back with a gasp as Jocelyn's voice was suddenly in her ear. "Know what you can do? Honestly? Just kill yourself," Jocelyn said quietly. "No one wants you, no one wants to deal with you. You can just slit your wrists, and it'll all be over. No one will ever even remember that you were alive."

Sharp pain under her ribcage brought Emma back to the present. She blinked quickly in an attempt to clear the tears that had welled up in her eyes. With shaky and slow movements, Emma lifted her shirt to investigate the bruises that she knew formed under her clothing and groaned. She ran her fingers delicately over the ugly purples and blues coloring her ribs. She turned herself in the mirror, grimacing at the purples and yellows forming on her back. With equally as slow movements, she pulled back her sleeves, wincing as she was met with a similar sight of different colors. A dry sob threatened to wrack her body as she returned her gaze to her reflection in the mirror with a small gasp.

Her eyes looked dead, her face was hollow. The vibrant green had disappeared and dulled to an almost olive color. She leaned forward over the sink to look at herself closer. Emma wondered vaguely if her eyes had always been that color, more of a hazel than a green. She would have to ask Remus around Christmas – that is if he even wanted her to come home. Emma ran a finger over her hollowed cheek. It had been a while since she had really eaten, and though her stomach rumbled, she refused to eat. A small frown appeared on her lips at the not-so-subtle reminders from the others that she was fat. She would have to try harder.

Emma's eyes began to sting, her nose burning as she leaned back. She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms, not wanting to cry for what felt like the millionth time that night. Pulling her hands away, she gripped the edge of the sink tightly. She took another look at herself in the mirror and scanned the reflection of the bathroom. It seemed so clean. Checking the counter in the reflection, Emma's eyes fell on a pair of silver scissors that were resting by their lonesome.

Whirling around quickly, Emma checked that the door was still locked and found herself picking up the scissors. She slowly pulled the blades apart, listening to the soft noise of the metal grating against each other, the noise almost hypnotic in her current state. Emma ran her index finger over the blade's edge, hissing as she accidentally cut herself. The scissors were sharper than she expected.

She watched the way her blood bubbled up to the surface, slowly and almost with care. She ran her thumb over the cut, surprised at the warmth and how slick it felt. She was in awe at how the heat quickly cooled as it reached the surface. Even worse, she _liked it_. The thought of her enjoying what she'd done almost made her gag, the sight of her blood, making her slightly nauseous, but Jocelyn's words crept into her mind.

_You can just slit your wrists, and it'll all be over._

Emma returned her gaze to herself in the mirror, her breathing coming out in ragged bursts. Tears quickly reformed in her bloodshot and red-rimmed eyes, the familiar harsh sting burning her nose.

Every insecurity that Emma had was brought to the surface over the past month and a half. She felt raw and exposed, her skin thin with harsh words that she couldn't escape from.

 _It'll all be over_.

Emma sniffled, glancing down at the scissors held in her hand. She wasn't sure that she wanted to die, not yet, but she wanted to stop feeling the pain. Her heart hurt – for herself, for her mother. She wanted to be back home, but it wasn't as though she could write to Remus and tell him. Emma didn't want to add "disappointment" to the list of things he probably thought about her. A bitter giggle surfaced as she thought about what she was about to do. Perhaps disappointment was the appropriate word to add to his list.

Taking in a shaky breath, Emma rolled her left sleeve up, this time not reacting to the mottled color of her skin. She pressed the blade carefully to the inside of her wrist and returned her gaze to her reflection, watching the way the silver seemed to shine against her pale skin. She wasn't even sure if she was doing it right, and her bitter giggle turned manic.

 _Nobody likes you,_ came Jocelyn's words, floating through her mind. _Not even yourself_ , Emma added.

With one quick movement, Emma pulled the blade across her wrist, hissing as the blade sliced through her skin. It hurt, but it didn't hurt as bad as she expected. She watched, dazed, as her blood made its way to the surface, creating a small pool. _Perhaps that was too much_ , Emma thought to herself, wincing at how much she had cut. She brought her gaze back to her reflection, carefully placing the red-tinted blade back to her skin. "I'll just have to try again," she whispered to herself.

_You've always been ugly and incredibly fat._

Emma brought the blade back across her wrist, just above where the first cut was made. Tears began to fall as she inspected what she had done, disappointed that the cut was still far too long.

 _No one can bear to tell her how stupid she really is_.

The blade sliced through her skin again, and a twisted laugh left Emma's lips. This time the cut wasn't as long, and Emma found herself disturbed by how pleased she felt. The cuts hurt, but the relief she felt immediately after made the pain worth it.

_You should just kill yourself._

Emma sliced into her wrist again, watching as her blood began to fall from her wrist and onto the floor. She dropped the scissors in the sink and sunk to her knees, the sudden realization of what she had done hit her. Emma covered her face with her hands, ignoring the sting in her wrist as she began to sob. She wasn't even sure _why_ she was crying. Was it from the shame that she felt from enjoying what she'd done? Or was it from the crippling thought that maybe she wasn't as loved as she thought?

A gentle knock at the door made Emma jump, making her tense up and freeze.

"Em? Are you okay? I saw that the curtains on your bed were open. Why's the door locked?"

It was Sally.

Emma glanced down at her bleeding wrist, the small pool of her blood on the floor and paled. She quickly wiped away her tears with her other sleeve.

"Y-yeah," Emma said, trying to sound cheery as she tried to cover her wrist and wipe the blood off the floor. "I was about to take a shower, but I'll take one in the morning." Emma stood up, pulling a face at the stain on the floor and rubbing her sock covered foot over it to try and remove more of the evidence. She pulled the scissors out of the sink and tucked it into them into the waistband over her pants, pulling her shirt down so that they were covered. "I didn't realize that I locked the door – must be a habit."

"Oh, okay. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You've been in there for a while."

Emma silently cursed herself as she turned the sink on to clear the blood that had fallen into the sink. She watched as the clear water tinted red briefly before turning clear once more. "Yeah, I'm fine," Emma said, still hoping that she sounded cheery. With a sigh, Emma took a cursory look at herself in the mirror, frowned, and made her way to the door. She opened it quickly and darted past Sally, who gave her an odd look.

Climbing into her bed, Emma grabbed her wand from her side table and pulled the curtains closed tightly with a whispered, " _Silencio_." She pulled the scissors from her waistband and tossed them onto the bed in front of her, leaning back against her headboard. Emma pulled back her sleeve to look at her bloodied wrist and groaned. The bleeding hadn't stopped, but it had at least slowed down considerably. She pulled her sleeve back down and pressed the fabric down, hoping to apply enough pressure for it to stop.

With a long exhale, Emma took the scissors and stuffed them under her pillow and laid down, staring at the wood ceiling. Tears began to sting her eyes again as she turned on her side, trying to ignore the prickle of her wrists. What Emma couldn't ignore was Jocelyn's words repeatedly replaying in her mind. Emma cried until her eyelids grew heavy, and she finally fell asleep.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Halloween falling on a weekend meant that the castle was up bright and early. Most students spent the day carving pumpkins and sharing candy. The other students had their first trip to Hogsmeade, and the Hufflepuff common room seemed to overflow with sweets. While most of her housemates were partaking in the day's activities, Emma stayed in her bed.

It wasn't until the Halloween feast that Emma finally got up, dressing carefully in long sleeves. Though the feast didn't disappoint, she wasn't at all excited. Her body ached, and her wrist stung as her shirt sleeve would brush against the cuts with any movement she made.

Live bats filled the Great Hall, circling overhead or hanging from lamps or perching in the rafters. The tables were filled with every possible sweet that one could imagine, tempting Emma to indulge as the scent of the pastries filled her nose.

There were pumpkin pasties, candies, cakes, bright lollipops, massive turkeys, pies, and so much more than she ever could have imagined. The chocolate cake drew in Emma's attention the most, the sweet aroma of freshly baked chocolate calling to her. She began to put food on her plate, deciding that she would allow herself to indulge. When she looked over at the Slytherin table, she spotted Jocelyn and her friends staring.

Emma froze, trying to push back Jocelyn's words that were threatening to drown out the happy chatter of Caspian who sat next to her. She looked at the spoonful of mashed potatoes she had in her hand and carefully placed it back in its massive silver dish. With a sigh, Emma looked down at her plate – a slice of turkey and the piece of chocolate cake she had taken. She let out a small yelp as she felt someone shaking her arm.

"Are you okay?" Caspian asked, his eyes wide as he looked at Emma. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I've just been talking to you for the past ten minutes, and you haven't said a thing."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Emma said, smiling at Caspian. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

Caspian nodded slowly, his lips pursing slightly. "Okay," he said. "You haven't touched your food yet. Is that really all you're having?"

Looking back down at her plate again, Emma let out a nervous laugh. She picked up her knife and fork with a small flourish and cut into the slice of turkey. "Yeah, this is fine," she said, taking a bite. "I haven't been feeling too well."

"Right," Caspian said, pleased that she was eating. "Anyway, I was asking if you wanted to come join us."

"Who's us?"

"Oh, sorry!" Caspian gestured to a few of the first year Hufflepuffs, Justin, Ernie, and Hannah. "We were all going to go up to the astronomy tower to tell scary stories. We wanted to go out to the Forbidden Forest, but Hannah got too scared. Did you want to come?"

Emma thought for a moment, a little worried about making the trek up to the tower in her condition, but Caspian seemed beyond excited. He looked at her expectantly, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight, and Emma felt that she couldn't let him down. At least if they were going in a group, she wouldn't have to worry about being attacked again.

"Okay," Emma finally agreed, grinning slightly as the others seemed to perk up.

"Wicked! We're heading out after the feast is over!" Caspian gave her a bright smile and returned to talking with the rest of his friends.

All too soon, the feast was over. The group heading up to the astronomy tower got together and made their way out of the noisy Great Hall and up the stairs. They quickly found themselves stopping as the crowd in front of them paused.

Emma looked at Caspian, who grabbed her hand and funneled out around the crowd to get to the front. They both gasped in surprise, the talking surrounding them quickly ceasing and turning to quiet murmurs as they took in the scene in front of them. Massive red letters were written on the wall, and Mrs. Norris, Filch's cat, was strung up by her tail from a torch bracket.

Hermione's eyes met Emma's from across the way, confusion and terror written on the bushy-haired girl's face. Harry and Ron looked equally terrified, their eyes darting between Mrs. Norris, the writing on the wall, and the crowd in front of them. Emma finally took a moment to look at the letters on the wall, her mouth falling open in shock.

_THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE._

"Enemies of the Heir, beware! You'll be next, Mudbloods," Draco Malfoy shouted as he pushed his way to the front of the crowd. He stood close to Emma, a haughty smirk on his face as he looked her way.

Mr. Filch's angry shouting began to break through the silence as he made his way through the crowd. No amount of being strung up by their toes could convince any of the students to move. His angry shouts quickly turned to a strangled and anguished cry as he took in the sight of his cat strung up.

Emma decided that she was ready for her second year to be over. It was nothing like what she had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	9. Photosympathize

"Miss Lupin."

Emma jumped, her eyes shooting open. She wasn't aware that she had fallen asleep. Worst of all, she wasn't aware that she had fallen asleep right in the middle of Transfiguration. Several sets of eyes turned her direction in curiosity. Ron and Harry were openly gaping in shock that someone dared to fall asleep in the middle of McGonagall's class.

"Yes?" Emma asked stupidly, trying to make it seem as though she was paying attention. She smiled up at McGonagall, trying to hold back her yawns.

"Do you care to tell me where in the book we just left off?" McGonagall asked, peering down her nose at Emma.

Emma paled, looking down at her book. She had gotten as far as opening the book, but she was sure that she didn't open it anywhere near what they were studying that day. _What the bloody hell are we learning_ , Emma thought to herself, staring down at the pages and imploring them to flip to where she needed to be.

"Page 113," Megan hissed at Emma, eyes wide.

"Thanks," Emma whispered back, flipping her book to the right page. "Uhm…oh, softening charms."

"Yes, I gathered as much, Miss Lupin," McGonagall said, her eyebrows raising. "But what was I saying about softening charms that is not in the book?"

"I…I don't know, Professor," Emma muttered, glancing up at McGonagall before ducking her head. She felt her face growing hot under McGonagall's withering stare.

"Hmm," McGonagall hummed, her lips pursing. "Very well. Five points from Hufflepuff. We will speak more after class." McGonagall returned to the front of the room, and shooting looks at the groaning Hufflepuffs as she passed.

Emma let out a groan of her own, placing her head in her hands. She was tired _all the time,_ and the persistent, dull ache in the back of her head was not making things any easier. If she could have waited just a little longer, she could have taken a nap during lunch. Instead, she managed to fall asleep right in the middle of Transfiguration.

Megan stared at Emma for a few moments longer before sharing looks with Sally and Leanne. Emma's behavior lately had been a topic of discussion amongst the Hufflepuff girls. It had been odd, but whenever they tried to talk to her, she ignored them. Rather than spending time with any of them, Emma had taken to spending more and more time by herself. She made up excuses as to why she couldn't partake in their nightly homework sessions. Emma would sometimes talk to Caspian, but that was just as rare as her talking to Persephone. Perhaps whatever intervention McGonagall would have with her was what she needed.

As class ended, Emma took her time gathering her things. The draw of lunch meant that most of the class had fled Transfiguration quickly, but it didn't stop a few stragglers from falling behind in curiosity. The Hufflepuffs who lingered didn't escape McGonagall's sharp eyes.

"I think that would do, Mr. Macmillan, Miss Abbott," McGonagall said sternly over her glasses as she turned her attention to the pair. "It appears as though you've already finished packing your things. Surely you are ready for lunch."

Ernie and Hannah flushed deeply, sharing a look. Ernie opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it. The two left, giving McGonagall nervous smiles and giving Emma a worried look.

Shaking her head, McGonagall sighed. "Are you about done, Miss Lupin? If you are, please join me at my desk." Professor McGonagall began to straighten up her desk, carefully organizing the papers that she had spread out.

Emma nodded, picking her bag up from the floor and taking a shaky breath. She was still shaken from Halloween. The idea of talking to an adult about _anything_ going on in her life made her anxious. She wasn't ready to talk about things, and she certainly wasn't prepared to talk to _McGonagall_ , of all people. If she was lucky, McGonagall would just give her a slap on the wrist, perhaps an extra assignment or even lines, and she would be on her way.

As Emma approached, McGonagall paused what she was doing. She walked over to a shelf, pulling out a tin of biscuits. She opened the lid and placed the container down on her desk, returning to organizing her papers. "Have a biscuit, Lupin."

"P-pardon?"

"Have a biscuit. Go on."

Emma shot McGonagall a confused look before reaching into the tin and taking a biscuit. She stared at it for a moment and returned her gaze to McGonagall, waiting for the witch to speak.

"I didn't poison it, you know," McGonagall said, exasperated. "Eat."

"Oh," Emma answered quietly, taking a tentative nibble of the biscuit. It was gingernut, one of her favorites. With an appreciative sigh, she took another bite of the biscuit. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, for starters, Miss Lupin, the fact that you are now eying the tin of biscuits as if you haven't eaten anything to eat in months is cause for concern."

Emma looked up from the tin, embarrassed. She wasn't aware that she was even staring at the biscuits.

"Miss Lupin, I have been watching you for the past few weeks, and it has been _very_ evident that you haven't been eating at meals. A few bites of a meal here and there and pushing the rest around your plate doesn't mean that it will magically absorb into your body. I know that you favor Herbology, but unfortunately, we are not plants, and we don't absorb nutrients the same way.

"Now, I know that I am not your head of house, but –"

"Then you don't have to do anything," Emma said quickly. "If Professor Sprout –"

"If Professor Sprout wasn't concerned with ensuring we have healthy Mandrakes, then I can assure you she would be expressing the same concerns. The only reason I waited until now to say anything is because I would have hoped some sense would have made it into that brain of yours. You are a very bright young woman, but you are not thinking right now, and I do not understand why. Now, as Deputy Headmistress, I will be requesting a meeting with your father – do not interrupt me." McGonagall gave Emma a pointed stare, almost daring her to try and speak. Emma deflated under McGonagall's gaze and nodded.

When McGonagall spoke again, her voice was much softer. "I know that the Headmaster has already requested a meeting with Remus this week on a separate matter, so I will be asking him to join us as well. In the meantime, I expect you to pay attention in class and stay awake during lessons. The work you've been turning in is not your usual quality."

"Re…Re's going to be here?" Emma felt stupid by how child-like her voice sounded. Remus has never mentioned that he would be at the castle, and the knowledge settled itself uneasily in the pit of her stomach. Even though she wasn't sure that she wanted to see him, the fact that he never said anything to her was bothersome.

"Yes, the Headmaster has something important that he needs to discuss with your father."

"When was this scheduled?"

"I hardly think that it matters when the meeting was scheduled, Miss Lupin. It's between your father and the Headmaster," McGonagall said sharply.

Emma flinched slightly, casting her eyes towards the floor. "Sorry," she said quietly, shuffling her feet to distract herself from crying. "May I go now?"

McGonagall surveyed Emma for a moment before answering. "Yes," she said softly. "Please eat, Lupin. We have enough to worry about in the castle without worrying that a student is starving themselves to death. Take another biscuit before you leave."

With a small nod, Emma took another biscuit. Emma knew that she was going to be watched, and she was going to have to be better at hiding the fact that she wasn't eating. She nearly snorted, realizing that she would have to be a lot more careful hiding everything else. Emma wasn't entirely sure how she would get around being watched, but she would die trying if she had to.

As it would turn out, the meetings with Remus were not meant to be. Only a few days after Emma's conversation with McGonagall, another student named Colin Creevey was petrified. Emma couldn't help but feel guilty that she was happy it had happened – it meant that she wouldn't have to see Remus. Letters were one thing for her to deal with; having to see him in person was something entirely different.

Another welcome side effect to Colin being petrified was the lack of Jocelyn. The first years had started to swarm together, almost as if they were afraid that they would be the next to be petrified. Even the younger Slytherins weren't stupid enough to start wandering around by themselves.

Rumors of who opened the Chamber of Secrets spread through the castle like wildfire, though each story was as unlikely as the next. Hidden from the professors was the rampant trading and selling of amulets and talismans as if the small objects would protect them.

Emma was disturbed by the fact that Neville had purchased a rotting newt tail, amongst other items, in hopes that they would keep him safe. She nearly considered picking up a talisman herself until she heard some of the other students mention only Muggleborns had to worry. Realizing that she was at least a half-blood brought her back to her senses.

All of the copies of _Hogwarts, a History_ were taken from the library, meaning Emma couldn't do any research of her own. The book's waiting list was half as long as there were students, but she wasn't about to have Remus send her copy. She had tried to talk to Persephone about the Chamber of Secrets, but her friend seemed mostly uninterested in trying to figure out what was going on. Still wanting to find out more information, she tried to ask Remus what he knew, but his response wasn't any more helpful.

_I confess that I don't know much about the Chamber of Secrets other than they were rumored to exist. The rumor is that Salazar Slytherin created a chamber that could only be opened by the true heir of Slytherin. The trouble is that no one knows where it is if it does exist. I will admit that my friends and I did try to find the entrance for ourselves, but we had given up and decided that it was only a myth. Hogwarts is expansive, but there wasn't much that we didn't find._

_Do not take this as an invitation to try and find the entrance to the chamber yourself. I can't explain how students are becoming petrified, but I'm sure that it's nothing to worry about. Hogwarts is the safest place that you can be._

Emma let out an exasperated sigh. If Remus didn't know anything about the Chamber of Secrets, she didn't think that anyone else would either.

Tucking Remus's letter into her bag, she pulled out her Transfiguration book, planning to try and get some quick studying in. There had been rumors that Professor McGonagall would be giving a quiz in their class, and Emma needed to make sure that she understood the material. She pulled the sleeve of her cardigan high up on her hands, making sure to keep her wrists covered.

Persephone stared at Emma from across the table, eyebrows raised. She had been making it a habit to spend breakfast with Emma, sitting at the Hufflepuff table rather than with her house. She had been annoyed with Emma and her need to talk about the Chamber of Secrets, but other things annoyed her further. Persephone knew that something was wrong, but she couldn't put a finger on what the issue was. She took a bite of her toast, her eyes narrowing as she watched Emma closely.

"What's wrong with you?" Persephone asked bluntly.

"Huh?" Emma didn't look up from her book, though her eyes were no longer scanning the page she was staring intently at.

Persephone frowned, looking down at Emma's noticeably empty plate. "You've been weird."

"Nothing is wrong, Effie. How am I weird?" Emma glanced up at Persephone with a snort before returning to her book. "I'm trying to study."

"Are you _sure_? Because I don't think you're okay."

"Effie, I'm fine."

"You're not, though. You're being weird, and you're nothing like yourself."

"Why did you ask me if I'm fine and then tell me that I'm not?" Emma let out a laugh, readjusting her sleeves to hold the ends tightly under her fingers to keep them from slipping. "I think you're the one being weird," she muttered.

"Did you _seriously_ just tell me that I'm the one being weird?"

Emma looked up from her book to look at Persephone. Persephone's eyes were blazing, a sign that she was growing aggravated. "What did I do?"

"Emma, _you_ are the one that's being fucking weird. How _dare_ you try and turn this around on me."

"Where is this even coming from?" Emma closed her book and sat up straight. "Is this all because I called you the weird one? We've always called each other weird."

"No, this is because you keep acting like nothing is wrong. You are jumpy, you're not eating – don't act like it's surprising that people are noticing – and ignoring basically everyone, especially me."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. Do you want to know _how_ I know you're avoiding me?"

"I have a feeling even if I say no, you're going to tell me anyway."

"That's surprising, you're finally right about something," Persephone snapped. "Draco. Draco _Malfoy_ is the one who pointed it out to me."

"Draco? What does Draco have to do with this?"

"Everything! If _Draco_ is noticing, then _you_ have a problem."

"Why is it a problem if Draco notices? I don't even talk to him."

"Well, whatever it is that you go off and do has clearly attracted his attention because he keeps trying to ask me."

Emma was confused by Persephone's statement. The only thing she had been doing was trying to avoid Jocelyn and making sure people weren't paying attention to her. Emma had been hurting herself every other day and was always worried that someone or something would brush past her the wrong way. Emma was latching onto any bit of control that she could maintain in her life. She didn't understand why Persephone couldn't understand that.

"I don't know why Draco would care about what I'm doing," Emma muttered under her breath as she opened her book again. "I don't even know what Draco has to do with any of this."

"You know that you're basically a Slytherin, and we can't take care of our own if they're not around," Persephone said, exasperated. It was almost as if Emma had said the stupidest thing possible.

"But I'm a Hufflepuff," Emma reminded Persephone. "I'm not one of you."

"You've been as good as. Something is going on, but you keep shutting me out. I don't even _know_ what's going on, and it's not like you're telling me."

"Because _nothing_ is going on."

Persephone grew quiet, realizing she wouldn't get anywhere in their conversation if she continued in the direction she was going.

"Is it something to do with Jocelyn?

"No," Emma said quickly, glaring at Persephone.

"Are you sure? She's a right little git, so I wouldn't be surprised. What about your mum?"

"Persephone, I told you – I. Am. Fine."

"Em, if you need help with anything, you can just –"

"I don't need your help, Persephone," Emma spat, closing her book again. "I don't need your help - I don't want your help. I am fine."

Persephone scoffed and stood up quickly. "Fucking fine, _Emelyn_ ," Persephone spat back. "Fucking _fine_. You don't want my help? That's fine. Clearly, you don't need it, so I'll just leave you the fuck alone since that's clearly what you want me to do."

Emma felt her blood run cold as she stared at Persephone. The two had spent many days and even longer laughter-filled nights throwing swear words around at each other, pretending they were much older than they were, but _never_ like this. Taken aback, Emma cleared her throat to bring her resolve back.

"That's exactly what I want you to do," Emma shouted. "It's what I've wanted you to do for weeks, but all you do is hover over me. Just go away."

Persephone let out a disgusted noise as she gathered her things. "Fine, some friend you are," she said quietly, slinging her bag over her shoulder as she stalked away from the table.

Emma pointedly ignored the sudden silence of the Great Hall as she tried to gather her thoughts. She wasn't sure what had happened, but she knew that she didn't like it. The noise in the massive hall slowly returned, but Emma couldn't help but feel that people were talking about what had just happened.

Swallowing hard against the lump forming in her throat, Emma took a look around the table. Her classmates shot her furtive glances while trying to keep their conversations going. Caspian gave her a sad smile, and it nearly made Emma break. Emma threw her things into her bag and left the room as quickly as she could. She cast a quick into the hall as she left, silently cursing as the grey eyes of Draco Malfoy followed her out.

November rolled into a very snowy and cold December. It seemed as though the moment the clock struck midnight, snow began to fall. It lined the castle grounds in thick blankets.

Even with the snow on the ground, Emma found herself heading towards the beech tree by the lake. Professor Kettleburn, the Care of Magical Creatures professor, had placed a strong warming charm around the tree to keep the Bowtruckle safe. The warming charm left a small clearing free from the snow and wound up being a reasonably warm place for Emma to be.

Each day that passed by made Emma feel that the Bowtruckles were better company. She hadn't talked to Persephone in weeks, the other Hufflepuffs were avoiding her, and she was slowly becoming prepared to spend the rest of the year alone. At least the Bowtruckle didn't say mean things to her. They would get grumpy with her sometimes, but they mostly just climbed into her hair and onto her clothes to keep warm.

Emma had successfully navigated the first week of December the best that she could. She had told Professor McGonagall that she would be spending the holidays at the castle. Emma had mostly avoided Jocelyn and her friends, and she had kept up with her schoolwork as best as she could. She didn't think she could have asked for a better week.

She snuggled up under her winter cloak and pulled it tight around her body. The Bowtruckle chattered overhead, choosing to stay up in the high branches.

"You lot aren't fun," Emma muttered to the small twig-like creatures. "I'm warm, too, you know." She peered at the Bowtruckle for a moment before sighing. She sat down on the ground, backing up against the warm trunk, a content sigh escaping her lips.

The warmth of the trunk felt nice. Emma closed her eyes and rest her head against the tree. Her head was hurting, but the heat from the tree and the surrounding warming charm felt wonderful and dulled the ache. Emma felt herself relax against the tree as the warmth permeated her chilled bones. It was the first time she had been able to truly relax, but the feeling was not meant to last.

"I was told that I would be able to find you out here."

Emma's heart stopped at the unexpected and familiar voice that appeared at her side. She slowly opened an eye to make sure that it was actually Remus next to her and nearly let out a groan. Squeezing her eyes closed, she wrapped her cloak tighter around her body. With everything going on in the castle, Emma was _sure_ that she wouldn't be seeing Remus. She wasn't planning on seeing him until the Easter holiday, the earliest.

"If I don't open my eyes, then you're not here," Emma said resolutely. Underneath her cloak, she reflexively touched her wrists, making sure that the fresh cuts didn't split open in the cold. Remus couldn't know.

"Well, I'm not sure that things work that way."

"It's better than knowing that you're actually here."

"Oh? And why is it better than me being here?"

"Because it just is," Emma said. She was already exhausted by their conversation. With a sigh, she carefully wrapped her arms around her legs, trying to make herself as small as possible. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her knees and opening her eyes, pointedly staring out at the lake. She felt ridiculous having her eyes closed and suddenly thought it was a terrible idea. It was smarter for her to watch him from her peripheral vision so that she could keep her distance.

Emma watched him out of the corner of her eye. He took in a deep breath, straightening up as he thought about what he was going to say. Remus wore a soft and amused smile on his face as he looked over at her. At least he didn't appear to be mad.

"Well, I wasn't planning on coming today. I was going to speak to you when you got home for the holidays," Remus said, leaning forward to look at Emma. "But imagine my surprise when I received an owl from Professor McGonagall informing me that you planned to stay at the castle."

Emma turned her face away with a small shrug so that she didn't have to look at Remus. "I thought it would be better."

"And why's that?"

Emma considered her response for a moment but shrugged again instead. She wasn't sure what to tell him.

"Emelyn, will you please look at me?"

Emma shook her head, keeping her gaze fixated on the spot the giant squid usually remained. The lake was partially frozen, and the squid wasn't making its appearance, but she could imagine its tentacles skimming the water.

There was a shuffling of fabric coming from Emma's side, and then suddenly, Remus was crouched in front of her. Emma let out a huff and turned her head, still trying to avoid his gaze.

"What's going on?" Remus asked her softly.

"Nothing is going on."

"You have lost weight," Remus said matter-of-factly. "You have been falling asleep during class, there have been concerns over the quality of your work. You have been spending more time outdoors in this dreadful weather and avoiding everyone. I fail to see how that means 'nothing is going on.'"

"I told you –"

"Sweetheart, please." Remus reached out and took Emma's chin in his hand, turning her face towards him. She still refused to look at him. "I'm worried. This isn't like you. I wouldn't be here if I thought this was something that would pass on its own. I love you, and I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me, or anyone, what's going on."

Emma finally looked at Remus, her brow furrowed. She blinked quickly in surprise, trying to process what he had just said. She had spent weeks telling herself that he didn't care and that he didn't love her, but yet here he was. Part of her wanted to believe him, but there was a deeper and darker part that refused to let her. She felt her stomach somersault her conflicting feelings.

Remus seemed to be studying her just as much as she was studying him. He seemed to look concerned, but Emma couldn't figure out if she just imagined it. Emma felt herself growing frustrated and more confused. Her thoughts weren't matching up with everything that had been swirling around in her mind.

Letting out a frustrated shout, Emma stood up quickly, heading in the direction of the Forbidden Forest. She wasn't sure where she was going, but anywhere was better than having to talk to Remus. He wasn't even meant to _be_ there.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know," Emma shouted, suddenly stopping where she stood and pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes. With another yell, Emma flinched away as a hand touched her arm. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively as she backed away from Remus, eyes wild with fear.

Remus stared back at her, running a hand nervously through his hair. He quickly shoved his hands into the pockets of his cloak, feeling lost. It had been a very long time since he had seen Emma react so violently to his touch, and he hated himself for it.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered, taking in a deep breath. She was equally as surprised by her reaction, and she felt terrible. She knew that Remus would never hurt her, but the action had been unexpected.

"It was my fault," Remus said softly, giving her a reassuring smile. "I shouldn't have done that." He sighed, looking towards the forest. "I know I've said it already, but I'm truly worried about you."

Emma found herself once more, trying to process her jumbled thoughts. That was the second time Remus had told her he was worried. She didn't know a lot of things, but Emma was sure that she knew when Remus was sincere. If he wasn't worried, he wouldn't have come to the castle. She struggled to make sense of her thoughts and couldn't figure out what her mind was trying to tell her. Though her brain was telling her to walk away, her heart was telling her to stay.

Making her mind up, Emma dropped her hold on herself. Swallowing hard, she approached him cautiously, slowly wrapping her arms around him and tensing as he pulled her close. Emma squeezed her eyes closed, mentally preparing herself for the pain that usually came. When it didn't come, she allowed herself to melt into his embrace. The familiarity of Remus's too-warm hugs enveloped her in a sense of security that she had forgotten. For the first time in months, she felt safe.

With a dry sob, she hugged Remus tighter, pressing the side of her face into his chest, focusing on the steady sound of his heartbeat. Gripping tightly to his cloak, Emma found herself ignoring the whistle of the cold wind and pretending that she was back at home.

 _Home_ , Emma thought with an ache. She wanted to be home; she didn't want to be at Hogwarts.

"What is it?"

"I…I want to go home," Emma admitted, burying her face into the thick fabric of Remus's cloak. "I want to go home."

Remus leaned back to peer down at Emma, who held onto him tighter. He carefully pulled himself out of her grip, taking her hands in his. "Then we have to go inside and talk to Professor McGonagall," Remus said, watching Emma carefully.

"I don't want to," Emma muttered, her face falling.

"Well, if you want to come home for the holiday, then it might be wise to tell someone, no?" Remus brushed the backs of his fingers against Emma's cold cheek, moving slowly so that she wasn't startled. "It would also be a hell of a lot warmer than being out here. What do you say?"

Emma sighed and nodded. She didn't particularly want to have to talk to McGonagall and Remus at the same time so that they could "fix" her, but at least it would mean going home for the holidays. No one said that she had to tell Remus everything; she just had to convince them that she would do as they asked. Perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as she thought.

"Oh," Remus said suddenly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. "I just picked this up."

With a giggle, Emma took the chocolate from Remus, staring down at the colorful wrapper for a moment. It was such a typical thing for him to do that Emma couldn't help but find it funny. She looked up at him and then tucked herself under his arm as they made the trek through the snow back to the castle. Things would be fine – she hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
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> 


	10. Caught in the Act

"I hope that I can do whatever we're taught."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I hope that I can do whatever we're taught. You know I get really nervous."

Emma looked at Neville and smiled at him. Against her better judgment, Neville had convinced her to join him at the new dueling club's first meeting. It had been a few weeks since the meeting with Professor McGonagall, and it was suggested that Emma try to branch out. McGonagall suggested that Emma try spending more time with Neville due to their similar interests. The moment the flyer had gone up, Neville had found Emma, and so she found herself standing awkwardly, surrounded by what seemed to be the entirety of the Hogwarts student body, waiting for the lesson to begin.

"I'm sure that you can," Emma said. "I doubt that we'll learn anything too difficult; it's the first day. I wonder who'll be the one teaching us."

"Not sure," Neville said thoughtfully. "No one knows, but someone did say that Professor Flitwick used to be a fueling champion."

"Flitwick was a dueling champion?"

"When he was younger, yeah. He's tried to get a dueling club started back up again. I wonder if he finally did it."

Emma nodded, both surprised and thoroughly impressed that Flitwick was a dueling champion. He was incredibly intelligent, so the news didn't surprise her. Emma listened to Neville speak to Seamus for a moment before being sucked back into her thoughts. She just had to get through a few more hours, and she could start packing to head back home.

"Gather round, gather round!"

Trying to suppress a groan, Emma found herself stepping in line with the rest of the crowd as Lockhart entered the room. It shouldn't have been surprising that the overly flamboyant wizard was the one who made the club happen. Emma couldn't help but find herself more fascinated by Snape, who stood to the side of Lockhart, his lip curling the longer the blonde-haired wizard spoke. She watched as Snape lazily turned towards Lockhart, who wore a bright smile on his face and bowed, raising his wand in front of him as Lockhart flourished his.

"As you can see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position," Lockhart explained to the crowd, his smile never faltering. "On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."

Emma covered her face with her hands, trying to mask her giggles as the look on Snape's face. Thought Lockhart was sure that they weren't planning on killing each other, Snape seemed as though he wanted nothing more than to destroy Lockhart.

Lockhart counted out loud, and on three, both of their wands swung above their heads, pointed at their opponent.

" _Expelliarmus_!" Snape shouted, a flash of scarlet light heading towards Lockhart and knocking him off his feet and the stage, into the wall.

Hermione let out a squeal as the Slytherin's cheered. Emma looked at Persephone in surprise but said nothing, watching as Lockhart got up to his feet unsteadily.

"Well, there you have it," Lockhart said, making his way back onto the stage. "That was a Disarming Charm – as you see, I've lost my wand – ah, thank you, Miss Brown – yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don't mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy – however, I felt it would be instructive to let them see..."

Clearing his throat, Lockhart let out a chuckle. "Enough demonstrating!" He declared, clapping his hands together. "I'm going to come amongst you now and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me -"

The two professors moved through the crowd, matching up partners. Emma tried to make her way towards Lockhart, preferring the matches he was making compared to Snape, who seemed to be trying to create havoc.

"Not so fast, Lupin," Snape said, grabbing onto the back of Emma's robes and steering her back around. He paused, seeing Persephone, and pushed Emma in her direction. "I suppose you'll just have to work with Miss Moon."

"You're joking," Emma grumbled, shooting Persephone a look of disgust.

"Do I appear to be speaking in jest, Lupin?"

"Surely Daphne would be a better option, Professor," Persephone said, giving Emma an equally disgusted look. "I don't need _Lupin_ to mess things up terribly."

Emma glared at Persephone, scoffing at her comment.

"You two will be working together, and that is final," Snape said, moving along to continue pairing the rest of the students up.

Emma and Persephone glared at each other, not thrilled at being paired up. They hadn't spoken a word to each other since their argument. It didn't seem as though that planned to change anytime soon. Tired of looking at each other, the girls turned their attention to everyone else being paired up.

"Face your partners," Lockhart yelled from his spot on the platform. "And bow!"

The two girls did nothing of the sort, scowling at each other instead of bowing.

"Wands at the ready! When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponents – only to disarm them – we don't want any accidents – one…two…three…"

" _Expelliarmus!"_ the girls shouted at the same time, both swinging their wands at each other. Instead of having the intended effect, the spell knocked the girls over. They both landed hard on the ground, Persephone making a noise as she hit the ground, but Emma remained quiet.

A flicker of concern crossed Persephone's face as she took in the tears that came to Emma's eyes, but she said nothing. She stood up from the floor and looked around the room, trying to ignore how slow Emma was getting up. Breathing hard, Emma shot Persephone a look. She no longer wanted to participate in the dueling club, but she didn't want to run out of the room with everyone around. Persephone glanced at Emma again, pursing her lips slightly, but busied herself with looking elsewhere.

"I said disarm only!" Lockhart shouted at the crowd that had suddenly decided to take matters into their own hands. Harry and Draco seemed to be having a duel of their own. Draco was laughing hysterically while Harry's legs couldn't stop dancing, and several others had followed suit.

" _Finite Incantatem_!" Snape shouted, ceasing the action in the room and drawing in silence that was peppered with moans of pain.

Neville and Justin, who were close by, were both laying on the ground, panting/ Ron was holding Seamus up, apologizing for whatever had happened. Hermione was in a stiff headlock and held tight by Millicent Bulstrode. Ernie Macmillan had also found himself on the floor, which caused Emma to snort.

Snape and Lockhart went through the crowd, assisting students as needed as Lockhart tutted. "I think I'd better teach you how to block unfriendly spells," Lockhart said, looking flustered. Deciding he didn't want to go against Snape again, he decided that a volunteer pair would be needed. After a few moments of debate, Harry and Draco were on the platform, Snape coaching Draco and Lockhart coaching Harry.

While no one was sure what was about to happen, no one expected a snake to shoot out from Draco's wand. The people closest to the stage let out screams and backed away, clearing the way.

"Don't move, Potter," Snape said, a smirk crossing his face as Harry did not move. "I'll get rid of it…"

"Allow me!" Lockhart shouted with a flourish, branding his wand at the snake. A loud bang echoed through the hall, but instead of the snake disappearing, it shot straight into the air, falling back onto the floor with a smack. The snake, now even angrier than it had been before, slithered quickly in the direction of Justin Finch-Fletchley.

If the snake had been surprising, what happened next was almost terrifying. Harry approached the snake as quickly as his legs would move, but when he opened his mouth to speak, the only noises coming from Harry were a series of hisses. The snake turned its massive head towards Harry and slumped to the floor, its tongue darting out to test the air. Harry looked at Justin, a smile on his face, clearly expecting Justin to be relieved.

"What do you think you're playing at?" Justin shouted, shaking his head before rushing out of the hall.

Emma let out a small gasp, watching as Snape vanished the snake, and Harry remained confused. The hall broke into confused muttering as Ron and Hermione dragged Harry away, and the Hufflepuffs began to gather. Instead of joining her house, Emma decided to make a hasty retreat. She didn't want to stay and find out what was going on, and she wanted to check on Justin. Emma didn't understand what had just happened, not expecting Harry to be hissing at the snake, but the snake had stopped.

Hearing a huff coming from behind her, Emma moved quickly. The less time she remained in that hall, the better. She didn't want to know who the noise came from, and it was easier to pretend she never heard it at all.

The next day found Emma sitting in the library. She stared out the window from the table she had taken towards the back of the expansive room, watching as the snow continued to pile up outside. She didn't want to be stuck in the common room all day listening to her classmates talk about the night before.

The blizzard outside was so bad that Herbology was canceled for the day, giving Emma an unexpected free period just before lunch. She had been looking forward to getting on the early train back to London that night, but the blizzard outside pushed it until early the next day.

Even though she wanted to get out of the castle as quickly as possible, Emma found that she wasn't as excited about heading home. The meeting with Remus had made it evident that he was extremely disappointed with how things were at the castle, and she didn't want to disappoint him further.

The three had agreed that Emma would start to eat at meals, but she only ate as much as she had to so that she didn't raise suspicions. She had continued to cut after Halloween and spent the entirety of the meeting worried that someone had noticed what she had been doing. There had been an anxiety-inducing moment where Remus had watched her fidget with her sleeves, but she told herself that it didn't mean anything. If he didn't comment on it, then he didn't know – he couldn't.

The sound of voices entering the library drew Emma's attention, and she let out a groan. Her housemates were slowly filing into the library, talking amongst themselves. She had hoped they would stay in the common room, but it appeared as though all of the second years decided the library was the best place to be. Emma was about to try and hide, but she was spotted before she could make any motions to leave.

"Oi, Emma, we were wondering where you were," Ernie said, taking a seat next to her. "You can't go off by yourself like that."

"Where's Justin?" Emma asked, trying to smile at Ernie.

"Still in the common room," Ernie answered, passing glances at the others before launching into everything he told Justin.

"You definitely think it is Potter, then, Ernie?" Hannah asked, causing Emma to snort and shake her head.

Ernie gave Emma an affronted look before turning back to Hannah and resuming his conversation. Emma couldn't help but start to tune out the conversation, not wanting to be a part of it.

"Hello, I'm looking for Justin Finch-Fletchley."

A new voice added to the conversation brought Emma back out of her thoughts. She was surprised to see Harry standing near their table, a look of frustration plastered on his face. Emma was about to answer Harry but closed her mouth at the look of disgust Ernie gave her.

"What do you want with him," Ernie asked, his voice betraying his sudden fear of the Boy Who Lived.

"I wanted to tell him what really happened with the snake at the Dueling Club," Harry answered, his eyes scanning the Hufflepuffs.

"We were all there. We saw what happened," Ernie responded, looking at the others and giving a resolute nod at their looks of encouragement. Emma looked at the others, feeling disgusted.

"Then you noticed that after I spoke to it, the snake backed off?"

Emma opened her mouth to speak again, but Susan nudged her foot underneath the table and shook her head.

"All I saw was you speaking Parseltongue and chasing the snake toward Justin."

"I didn't chase it at him! It didn't even touch him!"

"It was a very near miss," Ernie said, sounding unsure of himself. "And in case you're getting any ideas, I might tell you that you can trace my family back through nine generations of witches and warlocks and my blood's as pure as anyone's so -"

"I don't care what sort of blood you've got! Why would I want to attack Muggle-borns?"

"I've heard you hate those Muggles you live with."

"It's not possible to live with the Dursleys and not hate them. I'd like to see you try it."

Harry glared at Ernie and turned swiftly on his heel to storm out of the library.

Emma looked at her housemates and frowned. She watched Harry leave, aggravated that no one had said anything to him. "You know you _could_ be nicer to him," Emma shouted as she stood up.

"What do you mean? You saw what he did to Justin," Ernie said, surprised at Emma's sudden outburst.

"Did that snake attack Justin? No! And if any of you were really paying attention to Harry, you would've seen that he was confused."

"He was confused because the snake didn't immediately attack Justin!"

Emma let out an aggravated noise, trying to keep her voice low to not draw the attention of Madam Pince. "Sometimes, you lot make me wonder why I was sorted into Hufflepuff in the first place. Some of you just have your heads so far up your arses that you can't see what's right in front of you," Emma said with a growl. "Harry did nothing, and you just want a reason to be mad at him because you're _jealous_ of a boy whose parents are _dead_. You lot should be ashamed of yourselves."

Emma shook her head at her astounded housemates and stormed out of the library, hoping that she could find Harry. She ran as quickly as she could down the hallway and paused at a junction, wondering which way Harry would have gone. She was about to turn down the right-hand corridor, but a huge bang and the sound of Peeves' voice from up the stairs drew her attention.

"ATTACK! ATTACK! ANOTHER ATTACK!" Emma heard as she rushed up the stairs, listening to the clatter and banging noises of doors opening. She let out a gasp as she wove her way through the crowd, spotting Justin on the ground and Nearly Headless Nick looking like dark smoke from a smoldering fire.

A loud bang echoed through the hall from McGonagall's wand, causing everyone to grow silent. She ordered everyone back into their classes, though most moved slowly. The crowd started to clear out, but suddenly Ernie made an appearance, panting from his run from the library.

"Caught in the act!" Ernie shouted, pointing his finger at Harry.

"That will do, Macmillan," Professor McGonagall said sharply, sending a look at Ernie before letting out an exasperated sigh as she looked at Harry.

"And you – you believe he didn't do it?" Ernie yelled at Emma.

"He is a _second-year_ , Ernie, and he's friends with Nick, so _why_ would he do it?" Emma shouted back, aggravated that Ernie wasn't letting the conversation go.

" _Enough_ ," Professor McGonagall shouted at the two Hufflepuffs. With a huff, she shouted at Peeves, who had started to sing and conjured a large fan, instructing Ernie to waft Nearly Headless Nick up the stairs. "Miss Lupin, I suggest you head back to your common room and wait for lunch."

Emma nodded, giving Harry a small smile as she skirt past McGonagall and Harry. She took a few steps before pausing and turning to look back at Harry. "I don't think you did it, Harry," Emma said quietly before making her way down the corridor to head downstairs to the common room.

Distracted by what happened with Justin and Nearly Headless Nick, Emma didn't realize that she was being followed. It wasn't until she was nearly to the kitchens' landing that she realized something was wrong, but she didn't have enough time to react.

" _Petrificus totalus_!"

With a stifled groan, Emma found herself landing hard on the floor, unable to move. _Well, this is great_ , Emma thought to herself, ignoring the stinging in her eyes from landing on the hard floor.

"Quick, we've got to move her."

Emma was stunned for a second, more than surprised to hear Chloe giving an order for the first time. She knew that the younger Hufflepuff ran around with Jocelyn and her crowd, but listening to the girl talking with conviction was jarring. It was almost like being in the children's home again.

Emma was unceremoniously lifted from the floor and dragged across the landing, down the hallway, and through a door to an empty classroom.

" _Finite_ ," someone said, finally letting Emma loose from the magical bonds. She stumbled out of the curse, keeping herself upright.

"Hallo, _Emma_. How nice of you to join us," Jocelyn said, standing in front of Emma.

"I don't believe that I can say the same," Emma murmured, surprised to only see Jocelyn and Chloe. It was almost like they were back in the children's home again, and it left a bitter taste in Emma's mouth.

"And why's that," Chloe asked, once again surprising Emma.

"I think you know why, Chloe," Emma said, feeling her face grow hot. "I highly doubt you could forget our time at St. Nicholas's."

Chloe paled at the mention of the home while Jocelyn narrowed her eyes.

"The children's home? Funny how you always seem to bring that up," Jocelyn said, thoughtfully. "It's almost as if it was made for a freak like you."

"Well, it turns out I wasn't the only freak that lived there," Emma said, a smirk crossing her face as Jocelyn's face turned red.

"The only freak that lived there was _you_. It was _always_ you," Jocelyn spat, "Ugly Emma, who thought they were so perfect, stupid Emma who thought that a family could ever love them. Fuck, Emma – you're such a terrible child that you're _killing your mother_."

"What are you talking about," Emma asked, her voice quieter than she wanted it to be. Her heart began to pound hard in her chest, and she heard a loud ringing in her ears. "I'm not killing her."

"Oh? Did you already forget?" Jocelyn let out a loud and mirthless laugh. "I know that your good ol' mum is holed up in St Mungo's. Probably grew terribly ill from having a fat, ugly, and stupid daughter. And your father – what a joke! He's not even really your father. You know he doesn't care about you, right?"

"And what about you? Anyone who bothered to take _you_ in, I bet doesn't care about you," Emma shouted, her voice shaking. "They have to be just as cruel and as heartless as you!"

The first blow came unexpectedly. A swift kick to the back of her leg had her stumbling forward and landing hard on her hands and knees. Her knees ached from landing on the cold stones, but nothing compared to the swift kick in her ribs that made her lose her breath.

After enduring multiple attacks over the past few months, Emma found it was best to drop to the floor quickly. The sooner she was on the floor, the faster the assault would end, but it wouldn't be any less painful. At least this time, it was just the sisters and not the rest of the group.

Rather than focusing on the pain, Emma pulled her thoughts away from herself. Sometimes she felt as though she was watching herself getting hit, and other times it felt as though she was joining in on the assault. A part of her focused feebly on the fact that they never touched her face – that meant it was always easier to hide the damage. She considered it a blessing rather than a curse.

"OI! Stop it!"

Emma knew the voice calling out, and she allowed herself to look up in surprise. Could it be -? She quickly wiped away the tears that she hadn't realized had started flowing.

"Are you two _stupid_? Professor Snape is right down the hall. If you're going to attack someone, at least have a reason. Don't think it hasn't been obvious that you're only doing this because you're bored."

Draco stood in front of Emma, glaring at Jocelyn and Chloe. Crabbe and Goyle stood menacingly by the door, staring but not saying a word.

"It's not…we're not –" Jocelyn closed her mouth at the look Draco gave her. She looked over at Crabbe and Goyle and turned her gaze to Chloe, who waited for her sister to speak. "Let's go," Jocelyn muttered, grabbing onto Chloe's hand and pulling her from the room.

Draco's lip curled as his eyes bore into the backs of Jocelyn and Chloe. He nodded over to Crabbe and Goyle who approached.

"Let go of me," Emma cried as Goyle grabbed the front of her robes, hoisting her up from the floor. "What are you doing?" She slapped Goyle's hands away and wrapped her arms around herself as she turned her attention to Draco.

Draco scowled at Emma, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What does it look like?"

"I don't know," Emma said with a glare. "If I didn't know you, I would say you were trying to help, but I don't need _your_ help."

"Really? Are you sure about that, Lupin? Because it bloody well looked as though you needed help."

"Even if I needed help, I certainly don't need _yours_ , Malfoy."

Draco laughed, looking at Crabbe and Goyle standing on either side of him. "Well, as it turns out, we take care of our own," Draco said with a sneer. "What is that look for?"

"I'm not a Slytherin," Emma said, wincing as she tried to straighten up. She looked at her burning hands and frowned, seeing the bloodied scrapes. With a growl, she looked back at Draco. "Last I checked, a Slytherin only does something for someone else if there's something in it for them, so what do you want, _Malfoy_?"

"In case you haven't realized, Persephone has been miserable without you around. And if she's going to be stupid and not do something, then I needed to."

"I don't need her help either. What do you want?"

"Would you shut up and listen?" Draco stood up tall, puffing out his chest. "Whether you like it or not, because you are friends with Persephone, you are one of us. You're one of the only people in our year that treats us as equals. Except for a few others, we like you, and right now, we need allies. We have a reputation, and right now, Slytherin is suffering." Draco looked away for a moment, but when he looked back, Emma was almost sure that for a split second, his expression was soft. "We know what Jocelyn has been doing, and we disagree with it. It's stupid and doesn't help with everything that's currently going on. If you need help, all you have to do is ask."

Draco held his hand out, expecting Emma to take it, but Emma just watched him carefully. She was sure that he was going to strike out, just like the others.

"Well?" Draco moved his hand closer to Emma, not understanding why she wasn't taking it.

"'Well,' _what_?"

"Are you going to shake my hand?"

Emma didn't understand why Draco was speaking to her, and she certainly wasn't understanding why he was helping. There was no reason why he should care about what Jocelyn was doing. There was no way that he was telling the truth about Persephone. If she was so miserable, she could say something herself. Draco wanted something, and she was determined to find out what it was. He didn't do anything if it didn't benefit him in some way.

"No," Emma muttered. "I know what happens if I shake your hand."

Draco raised an eyebrow, glancing at Crabbe and Goyle. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"If I shake your hand, then I'm agreeing to some weird pureblood nonsense."

"Is that what Persephone told you?"

"She's not the only one."

"Right, well, you're not a _Mudblood,_ are you?"

"No, and I would appreciate it if you didn't use that word around me."

Draco let out an exhale, dropping his hand and giving Emma a once over. His eyes once again, sharp and alert. With a nod, he turned to leave, jerking his head towards the door for Crabbe and Goyle to follow. When he reached the door, he turned around, glancing at Emma and then looking away before speaking, "Murtlap essence."

"What?" Emma backed up against a wall, her eyes narrowed as she tried to catch her breath.

"Murtlap essence," Draco repeated, nodding almost to himself. "For the cuts." Draco turned back around, waiting for Crabbe to open the door.

"What cuts? What do you mean?"

"You know which cuts," Draco answered, not turning around.

Emma desperately wanted to ask for clarification, but she wasn't about to ask. There was no possible way that Draco knew what she had been doing. The precious little prince of Slytherin couldn't possibly know what cutting even was. The boy looked as though he had never done anything strenuous in his life, and surely his pampered lifestyle meant he didn't have a care in the world.

"Draco," Emma called out as the door opened. She would regret what she was going to do, but she couldn't let him go without saying anything. Draco looked over his shoulder at her, his face unreadable. "Thanks," she said quietly, her voice trembling. Draco stared at her a moment before giving a small nod.

Without another word, Emma was left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **come find me on:**   
>  [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)   
>  [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/JPMtnd9NPW)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 


	11. A Crack in the Wall

Emma stood nervously at the barrier to get back onto the platform. Neville was standing next to her, happily chattering away.

"You know you still haven't told me what your plans for the holiday are," Neville said, turning and looking her as they waited. There was only one group in front of them before they would be allowed through.

"I…I don't know," Emma answered honestly. "I don't know that we have any plans. Just going to St. Mungo's, I think."

Neville nodded sympathetically. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Gran and I will be there on Christmas. Are you going on Christmas or Christmas Eve?"

"Not sure," Emma said with a frown. She glanced over her shoulder as Jocelyn's loud laughter echoed over the crowd.

"Well, maybe I'll see you there?" Neville said, stepping forward as the crowd in front of them was let through.

"Yeah, maybe," Emma said, trying to ignore the sound of Jocelyn's voice and Chloe's. It was the only thing that she could focus on. Though the ticket inspector stood just to her side, she wasn't paying attention when they said they could walk through the barrier.

"Come on, Emma," Neville said, taking Emma's hand and pulling her through. She shifted her leather messenger bag on her shoulder as they passed through the cold barrier.

Being back in London was jarring for Emma. Hogwarts was loud, but King's Cross Station on a Saturday was even louder. Large families and business workers passing through to get to their destinations as quickly as possible. It was almost overwhelming as she tried to process all of the sights and sounds around her. She tried looking for Remus, a feat that should have been easy considering his height, but she wasn't trying too hard.

"Ah, I see Gran," Neville said sadly, spotting the old woman through the passing crowds. "You'll make sure to write, won't you? I know it's only a few weeks, but…"

"Yeah, I'll write," Emma said with a smile. She winced as Neville pulled her in for a hug. "See you soon, Nev."

"Bye, Em! Merry Christmas!" Neville said, smiling as he rushed over to his grandmother.

"Merry Christmas," Emma mumbled to his back, taking another look around the platform. She took a few steps away from the wall between platforms 9 and 10, unsure of what direction to go. It wasn't like Remus to keep her waiting, but Emma couldn't seem to find him. She crossed her arms over her chest feeling utterly lost.

Another voice from behind caught her attention. She turned to watch as Persephone and Caspian walked out onto the platform. Another boy that she knew from Hufflepuff was talking animatedly with Caspian, and she couldn't help but wonder where the youngest Moon got his energy. Caspian waved as the boy walked away from them, and Persephone made a comment about finding their parents. Persephone looked up, and locked eyes with Emma, and both girls froze.

It had been weeks since the two had spoken civilly, and that didn't seem to change. An odd shadow crossed over Persephone's face as they stared at each other, but she said nothing. She took in a deep breath and shook her head, grabbing onto Caspian's hand. Persephone whispered something to her brother that Emma couldn't hear and pulled him away in the other direction.

Emma took a few steps in the direction Persephone and Caspian went and then stopped herself. If Persephone still didn't want to talk to her, then she wasn't going to chase her. She readjusted her bag on her shoulder, suddenly wishing she had used a different bag to come home with.

With a sigh, she took another look around the platform and still didn't see Remus. Her heart started to race when she realized that he wasn't anywhere she could see. It wasn't like him, and she desperately wanted to get away from the platform. She wanted to get away from the noise and away from the crowds that were starting to suffocate her. The streets of London were most likely not any better, but she could take solace in the safety of Remus's arm around her shoulder. But he was nowhere to be found.

Emma grimaced as the sound of Jocelyn's voice once more traveled over the crowd. She hated that she could pick out Jocelyn's voice as quickly as Persephone's or Caspian's. It didn't matter that Emma had spent years living with Jocelyn, that there had been years of history between them. All she wanted to do was forget and live her life as normally as she could. Having Chloe in Hufflepuff was already a sickening reminder of her past; having the two be together made her stomach twist. Hogwarts was supposed to be her happy place, but it had become her worst nightmare.

She hated to admit it, but she would rather be forced to sit in a room with Fenrir Greyback than have to deal with Jocelyn and Chloe. As savage as the books and Remus made the werewolf out to be, at least he had some sense of decorum. The thought almost made her laugh – Fenrir Greyback and decorum did _not_ belong in the same sentence.

A quiet whine escaped her lips as the two girls started heading her way, laughing. She looked around frantically for Remus, wanting to find an excuse to get away but still didn't spot him. The part of her that was anxious was starting to grow frustrated, angry even. He _never_ kept her waiting. She wanted to walk away from where she was, but she didn't want to miss him either.

Emma suddenly heard a quiet "oops" from behind, and the strap of her bag snapped. Before she had a chance to keep her bag from falling, the bag opened, and its contents began to spill out. Books dropped on the ground, pulling some of her clothes along with them as they fell. Some ink bottles crashed to the ground in heaps of ink and glass, splattering her books and her clothes and others rolling away; quills dropped and rolled away.

There was a loud laugh, and Emma's eyes found Jocelyn quickly as she passed. She looked down at her things scattered around and dropped to the ground, trying to ignore the aggravated stares of people passing by. A warmth crept up her neck, into her cheeks, and settled at the tips of her ears as she started to throw things into her bag. She was sure that the top had been clasped shut.

"Good one, Jocy," Chloe said, grinning.

"Merlin, is she _gay_?" Jocelyn asked as she kept her eyes locked on Emma's, a smirk on her face. "She's always staring at us." She took Chloe's hand, and the two laughed. "Come on, my mum would like to meet you finally."

Emma's eyes began to burn as tears flooded her vision. She angrily grabbed what she could, wiping her eyes on her sleeve as she went. She only looked up when a scarred hand held a book out for her to take. Remus was kneeling down on the ground with her, the last of her things sitting in front of him. His expression was sympathetic as he gently placed the book down in her bag when she didn't take it.

 _Did he hear?_ Emma wondered to herself, but her fear of hearing what Jocelyn said was quickly replaced by anger. He should have been there, and then she wouldn't feel stupid in the middle of King's Cross trying to piece together her things. If he had been there, everything would have been avoided.

Remus pulled Emma's bag close so that he could place the rest of her things away. He carefully clasped the bag and tucked the bag under his arm as he stood. He held his hand out for Emma, but she ignored it and stood up. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Emma shook her head, bristling with anger.

"I want to go home," Emma said, avoiding his gaze.

"Okay," Remus said in agreement. He started to put his arm around her shoulders but thought better of it and motioned for her to lead the way. "Let's go home."

The moment they had set foot back in the cottage, Emma retreated into her room. Remus had wanted to talk to her and apologize for what happened at King's Cross, but the idea went as quick as it came. She didn't come out of her room until late the next morning.

"I was hoping you would've been up earlier," Remus said, standing up from the table just as Emma was sitting down. He took in the small amount of food on her plate but didn't comment.

Emma gave him a funny look as he tossed on his cloak. She was used to seeing him purely in Muggle wear. She had heard the term dress robes before, had seen them in Madam Malkin's, but never thought she would see Remus in them. Emma could consider them more like "wizard business wear" as he looked to be wearing a black suit, but with a cape. His robes weren't as ornate as the ones she had seen passing by the large front window of the shop, but they were arguably nicer than most of his other clothing.

"I'll try to be home early, but if I have to stay, I'll be home by 7 at the latest," Remus said, glancing at the clock.

Emma let out a hum, dragging her eyes away from Remus's clothes and turning her attention to the food on her plate. The idea of eggs, bacon, and toast seemed like a good idea when she woke up but seeing it all together made her change her mind. She pursed her lips and picked up a piece of toast, taking a small bite.

"Did you hear me?"

"I heard you," Emma snapped, taking another small bite of toast.

"You'll be okay while I'm gone?" Remus questioned, ignoring Emma's attitude.

"I'll be _fine_."

"Okay," Remus said simply. "If anything triggers the wards, I'll be home straight away." He leaned down to kiss the top of Emma's head, but she ducked away, keeping her distance. Remus straightened up with another sigh and gave her a small smile before heading out the door.

The next few days followed a similar pattern. Remus tried to engage Emma in conversation as much as possible, but he was met with silence or one-word answers in response. Emma had retreated in on herself in a way that he didn't expect. Remus wanted answers, and he wanted to understand, but his long hours at work didn't make that easy. She would wake up late and go to bed shortly after he got home.

He made the mistake of mentioning, in jest, that he found it funny that she had started to raid his closets for his cardigans and jumpers. That had set off a wave of anger that he had never seen in Emma before. Remus had no intention of bringing it up again, but it became evident that she was trying to hide things.

By Tuesday, Remus was more than exhausted. It was his last day at his current job, and he was grateful for it. He didn't enjoy leaving Emma home by herself, but Lyall was busy at the Ministry. A recent uptick in poltergeists in Muggle London and a particularly nasty banshee in Scotland needed to be taken care of. As long as the wards weren't triggered, Remus could allow himself to feel comfortable with his decision.

Remus let out a sigh of relief as he Apparated back to the cottage and landed at the front gate. It had been a longer day than he had meant to have. His work wasn't difficult, but the long hours he had taken on so that the job could be complete had left him weary.

He had taken a job archiving dark objects at a private residence in Knockturn Alley. He had come across the post purely by chance, and the man who needed the work done didn't care that he was a werewolf – just wanted the work done. The job paid well, and that was what mattered. If he budgeted correctly, he would be able to get through to the end of Emma's Easter holiday before having to find something short term again.

A soft smile crossed Remus's face as he walked into the house and found Emma finally out of her room. She sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the couch, her schoolbooks scattered across the coffee table. A spare quill sat tucked behind her ear as the one in her hand scratched furiously at the parchment in front of her as she worked. She was wearing the dark blue cardigan that he had planned on putting on when he got home, but he didn't mind. Emma glanced quickly over at her shoulder and said a quiet, "hello" before immediately returning to her work.

"What are you working on?" Remus asked, hanging up his cloak. "It's late, and I thought you would be in bed by now."

"Charms," Emma answered with a yawn. She scratched her nose with the end of her quill. "I thought I would try and get everything done."

Remus sat down on the couch, taking in the scattered papers amongst the books. "Have you been working on your work all day?"

Emma nodded with another yawn. "I think I'm almost done."

"When did you start on your work?"

"Maybe a half-hour after you left?"

"Emma, it's been 13 hours," Remus said, alarmed. He looked at the small clock sitting on the fireplace. "It's 11. Did you eat at all? Have you been sitting on the floor all day?"

"I just moved here maybe an hour ago. I ate a little, but I haven't been that hungry."

"What did you have?"

"Just soup. I didn't think I could handle much else."

"Well, I suppose that's better than nothing," Remus said. He plucked the quill from behind Emma's ear and placed it on the table. "Sweetheart, stop for the night. You still have the rest of your holiday to get your work done."

Emma took a look at the state of the table, taking in the parchment and books strewn about. She wanted to just be done after sulking in her bedroom for the past few days, but he had a point. Emma turned herself to take in Remus's appearance, still startled by the dress robes. "What's the deal with the robes?"

Remus looked down at himself and laughed. "For work. I'll tell you about it tomorrow," he said, standing up. "I find it just as strange as you. I'll be right back."

He returned to the living room, glad to be in much more comfortable clothing, and didn't make him feel out of place. Emma had started to clean up her things in his absence, but she seemed to have stopped half-way through. The piles of parchment were much neater, she had finally put down the quill that she had been using, but she seemed distracted. Remus sat back down on the couch, watching her for a moment.

"Something is bothering you."

Emma gave Remus a sidelong glance, her brows knit close together. Remus's ability to seemingly read her as if she was a book was something that boggled her. There was something almost instinctual about it, but she couldn't put her finger on how.

She sighed and sat back against the front of the couch, grateful that he couldn't see her wince and leaned her head against Remus's knee. Her eyes closed as he gently began to run his fingers through her hair. It was the first real moment that she had been able to relax since she had been home. It had taken the better part of three days for her to readjust and remind herself that she was home. There were no expectations, no longer any fear of shadows following her, and no fear of pain caused by someone else.

Instead, there was warmth, the promises of safety, and a seemingly never-ending supply of unconditional love that she craved. Even with her attitude the past few days, Remus didn't seem to love her any less.

Emma didn't know Remus's true feelings, couldn't seem to grasp his thoughts, but she could accept the current situation. He didn't push, he never forced her to speak, and he kept his distance when he recognized that she needed it. He allowed her complete control, letting her come to him just like he had when he first brought her home. It was slow, and it was quiet, but it was what she needed.

They had gone over lack of eating, coming to a compromise that she mostly adhered to after nearly making herself sick. In her defense, Remus had left two large bars of chocolate out while he was at work, and after denying herself for months, the temptation was too much. Remus found her curled up on the couch when he returned, nauseous and with a pounding headache from the sudden sugar overload.

Emma had been worried that he would lecture her or be angry, but he immediately jumped into action. He didn't ask prying questions, only asking what hurt, pressing a hand to her forehead to check for a fever. Not finding one, Remus ran off to grab the potions that he needed. He returned with the potions and the offending chocolate bar wrappers, a small and slightly amused smile on his face. It was just the gentle response that she needed to be convinced to try out the food plan.

But sitting on the floor of the living room after a long day, leaning against Remus's leg for support, made her feel horribly exposed. It was almost as if he knew _more_ than what he was letting on. The thought of him knowing her secrets, of knowing the entirety of the truth over the past few months made her shake. He had barely been home over the past few days; there was no way he could know what she was doing in the middle of the day while he was gone. He wouldn't do that to her, though. Would he?

"It's nothing," she whispered, shaking her head. Even with the fire going, the room slowly felt as if it was going cold. Everything was starting to feel wrong.

Remus was quiet, not entirely convinced. "You're shaking like a leaf," he said simply, continuing to stroke her hair.

"I'm cold," Emma responded quickly, pulling her head away from Remus's hand reluctantly. She stood up slowly and shook her legs out, trying to get feeling back in them after sitting on the hard floor for hours. "I think I'm going to bed."

"Did you want something else to eat?" Remus observed Emma, watching for any signs of fidgeting. He would prefer her to have more than just soup even though it was late.

"No, I'm fine," she said, unconsciously rolling up the long sleeves of the cardigan. "I'm tired, I've been working all day on classwork and –"

There was a sharp intake of breath from Remus that pulled Emma out of her well-rehearsed thoughts. Her eyebrows drew close together as she looked at him, not understanding the distraught look on his face.

Realization struck Emma the moment Remus reached out and took her right hand and held it tightly. She hadn't even realized what she had done, the action purely on reflex as Remus's clothing was massive on her small frame.

"Oh, oh no," she moaned, her voice not quite a whisper. Emma tried to pull her hand out of his grasp as he flipped her arm over so he could inspect the inside of her wrists. She gave another feeble attempt at pulling her hand out of his grip, but the damage was already done. Her secret was out in the open, and she was the one to inadvertently share it.

"Emelyn," Remus said softly, taking in the raised lines on her wrist in varying states of healing. He frowned, seeing the newer cuts that were further down her arm, the latest still baring the angry red of just healed skin. Equally as concerning to Remus were the bruises that sat next to the cuts, providing a contrast with the varying levels of purples and greens.

Remus pulled Emma towards him, taking her other hand and investigating the damage on her other arm. He took in a deep breath, trying to form his thoughts as quickly and logically as he could. His first reaction was to be angry, not at Emma, but at whatever or whoever led to the point she was at. His second reaction was to be sad; he felt overwhelmingly disappointed in himself that he had his suspicions a few weeks prior but did nothing. His third and strongest reaction was that he was scared. It was a crippling terror that he had to push aside for Emma's sake. Remus didn't think that Emma was suicidal, his experiences with self-harm taught him that, but to see the scarring on her arms was jarring. He exhaled.

He let go of Emma's hands, not surprised by how quickly she unrolled the cardigan's sleeves, holding her hands close to her chest. Remus tried to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him, remaining rooted to the spot. He noticed Emma begin to turn and run away, but he took a firm handful of cardigan before she had a chance to flee.

Emma turned to look at him, her eyes tear-filled and fearful. Every part of her was poised to run, her muscles tensed, and eyes darting every direction as she tried to plan an escape. It made his heart break to see. With another deep breath, Remus reached out, taking Emma's hand, releasing his hold on the cardigan and gently pulling her back towards the couch.

"Sweetheart, come sit," Remus said, guiding Emma to the spot next to him on the couch. He kept hold of her hand, gently running his thumb over her knuckles as he tried to think of what to say. There was no point in trying to sugarcoat the conversation, but he didn't want to make it worse. Remus knew how quickly the feeling of shame would arrive.

Even though Emma was now on the couch, her body remained turned towards the hallway. She allowed Remus to hold her hand, finding the rhythmic motion soothing, but she knew it was only a tether to the conversation she knew they would have. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears from falling – she had done enough of that lately.

"Emelyn, I want you to know that I'm not mad, and I will never be mad at you," Remus said, pausing for a moment to collect himself. "I love you, and I want to understand so that I can help you. What's going on that makes you want to hurt yourself?"

It took a few moments for Emma to open her eyes. She looked over her shoulder at Remus but didn't speak.

"I know it's hard to talk about it. Would it be okay if I tried guessing?" Remus asked, knowing that Emma wouldn't talk easily. She turned herself somewhat in his direction, which he took as her acceptance.

"Are you having trouble with your classes or your professors?"

She shook her head no. There was a flicker of something behind her eyes as she stared into the fireplace, focusing on the glimmer of the low flames.

"Is it because of someone else?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Emma nodded. She turned a little more towards Remus, though she kept her gaze fixated on the fireplace.

"Is it because you're worried about your mother?"

This time Emma shrugged. Remus took that to mean that it was part of the issue, but not all of it.

Feeling sure that Emma wouldn't immediately run away, Remus placed her hand on her knee. She immediately began to play with the sleeves of the cardigan. Her shoulders slumped forward as she found a loose string.

"Is it something else?"

"Yes," Emma answered in a whisper, playing with a loose string.

"Is it because of me?"

Emma froze at the question, the string slipping from between her fingers. "No," she answered, picking up the string again and playing with it. She turned her face back towards the hallway.

Remus frowned at the lie, unease settling in his stomach as he tried to quickly think of what he might have done. He didn't feel as though that was the entirety of her issues and decided to continue on.

"Is it because of someone else?"

"Yes." Emma's response was barely audible, but Remus heard it. She took in a deep breath, tears flooding her eyes again. Emma found herself wanting to talk, but she didn't know how. She had spent so much time avoiding everyone but wanting someone to understand what was happening.

Seeing her hesitation, Remus sighed. "Emelyn, you are home," he said softly. "Please, remember that. You're safe here."

 _Safe_. Emma liked that word. She took a quick look around the room as if she was only just realizing that she wasn't within the stone walls of Hogwarts. _Home_. She wanted to talk, but she couldn't talk about her cuts. She pulled back the sleeve of the cardigan, wincing at the bruise that sat near her wrist. _He thinks I did the bruises, too…_

"I…the bruises…" Emma sat up a little straighter, the realization sitting at the forefront of her mind. She would eventually take accountability for the cuts. She couldn't deny that they were there any longer, but she didn't want him to think she did more than she did. She pulled the sleeve back up, covering her hand and then doing the same with the other.

"What is it?" Remus placed his hand gently on Emma's back, his eyes widening slightly at the sudden sharp intake of breath as she leaned forward. There was a low and pained whine that escaped her lips that left Remus confused. "Did I hurt you?"

Emma bit her lip and shook her head. She took in a shaky breath in an attempt to even out her breathing. The press of Remus's hand had sent a jolt of pain down her spine as he touched a tender spot. She knew that he didn't mean it, he didn't know, but a part of her was still wary. She glanced at him, swallowing hard. "Do…back in Diagon Alley last year…do you remember?"

"Remember what?" Remus asked slowly, an eyebrow raising.

"The…the bruises."

Remus raised an eyebrow, unsure of why Emma would bring up Diagon Alley. "Yes, but –" Remus trailed off, trying to remember exactly what had happened. He vaguely could remember Emma quickly getting ready to go down for breakfast and then a sudden flare of anger that he tried to suppress. Moony had curled up in his mind, content to finally have Emma, but seeing the condition she was in sent the wolf into a frenzy.

He looked at Emma's covered arm and then returned to his gaze to her pained face. He slowly began to piece together the puzzle that Emma had given him. Bits and pieces of conversations they had over the first few weeks settling back into his mind. There had been fractured explanations, mentions of names, and memories both bitter and as happy as she could make them.

 _She said she fell_ , Remus thought to himself, quickly trying to filter back through the conversations, trying to discover the final piece he was missing. Emma wouldn't have brought up Diagon Alley if it wasn't significant. _She didn't do it herself_ …

Remus suddenly felt stupid and angry at the same time. The last puzzle piece had been in front of him the entire time. There had been one name that Emma had written in her letters home considerably more frequently than Persephone's. He should've known.

"Jocelyn," he spat bitterly. "She…she did this to you?"

Emma glanced over her shoulder, not meeting his eyes. If he wasn't paying attention, he would have missed the nearly imperceptible nod that she gave. The tears that she had been holding back finally began to fall down her face. She wrapped her arms around herself as she began to sob, her entire body shaking.

"Sweetheart," Remus said helplessly. He wanted nothing more than to pull her close and hold her. Remus couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain and wanted desperately to take it away for her. A lump was quickly forming in his throat, but he swallowed hard, pushing back his feelings. Unsure of where it was safe to touch, Remus cupped the back of Emma's head and pulled her to his chest, letting her cry.

As much as Remus wanted to understand more, he knew he needed to wait to have concrete answers. Emma was hurting terribly, both physically and emotionally. He had to do what he could to be the support that she needed.

"I'm sorry," Emma choked out through her sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" She wrapped her arms around him tightly, her hands fisting into the back of his shirt.

"Shh," Remus soothed, running his hands through her hair. "It's okay, cariad. You're home." He continued whispering reassurances, carefully putting an arm around the one spot that didn't appear to give her discomfort. His heart broke further at Emma's broken laments. Remus desperately wished he knew what to say to make her feel better, but the werewolf was at a loss.

"Rwy'n dy garu di," Remus whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Fy nghariad bach." Remus continued whispering his reassurances in Welsh, gently rocking Emma in his arms.

By the time Emma finally calmed down, the only light left in the room came from the stars filtering in from outside and the sky reflecting against the bright white snow. The fire had died out long ago, though the room still held the remnants of warmth. The cold air from outside was starting to seep in, threatening to remove the comfortable temperature.

Emma had finally relaxed in Remus's arms, her slow and even breathing punctuated by broken sniffles. He could feel her body starting to grow heavy as she began to drift off. Remus wanted to let her sleep, but he wanted to get her fixed up before letting her go to bed.

"Cariad?"

Emma let out a groan, tightening her hug.

"I know you're tired, but how about we get you fixed up?"

It took a moment for Emma to react, but she nodded. She reluctantly sat up, rubbing her swollen and tired eyes. She opened her eyes, but her eyelids were heavy, and they started to close again.

"Come on," he said, standing up and helping Emma up. "Let's get you put back together."

Remus looked at the bottle of Ogden's sitting in the cabinet, his thoughts scrambled and disjointed. He pulled the bottle out of the cabinet and quickly poured himself a glass. Remus placed the glass down on the table and stared at it, silently debating with himself. He knew he shouldn't; the last time he had touched a drink stronger than wine had been at Diagon Alley. He wouldn't have touched it after his withdrawal, but Dumbledore kept him accountable. His nerves had been completely wrecked, and the warmth of the alcohol had been welcome.

But that same warmth would be appreciated now as well.

Armed with the knowledge that Emma wasn't the one to inflict the bruises to herself, Remus was sure he was prepared for what he would see. The bruising she had coming from the children's home had been severe but had been clustered to one spot. This time the bruising was scattered with no pattern that he could decipher. There was a lot more than Emma was telling him, but he wasn't going to press just yet.

He helped her apply the bruise salve to the spots that she couldn't easily reach. Emma grumbled when he told her she would have to use it for a few days, but she quickly agreed it would be best. The pain practically melted off her face as the salve started to work. Remus was concerned that Emma didn't take up his offer of a pain relief potion, but she promised she would ask if she needed it.

Remus let her finish in private and only returned to help heal the scarring and cuts on her wrist. There wasn't much he could do about the scarring that was already there, but he would try to find something. She had muttered through gritted teeth that she was embarrassed by them but didn't know what to do. Perhaps he could get her to consider a trip to Diagon Alley, and he could look. If not, there was an apothecary he could try that was close by.

His eyes flickered to the clock above the back door before being drawn to Emma's doorway. He could hear her snoring softly and was grateful that she was sleeping. A part of him wondered if he should've sent her to bed with a diluted dose of Dreamless Sleep, but she had fallen asleep quickly on her own. He could only hope that she was tired enough to sleep peacefully.

With a heavy sigh, Remus picked up the glass and poured it out in the sink. He was stronger than his demons, and he would help Emma be stronger than hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rwy'n dy garu di** \- I love you  
>  **Fy nghardiad bach** \- My little love  
>  **Cariad** \- love
> 
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> 


	12. Mr. Howell

Remus awoke with a start, pulling in a deep breath as he sat up in his bed. It felt like it had been years since the last time he had a nightmare. He could barely remember what happened, only the vague sense that Sirius had been in it before melting into Emma. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes with a groan. His heart was racing, and the feeling of dread was settling itself in his stomach. Remus took a few steadying breaths in an attempt to still his pounding heart and slipped out of bed.

The sky was still dark outside his small window, but it was slowly growing brighter. He reached down to the floor and picked up the jumper he had unceremoniously dropped before getting into bed last night. He tossed it on quickly and padded out into the hallway and across the way to Emma's room.

Emma's door was closed, meaning that she had gotten up in the middle of the night, but he heard nothing on the other side. Remus listened carefully for noise, but panic began to flood his entire being when he didn't hear any. With a shaking hand, he opened her door and peered around the side. To his surprise, Emma was awake and lying on her side, her eyes bright and face lined with tear tracks as she stared out her window. He frowned slightly, seeing that she favored one of her arms, her hand in a tight fist that she would unfold for a moment before tightening it again.

"Sometimes, I wonder if he's out there, just watching," Emma said quietly with a sniffle.

Remus stepped around the door and into her room, taken aback by the mess surrounding him. It seemed as though the entirety of her belongings had found its way on the floor overnight. Her room wasn't in such disarray when he helped her to bed last night. Remus made his way carefully to Emma's bed and sat down. He looked down at her for a moment, not understanding to whom she was referring. When he joined her in looking outside her window, he quickly realized – Greyback.

"He is never going to get anywhere near you again," Remus said softly. "I will make sure of that." He wondered if Emma always kept her curtains open at night, afraid that Greyback would sneak back in if she couldn't see him. It was a fear that he could easily understand as he had done the same after being attacked. Remus sighed and took a look around her room, marveling at how she managed to make such a huge mess in such a short amount of time.

"But what if he's right out there? Just past the wards?"

"If Greyback comes anywhere near this house or you again, I will kill him."

Emma turned her head to look at Remus in surprise. There was a conviction in his voice that she had never heard before. She would have found the declaration unsettling, but the overwhelming rush of relief overpowered everything else.

"Love, I know I've said it before, but you know I would do anything for you, right?" Remus met Emma's awed gaze. "And I truly mean it."

"But killing?" Emma asked breathlessly, her words trailing off. She winced as she started to sit up and frowned slightly as Remus's gaze dropped down to the wrist that she was trying to support herself on. She dropped her eyes to her lap as she leaned back against her pillows. Guilt twisted her insides as she wrapped a hand around her aching wrist, ashamed of what she had done again. Remus had only helped to heal her cuts only hours ago, and of course, she had to be stupid and hurt herself again, but her thoughts had been running wild.

" _Anything_ ," Remus repeated, gently tipping Emma's face up to meet his eyes. He leaned towards her to press a kiss to her forehead. When he pulled away, he wasn't surprised to see that her eyes had filled with tears again. "How about we get you taken care of, and we can have some breakfast and start our day. How does that sound?" He took another quick look around her room and let out a laugh. "Perhaps we could get your room situated? You could tell me what you were doing over breakfast."

A flush crept into Emma's cheeks as she took a look at the mess she had made. She wiped away her tears before they could start to fall, and she let out a nervous laugh. "Okay," she agreed.

Emma followed Remus into the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the tub. She watched as Remus pulled things out of the cabinet beneath the sink and placed them on the counter.

"I'm just taking everything out so that if you need it yourself, it's available," Remus said, standing up and turning around. "I don't plan on leaving the house for an extended time, but if you don't want to wake me up, I would rather you know where everything is."

Emma stared fixedly at a spot on the floor in front of her and nodded. She gave a small start as Remus crouched down in front of her and appeared in her vision.

"I'm not mad, remember that," Remus said softly, smoothing back Emma's hair. "Is it just the one arm?"

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, holding her arm out for Remus to take. She expected Remus to react harshly to the harsh red lines on her skin, but only hummed in contemplation as he rolled up her sleeve.

"Well, I think we can get away with Murtlap for these," Remus said, reaching to the counter to pull down a bottle with a blue liquid. "The Murtlap Essence is gentle compared to the Dittany." Remus opened the bottle, filled the dropper with the liquid, and carefully applied it to Emma's cuts. She let out a gentle breath of relief that the Murtlap didn't burn.

"It doesn't heal a wound nearly as fast, but I dare say it's a lot better than the sensation Dittany provides, no?"

"A lot better," Emma said, remembering the burning sensation as the Dittany healed over the cuts.

Remus smiled at her and straightened up and started to point at the things lining the counter. "You know where to find clean towels if you need them, you know the bruise salve, the brown is Dittany, the blue is Murtlap, and this is a pain potion. You will only need a single sip of it – if you take any more, I will know," Remus said seriously. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," Emma said quietly, rolling down her sleeve.

"If you feel that you need Dreamless Sleep, for whatever reason, let me know. I don't care if I'm asleep or not. You are not to take it by yourself."

"Okay."

"Good," Remus said softly. "Come along, let's have something to eat."

Emma followed Remus out of the bathroom and took her seat at the kitchen table. It was easier to watch Remus and have him tell her what to do so that she didn't have to think. If she allowed herself to start thinking, then her thoughts would run away from her.

"You…you can be mad at me if you want," Emma said quietly, watching as Remus cracked open eggs and dropped them in a bowl.

Remus cracked a few more eggs and began to whisk them before responding. "Why would I be mad at you?" He poured the eggs into the frying pan, adjusting the burner so that the eggs wouldn't burn.

"Because I hurt myself…"

"Why would I be mad about that?"

"I…because I shouldn't do that?"

Remus sighed and turned away from the eggs to look at her. "Emelyn, I'm not mad at you, and I am never going to be mad at you. I will admit that I'm worried, but I'm not mad."

"But why aren't you mad?"

"Because you're human," Remus said simply, turning back to the eggs. "Emma, if I were to be mad at you for having feelings, what kind of person would I be? Do I like it? Of course not, but I'm not going to judge you for it."

Emma grew quiet, suddenly unsure of what to say. "But if I was normal…"

"If you were normal?" Remus looked at Emma over his shoulder, his brow furrowed. "Is there such a thing?"

"I just mean that if I wasn't…me."

"Emma, you are a wonderful and intelligent person," Remus said. "Are you to tell me that you're ashamed of who you are?"

"I don't know…"

Remus turned his attention back to the eggs, trying to think of what to say. He knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable with the person that you are, but he couldn't see why Emma would ever feel that way. She wasn't a monster like he was. Remus closed his eyes and held back a growl as he came to the only conclusion that there could be – Jocelyn. Again. He needed to find out what power the girl had over Emma because there was no reason for it. The sooner he found out, the sooner he could fix things, but he wanted Emma to enjoy the day for the time being.

"Love, make no mistake that we need to talk about what's going on," Remus said, glancing at Emma over his shoulder, "but we'll save that conversation for tonight. For now, I would really like to know why you tore your room apart." Remus smiled at the sheepish look on her face as he finished preparing their breakfast.

"I was uhm, looking for something," Emma answered, perking up slightly as Remus poured her a glass of pumpkin juice.

"You don't say," Remus said, passing her the glass which she took with excitement. "What were you looking for?"

"My bracelet," Emma said quietly. "I just…I feel like it's here somewhere, but I just need to figure out where."

Remus brought their plates over, glad to see Emma start eating her plate of eggs without hesitation. He sat down across from her with a grin. "I'd love to hear about where you tried looking. It doesn't appear that you left much unturned." Emma flushed in embarrassment but jumped into her explanation of everywhere she had tried to search.

For a moment, everything was how it should be, and that was what mattered.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

"How is it you still can't make it out of the Floo upright?" Remus was brushing Emma off after she stumbled out of the fireplace in The Leaky Cauldron, a small smile on his face. He was glad that Emma agreed quickly to visit Diagon Alley. He knew it would be busy, but it would only get busier as the week went on.

"I don't know," Emma muttered, glaring at the fireplace behind her. "It's not like I've done it _that_ much."

"Maybe we should consider side-along, then. I don't need you getting hurt from falling out of the fireplace," Remus said thoughtfully.

"No," Emma said quickly, her eyes wide. "I don't want to do that."

"It would really be a lot quicker. It's not terrible."

"Didn't you tell me that I would get sick the first time?"

"Side along isn't terrible if you take precautions."

"And what would that be?"

"Well, you could just _not_ get sick."

Emma rolled her eyes as Remus straightened up. "Yes, that sounds like a great idea. So, where are we going?"

"Well, I've got to make a stop in Knockturn Alley -"

"Knockturn Alley? Isn't it really shady over there?"

Remus laughed, "Come on, it'll be fine." He put an arm around Emma's shoulders, steering her towards the pub's entrance to Diagon Alley. "I'm not letting you go. At least not yet."

Emma frowned as they stepped into the busy street. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I imagine you haven't done any of your Christmas shopping, have you?"

"No," Emma answered slowly, glancing at the windows of the shops as they passed them. "Have you?"

"I spent most of my time working if I'm going to be honest," Remus said quietly, gripping Emma's arm as they reached the entrance of Knockturn Alley. "Stay close."

"I can't imagine that I'll have any interest in walking off," Emma snorted, paling slightly as the bright marketplace began to disappear and become dark. "Where exactly are we going?"

Remus stood up straighter, and his grip tightened on Emma's arm the further into Knockturn they went. "There's a, erm, bookstore that tracked down a book for me that I haven't been able to find anywhere."

"And we have to go _here_ to get it?" Emma made a noise as they passed a store with a window full of shrunken heads. Her attention was pulled in by the tattoo shop, Markus Scarrs Indelible Tattoos, the window featuring moving photos on parchment. "Cool," she whispered, looking back in awe at the massive dragon spewing flames on the parchment.

"Don't even think about it," Remus said, the hint of a smile in his voice.

"Why not," Emma asked, glancing up at Remus before making a disgusted noise. "Do you have - are those _bones_? Who would bloody buy bones?"

"You would be surprised," Remus remarked, silently thanking whoever he could in his mind that Emma didn't finish her question. He was pleased to see that the girl he knew was making an appearance and was curious about the world around her. "We're almost there."

"Almost where?" Emma asked, drawing her eyes away from Moribund's. "Oh, yeah, the book."

The two continued on in silence, Emma staring into every shop they passed and pressing herself closer to Remus whenever someone got too close that worried her. She was glad that she decided to wear her usual winter cloak out instead of her winter cloak from school. She didn't think the patrons of Knockturn Alley would be thrilled to have a Hufflepuff in their midst.

Taking a look around the alley, Remus ushered Emma up the steps of a store called Tanner and Brisks. "Go in," he said, reaching around her and opening the door.

"This doesn't look like a bookstore," Emma said quietly, stepping into the small building. It was dark with skulls lining the walls with a noticeable lack of books but containing other objects. "Are you sure we're in the right place?" She walked towards a dark-colored set of candles before her attention was drawn to a strange jar with a creature she couldn't identify floating in a liquid.

"We're in the right place," Remus said, walking towards the counter. "Don't touch anything," he added, catching Emma's wrist as she reached out towards a set of cards sitting on a shelf. "Just because it looks innocent enough, doesn't mean that it is."

"Sorry," she said quietly, making sure to keep her arms at her side as she looked at the creature floating in the jar.

"Ah, Mr. Howell! I've been expecting you."

Remus turned towards the counter where an older silver mustached man now stood and gave him a good-natured smile. "Remember - don't touch anything," Remus whispered, shaking his head as Emma gave him a funny look. "Mr. Tanner? You've come highly recommended by Mr. Pritchard."

"Okay," she said to Remus's back as he exchanged pleasantries with the man. After seeing Remus in dress robes for the past few days, it didn't even phase her that the old man called Remus a different name. She watched the two for a few moments before turning her attention towards the other things in the shop.

Emma paled, seeing a collection of bones for sale. "Why in Merlin's beard are there so many _bones_ ," Emma whispered to herself, moving along to looking at a collection of funny looking masks. Seeing that Remus wasn't done talking to the man, she continued browsing the other wares of the store. There was a section of ornate looking jewelry that fascinated Emma. A silver necklace encrusted with gemstones sparkled in the dull light. She nearly reached out to touch it but quickly snapped her arms to her side, remembering Remus's words.

Continuing on, Emma stopped in front of a series of round glass globes in multiple colors. A glass ball, the color of fresh green grass pulled her attention. She reached out a hand to touch it, the impulse too high for her to resist.

"I thought I told you not to touch anything?"

Emma let out a shout as she jumped, pulling her hands away from the green ball she wanted desperately to pick up. "I didn't," Emma said hastily, whirling around to look at him with wide eyes.

Remus hummed in response, pulling Emma back under his arm. Emma looked curiously at the brown paper wrapped bag tucked under his other arm. "It was very nice working with you, Mr. Tanner."

"Likewise, Mr. Howell. I look forward to working with you again," the old man said, giving them both a smile. "Perhaps next time I'll have something for the young miss you might be interested in."

"Perhaps," Remus said, nodding politely. He placed a hand on the small of Emma's back and guided her back towards the door. "Let's go, little one," Remus whispered, ushering her back into the alley.

"Well, that was interesting," Emma commented, glad to be back out of the dark building and into the dark-walled street. "Does Mr. Howell do a lot of business in Knockturn Alley?"

A smile crossed Remus's face as they walked back towards Diagon Alley. "Surprisingly, yes, Mr. Howell _does_ do a lot of business in Knockturn Alley."

Emma looked up at Remus in surprise and flinched into Remus's side, gripping onto his cloak tightly, as a woman that looked like a vampire passed by them. "You do?"

"There are a lot of things that you can find here that you can't find elsewhere in the wizarding communities," Remus said quietly, with a shrug. "Not everything you find here is bad, but it does have a reputation."

"So much so that you become a different person?"

Remus shrugged again. "Not really. It was my mother's, your grandmother's, maiden name. So, not really a different person."

"What was she like?"

"Well, she was a lot like you, really," Remus said fondly. "Funny, very intelligent, and absolutely remarkable."

"I'm none of those things," Emma whispered.

"You are. Your mother was as well. She was also especially stubborn, and it wouldn't be a normal day if the two didn't argue about something."

"They argued?"

"A lot. Usually about silly things, sometimes big things," Remus said, letting out a breath as they reached the brighter buildings and soft-colored bricks of Diagon Alley. "But they always made up. I don't think they ever stayed mad at each other. Your grandfather always used to be amazed at how quickly they would make up – and then laugh about it after the fact."

"They would laugh after?"

"Always. Your grandmother would never let any of us go to bed mad at each other; she didn't believe in it. There was always a lot of laughter at home." Remus let go of Emma and took a look around the bustling marketplace. "Now, with that out of the way, why don't we both take an hour and do our shopping separately? I don't want to spoil your gifts." He reached into one of his pockets, pulled out a pouch, and dropped it into Emma's hand. "I stopped at Gringotts for you before you got home. Spend wisely."

"I don't mind if you spoil my gifts," Emma said, a glimmer of excitement in her eyes.

Remus laughed and pulled Emma into a tight hug. "Good try, love," he laughed. "One hour, and we'll meet back here and run a few more errands together and go home."

Emma pulled herself out of Remus's arms with a smile. "Don't be surprised if I come back with a cat, then," she said, moving quickly into the crowd. "A big fluffy one!"

"Oh, Merlin, please don't," Remus whispered to himself. "One hour!" He shouted into the crowd, shaking his head as he heard an, "Okay!" shouted back. He shook his head and took a look around at the shops, trying to figure out where to go first.

He was glad that Emma was distracted from her thoughts, even for just a little bit. The conversations they would be having over the rest of the holiday would be difficult, and any bit of joy Emma could find was incredibly valuable.

With a sigh, Remus made his way towards Flourish and Blotts. There was a book he had seen the week prior he thought Emma might enjoy.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Remus and Emma sat at opposite ends of the couch, Remus with a cup of tea and Emma with hot chocolate. Emma's legs were curled up underneath her, and she wore a deep frown on her face as she tried to avoid Remus's gaze. She hasn't yet erupted into tears during their conversation, but she was afraid she would reach that point.

"Emma, I don't know how many times I need to tell you that I'm not mad at you," Remus said, exasperated. "Dydw i ddim yn ddig. Je ne suis pas en colère. Ich bin nicht sauer. I'm not mad at you."

Emma froze and peered at Remus over the top of her mug. "Do I even want to know how many languages you know?"

"Too many," Remus said, "but that's not what we're talking about right now. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what's going on."

"But you're _mad._ "

"Damn it, Emma, I'm not mad."

"Says the one who told me this morning they would kill Greyback…"

"Because I _would_. If it was what I had to do to keep you safe, I would do it."

"Which means you would do it to someone else..."

"If I had to, there's a strong possibility."

"And that's why I'm not telling you."

Remus placed his cup down on the coffee table and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't expect Emma to make a full 180 and suddenly stop talking. She had been open for most of the day, almost as if nothing was wrong, but being forced to sit down and talk had made her unresponsive.

"Emma, I am just trying to figure out how to help you."

"Well, maybe I don't want your help," Emma challenged.

"Regardless of whether or not you want my help, I need to know because whatever is happening needs to stop." Remus looked at Emma and shook his head. "You are my number one priority, but if this is happening to you, it's happening to someone else, as well."

"But you're _mad_."

"Yes, I am mad," Remus said, a little louder than he meant to. He deflated, seeing how quickly tears flew to Emma's eyes, her expression hurt. She was sensitive and scared, and he needed to remember that, but he was growing frustrated. "I'm sorry," Remus said, his voice much softer.

Emma nodded slightly from behind her mug and took a long drink. "It's not just Jocelyn," Emma said quietly. She pulled her legs out from underneath her body and stretched out lengthwise.

"There are others?"

"Not…every time," Emma admitted. "The…the last time it was just Jocelyn and Chloe."

"And that's why you came home looking as though you were beat up?"

Emma grew quiet, not knowing what to say. She went to take another drink from her cup, but she had already finished. She added her cup to the table and folded her arms over her chest.

"Emma, could you look at me?" Remus asked, trying to catch her eye.

There was a moment where Emma hesitated, but she looked up and met his gaze. Remus was studying her, trying to read her. She desperately wanted to jump off the couch and retreat to her room, but his stare held her on the sofa.

"I need you to answer my next question, and I need you to answer it truthfully," Remus said slowly, his eyes narrowing. "How did you get the bruises?"

"I…I fell," Emma supplied lamely.

"That's what you told me last year. We both know that's not the truth."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you. If you know the truth, then why are you trying to make me say it?"

"Because you need _help_ , Emelyn. The only way you're going to figure that out is if you say it yourself."

"But I don't need help," Emma shouted, tears falling down her face. "I deserved it—everything she has done to me, I have deserved. I…I don't deserve to be happy. I'm ugly, I'm stupid…" Emma choked on a sob, but she forced herself to continue. "Nobody likes me. Not even you!"

It was Remus's turn to freeze, his mouth dropping open in shock at Emma's admission. He couldn't figure out where to start with Emma's statements. Every single word out of her mouth was terribly wrong. Still, she spoke with such certainty that he knew Emma believed everything she said.

"Emma, I love you more than anything," Remus said, thinking quickly. "I…I don't know what I did that would make you feel that way."

Emma glared at Remus through her tears, hiccupping as she tried to calm herself down. "Of course, you wouldn't," she muttered bitterly. Deciding that she was done with their conversation, Emma stood up quickly. "I'm going to bed."

Remus sat back on the couch and nodded. Emma stared at him for a moment before making a hasty retreat, leaving Remus to feel even more confused.

He was no longer sure if he was angry or if he was overcome by grief. Whatever was happening at Hogwarts had seeped deep into Emma's thoughts and had hurt her more than he had expected. Remus wasn't sure how he would fix things, but he wasn't about to give up.

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

Sleep always seemed to plague Emma in ways that made her feel completely helpless. A sinking feeling settled itself all the way into her bones as she found herself in the meadow. She had visited the meadow so many times in her dreams that everything seemed predictable.

The wind always blew a specific way, causing the grass to cascade in waves. The birds always flew away from the trees, and the pond always glistened like diamonds until the sky would change. But this time was different.

The sky was dark, the full moon high in the cloudless sky. The stars danced across the velvet sky in a way that brought a smile to Emma's face. The moon cast silvery shadows across the green grass that swayed with the gentle breeze. It was peaceful.

A large black dog walked by her side, pressing its body up against her leg as they walked through the meadow. There was something familiar about the dog, but she couldn't put her finger on what. The dog let out an excited bark, gamboling away from her before suddenly twisting around and bowing down on its front two legs. The dog's tail wagged lazily as its tongue lolled out as it smiled at her. Emma was alarmed that the dog's eyes were the same color as the stars – a bright silver that sparkled in the moonlight.

As Emma approached the dog, it let out a yip and ran towards the pond. It found the wide field of flowers and threw itself on its back, nipping at its back feet as it twisted its body.

Emma couldn't help but laugh as she joined the black dog, laying down amongst the wildflowers as the dog continued to roll around. Seemingly satisfied with the number of flowers it crushed with its body, the dog rolled back onto its front. It placed its large head next to Emma's and began snuffling its nose in her hair and ear. Emma let out a squeal of laughter, the dog's nose cold against her face. When her eyes met the dogs again, she couldn't help but suddenly be reminded of someone. The thought of a handsome man with long dark hair and eyes that shone like the stars crossed her mind, but she knew a man like that didn't exist.

The black dog shot up suddenly, sniffing at the air. Emma sat up, alarmed at the dog's sudden change in behavior, and let out a gasp when she noticed a skinny, sandy-colored wolf slowly making its way towards them. The black dog bounded over to the wolf, practically bouncing on its feet as it let out happy barks. If the black dog wasn't afraid of the wolf, then Emma wouldn't be as well.

The wolf nuzzled the dog for a moment before fixing its gaze on Emma, its head tilting slightly. The dog let out a soft yip before rushing back over to Emma, bouncing around her like it had the wolf.

Emma watched the wolf as it warily approached, its head bowed and ears back. She looked at the dog who sat back down next to her, tongue still out and tail wagging furiously. The dog wasn't bothered at all.

Letting out a nervous giggle, Emma held her hand out towards the wolf for her to smell. She knew in the back of her mind that it probably wasn't a good idea, but the wolf didn't appear to want to attack. The wolf seemed as nervous around her as she was of it. The closer it got, the more Emma was able to look at it. She didn't notice that the wolf's fur was flecked with grey until it was standing just in front of her.

The wolf completely ignored her hand and stood practically nose to nose with Emma. She held her breath as she stared at the wolf. She chided herself in her mind, realizing that she shouldn't be staring the wolf in the eyes, but its amber and green eyes were captivating. In some light, the wolf's eyes seemed more amber, and in others, they appeared green, but they weren't enough of either to be hazel. The wolf suddenly seemed as familiar as the black dog, but nothing came to mind to help her figure out why.

Before she could react, the wolf licked her face, drawing more laughter out of Emma. The wolf gave a lazy wag of its tail and turned to join the black dog again.

The two canines immediately started what looked to be like a game of tag. The dog would run towards the wolf and headbutt it, and the wolf would turn around and do the same. It made Emma smile so much that it made her cheeks hurt. After a while, when the dog and the wolf had started to grow tired, they froze.

The wolf turned its head towards the forest, sniffing at the air before tensing up. The dog immediately ran over to Emma, placing itself in front of her as a loud howl echoed through the meadow. The wolf crouched, a low growl rolling from its throat as it pulled its lips back. Emma held onto the black dog, unsure of what else to do. She looked in the direction of the forest and gasped as a larger grey wolf started heading their way.

With another growl, the sandy-colored wolf rushed towards the grey wolf. The grey wolf started to pick up speed, running towards them as if the sandy wolf wasn't in its way.

Before the sandy wolf could meet the grey wolf, Emma shot up in her bed with a sharp intake of air. It wasn't uncommon for her to have variations of the dream in the meadow, but this one was new.

Emma turned to look out her window, the sky still dark. It was a new moon; the only light outside was the stars reflected off the snow. She looked at her door, checking the crack underneath to see if there was any light. Not seeing any, Emma let out a groan. She wasn't sure if Remus would even want to talk to her, but a part of her had hoped that she would see a light on outside her room.

Reluctantly, Emma settled herself back into her pillows. She should wake Remus up, but before she could convince herself to get him, she fell back asleep. Once again, she found herself dreaming of the sandy-colored wolf with the amber green eyes and the black dog with eyes like stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	13. About Time

The morning of Christmas Eve started rough. Emma emerged from her room mid-morning, blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders as she rounded the corner to the living room. She looked at Remus with a disheartened look, waiting for him to look up from the book he was reading. It took Remus a few moments to register why Emma was staring at him and not saying anything, but the moment he understood, he was quick to act. He immediately placed his book down and led Emma back towards the bathroom with an understanding smile.

Emma unwrapped herself from her blanket and sat down on the edge of the tub again and rolled up her sleeves. Only one wrist was aching, but as a show of good faith, she wanted him to see that she was trying.

Remus let out a quiet hum as he inspected both of Emma's inner wrists. He was glad to see that the one wrist had been left untouched, but she had gone further than the day before. "I'm going to have to use the Dittany today," Remus said quietly. "I know you don't like it, but I don't want to risk you getting an infection from this."

"I know," Emma whispered as Remus pulled the green bottle from the counter.

"Did you come to me because you were afraid to do this yourself?" Remus asked, filling the dropper and placing the bottle back on the counter. "Or did you want to talk?"

"Both?" Emma answered, holding her arm out and bracing for the harsh sting of the Dittany.

Remus held the dropper and paused for a moment before placing it down on the counter and picking up the bottle of Murtlap Essence thoughtfully. "I think if I used the Murtlap before the Dittany, it wouldn't hurt you as much," Remus said, looking at Emma to hear what she had to say.

Emma looked at Remus, bewildered at his expectant look. She couldn't grasp why he asked her, but she had a few thoughts she could share. "I don't think they would interact negatively," Emma said quietly, staring at the Murtlap Essence, "but I'm not sure that the antiseptic qualities of either would work as well as they should."

"That's true." Remus placed the bottle back on the counter. "I'm sorry," Remus said sympathetically as he picked up the dropper of Dittany. "I know it's not the best sensation." He crouched down in front of Emma and began to apply the brown liquid to her cuts.

"It's like a walk in the park on a sunny day," Emma said sarcastically with a hiss. "It's like a warm summer's day. What do you mean that it's not the best?"

"You don't have to pretend that it doesn't hurt," Remus said, glancing up from the cut he had just applied Dittany. The skin was healing over quickly, leaving only the hint of a pink line. He took his time to make sure that each cut sealed itself before moving to the next cut. "What did you want to talk about?"

"This?" Emma suggested.

Remus stopped what he was doing and looked at Emma in surprise. She looked worried, but there was a hint of determination behind her eyes. "Are you ready to talk about it?" He asked, prepared for Emma to hesitate and change her mind.

"Yeah," she said quietly.

He was positive that Emma would back down. Still, the determined look in her eye didn't waver, "Okay," Remus said, nodding in agreement. "Is it all right if I ask questions?"

"That's fine," Emma answered, her voice wavering slightly. She cleared her throat and took a steadying breath. "Ask away."

Remus raised an eyebrow, watching for any other signs that she would change her mind. Still not finding any, Remus returned to healing her cuts. "When did you start doing this?"

Emma shifted slightly, trying to ignore the crawling and heat of her skin as it healed. "I think it was Halloween," she answered, wincing at the Dittany dropping on one of the worst cuts.

"How often?"

"Every day," she whispered, casting her eyes down to the floor.

Remus nearly fell back on the floor, his chest tightening at how casually Emma answered. He had figured that she hurt herself frequently, but he would never have guessed that it was every day. He swallowed hard and continued, trying to push back his feelings.

"How do you feel before you start?"

Emma frowned at the question, trying to think of how she felt. Trying to answer when and how often was a lot easier than trying to sift through her emotions. _I'm a mess_ , Emma thought to herself, biting her lip as she thought about how to answer.

"Hurt," she said quietly, meeting Remus's gaze and rubbing her head with her free hand. "Confused, nervous." She shook her head to clear the prickle she felt. "Alone…scared."

"How do you feel after?"

A pink flush crept into Emma's cheeks. "Better. A lot better."

"It's okay to feel that way," Remus said gently. "Does anyone else know?"

"Just…you. I think."

"Persephone doesn't know?"

"We, uhm…we don't talk."

"Why aren't you two talking? You two are practically joined at the hip." Remus applied Dittany to the last cut and stood up and closed the bottle. He leaned back against the counter, watching as Emma returned her blanket to its rightful place around her shoulders.

"She doesn't want to be my friend anymore; I don't think."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"She said I was being weird…"

"How so?"

"I don't remember exactly what she said," Emma lied. She didn't want to talk about what happened with Persephone and was grateful when Remus only nodded and changed the subject.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"I don't know," Emma said quietly, shifting again. "I think that might have been one of the things Effie brought up…"

"She asked you what you wanted for breakfast?"

"No, she asked, uhm, she asked why I wasn't eating."

"Ah," Remus said, almost to himself. "That would be different for you, and I can see why that would be concerning. I can't imagine you being able to resist cinnamon toast…"

Emma sat up straighter at the mention of cinnamon toast, her eyes lighting up. "Cinnamon _sugar_ toast?"

"Oh, cinnamon _sugar_ toast," Remus corrected, the corners of his lips twitching. "Perhaps the toast would go well with, hmm…scrambled eggs?" Emma scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "No, you're right. Scrambled is a terrible idea. Fried eggs, possibly?"

"With pumpkin juice?"

"That could be arranged," Remus said, smiling. "I know you've got some more classwork to do. Why don't you work on that while I prepare breakfast?" He was happy to see Emma's bright smile as she nodded. "Oh, don't forget that we're leaving for your grandfather's tonight – maybe take a moment to pack what you need."

"Okay," Emma said, standing up and readjusting her blanket over her shoulders. She hesitated for a moment before hugging him tightly and rushing back to her room in a flurry of blanket.

Remus allowed himself a smile as Emma rushed off, her hug so unexpected that he didn't have time to react. He couldn't help but feel himself growing dizzy at how quickly Emma's emotions shifted in a day. One moment she would be fine, and the next, her feelings would spiral away from her.

The night before had left him reeling, and a part of him couldn't help but wonder if Emma only started to talk out of guilt over what happened. Another part of him wondered if she had even meant to say what she did at all. Unfortunately, he didn't have a lot of time to dwell on the thought as their day would be busy.

The rest of the day seemed to move quickly and slowly all at once. After breakfast, Remus helped Emma finish the rest of her schoolwork.

"You truly exhibit an aptitude for herbology," Remus said, reading over her essay. "It's remarkable."

"Neville is better," Emma said with a shrug. "He's been spending extra time with Professor Sprout taking care of the Mandrakes."

"Why don't you join him?"

"They bite," Emma said seriously.

Remus couldn't help but laugh. "I remember when we worked with Mandrakes," he said. "James shoved his finger right into his Mandrake's mouth. The Mandrake was thrilled. James, on the other hand, was not. Sirius and I made fun of him for weeks afterward."

Emma stood and grinned, pulling her Herbology essay out of his hands, tossing it on the table, and holding out her Transfiguration essay. "Check this one for me, please?"

"I wasn't finished with your Herbology essay," Remus huffed, reaching for the herbology essay.

"Don't care – Transfiguration is more important," Emma said, snatching the essay off the table before Remus could take it.

"Merlin, you are pushy," Remus said, taking the Transfiguration essay from Emma with a shake of his head.

"Not pushy, just trying to make sure it's done right," Emma shrugged. "You didn't say that there was anything wrong with my Herbology essay, so it's fine."

"I didn't even finish it," Remus muttered, reading through Emma's transfiguration essay. "You know I didn't even need to look at anything you've given me, right? It's all been perfect."

Emma ripped the essay out of Remus's hands and smiled. "Well, you were here to check," she said simply as she gathered up her papers. "Plus, you helped me figure out the things I was unsure of. You're a really good teacher." She frowned slightly, flipping through the pages in her hand and looking at the essay she had to write for Lockhart. "I wish you taught at Hogwarts…"

For what felt like the umpteenth time that day, Remus found himself surprised. Her last comment was so quiet that he wasn't even sure that he was meant to hear it. It was the kind of statement that made him wonder if he should take Dumbledore's offer for the next year, but he knew that it was impossible. The proposal was always tempting, though. He could care less about the money, but the Wolfsbane potion every month was an almost intoxicating motivator. But the thought was quickly pushed aside as Emma walked back into the room, plunking down on the couch next to him.

"Now what?" She asked, her eyes bright with the possibilities of what the day held.

Remus glanced at the clock on the mantle and smiled, putting an arm around Emma's shoulders and pulling her close. "For now, we rest," Remus said, kissing the top of her head. "We've got a few more hours until we need to leave. Did you pack?"

"I did." Emma leaned into Remus. "I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?"

"I…what I said last night, it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter? Of course, it matters." Remus gently squeezed Emma's shoulder. "Emma, sweetheart, I don't want you to feel as though I don't love you or that I don't care for you. When I say I would do anything for you, I mean it."

"But you don't have to…"

"I want to. I don't care how silly it is, how small or how trivial you think something is – I will do it for you."

Emma rest her head on Remus's shoulder and let out a quiet breath trying to make sense of what Remus was trying to tell her. Weeks of telling herself one thing and having him tell her another had her thoughts warring with each other. The side with Remus's spoken words was slowly winning out over everything, but then Jocelyn would creep back into her mind and remind her of reality. But as Emma sat next to Remus, who was always entirely too warm, she found it easier to push Jocelyn's words away and think clearer.

"Is something wrong?" Remus asked, taking Emma's silence to mean she was upset.

"No," Emma said, realizing with surprise that she meant it. "Everything's fine."

The rest of the day seemed to move quickly.

At three in the afternoon, Remus and Emma took the Floo to Lyall's. By four, they had started decorating the house and the Christmas tree. By five-thirty, they had finished and had dinner, and by six, the three piled into Lyall's Ford Sierra to make their way to Cardiff. An hour later, they found themselves in the transformed city square.

Emma was practically bouncing on her toes in excitement as she took in the lights and the music. It was hard not to feel cheery in the brightly lit and busy square. The chill in the air made their breath rise in smoky wisps, but there came a warmth that could only be explained as the happiness of being with family.

"Stay close," Remus said, slightly panicked when Emma started rushing into the crowded square. "Merlin, was this a good idea, dad?"

"Let her have fun," Lyall said, clasping Remus's shoulder as he walked past. "She needs it." Remus sighed and followed his father, who was keeping up with Emma easily. Perhaps he was right.

Remus watched as Lyall bought her a hot chocolate, burning the memory of her happy smile into his brain. Her smile had been so infrequent lately that every time it made an appearance, he forced himself to remember it. He could still see the pain deep in her eyes as she tried to work through her inner turmoil, but he was beginning to see the glimmers of hope. It wasn't a strong thought in her mind just yet, but it was there, and that was a reassuring thought.

"Come _on_ ," Emma said, running up to Remus, exasperated that he was standing off to the side just watching. She grabbed one of his hands, her cup of hot chocolate tipping precariously in her other hand as she pulled him along. "Let's go!"

The three spent several hours walking around the city square. Emma dragged them everywhere to look at lights, to look at the wares of the vendors, and to the carolers singing of good tidings. Remus realized that it was Emma's first real Christmas with them as a family. The full moon the previous year had prevented them from doing something other than decorating the house. It had been an overly emotional affair that she had seemed content with, but this year was different.

Remus pulled Emma under his arm as she yawned. "I think it's about time that we had back," he said to Lyall. The square was starting to wind down, vendors closing up shop for the night, and the crowds thinning out to return home.

Seeing the sleepy smile on Emma's face, Lyall agreed. "I suppose you're right," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders as she tucked herself into his side. "We need to get home before Santa arrives."

Emma snorted as they made their way back to the car. "I know Santa isn't real," she said with a yawn.

"How do you know?" Lyall asked, his eyes twinkling. "You've never seen him, have you?"

"Well, no, but…"

"He's magic," Lyall said seriously, not expanding on the topic any further.

At thirteen, Emma found herself debating the existence of Santa Claus. She looked back at Remus questioningly, but he gave nothing away, a smirk on his face. Remus and Lyall looked at each other over Emma's head, giving one another broad smiles at the baffled look on her face.

When they reached the car, Lyall reached into his pocket for the keys, giving Emma a conspiratorial look. "You're driving," Lyall said, tossing Remus the keys to the car.

"Me?" Remus looked at the keys in his hand and took in Emma's very amused face.

"I drove out here, your turn to drive back," Lyall said, practically in the passenger's seat already. Emma giggled at Remus's shocked expression and got in the back seat of the car.

Remus, outnumbered two to one, found himself reluctantly sitting in the driver's seat. "This is bloody ridiculous," he muttered under his breath as he turned the key in the ignition. He glanced at Emma in the rear-view mirror and couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as she stared back at him in the reflection, her excitement infectious. Remus turned on the radio, the bright beat of Bruce Springsteen's cover of Santa Claus is Coming to Town playing through the speakers. It was a Christmas miracle that they weren't playing that year's preferred version of the song.

With everyone finally situated, they made their way back to Swansea. The journey back home was spent in silence as they listened to Christmas music playing over the radio. Half-way back to Swansea, Lyall turned the music down.

"Did she fall asleep?" Lyall asked, turning around to look at Emma, who seemed to be asleep.

Remus was quiet as he looked in the rear-view mirror, studying Emma carefully. She looked at ease curled up in the back seat, leaning against the door and her head resting on the window. He knew that she was exhausted and wasn't surprised that Emma had fallen asleep so quickly. "She's asleep," Remus confirmed, grinning slightly at her light snoring.

"Oh, Merlin, she snores like you," Lyall grumbled, turning back around. "Margaret never snored."

"Both you and mum snored," Remus chuckled quietly. "Margaret was the only one who didn't."

"I don't snore," Lyall insisted, a grin on his face.

"Of course not, dad," Remus said, grinning back.

Lyall's grin slowly fell from his face, and he took a look back at Emma. "What's going on, Remy?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Emma. She's not herself," Lyall said sadly. "That spark isn't there. She's trying, but you can see it in her eyes."

Remus glanced in the mirror again to make sure Emma was still sleeping before answering, "She's been having trouble at school."

"The Chamber of Secrets nonsense?"

"No, two of the girls from the children's home are going to school with her – her old roommates."

"The ones who hurt her last time?"

"The same," Remus said bitterly. "The one girl, Chloe, is in Hufflepuff with Emma, but apparently doesn't bother her while they're both back in the dorms. The other one, Jocelyn, is a little devil. Emma came home looking worse than she did when I brought her home for the first time. It's not just them, there are others."

"Did she tell you all of this?"

"I…deduced the information," Remus said slowly.

"Remus John Lupin," Lyall said sharply. "You _didn't_."

"Didn't what?" Remus asked innocently.

"I thought you said –"

"It doesn't matter what I said; what matters is that she's kept safe," Remus said sharply. He froze slightly as Emma shifted in the back seat and turned his attention back to the road, waiting for her breathing to even back out. "I, erm, may have inadvertently caused some underlying issues."

Lyall shot Remus a look, crossing his arms over his chest. "What do you mean by that?"

Remus sighed and shook his head. "I might have grossly underestimated her desire to have a 'normal' family."

Lyall nodded slowly in understanding. "She wants a father," he said softly.

"Exactly," Remus said. "I can't do that. Not with Jude..."

"Remy, do I need to remind you of the conversation we had?"

"Which conversation?" Remus glanced over at Lyall as he pulled up to the house. He parked the car and turned to look at Lyall, his brow furrowed.

"Well, one of the many we had before you officially brought Emma back into the family," Lyall said. "I told you that family is what you make it." Remus sighed, looking back at Emma, who was still sleeping soundly in the back seat. Lyall glanced at her before turning his attention back to Remus. "Emma has been alone for far longer than she should have been, and the past year and a half has been a lot for her. She craves stability, and she wants to know that someone will be there for her no matter what."

"But I will be. I would do anything for her."

"She wants a _father_. Remy, families are funny things; ours is no exception – you know that. It's okay to step into that role for her. If I'm going to be frank, I think you need her just as much as she needs you."

"But dad..."

"You don't need to be afraid that you're stepping on toes or that you're doing something that you shouldn't be," Lyall said, clasping Remus's shoulder. "You are the most important person to that little girl. She wants the love of a father, and she wants that person to be you."

"But Jude –"

"Isn't in the picture. As far as anyone's concerned, Jude was just a sperm donor."

"Shit. _Dad_ ," Remus hissed, turning to make sure Emma was still asleep. "Regardless of how we feel about him, he's still her father. I'm just supposed to be her uncle. That's it."

"Bah," Lyall muttered, waving Remus off. "Where's the man who was excited to step in and take the responsibility of being a parent, to be her father? If I remember correctly, you spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to undergo the adoption without any ill effects. I remember how excited you were when you found out that the entire ceremony wasn't needed for the bond to take effect. What happened?"

Remus looked at Lyall and shook his head. "Greyback happened," he said quietly. He finally turned the car off, passing Lyall the keys. "I can't stand the idea of him getting near her again or the idea of her getting hurt because of me."

Lyall understood all too well. "Don't let him be what prevents both of you from being happy," Lyall said. "It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to her. We never know what the day awaits us when we wake up each day. Don't let the fear of the unknown keep you from being what she needs you to be." Lyall was thoughtful for a moment. "If you're worried, perhaps it should be completed."

Both men turned to look in the backseat as Emma stirred again. She let out a quiet grumble before settling.

Remus frowned as he turned back to Lyall. "I can't complete it, you know that," Remus said with a shake of his head. "You knew the entire time, didn't you? With Emma?"

"She may or may not have brought up her concerns in her letters," Lyall said quietly. "I didn't know what your reasonings were. Now that I know, I can tell you, with all the love that I have, those are stupid reasons to not step up and be a father to that girl." Another grumble in the backseat drew their attention. "Come on, let's get her inside. It's getting cold in here."

"You head on in," Remus said, looking back at Emma. "I don't want her to wake up."

Lyall nodded, opening his door and stepping out. Before he closed the door, he popped his head back in with a smile. "Remus, you're allowed to be a wonderful father. It's not always going to be easy, but you've done a wonderful job already." Lyall pulled his head out of the car and cast a quick silencing charm before closing the door.

Remus watched as Lyall made his way to the house. When Lyall crossed the threshold, Remus turned back to look at Emma and sighed. He stepped out of the car and opened her door, glad that she had shifted from the window in her sleep. He carefully undid her seatbelt and gathered her in his arms, bothered by how light she felt.

Emma barely stirred as Remus closed the car doors and made his way into the house and up the stairs. He was glad that his father had gone up to lower the sheets on her bed so that Emma could just be placed down and tucked in. Removing her shoes was a well-practiced motion for him, but the dense layers of winter were not. He looked quizzically at her coat, trying to figure out the best way to take it off.

"I thought you might need some help," Lyall whispered, backlit from the hallway light and smiling as he watched Remus from the doorway.

"It's the bloody coat," Remus said, gesturing helplessly at Emma. "Shoes are easy."

"It's an art," Lyall said with a chuckle. "Get her sleep things out so she can change when she wakes up, I'll do it."

Lyall had gotten Emma out of her coat and tucked in before Remus even turned around.

"How the bloody hell did you even manage that?" Remus asked incredulously. "That coat is long with an ungodly number of buttons." He placed Emma's things down on top of the dresser and looked at Lyall in awe.

"Magic," Lyall said with a wink, motioning for Remus to follow him out of the room. Remus shook his head, a grin crossing his face at his dad's humor. He started to follow Lyall out but froze as Emma's soft and sleepy voice broke through the silence.

"Daddy, stay."

Remus's breath caught in his chest as his heart swelled in a way that he couldn't understand. He looked at Lyall, his eyes wide and unsure. He looked over at Emma, whose eyes were still closed, but she was slowly waking. Remus knew that she didn't mean to say it; the words only meant for the recesses of her mind and apparently his father. He couldn't even make the excuse that she had said something different as it felt like those two words echoed through the entire house.

"Did she –?" Remus looked at Lyall in shock.

"Duty calls," Lyall said with a smirk, leaving Remus standing awkwardly between Emma's bed and the relative safety of his bedroom down the hall.

Remus found himself at a literal crossroads. He could escape to his room and pretend that nothing had happened; go on with life as if nothing was different. Or he could stay with Emma until she fell back asleep and admit to himself that a new title in life was what he wanted.

With a sigh, Remus kicked off his shoes and took off his coat, hanging it up behind the door. He thought about taking off his suit jacket but left it on. He wasn't planning on staying long, just until she fell back asleep.

"Budge over," Remus said quietly as he climbed into the bed next to Emma. She let out a small grumble, her face screwing up in sleepy annoyance, but moved over. He leaned up against the headboard, trying to figure out what to do next. Remus didn't have to worry long as Emma curled herself up around him, propping herself up so that she could rest her head on his chest. He let out an amused huff and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head.

Emma's return to sleep was much slower than Remus expected. He worried that she had woken up enough to realize what she had said, but her breathing and heartbeat stayed even and relaxed. One of her hands found the lapel of his jacket, her grip loose but firmly wrapped in the fabric. His chest tightened with an emotion that he couldn't quite place, and Remus found him resigned to staying longer than he meant. Instead of obsessing over his spinning thoughts, he pulled Emma tighter to his chest, placing a gentle kiss in her hair.

Everything had changed, and Remus didn't fare well with change. With Emma asleep on his chest, trusting him to take care of her, the idea of change didn't seem so scary. He tucked her hair behind her ear, the corners of his lips twisting up as she snuggled into his arms. Maybe his father had a point. Perhaps it could be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	14. Center of the Universe

Emma woke slowly, more relaxed than she had been in months. The sunlight filtered into the room through the open curtains creating lazy shadows on the ground. She rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the sleep away from them. The night had been a blur, and she couldn't seem to remember much. She could recall getting in the car to return back to the house, but the rest of the night was an odd jumble of disjointed events. She could vaguely remember waking up long enough to get changed into her pajamas in the middle of the night, but the events before that were hazy.

She sat up and stretched, trying to piece together the night. There was a niggling feeling in the back of her mind like something significant had happened, but she couldn't place the thought. Emma scanned the room, lost in thought, but she spotted a small, wrapped gift on the nightstand, and her excitement took over.

"It's Christmas," Emma said breathlessly, a smile crossing her face. "It's Christmas!" She jumped out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown that was draped over a chair and threw it on, not bothering to take the time to tie the sash. Emma bounded down the stairs, two steps at a time, and turned the corner into the living room, skidding to a halt. Her smile grew as she spotted presents under the massive tree.

"Ah, cariad!" Lyall said happily from his favorite armchair. He folded up the copy of The Daily Prophet he had been reading and placed it on his knee. "Merry Christmas," he exclaimed, opening his arms for Emma to run into. "I told you Father Christmas would show up!"

"Merry Christmas, grandpa," Emma said with a giggle as she hugged Lyall tightly. "When can we open presents?"

"After breakfast, love," Remus said, leaning against the doorway with a teacup in hand. He pulled Emma into a tight one-armed hug as she bounded over to him. He smiled as she practically bounced over to the empty armchair next to Lyall. He loved to see Emma smiling and excited over what the day would bring.

"What are we doing today?" Emma asked, eying the pile of presents with glee.

"Well, of course, we'll be stopping at St. Mungo's this morning. The afternoon is open to doing anything. Then Persephone and her family will be coming for dinner tonight," Lyall said happily, tucking the Prophet underneath his arm.

"What?" Emma's smile faded, suddenly feeling deflated after her excitement over the day. She shot Remus a worried look and didn't feel any better when he looked confused.

"Dad, is that really a good idea? I thought it was just going to be just the three of us for Christmas this year," Remus said, giving his father a polite smile.

"I thought about that, but I figured the more, the merrier, no? They'll be sending their elves over to start on dinner in the late afternoon," Lyall said, looking between Remus and Emma with a broad smile. He was obviously unaware that there were any issues between Emma and Persephone. "Come along, the both of you – let's eat so this poor girl doesn't have to wait any longer to open gifts!" Lyall stood up quickly, motioning for Emma and Remus to follow him into the kitchen to get breakfast started.

Emma stayed in her seat, no longer excited for Christmas. Her excitement had swiftly been replaced by dread. She had expected St. Mungo's, had been excited at the possibility of even seeing Neville, but having to see Persephone and her family? It made her sick.

She gave a start as Remus placed a hand on her shoulder. Emma looked up at him, trying to keep her lip from quivering and tears from forming and quickly looked away. She wanted to go back to bed and pretend that the day was already over.

Remus sighed, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "You're not going through today alone," he whispered in her ear. "I'll help you get through today, I promise. Come on, let's go eat."

Despite everything in Emma's mind telling her to just go upstairs and back to bed, she nodded. Instead of warring with herself, she let herself believe that he would stay true to his word.

Breakfast had been a relatively quiet affair, Emma's appetite disappearing as quickly as it had started to return. It had taken a lot of gentle convincing from Remus to get Emma to eat more than a bit of egg and a slice of bacon. Lyall had decided a fry-up would be perfect for Christmas morning, and Emma didn't have the stomach for it.

After breakfast, Emma perked up a little with the prospect of opening gifts. Lyall, just like the previous Christmas, spoiled Emma. Most of her wardrobe came from Lyall, and she was appreciative of having new clothes. In addition to new clothes, Emma received a light summer cloak that reminded her of marigolds and was the perfect Hufflepuff yellow. From Remus, Emma received more books than she knew what to do with, and when she reached one particular book, she erupted into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny about that one?" Remus asked, an eyebrow quirking at the dark covered book she had in her hand. He wasn't sure that he could find a book on the dark arts funny, but something had inspired her laughter. It came as a set – was it because she only got one of them instead of both?

Emma's giggles rolled into full-blown laughter as she pulled a suspiciously book-shaped package from under the tree and handed it to Remus. "Open it!" she said through her laughs, tears rolling down her face as she continued to laugh.

Remus, terribly confused, began to open the package and snorted the moment he saw the spine of the book – it was the second volume.

"I – I was wondering why the salesperson kept telling me to not get the first one," Emma said, taking in sharp breaths to quell her laughter. "But then I supposed they had must have had a point, and you didn't need the first book anyway!"

Lyall looked between his son and granddaughter and began to laugh as well. "Well, look at that," he said, beaming, motioning for Emma to continue opening her presents.

It wouldn't be a gift from Remus if she didn't receive chocolate – "Don't have it all at once!" Remus warned, giving Emma a knowing look – but it was the black leather messenger bag that she received that gave her pause. She had insisted Remus repair her other bag, and he had, but the new bag made her feel strange. Emma couldn't understand exactly why it made her feel weird, but she tried to push past it.

After their little debate last year, Emma had decided to get Remus socks and Lyall a scarf. Lyall tried to trade Remus again, insisting that he had loved the socks and would've loved a second pair. With a cheeky grin, Emma revealed a second pair for Lyall. Remus found him impressed and relieved that perhaps she would have more a mischievous side but was floored when she had another gift for him as well.

Before Remus had a moment to appreciate his gift, a diamond-patterned tie, Emma jumped into an explanation of the present.

"I didn't know what to get you, but then I saw these Acromantula silk ties, and they were too expensive. But _then_ I found these, and they're made from _cactus_. I didn't even know you could make silk from cactus. Then I found out they're made from a newer hybrid cactus that's been spliced with a Mimbulus Mimbletonia and an agave plant!" She took in a deep breath and immediately jumped into what she had managed to find out about the plant while in Flourish and Blotts. Remus listened politely, sharing a look with Lyall, who was surprised by Emma's excited ramblings.

An hour after they finished with gifts, they were in St. Mungo's.

"Why couldn't we take the car again?" Emma asked, drawing a laugh from Lyall.

"Because it's nearly four hours to London, and the Floo is quicker," Lyall explained. "We only took the car because the Floo is only open for certain hours in Cardiff, and you don't want to travel by side-along."

"I don't ever want to travel by side-along," Emma grumbled.

"Ah, you won't be saying that once you try it. It's not that bad."

Emma was sure that Apparition was terrible and had no desire to try it. It might be better than taking a broom, and reportedly better than using the Floo, but Emma would much rather be in a car.

The way to the Janus Thickey Ward seemed to be muscle memory for Emma as she followed behind Remus and Lyall. She was lost in thought, but her feet could still follow as if she was paying attention to where they were going.

"Emma!"

A familiar voice pulled Emma out of her thoughts, and she smiled as she was suddenly pulled into a tight hug from Neville.

"Hi, Neville," Emma said, returning Neville's hug, shifting the package she had in her arms so that she could put an arm around him.

Remus and Lyall paused, looking back at the two before whispering with each other as they waited.

"I was going to the tearoom," Neville said, gesturing towards the staircase they had just come from. "Gran's with mum and dad right now. Are…are you just getting here?"

Emma nodded, "Yeah. We got a late start today. I think we were meant to be here earlier, but…you know, Christmas."

Neville nodded in understanding. "Yeah, it gets a little crazy, no? I wasn't sure if I was going to see you today, but I brought you a gift."

Emma glanced over at Remus and Lyall, who were currently trying to pretend they weren't listening to their conversation. Her cheeks grew hot as she noticed the smirk on Remus's face. "I…uhm…thank you," Emma said quietly as she turned back to Neville. She didn't get anything for Neville, and she cringed inwardly at the thought. "I didn't bring your gift with me. This is for my mum… I thought you would already be gone."

"It's okay!" Neville said brightly. "I should probably get Gran her tea before she wonders where I went. I uhm, I'll see you before we leave, yeah?" And with that, Neville departed for the stairs.

Emma let out the breath that she had been holding when she was sure that Neville was far enough away. She turned to look at Remus and Lyall and felt her entire face grow hot when she saw the looks on their faces.

"So, is he your boyfriend?" Lyall asked, waggling his eyebrows. "A Longbottom…who would have thought?"

"Grandpa," Emma whined, looking at Remus for help.

Remus choked on his laugh and pat Lyall's arm. "Let's not embarrass her," Remus said with a grin that betrayed him. He held his arm out and tucked Emma into his side as she begrudgingly joined the two men that were sure to tease her for the rest of the day. Luckily for Emma, the rest of the short trip to the ward was uneventful.

"Why don't you head over to your mum first?" Remus asked as they stepped into the ward.

The ward was decorated with charming Christmas decorations and garland that seemed to house real, sparkling fairies. The Christmas tree at the end of the ward was the same as last year, almost as if it had been expertly preserved and brought back out for the holidays. The ceiling held Christmas baubles that Emma wasn't sure if she could remember from her first visit.

Emma pulled anxiously at the sleeves of the dark blue jumper she was wearing that peeked out under her coat. She shifted the small package in her arms and looked down the length of the ward before looking at Remus. "I'm nervous," she whispered, looking back down the ward to where her mother's bed was.

"It'll be okay," Remus reassured, placing a hand on Emma's shoulder and squeezing it gently. "Your grandfather and I just want to speak to the Healers, first. I promise your mum will love what you brought her."

With a resolute nod, Emma straightened up. She made her way towards her mother's bed, walking with purpose as she passed the other filled mattresses. When she made it to Margaret's bed, she paled and felt herself grow cold with nerves. She shivered as another chill passed through her spine and cleared her throat.

"Happy Christmas, mum," Emma said, her voice shaking more than expected. She looked down at the package in her hand and sat down in the chair next to her mother's bed. It looked as though Margaret had aged several years since the last visit to St. Mungo's.

Margaret's hair was hanging limply around her face, streaked with a liberal amount of grey. Her green eyes were empty and unseeing, and her skin seemed impossibly paler than the last time Emma had seen her. Margaret's face turned a fraction in Emma's direction, almost as if she subconsciously knew that her daughter was there.

The subtle movement was enough to almost unnerve Emma, and she turned her attention back to the package. "I wasn't sure what to get you," Emma said quietly. "I asked Neville what he thought you might like, his parents are in here, too, and he mentioned that photos are always nice. So, I brought back some photos from school."

Emma unwrapped the paper surrounding the frames that she had brought, holding them towards Margaret in the hopes that she could actually see them. The photos were magical, taken with the camera that Persephone had given her, and showed some of Emma's favorite moments. In one image was a view of the grounds at sunset, another of the giant squid's tentacles over the top of the Great Lake, another photo was Emma and Persephone making silly faces at the camera for their first year, and another of Emma and her friends in the Hufflepuff common room. As Emma placed the frames down on the side table, she found herself smiling fondly. Her first year had been fantastic. Confusing and a whirlwind, but amazing.

"Uhm, Re's told me that you're not doing any better, and they don't really know what's wrong," Emma said, nervously straightening out the frames so that she had something to do with her hands. "I hope that they can figure it out because they're Healers, right? They should be able to figure out what's wrong and make you better…I just wish they would've figured it out a long time ago."

Emma cleared her throat and stopped fidgeting with the frames, realizing there were only so many ways that she could move them. She looked down at her hands, not at all surprised that she found herself fidgeting with her sleeves instead.

"School's been, well, it's been hard this year. Harder than I ever expected. Two of the girls that were with me at the children's home are at Hogwarts, and…they're not very kind." Emma sighed, alarmed by how easily she felt she could tell Margaret her troubles. "The girls are sisters, and they were actually my roommates for a few years. I suppose the one isn't _terrible_ – Chloe – she was sorted into Hufflepuff, too, but her older sister, Jocelyn, has never changed and is as awful as I remember. I feel stupid because I'm thirteen and shouldn't be scared of her, but she's…she's mean.

"She always tries to hurt me whenever she can, and I don't know why. Even at the children's home, but now that she's at Hogwarts, it's worse. It's not just her; there are others, too. It's like they follow me like shadows, and I can't escape. I try to, but they're everywhere. It…it hurts, mum – the things they say, the things they do."

The laugh that came from Emma was broken and sad, but the tears that burned her nose never quite made it to her eyes. She took a look around the ward, taking in the closed curtains, and then found Jude, who was sitting up in his bed, alone as always. Her stomach lurched when she looked at the man, the dream she had in the summer creeping into her mind. She wasn't sure if it was because of the dream or something she couldn't remember, but she knew that she didn't trust him deep down.

"Mum, I think I want to start calling Re 'dad,'" Emma said quietly, pulling her attention away from Jude to look back at Margaret. "I know it's silly because he's not really my dad, but to me, he is. He does everything a dad should do, er, well, I think he does at least. I don't really have much to go off of, do I?"

This time Emma's laugh was more genuine. "He tries to make sure that I'm safe, even though he can't do much while I'm at school. I'm sure he would try if he could, though. He – he'll let me cuddle with him on the couch while he's reading, and sometimes, he'll read out loud to me. Although we haven't done that lately." Emma couldn't hold back a giggle as a memory popped into her mind.

"I didn't tell you this last time, but sometimes when he's making us breakfast, he'll sing to me, and it's absolutely awful. I think that he sings silly to make me laugh. When he's in a really good mood, it's obvious, because he'll make me get up and dance with him. I tell him that I hate it, but I enjoy it. I think he knows that, though."

Emma smiled at the memory, remembering how dramatic Remus had been. He had bowed low, taking her hand and whirling her around the kitchen, spinning her in circles and singing to her in silly voices. She looked up at Margaret, and her smile faded as she noticed her mother staring at the wall like she usually did.

"I have to admit he can be terribly overprotective sometimes, watching every move I make. I know why he does, it's just…sometimes I wonder if he doesn't trust me," Emma muttered before shaking her head. "No, that's stupid. He trusts me…" She sat up straighter, having a sudden realization. "I know I've said that Effie is my best friend, well – we're not talking any more so I suppose it doesn't matter, but…Re's actually my best friend. I just hate feeling like he's keeping these big secrets from me. I don't know what it is, but I feel like he doesn't think I can handle the truth."

Emma looked down at her lap and began pulling at her sleeves again. "I think I want to call him dad, though. I'm just afraid of how he would react if I did…it's not like we've talked about it. I think he would like it." She smiled again at the thought. "I know it's silly, but families are what we make them. At least that's what grandpa and dad have –" Emma trailed off, her smile growing. "I think I like that. Anyway, that's what grandpa and dad have told me. I think they're right."

A noise drew Emma's attention away from her hands, and she felt her entire body heat up in embarrassment as she saw Remus. She sincerely hoped that he had just arrived and had only heard the very last thing she had said. There was no indication that he had, but she was embarrassed all the same.

"Uh, Re's here," Emma said, clearing her throat as she stood up. "I know grandpa and d-Re want to spend some time with you." She glanced over at Remus, giving him a nervous grin at her near slip-up. "I guess I'll go for now. I love you. Please get better, mum." She rubbed her hands on her trousers and looked at Lyall as he peered around the corner.

"Why don't you go spend some time with Neville? We've already talked to his grandmother, and they'll keep you company in the tearoom," Lyall said. "We'll stop by and wish Jude a Merry Christmas before we leave."

Emma nodded and started to leave, but Remus grabbed onto her sleeve. She looked at him, confused.

"Give me your coat," Remus said. "It gets warm in the tearoom."

"Oh," she said quietly, taking her coat off and handing it to Remus. "I forgot I was wearing it. Thank you."

"Of course," Remus said. "Go along, don't keep the Longbottom's waiting."

Lyall watched Emma meet up with Augusta and Neville before giving Remus a pointed look. "I told you," he said quietly.

"Not here," Remus hissed, turning to see Emma disappear beyond the door. He gave Lyall and look before turning to Margaret with a smile. "Hello, Margaret…"

Lyall huffed, the conversation put aside for now. He put on a smile and joined Remus and Margaret, knowing he would be having a long conversation with his son much later.

Emma felt as though they were never going to leave St. Mungo's. It was nice to talk to Neville outside of school but found his grandmother intimidating. She was kind in the way that McGonagall was, exhibiting a fierce love that you had to learn to appreciate. Emma couldn't hide her delight when Neville gave her a small succulent plant.

"I know it's a Muggle plant, but they're really pretty," Neville told her, delighted that Emma was more than happy with her gift. He had wanted to say something else, but he thought better of it with his grandmother close by.

Eventually, Lyall and Remus made their way to retrieve Emma from the Longbottom's. They had a quick conversation, parted with a "Merry Christmas," and then were back in the ward. Their time with Jude was short, Remus doing most of the talking while Emma stood awkwardly, and Lyall spent more time with Margaret.

"Emma, do you want to tell him 'Merry Christmas?'" Remus asked carefully, giving her a soft smile.

Emma pulled a face as she met Remus's gaze and turned to Jude, trying to plaster on the brightest smile that she could. "Merry Christmas," she muttered, not quite meeting the man's eyes.

Remus was quiet for a moment, imagining that was all Emma would manage for the day. It wasn't a big secret to him that she didn't care much for Jude, none of them did, but it didn't change the fact that she wouldn't be alive without him.

"Why don't you go and join grandpa for a moment?" Remus suggested.

"Okay," Emma said, starting to walk away before turning on her heel. "Aren't you coming?"

"I'll be over there in a moment," Remus said.

"Okay," Emma said slowly, turning back around and talking over to Lyall and her mother. She gave him an odd look as she walked away, but Lyall pulled her over, and whatever thought she had been having was lost.

Remus sighed and sat down in the seat next to Jude's bed. "Hello, Jude," Remus said quietly. "I apologize, I should probably come by to say hello more. I'm not sure if anyone comes to visit, well, other than Ellis. I know you two were friends at Hogwarts, so it's reassuring that you're not alone all the time." He turned in the chair to face Jude, smoothing out Emma's coat that was still in his arms.

"I'm not coming here to talk to you because I particularly want to. Our relationship has only been as polite as it needed to be, and that's why I'm here – man to man. Though, knowing you, I'm sure you would have something to say about that," Remus said with a snort. "It would be very inappropriate of me to not tell you of the shifting dynamics to our family.

"Now, I don't understand what Emma's apprehension is towards you, and I probably never will. I'm not about to have someone dig into her memories to try and find out. But for the sake of appearance, and for my ease of mind, I will continue to be as cordial as possible towards you. At the end of the day, there's nothing I can do about you being her biological father," Remus said, his lips twitching slightly. "But there's also nothing you can do to keep me from stepping into that role." Remus stood up and gave Jude a polite smile.

"I probably don't need to remind you, because Merlin knows you said it enough in school, but I'll remind you just in case. The wolf never sleeps and is always watching. If anyone or anything threatens her, for any reason, well…I'll let you fill in the blanks," he said quietly so that no one else would be able to hear. "Merry Christmas, Jude." Remus gave Jude a curt nod before rejoining his family.

Emma's relief at being back at Lyall's was evident as she threw herself into one of the armchairs in the living room. She held her gift from Neville up to look at the succulent, grinning at its fuzzy leaves. Neville had told her that Muggles call it a "Panda Plant," and she thought it was absolutely adorable. Her relief was to be short-lived as she heard a pop and a squeaky voice coming from around the corner. There was still dinner to worry about.

Emma paced back and forth in her room hours later, her anxious energy exploding out of her in waves. Persephone and her family had just arrived at the house, and Emma had no desire to leave the safety of her room and see them. It had been over a month since she had been able to have a meaningful conversation with Persephone that didn't devolve into an argument. She had been able to keep up a relationship with Caspian, but even their relationship had been strained. The boy didn't like confrontation and wanted to steer clear of what was going on between the two girls.

"Shit," Emma hissed, pausing in front of the mirror and staring at herself for a moment before covering her eyes with her hands. She couldn't do it.

"I'm just going to pretend that I didn't hear that."

Emma whirled around to look at Remus, who was standing in the doorway, the hint of a smile playing on his lips. She let out a groan, giving in to the desire to stomp her foot on the ground like a child. "I can't do this. I can't see her, I can't see _them_ ," Emma whined, taking fistfuls of her hair into her hands. "I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't."

"Emma, you can," Remus said, walking into the room quickly and pulling Emma into his arms. "You'll be okay. You've done wonderfully today." He carefully unfurled her fingers from her fists and smoothed out her hair. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I have to apologize, though. It was my fault for not saying anything to him earlier."

"It's not your fault," Emma muttered, pressing her face into his chest. "You didn't know, and I should've said something to him sooner. I just kept making up things so he wouldn't be worried."

"When I found out I should've said something," Remus said. "Therefore, my fault."

"Please don't tell him the truth," Emma said quietly. "I don't want him to feel bad." She suddenly flew back from Remus, her eyes wide as her hands found their way back into her hair. " _Shit_. I don't have anything for Persephone!"

"I'm still going to pretend I heard nothing," Remus said, slightly amused at Emma's language. "What do you mean you don't have anything for Persephone?"

"I…I didn't get her anything! It's not as though we were talking or talked about exchanging gifts, but what if she brought me something?" Emma said. She let out a groan and walked back over to Remus, pressing her face back into his chest, gripping onto the front of his jumper. "And her _birthday_ was last week, and I said nothing!"

"It's fine, don't panic," Remus said, patting the back of her head with a chuckle. "I'll take care of it. Do you mind if some of your gifts disappear for a few days?"

"No, but –"

"I'll replace them when we get home. Especially the bag – it was the wrong color for you anyway."

Emma tilted her head up to look at Remus, relief painted on her face. "Thank you," she whispered, throwing her arms around Remus's middle tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"I told you I would do anything for you," Remus said. He gently pulled Emma's arms from around him and placed his hands on her shoulders, bending down so that they were eye level. "I will tell you that every day until you believe it."

A shy smile crossed Emma's face, and she nodded. "Thank you."

"Besides, it would be a shame if I couldn't put my skills in last-minute gift giving to use," Remus said with a wink. He brushed the back of his fingers against Emma's cheek. "It's been years, but I think this old man can still figure it out."

Remus straightened up and walked over to the pile of Emma's gifts, trying to figure out what would be best to put together for Persephone. Emma walked over to the mirror, inspecting herself and trying to fix her hair and immediately frowned.

Looking at herself in the mirror, Emma felt like she looked wrong. After seeing Jude earlier, she felt that her features no longer fit her face. She frowned, brushing her fingers over her cheeks that were like Jude's. A finger brushed the bridge of her nose, her frown deepening. Her nose that she had been so sure came from the Lupin side of the family, suddenly looked more like Jude's, just less crooked. Her lips were Jude's, and it was one of the things that she liked least about herself.

With a sigh, she skimmed her hands down her sides, her fingers brushing the black velvet of her dress. She didn't think that the dress looked terrible, but she was suddenly aware of how much weight she had actually lost. She had grown jealous of Persephone's curves, looking more like a girl while she still looked like a boy. Emma looked past her reflection to see Remus watching her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, picking up the gift he had put together for Persephone and placing it on the bed. He joined Emma over by the mirror, looking at her in the reflection.

"I don't look right," Emma said bitterly. She reached up to the headband she wore and readjusted it.

"What do you mean?"

"I just…I don't like how I look."

"What do you mean? You're beautiful."

Emma looked at Remus, her brow furrowed, and then shook her head. "I'm not. I…I look too much like…like him."

"Ah," Remus said, understanding. "You look a lot like your mother, though."

"No, I don't," Emma muttered, looking at her reflection again.

"You do. I'll prove it," Remus said, glancing back in the reflection of the mirror. "I see you didn't open one of your gifts." He walked over to the nightstand and picked up the box that had been left untouched.

"I opened them all already," Emma insisted, turning to watch Remus. She spotted the box in his hand and smiled. "Or not."

"Or not," Remus repeated, handing the box to Emma.

She took it curiously, unwrapping the paper to find a box. Emma frowned slightly but opened the box and stared. It was a gold necklace with a small circular pendant that was surrounded by what looked like flames. It took her a moment to realize that it was the sun and found herself even more lost.

"I can't accept this," she said quietly. "I'll lose it."

"You won't," Remus said, taking the box from Emma and pulling the necklace out. He stood behind her and clasped the chain around her neck. "I know that the bracelet was important to you, but I didn't want to buy you another one. Not because I'm afraid that you would lose it, but I know that you enjoy herbology." He looked at Emma in the reflection and smiled.

"At the risk of sounding terribly cliché, but I chose the sun for a few reasons. I wanted it to be a reminder that you're loved, that you are bright, and you are beautiful in every way possible." He kissed the top of Emma's head. "And you're the reason that I wake up every morning. _You_ are the sun."

Emma looked up at Remus in the mirror in surprise, but a smile crossed her face as she took in the pendant that stood out bright against her dress.

"And you look just like your mother when you smile," Remus said, smiling as Emma beamed back at him in the reflection.

She turned around and threw her arms around Remus. "Thank you," she whispered, swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in her throat.

"Of course," Remus whispered back, hugging her back. "I don't want to go to this dinner any more than you do, but we shouldn't keep them waiting."

"They can wait a few more minutes," Emma muttered, holding onto Remus tighter.

Remus chuckled. "Okay. Just a few more minutes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	15. Nothing Like a Holiday Spell

Emma was relieved that dinner was a formal affair. It meant that she didn't have to think much and only go through the motions. Neither girl acted as though anything was wrong, though Caspian couldn't help but watch as though one of them would suddenly implode. Sage, Ellis, and Lyall seemed none the wiser, and Remus played things off as though he was equally as oblivious.

Remus's quick thinking for Persephone's gifts went off without a hitch, and the two girls exchanged gifts as painlessly as possible. Emma wasn't sure that she could possibly be any more grateful.

Lyall and Ellis sat across from each other at the heads of the table. Remus, Emma, and Caspian took up one side of the table while Sage and Persephone took the other. With dessert finished, they remained at the table to continue their conversations. The house-elves had left for the night at Remus's insistence, but not without making sure everyone's wine glasses were full before they left.

Emma pouted when Remus took away her glass, with a gentle, "No." She supposed he had a point after feeling a pleasant buzz after two drinks, but she wished she had it when the conversation turned to the children. She listened politely as Caspian rattled on about his first year of school. Emma found herself laughing as he discussed the charms that backfired and felt for him when he mentioned having points taken away in potions. It was hard to find a student who hadn't fallen victim to Professor Snape and how quickly he took points away.

Emma's stomach dropped when the conversation turned to her as Ellis asked how she felt her second year was going. If it weren't for the subtle weight of Remus's arm draping over the back of her chair, she was sure she would have lost her composure.

"It's been going well," Emma lied with a smile. "It's, well, it's not anything like I expected this year. I didn't think things were going to be as difficult as they are." The second part was not a lie, and Emma felt as though she could potentially get through the night.

"You can say that again," Persephone snorted into her glass, refusing to look at Emma.

"How about your classes?" Sage asked gently, shooting Persephone a look.

"Uh, well, classes have been all right. Our defense teacher, well, Caspian already explained. There's not much else I can add. I'm not sure that I've learned anything of value this year," Emma said, scrunching up her nose at the mention of Lockhart. She glanced over at Remus as he gently began to stroke her hair. "I admit that I wish we had a better teacher."

"It's a wonder that Dumbledore hired the man," Sage said with a grown. "Do you remember what he was like in school, Remus?"

"Vaguely," Remus admitted as he picked up his wine glass with his free hand, taking a drink. "He was a few years below us, no? I knew of him, and I knew he was favorable with Slughorn, but I wasn't a part of the Slug Club to find out. The stories I heard from my friends weren't very favorable."

"Be glad you didn't have to deal with him _or_ the Slug Club," Sage said. "You were the lucky one."

"I'll try to remember to tell my younger self that," Remus said with a smile.

Ellis looked between Remus and Sage, a bemused look on his face. He chuckled and turned his attention back to Emma. "What about your other classes?"

"Oh," Emma said, sitting up straighter in her chair as she tried to think. "Well, Potions is going as well as ever. I think that's one of the only few classes that I'm decent at."

"I heard you were one of the few students that Severus doesn't hate, well done," Ellis said with a smile.

"Herbology hasn't been as fun this year since we've been focusing on Mandrakes. I know they're supposed to help with the petrified students, but I'm tired of looking at them."

"What do you think of that, Remus?" Ellis asked. "About students being petrified? Sage and I originally thought it was a prank, but now we're starting to wonder."

Remus thought for a moment, running a finger over the rim of his glass. "Well, it's peculiar that students are being petrified. There are not many things that can cause petrification, and the things that do can be written off as myth. I don't believe that there's any real danger, not yet. It's all very isolated."

Emma was relieved when she was given a reprieve from the conversation as the adults shared their thoughts on the events at Hogwarts. She looked over at Caspian, who was practically falling asleep, though trying to hang onto their every word. She gave a small start as she looked across the table at Persephone, who was glaring at her. She looked away quickly and leaned back in her chair, trying to ignore Persephone's intense stare and listen to what the adults were saying. Unfortunately, everything they said was things she had heard from Remus already and nothing different.

Their conversation went on for a while until Ellis looked over at Emma, his eyes growing wide. "I apologize, Emma, we got distracted. You see, it's been a lot of talk at the Ministry, and it's nice hearing from other parents. What about your other classes?"

"It's okay." Emma smiled politely. "Oh, Charms has been rather difficult this year. I didn't think that something seemingly as easy as growing and shrinking charms would be so hard. I understand the theory, but the actual practice of it – well, I'm not sure if it's my wand work or if I'm not saying the spells right."

"I'm surprised that you haven't talked to your friend _Draco_ about it," Persephone muttered.

"Draco? I've talked to Draco _once_ ," Emma said, frowning at Persephone.

"Funny. It seems as though he's taken an interest in you all of a sudden."

"Draco?" Remus asked curiously, lifting his glass to his lips.

"Malfoy," Emma, Persephone, and Caspian said in unison. Remus and Lyall choked on their drinks in surprise.

"Again, you're missing the point that I've talked to Draco _one time_. I've never said a word to him until the day before we left for hols."

"Well, you could fool me. He doesn't stop staring at you."

"Does, erm…Draco like Emma?" Remus asked hesitantly, glancing at Lyall with his brow furrowed.

"No," insisted Emma.

"Yes," Persephone said at the same time.

"Draco does _not_ like me."

"Does too!"

"Does _not_. What would I want to do with a smarmy git like Draco?"

The adults and Caspian looked between Emma and Persephone as if they were at a tennis match. Remus and Lyall wore matching confused expressions, Sage seemed amused, and Ellis was impassive.

"Oh, I don't know," Persephone huffed. "He's rather handsome, no?"

"Gross. _Draco_ handsome? He's practically translucent."

"He is not!"

"He _is._ He's not even my type."

Remus and Lyall let out simultaneous breaths of relief until Persephone spoke again. "Then what _is_ your type?"

"Girls, how about we change the subject?" Ellis asked, rubbing his temples. He quickly picked up his wine glass and drained it, shaking his head. "It's almost time for you to pick your classes for next year. Have you two thought about what you'll choose?"

"Well, Persephone and I had discussed divination at one point. I was torn between ancient runes and arithmancy, and I don't believe I need Muggle Studies. The idea of caring for magical creatures sounds like a good idea, though," Emma said thoughtfully.

"What about you, Persephone?" Remus asked politely.

"Well, as Emelyn mentioned, we had discussed taking divination, but now I'm not so sure," Persephone said through gritted teeth. "I'm taking Care of Magical Creatures, but I don't believe I'll be taking a third class. I'm surprised that Emelyn hasn't talked to Draco about what classes he'll be taking."

Emma rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. She didn't understand why Persephone had a sudden obsession with Draco. She had talked to him the one time, and that was it.

Ellis nodded slowly. "Breaks _are_ important," he said, "especially since you'll be adding new subjects. What did you take while you were at Hogwarts, Remus?"

"Well, I stayed as far away from divination as possible, that's for sure," Remus laughed. "I took ancient runes and arithmancy to N.E.W.T. level and Care of Magical Creatures to O.W.L."

"I think I recall a very loud conversation you had in the Great Hall about divination," Sage remarked. "I believe you told everyone in the surrounding area that it was a joke of a class."

"I, er, may have done something like that, yes," Remus said, his face flushing slightly. "It was recommended that I take divination and arithmancy together as they often mesh together, but as it turns out, I was not given any Seer abilities."

"It's not as if it exists in our side of the family," Lyall laughed. "I'm sure that your mother would have loved it if it did."

"Jude used to mention the possibility of Seer blood being somewhere in your family, Emma," Ellis said. "Perhaps you'll be predicting things for all of us before we know it."

"I doubt it," Emma said, glancing at Remus and then down at her hands. "I've wondered about that, actually. About…Jude." She looked up at Ellis, curiously. "I know you've mentioned that you were friends with him, but I don't really know that much."

"I admit that we didn't know him too well, either," Lyall said, looking at Remus with a small nod before turning to Ellis. "We were never given the opportunity. If I'm going to be honest, the entire thing was a whirlwind. Margaret came home for Christmas, told us about Jude, then just before she went back to school, she broke the news that she was pregnant. Nine months later, Emma was born." Lyall gave Emma a fond look that made her blush.

"That does sound very fast," Sage said in surprise.

"Oh, my wife and I were not happy at all, though it had more to do with being scared. Being in the middle of a war with Margaret still in school and Hope being sick – it was a difficult time," Lyall sighed. "Of course, we were excited to have a grandchild, but the circumstances…I'm sure you remember what it was like."

"I remember," Ellis said. "I remember a little too well, I think."

"Don't we all," Remus agreed.

"Margaret and Jude were together for a few years, actually," Ellis said thoughtfully. "I'm surprised that you didn't know about him sooner."

"Came as a complete surprise," Lyall said.

"I imagine that you didn't get a chance to meet Jude's parents or his siblings before they passed?"

"We barely even got to meet Jude," Remus remarked. "We met him maybe three times before everything happened."

"That sounds about right. The whole family all got Dragon Pox in his sixth year while he was at school. It was like one of them got it, and then they all did – knocked out his grandparents, too. I had already been out of school for a year at that point and working; otherwise, I probably would've gotten it too," Ellis said with a frown. "I spent a lot of time with his family during my first year out of school."

"How many siblings did he have?" Lyall asked.

"Three – all younger. Alistair was just about ready to go to Hogwarts, and the two youngest, Hazel and Graham, were only 7. Theodosia, his mother, was so excited for the twins. They weren't sure they were going to have any more children."

Emma was surprised to hear the name Theodosia. She had wondered where her middle name came from and finally had an answer. Emma was confused, though. She had never heard the term "Dragon Pox" before, but whatever it was, it didn't seem to be good.

"Dragon Pox?" Emma looked over at Remus curiously.

"It's a magical disease that we can get," Remus explained to Emma. "Was it early '79?"

"Late '77, actually," Ellis answered. "Downright shame that it got all of them at once."

"My friend's parents passed in February of '79 from Dragon Pox. It was devastating for all of us."

"Was it the Potters? I heard about that. It was hard for everyone who knew them."

"It was," Remus agreed. "I'm glad that…that James and Sirius had each other, but it affected all of us. Euphemia and Fleamont were like a second set of parents."

"Did Hope catch it? You mentioned that she passed," Sage mentioned.

"No, cancer," Lyall said sadly. "The one thing that neither world had succeeded in finding a cure for. She was a Muggle, so even if there was a cure, she wouldn't have let us try it. She was incredibly stubborn that way."

"Stubborn is only skimming the surface," Remus said with a laugh.

"She seemed like she was a fun woman," Sage smiled.

"You have no idea," Lyall said. "Very quick-witted and very smart. Didn't care much for magic, but that only added to her charm."

"Emelyn, can I talk to you outside?" Persephone suddenly asked.

Everyone turned to look at Persephone and then to Emma, who looked alarmed. "About what?" Emma asked, her stomach sinking.

"I just need to talk to you."

Emma stared at Persephone, trying to weigh her options. There was a hint of desperation in Persephone's voice that surprised her. However, Emma was still aggravated that she brought up Draco. She wanted to see if Ellis would talk more about Jude, but a part of her was curious about what Persephone wanted to say. Remus moved his hand from her hair to her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. She shrugged it off, finding herself agitated. "Fine," she said sharply. "May we leave the table?" Emma turned to Lyall with a tight smile.

"Uh, sure," Lyall said, looking between the girls in confusion. "Of course."

"Father?" Persephone asked, looking at Ellis.

"Yes," Ellis said slowly.

"Can I go?" Caspian asked, perking up slightly.

"No," Emma and Persephone said at the same time.

"Thank you," Emma said, giving Lyall and Ellis a smile and standing up. "We'll go out the front door to get to the garden since all of our things are that way. Come on, _Effie_."

Emma and Persephone made their way to the front of the house, bundled up, and made their way outside. It wasn't until they reached the backyard and the garden that Emma turned around to glare at Persephone.

"What do you want, Persephone?" Emma shouted. "It's been weeks since you've talked to me, it's bloody freezing outside, and you _had_ to mention Draco Malfoy of all people."

"I'm sorry," Persephone said quietly, taking a few steps back from Emma. Her expression was considerably softer than it had been inside the house. "I just…I miss talking to you."

"Well, you have a shit way of showing it," Emma grumbled, folding her arms over her chest. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I didn't want to talk," Persephone said, suddenly looking nervous. "I do, but…"

"But what, Persephone?"

"Shit," Persephone moaned, covering her face. "I don't know how to do this."

"Do _what_?"

"It's been driving me insane for weeks not talking to you," Persephone said, pulling her hands away from her face. "All I've wanted to do is talk to you. At the dueling club…I felt terrible."

"You didn't act like it. You were more than happy for me to fall on my arse."

"I wasn't, I really wasn't," Persephone said. "I just didn't know what to do. It wasn't like you acted like you wanted to talk to me. Have you even _missed_ me?"

"Of course, I miss you, you git." Emma deflated and unfolded her arms. "I've missed you since the last time we talked. Do you think I like this? Do you think I enjoy not talking to you? Because I don't."

Persephone froze, her expression unreadable as she stared at Emma. A hopeful expression slowly crossed her face. "Really?"

"Really. You're my best friend, Effie." Emma sighed. "I'm sorry that I've been stupid, but there's just a lot going on."

Persephone nodded. "No, I know. I'm sorry that I brought up Draco," she said quietly, taking a few steps towards Emma.

"It's fine," Emma said quietly. "Was this why you wanted to come out here? So that we can reconcile our friendship and acknowledge the fact that we're both stupid?"

"No," Persephone said. "Yes, but…no."

"Oh? Then why are we out here? Effie, it's bloody freezing. We could've just gone upstairs."

"I know. I didn't want to be inside where anyone could hear. I've just had a lot of time to think," Persephone said, taking a few more steps closer to Emma. Her eyes dropped down to Emma's lips before finding her eyes again, and Emma felt a chill run down her spine.

Neither girl said a word and just stared at one another. Emma tried to understand what was happening, but she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure why, but the way Persephone was looking at her made her heart begin to pound in her chest. It wasn't as if they had never stood close together before, but the air between them was charged like electricity.

"Effie?" Emma said hesitantly. "What were you thinking about?"

Persephone blinked slowly as if pulling herself out of a trance. "I - I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's…shit."

"What is it?"

"I – I don't even know if you, uhm. I don't even know if you like girls."

Emma felt as though she was slapped in the face, heat rising into her cheeks. The fact that Persephone even had to bring that up made her wonder what things Jocelyn said in the Slytherin common room. She felt as though she was back at King's Cross as Jocelyn's comment repeatedly echoed in her mind. If she was, what did it matter? She already had enough problems as it was.

"Really, Persephone? You brought me out here because you wanted to know if I'm _gay_?" Emma scoffed and shook her head. "What are you going to do? Turn around and go and tell Jocelyn now? I wasn't aware that you two became friends in my absence." Emma started to head back to the front of the house, aggravated.

"What? Wait, no!" Persephone said, rushing over to Emma and grabbing her shoulder, spinning her around. She looked at Emma, perturbed. "What are you talking about?"

Emma pulled herself out of Persephone's grip. "Jocelyn made a comment when we got back to London. She was with Chloe, and as they walked by, they made a comment about me being gay."

"What? Really?" Persephone frowned. "She's such a little shit." Persephone shook her head. "No, I…that's not why I said it. I said it because I do." Persephone grabbed Emma's hand, pulled her back towards the garden, and stopped near the tall maple tree.

"What?" Emma felt her heart stutter in her chest. Persephone moved closer to her so that their chests were almost touching.

"I like girls," Persephone repeated, nervous and unsure. "But I don't know if you do. I've thought about it for a long time, but not being around you…I've just wondered." Persephone's face moved closer to Emma's so that their breath was intermingling.

Emma didn't move, couldn't move. She swallowed hard, meeting Persephone's gaze for a moment before looking away, her nerves running away from her. This was the sort of moment that she had only seen in movies and read in books, but it was always between a man and a woman. The idea of actually liking girls had never crossed Emma's mind until Jocelyn's comment, her words dripping with venom. _Gay_. It was the sort of thing that drew attention to a person in ways that they sometimes didn't want. But if Persephone was gay and no one treated her differently, maybe it didn't matter.

It wasn't as if Emma didn't have the passing thought that a girl was pretty before. She had the idea frequently, finding certain girls attractive, but she did the same for boys. Emma could look at a boy and find him incredibly attractive. Sometimes, mostly when she was reading a Muggle romance novel, she could even imagine what it would be like to have their hands on her. She realized with a jolt that sometimes she did the same but with girls, almost as if the thought of it being a girl or boy blended together. In her mind, it didn't really matter. Did that make her gay? She wasn't sure.

"Wondered what?" Emma asked shakily, meeting Persephone's gaze once more.

"If you taste like chocolate…"

"You could always find out."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Persephone. "Have you ever –?"

"Have I ever what?"

"Kissed someone?"

"No," Emma admitted. "You?"

"Once. A boy that I met at the playground when I was six. It wasn't very good."

Emma couldn't help her giggles at the thought. She had never been so nervous before, so unsure, and then to hear that Persephone's first kiss had been terrible just set her off. "Is he why you like girls?"

Persephone didn't laugh, though a smile crossed her face. "No, I think I knew then," she said. Her voice dropped to a whisper, "Merlin, your laugh is beautiful." Persephone began to close the distance between them, her nose nearly touching Emma's. "Are you sure?"

Emma took a shaky breath and nodded, daring to move her face closer to Persephone's until their lips were nearly touching. "You wanted to know, right?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Persephone closed the space between them, eyes closing as her lips brushed against Emma's. It was soft, almost like a whisper, and Persephone pulled back slightly. "Is…is this okay?"

Emma's eyes fluttered open, her mind blank as she tried to find her words. "Yes," she whispered with a shy smile. Persephone grinned and pressed her lips back to Emma's.

This time, their kiss was sure, heads turning so that they fit together. It was soft lips brushing against each other, nervous and happy giggles, and the hint of wine. Emma wasn't sure if the buzz she was feeling was from the wine at dinner or from Persephone's lips on hers. She found she didn't care. It sent butterflies into her stomach and stilled her beating heart and sent tingles down her spine. She wanted more.

A sudden noise from the house forced the two girls to separate, shooting from each other as if lightning struck. Emma and Persephone stared at each other, expressions both unsure. Emma felt her face flush, though she was sure that it was already red from the cold. Her eyes darted to the kitchen window and returned to Persephone.

She cleared her throat, trying to find her voice again. "So, uhm…chocolate?"

"And wine. Chocolate and wine," Persephone said breathlessly. "Think anyone saw?"

"Dunno, I didn't see anyone. Did you?"

"No."

Emma nodded, taking a deep breath. She turned back to look at the kitchen window, relieved that she didn't see any noticeable shadows. "I think something fell," Emma said, giving Persephone a grin.

"Well, that's…that's not good. Good for us, not good for whatever fell," Persephone said with a laugh. "Are you sure you've never kissed someone? That was nice."

"No, never. I just did what you did," Emma admitted. "Now what?"

Persephone licked her lips, her eyes darting back to Emma's with a cheeky grin. "I would really like to kiss you again."

"I would like that, too," Emma said quietly. "But we should probably go back in before they think we've killed each other."

"You're probably right," Persephone said with a huff as she looked over at the house. She turned back to Emma with an eyebrow raised. "Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"Do…do you like girls?"

"I just kissed you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but do you _like_ girls?"

Emma frowned slightly. "It's complicated."

Persephone deflated. "You don't like girls," she said sadly. "Shit, I'm so fucking stupid."

"No," Emma said quickly. "It's not like that, at all. I – I definitely like girls." Emma grinned slightly. "But I like boys, too."

"Oh," Persephone said, surprised. "You're bi." Persephone looked as though she had an epiphany, her eyes wide.

"Bi?"

Persephone laughed, the sound melodic and magical under the star-filled sky. "Oh, Merlin," she said, her smile wide. "I forget how clueless you are sometimes."

"What do you mean?" Emma asked with a huff. "I'm not that clueless."

"Do you even know what _sex_ is?"

"I know what sex is, Effie," Emma said, rolling her eyes.

"You know what sex is, but you've never heard of being bi?"

"Stunted Muggle school education," Emma explained. "'Don't have sex before marriage' and 'It's a sin, you'll go to Hell.'"

"Merlin, what? No," Persephone was appalled. "No, oh, wow. That's what they teach you? No wonder you were so confused when you started your monthlies."

"They briefly go into the mechanics. Sounds rather clunky, really. Not sure why anyone would like it," Emma said thoughtfully. "Then again, I thought that about kissing until just now… But you still haven't told me what being bi is!"

"Merlin," Persephone muttered, brushing a hand through her hair. "Bi- _sexual_. It means you like boys _and_ girls."

Emma nodded, accepting the explanation. "That makes sense," she said, surprised that a word could exist to explain how she felt. A part of her felt like the way she felt was just a little more different than that, but it was an explanation, and she would take it.

Persephone stared at Emma for a moment, before asking, "Do I even want to ask how they explained sex to you?"

"Not really, but…maybe I can tell you at school? We really should go back in." Emma looked back at the kitchen, frowning as a shadow passed close by.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right," Persephone agreed. "At school, then."

The girls smiled at each other, and Persephone linked her hand with Emma's. They slowly walked back to the front of the house, trying to take their time.

"I'm sorry again," Emma said quietly as they neared the stairs. "For…being weird."

"I'm sorry I was such an arse," Persephone said. "Will you tell me what's been going on? You look better than you have in weeks."

Emma hesitated, torn between telling Persephone everything and just keeping it a secret. Remus knew, and that was enough for her, but she wanted to tell Persephone, too. "I'm not ready yet," she whispered. "Not yet. But I will."

Persephone nodded. "Okay," she said.

"Okay," Emma murmured, starting to ascend the steps.

"Wait!" Persephone said, pulling Emma back to the first step so that they were eye level. "One more kiss," she said, placing a hand on Emma's cheek and pulling her back in. Their kiss was a quick as the first, barely a whisper. "We can do that more at school…if you'd like."

"I think I would," Emma grinned.

"Good. Now wipe that stupid smile off your face," Persephone said with a grin, leading the way into the house.

The girls were surprised to see that everyone had moved to the living room. Sage was sitting on the couch, Caspian laying down with his head resting on her lap. Lyall and Ellis had taken the armchairs, and Remus was leaning against the wall near the stairs.

"Did you two have a good talk?" Ellis asked, giving both girls a once over.

"Yeah," Persephone said, trying to hide her wide grin. "We're fine."

"All good," Emma said, covering her mouth and clearing her throat to hold back her giggle.

"Don't take your coat off, Persephone," Sage said. "It's been a long day, and I'm sure everyone would like to go to bed. Your brother is practically asleep already."

Ellis looked at his watch and gripped the arms of his chair. "Ah, yes, that would probably be best," Ellis said, rising from his chair. "Thank you for inviting us again this year."

"It was wonderful having you again," Lyall said, standing up and shaking Ellis's hand.

Emma met Remus's gaze from across the way and flushed. She couldn't help but suddenly feel trapped and looked away. She ducked her head and looked over at Persephone, her eyebrows raised. Persephone shrugged, making sure to not look his way.

The rest of the Moon family gathered their things, Caspian leaning on his mother sleepily. Everyone said their final goodbyes, Persephone and Emma hugging a little longer than they usually would. Then the living room held only Lyall, Remus, and Emma.

"Well, I suppose I should finish bringing everything into the kitchen," Lyall said with a smile. He leaned down and kissed the top of Emma's head and departed.

"You and Persephone made up?" Remus asked simply, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smirking.

"Uh, yep. Everything is fine," Emma said, pinching herself behind her back so that she could keep herself from turning red. "Just a big misunderstanding."

"That happens," Remus nodded, crossing the room to stand in front of her. "The important part is that you're friends again."

Emma's eyes narrowed slightly at how slowly Remus said the word "friends" but tried to ignore it. "Yep, friends," she confirmed with a smile. She covered her mouth, trying to stifle a yawn.

Remus chuckled. "Go to bed. It's been a long day," he said, giving her a quick hug.

"Yeah," she said, unable to hold back her yawn. She slipped around Remus, making her way to the stairs. She paused at the foot of the stairs, trying to figure out the look he was giving her. "You're looking at me weird. What?"

"I'm not looking at you weird."

"Yes, you are," Emma insisted, her brow furrowing slightly. "You know what? I don't even want to know. Good night."

"Good night, love," Remus said, smiling at Emma as she made her way upstairs. He sighed and rubbed his hands down his face.

"Did Emma go to bed?" Lyall shouted from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute," Remus said. "Just trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next," he whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	16. Drawing Conclusions

Emma curled up in an armchair, trying hard to get comfortable as she kicked her legs out over an arm of the chair. The warmth of the living room was forcing her eyelids to grow heavy, and she would be loath to give in to her exhaustion. The moment she and Remus returned home, it felt like things fell apart. They had spent a majority of Boxing Day with Lyall and had returned later that night. Not even hours later, Emma had given into the desire to hurt herself, and she broke down, guilty and ashamed that she wasn't strong enough to resist.

"It's okay," Remus told her earnestly. "Things aren't going to change overnight."

"It should be overnight," Emma cried, her shame mixed with frustration. She felt weak.

"You're not weak," Remus said, almost like he was reading her mind. "You just need time, and this is going to take time."

It was something that Emma didn't want to even consider – needing time. The idea of it made her feel worse, almost like there was no end in sight. She had spent the entirety of the night in her room just staring at the silver scissors she used, shimmering in the faint moonlight like a taunt. After a strongly worded debate with herself, Emma decided that she could no longer trust herself.

She carefully wrapped her weapon of choice in an old shirt and carried it out with her to the kitchen the next morning. With a heavy sigh, she handed the hastily wrapped parcel to Remus. "I don't trust myself," she had told him quietly, her eyes never leaving the bundle that Remus now held. "I don't want to feel like this anymore," she said, forcing herself to look away. "Will you please help me?"

With a gentle smile that Remus agreed, more than happy to help Emma. Unfortunately, Emma quickly realized that she hated the idea of relinquishing her control. Without her method of stress relief, the days were filled with panic attacks that left her exhausted and moody. It took a lot of Remus's effort to convince Emma to try and stay on a regular eating schedule, but he refused to give up.

Remus tried in vain to have her journal, tried to teach her meditation to no avail, and had quickly found out that not even reading could hold her attention. The television had managed to create a headache-inducing line of questioning for Remus. Emma had insisted that he walk her how exactly he managed to get the television to work, because after all, "magic makes electronics wonky." Her line of questioning then led into questioning the radio and how the entire house worked since none of it made sense. It wasn't until Remus slipped away and returned with a massive mug of hot chocolate that she finally stopped asking questions.

In any other circumstance, Remus would have been glad to answer all of her questions, but her avoidance of acknowledging her struggles wouldn't help. It wasn't until the morning that Remus sat her down in the kitchen and placed a pencil and paper in front of her that things finally started to click.

"Draw," Remus said simply.

Emma looked between Remus and the paper in front of her in confusion. "What?"

"Draw," Remus repeated. "Maybe try drawing how you're feeling?"

"You're kidding," she muttered, staring down at the paper. She was sure that Remus couldn't be serious.

"No, really – draw how you're feeling right now."

With a skeptical look, Emma picked up the pencil and stared at the paper. "How am I supposed to draw how I'm feeling?"

Remus looked at her thoughtfully, not missing the anxious tapping of her foot on the floor. "If your feelings were a creature, what would it look like?" Remus suggested, pleased to see something light up in her eyes. "I won't look if you don't want me to," he said, setting about the kitchen to make breakfast.

"I don't mind," Emma said quietly, watching him for a beat before turning her attention back to the paper in front of her. It took a few more minutes for anything to happen, but as Remus started to make toast, he heard the gentle scratch of the pencil connecting to the paper.

Emma had become so engrossed in her drawing that she didn't even acknowledge that Remus placed a plate down for her. He watched her in amusement for a few minutes, before intervening.

"Emma," he said softly, his lips quirking at her startled expression. "Eat before it gets cold." She looked at him in confusion and then spotted her plate, a flush creeping into her cheeks as she pushed the paper aside and pulled her plate over so that she could eat.

Remus continued to watch Emma for a moment, thinking about the things he had learned about her throughout the past few days. The first thing he realized was that Emma needed to be in control of things – of herself and her situations. He quickly realized that she was very much like him, and she didn't fare well with change. When she had a panic attack, she needed to hold onto something soft to help keep herself grounded. If it wasn't something soft, she would panic more, and any progress made would be quickly lost. If she wasn't comfortable with something, she would never say that she was and would fidget – a lot. If Emma was telling the truth, she would pull at her right sleeve, but she pulled on her left if she lied. When she felt particularly stressed, she would find the closest unworn cardigan or jumper and throw it on, almost like a security blanket. To his relief, chocolate still did wonders for her mood. It offered her temporary relief, and hot chocolate would get her to calm down long enough that she would sleep.

He also learned that her anxiety manifested itself in the form of a large, hairy, fox-like creature with massive claws.

"I think a part of me has always seen that," Emma said, a wry smile crossing her face as she noticed Remus looking at the paper. "It wasn't like I really had to think about it."

"Is it big? Or is it small?"

"Massive," she answered between bites of egg. "Sometimes it walks on four legs, but it mostly walks on two."

"Now that you see it, how are you feeling?"

Emma stared at the creature on the page curiously for a moment, before turning back to Remus. "Better," she said, almost surprised at her response.

And that was what led to Emma sitting awkwardly in an armchair by the fire, a stack of papers sitting haphazardly on her lap, and a pencil held stiffly in her hand. After drawing her anxiety, she had found an unspoken enjoyment in drawing and continued to draw with minimal prompting. It had been a lot of trial and error and even more tears over the past few days, and she was exhausted. Even with finding an outlet to channel her energy into, her thoughts still swirled in her mind constantly.

Emma stirred as a gentle hand pushed her hair behind her ear. She forced herself to open her eyes and looked at Remus with bleary eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek.

"Tired," Emma mumbled, stretching out her legs in front of her

"It's late," Remus acknowledged, plucking the pencil out of Emma's hand before she hurt herself with it. "You had a good day today."

With a quiet hum, Emma's eyes fell shut again.

"It's New Year's Eve tomorrow," Remus said, the hint of a smile in his voice. "Did you want to do anything?"

"No idea," Emma muttered, curling back up and pulling her legs back underneath her, nearly causing the papers on her lap to fall.

"Maybe you should go to bed?"

"Here's fine," she responded, and for the night it was. It wasn't until the next morning that Emma realized that she had managed to fall asleep in the armchair. The day was just beginning to break and cast light into the living room. To her surprise, Remus had fallen asleep on the couch, legs stretched out longways, and a book sitting open on his chest.

With a quiet groan, Emma pulled off the blanket that was wrapped around her and stood up. As comfortable as the armchair was, it wasn't that comfortable to fall asleep in. With a yawn, Emma decided that she was still tired and would finally make her way to her room. She pulled the blanket back over her shoulders and frowned as she looked over at Remus. There was a definite chill in the living room. Though Remus was always the temperature of a furnace, she couldn't imagine him being too comfortable.

Just like Remus had done for her dozens of times, Emma carefully picked up the book Remus had been reading, marked the page he was on, and placed it on the table. She pulled the blanket back off her shoulders and put it over Remus, grateful that it was long enough. With a nod to herself, she made her way to her room and quickly fell back asleep.

Emma felt as though she had just fallen asleep when she was woken back up.

"Come on," Remus said. "Get up and get dressed. I've got breakfast ready for you, and then we're going on a walk."

With a pout, Emma sat up and rubbed her eyes. She took a look outside her window and looked at Remus as though he had grown several heads. "It's snowing."

"That means it's the perfect time to go outside," he said with a smile. "Come on, it'll be nice."

Muttering under her breath, Emma followed Remus's instructions and got dressed, joining him in the kitchen. "I don't want to go outside," she said grumpily as she sat down at the table. She took a look out the kitchen window and glowered at Remus as she ate her toast.

"And you haven't set foot outside in nearly a week," Remus said, looking at Emma over the top of his cup of tea.

Rolling her eyes, Emma ate slowly, trying to prolong going outside. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to delay it for too long. She took her final bite of toast, and Remus already had her dish in the sink, smiling at her expectantly.

"That was rude," Emma grumbled.

"Come on," Remus encouraged, making his way towards the front door.

"Do we have to go out?" Emma asked, following Remus slowly.

"Yes," he said, grinning as he fastened his cloak around his shoulders. He pulled Emma's cloak off the coat rack, handed it to her, and then pulled down a scarf. "It's not good for you to stay inside so much. You'll warm up quickly." He draped the scarf over Emma's shoulders. Rolling her eyes, Emma wrapped the scarf around her neck. "That's my girl," Remus said fondly, opening the door.

"You're annoying," Emma said as she reluctantly walked out into the cold.

"That's what I've been told," Remus chuckled, offering his arm for her to take. Emma huffed in disbelief but took his arm, still pouting.

"Because it's true," Emma said, allowing Remus to lead her out to the street. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere."

"Nowhere? What does that even mean?"

"Precisely as I say – nowhere. We don't have any destination in mind."

"Well, I don't suppose that we're going to Narnia, are we? It is rather cold, and wasn't it snowing when Lucy went through the wardrobe?"

"Who's to say we're not heading into Narnia?" Remus said seriously. He hummed quietly in thought before turning them in the direction of the woods.

"Well, then, lead the way, Mr. Tumnus," Emma laughed.

The two walked in companionable silence. Being in the woods wasn't as cold as being out in the street; the snow held high in the branches and off the trail. The sun peered through the gaps in the trees, leaving lazy spots of twinkling light in the grass. They walked for a while, and Emma began to slow down, leaning her head on Remus's arm as they continued further into the woods. Eventually, her walking had slowed to the point that Remus was forced to stop. "Would you like to head back?"

Emma nodded. "I believe Mr. Tumnus has decided to take the longest way possible through Narnia," she said, looking up at him with a sleepy grin. "In fact, I don't think you're Mr. Tumnus at all, and we are actually traveling through the Forest of Fangorn, but I'm afraid Treebeard and the other Ents are nowhere to be found. I must admit that I'm not sure which of us is Merry and which of us is Pippin in this context, but I'm sure when I figure it out, it will make all the sense in the world."

"And I believe that I need to take you home so you can rest," Remus said, chuckling. "You're delirious. Are you able to walk back?"

"Hmm, possibly if Treebeard were to carry me," Emma replied thoughtfully.

Remus laughed, the sound bright and echoing as it traveled the forest. "Well, perhaps you'll have to settle for Sam, Mr. Frodo," Remus said, crouching down and pulling Emma's arms around his neck. "'I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you and it as well. So up you get! Come on, Mr. Frodo dear! Sam will give you a ride! Just tell him where to go and he'll go."

Emma snorted as she climbed onto Remus's back, resting her head on his shoulder. "Onwards, Sam," Emma murmured sleepily. "Did we ever get that far in the book?"

"I believe that we did, but I'm not sure you stayed awake long enough," Remus admitted, the hint of a smile in his voice. "Perhaps we'll have to try reading that part again?"

Emma only hummed in response, being pulled into a light sleep, her eyes closing as Remus carried her home.

"Re, I have a question," Emma said as they exited the woods and were back on the road.

"What is it, love?"

"Why didn't Sam and Frodo take the Eagles into Mordor?"

"Because Sauron would've seen them," Remus said. "That and the story would have been finished a lot sooner."

"Oh, yeah," she murmured in response, drifting off again.

When Emma awoke much later, she was surprised to find herself in a bundle of blankets on the couch. The fireplace was lit, and the television was on, the gentle hum of the muted device adding to the crackle and pop of the logs. Not spotting Remus in the room, she frowned. It didn't appear that there were any lights on in the house, and it was disconcerting to wake up with no one around.

She sat up slowly and looked outside, surprised to see it was dark out, the only light coming from the snow as it reflected back to the house. Emma was moments away from calling for Remus when the front door opened.

"You're awake," Remus said in surprise. "I just went out to get some takeaway. I didn't feel like cooking, and I thought you might like something different."

The smell of Chinese wafted over from where Remus stood, and she grinned. "Perfect," she said.

Remus and Emma ate dinner in the living room, watching the television together. Take away boxes sat between them, on the table, and on their laps. They went through the channels trying to find something of interest to watch before settling on a New Year's broadcast.

With her belly full and the night coming to a close, Emma found herself growing increasingly sleepy. She yawned, her eyes closing against her will.

"Did you want to go to bed?" Remus asked.

"No, I want to stay up," she grumbled, forcing her eyes back open. She looked at the clock with a shrug. "It's only 15 minutes until midnight."

Remus smiled. "Here," he said, pulling a pillow from an armchair and placing it on his lap. "Take a quick nap."

With a grumble, Emma laid down, closing her eyes. Remus gently ran a hand through her hair, and before long, she drifted off.

Her dreams were confusing, a mix of the meadow and flashes of Fenrir that melded into Persephone and then to Neville and then Draco. When Draco disappeared, Jude made an appearance before shifting to her mother. As each scene would change, the sandy-colored wolf and the black dog would follow her, almost as if silent guardians. Her entire dream was disjointed and moved quickly. Despite everything, it was the wolf that Emma found herself fascinated by. She tried to figure out why the wolf had started to become a near-permanent fixture in her mind and what purpose it served this time. The constant companionship of the wolf stirred up thoughts that she couldn't place or remember.

She couldn't figure out if it was how the wolf walked or even if it was the color of the wolf's fur. While both things seemed important, she found herself more fascinated by the wolf's eyes. They were so incredibly familiar and foreign that she was sure she had seen them many times before, but she didn't know the wolf.

Emma awoke as quickly as she had fallen asleep. Her eyes opened slowly, and she realized she hadn't been asleep for long at all. The fire was still brightly lit, and the television was still on and playing the New Year's broadcast they had settled on. She peered at the clock with bleary eyes – 12:05. A jolt went through her stomach – 1992 was finally over.

"Well, happy New Year, little one," Remus said softly, brushing back the hair that had fallen in front of Emma's face. "How was your cat nap?"

Rubbing her eyes, Emma began to turn her head to look up at Remus. "It was fine," she started to say, but her breath caught in her throat as she met his gaze. The eyes looking at her now were the same as the wolf in her dream. The realization was both relieving and unsettling because she couldn't understand _why_. A part of her mind began to drift, thinking of the things she had researched and Remus's explanation of his scars, but she still couldn't be sure. He had never said, always seeming to stop before fully answering her questions, but that didn't mean anything. She sat up quickly, trying to push away the prickling of her mind as she tried to process everything.

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I just uhm, thought of some schoolwork I didn't get to finish," Emma muttered.

"I thought you finished everything?"

"I forgot to do something. It's stupid. I just need to get it done. Emma stood up and flashed Remus an apologetic smile. "I should probably do it before I forget," she said, heading towards her room. "Happy New Year, love you!"

"Love you, too," Remus said back.

All too quickly, the morning to return to Hogwarts arrived. Emma woke up with her stomach in knots at the idea of having to leave the safety of the cottage. Still, she was excited to see Persephone again. She struggled through breakfast, mostly pushing around her eggs and nibbling at her bacon.

Emma returned to her room, dressing slowly and reluctantly. She sat down on her bed, staring at the bag that she had picked out yesterday and had painstakingly packed. It was a brown leather messenger bag similar to her other one, but a little bit larger. It had an undetectable extension and featherlight charm. It was a lot easier for her to carry, and she was grateful to have it. She insisted on trying to pay for it herself, but of course, Remus heard nothing of it as he told her that he needed to replace the one she gave to Persephone for Christmas.

She sighed, trying to pull herself together so that the journey back to Hogwarts wasn't terrible. It wasn't that she didn't want to go back, especially now that she and Persephone were on good terms – excellent terms, really. Emma was just worried that she would fall victim to Jocelyn all over again when she was just beginning to feel like herself again. Or as close to herself as she could be.

"Are you all packed?"

Emma turned to face Remus, who stood in her doorway, his hands in his pockets. "Unfortunately," she said with a sigh.

Remus smiled knowingly. "Do you mind joining me in the living room? I want to talk to you."

"I'll be there in a minute," Emma answered quietly. Remus nodded and left.

With reluctance, Emma got up from her bed. She wasn't sure what Remus would even want to talk about since it felt like all they had done the past few days was talk. They talked about how she was feeling, the classes she thought she would want to take her third year, and how to manage her anxiety. There had been a conversation where Remus had asked her if she was suicidal that had given her pause. It was one of their more difficult and awkward conversations, but the topic was dropped after multiple reassurances. She wasn't sure that she could have another conversation like that one again.

When Emma arrived in the living room, Remus was sitting on the couch. A box sat in front of him on the table, drawing Emma's attention. "Come sit," he said, patting the spot right next to him.

Emma eyed the box suspiciously but sat down next to Remus. "What did you want to talk about?" Emma asked.

"There are a few things, actually," Remus said. "First, I want to tell you how proud I am of you."

"Why?"

"I know that things haven't been easy, and you've been trying really hard."

"Oh," Emma said quietly.

"You seem disappointed. Why?"

"I'm not," she said, looking down at her hands. "I just feel that it's silly for you to be proud of me."

"How could I not be proud of you? Sweetheart, I told you nothing is going to change overnight."

"I know, but I'm scared…"

"It's okay to be scared. I'd be more worried if you weren't," Remus admitted. "Sweetheart, can you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't push your friends away. Let them in so they can help you."

Emma looked up at Remus, face blank. She looked ready to argue but changed her mind and nodded. "I promise." She looked curiously at the box on the table. "Why is there a box sitting on the table?"

Remus smiled. "It took you longer than I thought to bring it up," he said, pulling the box onto his lap and carefully opening the top so that Emma couldn't peer in. "Just a few things I thought you might like. You're not allowed to look until you get back to your dorm."

He reached into and pulled out something made of grey fabric, reminding Emma of her Hufflepuff cardigan. It wasn't until Remus draped the fabric over her shoulders and took in the red and gold striping that she realized that's exactly what it was. "A certain someone I know enjoys stealing my cardigans," he said, taking in Emma's puzzled expression.

"But…this was yours – and Gryffindor! I'm not –" She started to pull the cardigan off her shoulders and hand it back to Remus, but he put it back.

"You are the bravest little Hufflepuff I have ever met. You more than deserve to wear Gryffindor's colors," Remus said, gently taking Emma's arms and pulling them through the sleeves. "I didn't understand why you were sorted into Hufflepuff when you wrote to tell me. It didn't seem right to me. I was so sure you were going to be placed in Ravenclaw with how smart you are. It took me a while, but I think I understand it now."

"What do you mean?"

"You, my dear, exhibit the qualities of each of the houses."

"How?"

"I seem to recall you telling me that the Sorting Hat said you would do fine in whichever house you belonged to," Remus said, smiling slightly as he rolled up the sleeves of the cardigan. He probably should've tried to find one of his first-year cardigans instead. "I seem to recall what you wrote to me. Do you?"

"Not really," Emma admitted, picking up the hem of the cardigan and brushing her fingers over the red and gold stripes.

"The hat told you that you have a desire to prove yourself and that you have a thirst for knowledge. The hat also said that you're loyal and that you would do anything to protect the people you love."

"But then why was I placed into Hufflepuff," Emma asked quietly. "I don't feel like I belong there. I did, but now I don't.

"Well, let's backtrack a little. You possess the wit and creativity of a Ravenclaw. You're constantly thinking of new ideas and creating a new world for yourself. As we've learned, you enjoy drawing, and the things that you've drawn over the past few days show me how much of a creative mind that you have." Remus chuckled and shook his head. "You have an awful lot of Slytherin's ambition, and that's a wonderful quality to have."

"But Slytherins are considered the bad house."

"Do you consider Persephone bad?"

"No…"

"Slytherin has indeed produced a majority of dark witches and wizards, but not all of them are _bad_. You're not afraid to do what it takes to get what you want, and that's important."

Emma frowned slightly. "What about Gryffindor?"

"Ah, yes. Well, you're very, very brave. You've gone through so much, and you still continue to fight. I'm sure if it came down to it, you would fight for your friends no matter what."

"Maybe," Emma said quietly, glancing up at Remus before looking away with a sigh.

"'Maybe?' I have no doubts about it," Remus said, gently taking her face in his hands so that she looked at him. "And you're a Hufflepuff because you're hardworking and, for the most part, patient." Emma huffed at that, knowing that her patience had been non-existent lately. "But you were placed in Hufflepuff because you're everything Hufflepuff values and so much more. However, I strongly believe that you have a lot of Gryffindor in your heart. You're daring, and you're trusting."

Remus leaned down and kissed Emma's forehead. "You are growing up to be a remarkable young woman, an absolutely brilliant witch, and I so desperately hope that you'll see that in yourself." He pulled her into a tight hug. "You have so much to give to the world, little one, and we are so lucky to have you in it."

Emma pulled herself out of Remus's grip and gave him a small smile. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to that and just looked over at the clock. "I think we should probably leave," she said reluctantly.

With a quick look at the clock, Remus sighed. "I suppose you're right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 


	17. Where Loyalties Lie

The train back to Hogwarts was a much happier affair than it had been at the beginning of the year. Emma was still worried, but something about having Remus's old Gryffindor cardigan underneath her coat had given her confidence. She wasn't sure that she believed what he told her, but it helped her through the rest of the day.

Being back with Persephone had been a welcome highlight. The two were able to hold hands for a while until Neville eventually joined them in their compartment. Though they couldn't hold hands anymore, Emma and Persephone realized they could snuggle up like they usually did. It was something that the two had done so often that anyone else who saw didn't think anything of it. The only person who gave them funny looks was Caspian as he passed by, but neither girl felt that he knew.

Dinner had been a quiet affair, Jocelyn glaring at her and Persephone from the Slytherin table. As it turned out, many of the Hufflepuffs in her year had yet to forgive her for what she said about Harry. Her unwavering support of Harry's innocence didn't win her many favorable reviews. She was surprised when Leanne and Megan had taken a moment to try and catch up and found she wasn't surprised by their hasty retreat.

"They'll get over it," Persephone said eventually, seeing Emma's unease.

She nodded at Persephone with a smile, pulling gently at one of her sleeves, the red and gold peeking out from underneath the folds. Emma had carefully tucked in the hem of Remus's cardigan so that no one commented on the Gryffindor colors. She wasn't ready to take it off just yet.

Even when she made it back into the dorm, Emma still couldn't convince herself to take the cardigan off. She rolled her sleeves back down and then pushed them up her arms so that they bunched up at her elbow. She had gone to the dorm early, knowing that everyone else would still be catching up from the holiday, but she was exhausted. She knew that she should go see Aurora as she had left the owl at the school over the holiday, but that could wait until the morning.

Emma placed her bag on top of her bed, ready to start unpacking her things. The box Remus gave her was sitting near her pillows, and she wanted to investigate. She began to reach for the box but sighed – it would be better to get everything put away before everyone returned.

She grinned slightly as she pulled the bag open and was met with a sketchbook and pencils that Remus had thrown in without her knowing. Her grin widened as she noticed that there was also another bar of chocolate that she opened right away to have a piece. When she pulled her extra gifts out and returned to her bag, she felt her blood run cold.

Just underneath the gifts Remus gave her sat the haphazardly wrapped bundle she had given to Remus to hang onto with a quickly scrawled note sitting on top – _Because I trust you_. She carefully pulled the small package out and placed it to the side and frowned. Underneath that were small vials of Murtlap and Dittany and another scrawled note – _Because accidents happen._

She placed the vials on top of the parcel and opened the drawer to her nightstand, tucking them as far back as she could. Emma was determined to prove that she could stop and that she was as strong as Remus thought she was. She had gone a week not hurting herself, and she was determined to keep that record going. She absentmindedly brushed her fingers along the bottom of the cardigan again – she could be a Gryffindor when she needed to be. With a deep breath, she continued to put her things away.

With her things put away, Emma could finally investigate the box. She shimmied out of her trousers and climbed into bed, not bothering to get changed. Emma closed the curtains around her bed and cast a quick silencing charm and _Lumos_ before settling in and placing the box in front of her. She crossed her legs and pulled them in close, suddenly nervous. She carefully opened the lid and looked in, not exactly sure what she was looking at.

There were two letters, which Emma found strange, but she put them to the side. She carefully reached in and pulled out something with a floral fabric and a leather book. Placing the book to the side, she unfolded the material and was surprised to find it was a small blanket. There was something oddly familiar with the blanket, but she couldn't place why. With a heavy sigh, she realized a lot of her thoughts felt like that lately.

Though the book made her curious, Emma picked up the letters, picking one up at random. She unfolded the paper and immediately laughed at the first line - _I sincerely hope that this is the first letter you read_. She glanced over at the other letter, wondering why Remus wanted her to read the letter in her hands first, but she decided to continue on.

> _I knew early on during your holiday that I wanted to find something for you to bring back with you to school. I knew that it would be important, but I wasn't aware of how important it would truly be. Imagine my surprise when I was searching for things to give to you, and I stumbled across three things._
> 
> _If I did this right, I would have already explained why I gave you my old house cardigan. I don't know that I've met many people outside of Gryffindor who deserve to wear the colors, but you do. It's one of the last ones that I own and has seen a lot of memories. I like to think that by me giving it to you, you'll think of some of the stories that I've told you and will be inspired to create your own mischief._
> 
> _The next thing I found, which was most surprising, was your old blanket from when you were a baby. I spent so many long days holding you in this blanket when you were small. It was never as many days as I would have wanted, but I took the time that I could. I'm sure that there are photos of you wrapped in this blanket somewhere; I just didn't get the opportunity to find them. I assure you that if I ever come across them, I will send them your way._
> 
> _The last thing I found was your mother's old diary. I remember she used to carry it everywhere with her. Our mother gave it to her as a gift after getting her Hogwarts letter. It's the same one that's traveled with her through all of the years. The only hand I had in this was finding it, and I had your grandfather break the privacy charm on it._

Emma looked at the small book that sat next to the blanket, her curiosity burning at her to pick it up and read.

> _I'm aware that the diary seems small, but I'm sure that there's an extension charm on it, which means there will be a lot for you to look through. I do not know what is written in her diary or what you will find, but I hope that it might answer some questions that you may have. I know that you have had your doubts, but you are a lot more like your mother than you think. I hope that in time you'll begin to see that yourself._

With shaking hands, Emma placed down the letter and picked up the book, running her fingers over the diary's worn leather. It was similar to what Remus had given her for her birthday, but the book in her hands was very well worn. She opened it up to the back and flipped through the pages quickly, curious to see just how many pages there were. It was evident that her mother wrote a lot in the diary.

Nervous and excited, Emma closed the book – wanting to dive into it immediately and then terrified of what she would find. She opened it again just as she heard a noise from outside of her bed.

"Oh, Em already went to bed." It was Megan.

"Well, she seemed weird at dinner, so I'm not surprised." Susan.

"Susan, shut up," Megan said in response, eliciting a small smile from Emma. "You and Hannah really need to shut up about that."

"But Ernie was right about Harry, so why wouldn't he be right about Emma?"

Emma frowned, wanting to know what the girls were talking about, but Leanne had joined in with a hissed whisper. The conversation quickly grew quiet, and Emma could hear the others climbing into their beds, still shouting at each other in whispers that she couldn't understand.

To distract herself, Emma turned back to her mother's diary and turned to the first page. She touched the page, running her finger over the writing with a sad smile.

_This diary belongs to Margaret 'Maggie' Mae Lupin, but you can call me Daisy. That's what mom calls me at least, her little Daisy Mae._

Emma wasn't sure how long she stayed up reading through her mother's diary, smiling at how excited her mother had been about going to Hogwarts. It seemed that her mother wrote in her diary nearly every day, which made her excited because she wanted to know more. Not only was she happy to learn more about her mother, but she was also glad to learn more about her the rest of her family. She learned that her grandmother Hope was hilarious and very open and "didn't understand magic, but she wasn't too worried about it."

It wasn't until her eyes starting to burn from exhaustion that Emma finally stopped reading. She closed the book with a yawn and placed it back in the box with her old blanket and the first letter she read. She had completely forgotten about the second letter. Curious, Emma pushed the box to the end of her bed and grabbed the second letter. With another yawn, Emma slipped under the covers and pulled Boris out from underneath her pillows and into her arms. She had missed the bear over the holidays and was glad no one had touched him.

Content with Boris in her arms again, she leaned back into her pillows, moving her wand closer so she could finally read the letter. By the time she had gotten to the end of the letter, she was crying. For once, her tears weren't from being sad, but from being happy.

With a shaky, whispered, "Nox," Emma placed her wand to the side and folded the letter up and placed it under her pillow. The words repeatedly echoed in her mind, and she was sure that she was going to go to fall asleep with a smile on her face. If only he would have said the words to her before she left…

_'Love always,_

_Dad'_

The next morning, Emma found herself becoming quickly overwhelmed being back in the castle. She had gotten used to the quiet of being at home, and the noise, the constant movement, and getting back into a routine was painful. For the most part, it was an easy day as she could sleep in as her break for the day was before any of her classes even began.

She couldn't deny that Snape appeared to be grumpier than usual during class, and Lockhart was as aggravating as ever. Double charms after lunch was a dream since Persephone had finally returned to her side. Emma found it odd that Draco sat on the other side of her, taking Theodore Nott's usual spot, but she chose not to say anything. It was easier to act as if nothing was different, though Theo couldn't help but complain about most of the class.

The two girls parted Charms with sly kisses on the cheek that caused Emma's face to flush. She couldn't help but be drawn back to Christmas and walked to Transfiguration with a stupid smile plastered on her face. Nothing could ruin her day. Or so she thought.

The final bell rang loud throughout the castle, and Emma quickly packed up her things to head down to dinner. Though she wasn't planning on eating with the others, she wanted to spend more time with Persephone. Remus had told her how to get into the kitchens and was very surprised that she didn't know how considering it was right down the hall from the common room. She planned to venture to the kitchens later that night so that she wouldn't be bothered by anyone.

"Lupin, could you stay a moment? I would like a word."

Emma silently groaned and sat up with a smile at McGonagall. The fact that it was the first day back and McGonagall wanted to talk to her didn't sit well with her. With a sigh, she placed her bag on her chair and approached McGonagall's desk.

"Yes, Professor?"

"You look well," McGonagall said appraisingly, looking up from the papers sitting on her desk. "The holiday was very much needed for you."

Emma nodded. "It was," she said slowly. "But I'm sure that's not why you wanted to talk to me?"

McGonagall gave Emma a rare smile. "You're very much like your father," she said fondly. She took in Emma's confused face and corrected herself. "Remus, I mean. You're a lot like your mother as well, but she had a habit of being much better behaved. Has he ever told you stories from his time here?"

"A few," Emma said with a grin. "I didn't think he was much of a troublemaker, though."

"Oh, the boys he ran around with were quite the troublemakers. I'll have to tell you some of the stories some time," McGonagall said, her smile fading slightly. "But you're right, that's not why I asked for you to stay. Remus wrote over the holiday and expressed that there have been issues with you and another student. As I understand it, Miss Carmichael and Miss Duffy have been causing you undue distress, which led to the issues we spoke of before term ended?"

Emma's stomach did a flip. She had hoped that Remus wouldn't say anything, but her hope was misguided. She wondered if that was why Snape was grumpy during class earlier that day – did Remus write to Snape as well? It sounded like he only wrote to McGonagall, but she wasn't sure. Emma's throat began to tighten up as she tried to figure out what to say. "Oh," she said, trying to take in a deep breath. "Uhm…"

"It's okay. You're not in trouble," McGonagall said gently. "He mentioned that there were others?"

"Well, I just…" Emma looked down at her feet, unable to look at McGonagall any longer. This was _terrible_.

"Miss Lupin," McGonagall said with a sigh. "Emelyn…I know that this conversation is uncomfortable. However, I must make myself clear - this behavior will not be tolerated and needs to be dealt with accordingly."

"Er, well…"

"You're not the only one who has run into issues, and I would like to put a stop to it sooner rather than later."

Emma looked up at McGonagall in surprise. "I'm not?"

"No. I had several parents write to myself and the other heads to find out what has been going on. However, from what I understand, it appears as though Miss Carmichael has taken a particular interest in you."

Suddenly it was like Remus was in her head, and Emma nearly let out an audible groan as his words echoed - _tell someone, don't push people away_. Emma took in a deep breath before answering. "We were both at St. Nicholas's together," Emma said quietly, shifting her feet nervously. "We were roommates."

McGonagall nodded in understanding. "I gathered as much from your father's letter. Would you be able to tell me the names of the others?"

"No," Emma said, blanching at McGonagall's raised eyebrow. "Not – not because I don't want to, but because I don't know."

"All right, then," she said gently. She stood up and pulled a tin down from a shelf opening it. "If you have the names, please don't hesitate to come to me. Professor Sprout has grown considerably busier with the Mandrakes, so I'm afraid she's limited in her resources." She held the tin of biscuits out towards Emma. "Have a biscuit, Lupin, and run along."

Emma gave McGonagall a shy smile before taking a biscuit from the tin. "Thank you, Professor," she muttered, gathering her things and leaving as quickly as she could. She could have sworn that she heard a quiet, "So much like her father…" as she walked away, and that made Emma grin.

When Emma arrived in the Great Hall, it was apparent that the other second-year Hufflepuffs had been talking about her. She made to sit down with the Hufflepuffs but met Persephone's gaze and decided to sit with the Slytherins instead. The other second-year Slytherins passed silent glances amongst each other but said nothing.

"Why aren't you eating again?" Persephone scolded, noticing how little food Emma had on her plate.

Emma glanced in the direction of where Jocelyn was sitting to ensure that she wasn't paying attention. "Dad told me how to get into the kitchens," Emma said quietly to Persephone, stabbing her fork into a potato. "I figured that I could make my life easier and not give…well, I don't need to draw any more attention to myself."

"Dad?" Persephone asked questioningly, a slight smile on her face. "Have you finally started calling him that? When did that happen?"

"Oh," Emma laughed. "Well…I haven't. Not yet." Emma grinned and told Persephone about the letter that he had written her and the gifts. "My mum's diary is incredible. She had a friend in Ravenclaw that almost makes me think of us."

"Yeah, but did she have a friend in _Slytherin_?" Persephone asked in between bites of food.

"I haven't gotten that far yet. I'll let you know."

After Persephone finished eating, Emma decided to drag her up to the owlery to see Aurora.

"I know it's been a while, but could you please come down?" Emma muttered, trying to plead with her owl that sat high in the rafters.

"I told you she'd be mad," Persephone smirked.

"Oh, shut it, you," Emma said, giving Persephone a playful shove.

The two girls eventually left the owlery to return to their common rooms.

"Meet me back here around 10?" Emma asked as they made their way down the hall to barrels.

"10? Look at you, being a rebel and going out after curfew," Persephone laughed. "Of course, I'll be back here."

"Is it really being rebellious when the kitchens are _right_ there?" Emma knocked on the barrel, cringing when she nearly messed up the rhythm. "That would've been your fault," Emma said as the barrel swung open.

"Oh sure, blame me," Persephone said as she walked back down the hall to get down to the dungeons.

When Emma finally walked into the common room, it was undeniable that the other second years were talking about her. Again. She grumbled as she made her way into the dorm to change into something comfortable and grab a book. The silence was undeniable as she sat down on the couch next to the fireplace.

She could practically feel them stealing glances at her from where they sat, huddled around one of the tables. Emma tried to ignore them and focus on her book, but Ernie was getting progressively louder. The conversation had turned back to the topic of Justin being petrified, and most of them still felt that Harry was the cause. Emma was getting tired of it.

"Ernie, will you just shut up?" Emma finally snapped after Ernie had given the others another possibility of how Harry could have done petrified Justin.

"What?" Ernie asked slowly, glaring at Emma.

"I said, 'shut up.' You're spreading these stupid rumors about Harry, and they make no sense!"

"They make no sense? Then how come Justin was petrified?"

Emma slammed her book shut and turned around on the couch to look at Ernie. She looked between Megan and Leanne, hoping for some sort of back up, but it didn't appear that she would get anyway. "Do you honestly think that a second-year boy managed to do that?"

"You heard him, though! He can talk to snakes! That has to mean that he's the heir of Slytherin!"

"And would the heir of Slytherin be in Gryffindor?"

"That means nothing."

"Whatever, Ernie. I don't think that Harry did it."

"That must mean you're a snake, too," Ernie said, causing the other girls to gasp and the rest of the common room to grow quiet.

Emma took a look at the curious faces that were looking at her and Ernie. She placed her book down on the couch, trying to gather "What?" she asked, standing up and crossing her arms.

"You hang out with the Slytherins more than you hang out with us."

"I hang out with _Persephone_. A single Slytherin."

"But you talk to the other ones."

"So? I talk to everyone. Unlike _you lot,_ I take the time to get to know people."

"Snake," Ernie said, practically hissing the word.

"Stop calling me that."

"You're a snake."

"Stop it, Ernie," Emma pleaded, her face burning.

"Snake," Susan hissed, pulling an aggravated look from Megan.

"Snake," Ernie repeated. "Maybe you should go be with the other snakes because that's exactly what you are."

Emma huffed, unable to believe what was happening. "Fine," she shouted, picking up her book and raising her hands. "I'll go. I know when I'm not wanted."

"Emma, don't say that," Megan shouted as Emma made her way into the dorm to grab her things.

Grumbling under her breath, Emma grabbed her bag and shoved a pair of pajamas in it, then added Boris, her mother's diary, and Remus's letter. She glanced over at her nightstand, the inside of her wrists beginning to prickle uncomfortably. She forced herself to leave before she did something rash.

When Emma made it back into the common room, she shot the group around the table a look and made her way out quickly. Once in the hallway, she felt herself begin to panic, but she had already gotten that far. She looked longingly at the kitchen but decided to go downstairs to the dungeons hoping someone from Slytherin would just be getting back. Worst case scenario, she would just sit outside until 10 came around, but she was hoping that she wouldn't have to. Unfortunately, when Emma turned the corner to get to Slytherin's common room, she found something much worse.

Draco stood at the wall, clearly coming back from somewhere. He turned to look at Emma as she started to turn the corner again.

"Oi, where are you going?" Draco shouted after her.

Emma groaned and peered around the corner to find Draco's piercing silver eyes staring at her. "I was, uh…going upstairs."

"Really? You came all the way down here to just go back upstairs?"

"Yep," Emma said.

"What are you _really_ doing here. I'm not stupid." Draco said, stepping away from the wall and staring at Emma.

 _Have Draco's eyes always been like that?_ Emma thought to herself, feeling slightly unnerved by his unwavering stare. She stepped out from around the corner, keeping her distance from Draco. "I, uh…I need Persephone."

"What for?"

"Could you please just get her for me?"

Draco continued to stare at Emma, trying to read her. "What happened?" He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Nothing happened, Malfoy."

"If nothing happened, you wouldn't be here, _Lupin_."

"You're not going to get her unless I tell you?" Emma sighed, taking a few steps closer to where Draco stood. He clearly wasn't going to do anything to help her unless he got an answer.

Draco was silent, giving a non-committal shrug.

"I've become a Hufflepuff outcast."

"What does that even mean? A Hufflepuff outcast?" Draco scoffed. "Isn't your house full of a bunch of weak-willed pushovers?"

"Is your house full of brainless gits?"

Draco's lips twitched, his smirk unconscious as he took in Emma's response. "Why don't you just come in?"

"I thought no one besides a Slytherin was allowed in?"

And Draco laughed – an honest to God laugh that Emma didn't think was possible or could have imagined from the boy. "You really believe that?"

"Well, it's not like you hear anyone talking about it."

"Because they know better," Draco said, a smirk plastered to his face. "Would you tell someone you've been here?"

Emma frowned; he had a point. "I suppose not."

"Exactly," Draco said, turning to the blank wall. " _Boomslang_."

It was always strange for Emma that Slytherin's common room's entrance seemed to open almost as if the door had been there. She could still remember what it was like the first time she waited for Persephone to leave the common room. It wasn't like Hufflepuff where the barrels were out in the open or Gryffindor's portrait of the Fat Lady or Ravenclaw's door that opened with a solved riddle. Slytherin's entrance was shielded in mystery and centuries of secrecy. A giddiness erupted in Emma's stomach at the idea of being one of the select few to enter. However, she hesitated to take a step forward.

"Are you coming?" Draco asked cooly, standing on the other side of the door.

"Oh, yeah," Emma said quietly, following Draco.

The Slytherin common room wasn't anything like she expected. Persephone had tried to explain it to her, but the opulence that surrounded her was nothing like she had been told. The room was cast in a greenish glow from the hanging lamps. Directly opposite of where she stood, massive windows opened out into the Great Lake, fish, and other creatures she couldn't name lazily making their way through the water. A fire was bright underneath a heavily embellished mantelpiece made of dark stone.

Emma realized with a frown that she actually enjoyed the Slytherin common room. It didn't have the same warmth of the Hufflepuff common room, but she could consider it relaxing. It was certainly a lot quieter, and for that, Emma was thankful.

Several heads turned in their direction, and the color drained from Emma's face. She felt almost like an animal caged in a zoo as some people continued to stare. It didn't take long before the curious eyes turned back to what they were doing.

"Pansy," Draco said, noticing the dark eyes of Pansy Parkinson, eying them inquisitively from her table. "Could you get Persephone for me?"

"Sure," she said slowly, standing up and casting them a funny look before disappearing from the room.

"Are you just going to stand there?" Draco asked, flopping himself onto one of the couches.

"Oh," Emma said quietly, sitting stiffly in one of the high back chairs across from Draco.

"You still haven't explained to me what a Hufflepuff outcast is."

"Well…"

"Emma? What are you doing here?" Persephone crossed the room before Emma even had a chance to blink, her lips pressing against hers. " _Why_ are you here? Is everything okay?"

"Shit," Pansy said from behind Persephone. "I owe Daphne a galleon."

"Well, I -"

"What do you mean you owe Daphne a galleon?" Persephone shot Pansy a look.

"We had a bet on whether you two were together," Pansy said with a shrug as she sat back down at the table she was working at.

"Arseholes," Persephone muttered under her breath as she turned back to Emma. "Why are you here?"

"Well, as I was trying to say – I got kicked out."

"What?" Persephone asked, eyes growing wide.

"You were kicked out of Hufflepuff?" Draco asked, almost impressed. "Imagine that."

"Shut up, Draco," Persephone snapped. "They can't do that."

"Benji will get a kick out of it," Draco shrugged.

"Draco, _shut up_."

"Crabbe and Goyle, too. Probably Theo…Oh, you know Blaise will love it."

"Draco," Persephone snarled. "What point of shut up do you not understand?"

Draco shrugged again, pulling his wand out and summoning a random book.

"Well, they don't want me in there, so I don't know what to do," Emma muttered.

"What did you _do_?"

"I didn't agree with their views and uhm, got called a snake," Emma said, casting a glance over at Draco. She frowned, seeing that Draco's eyes never moved from the page he was staring at. "Ernie said that I should go 'be with the other snakes' because that's what I am."

Persephone was quiet for a moment before tugging Emma up from the chair. "He's a git," she said. "Stay the night. We'll get it figured out tomorrow."

"But what about Jocelyn?

"You mean Grossie Josie?" Persephone's eyes glittered, and she shrugged. "She's in bed already. She won't say a word if she sees you. Trust me."

"Grossie Josie?" Emma asked, her frown deepening at Draco snorted, and Pansy rolled her eyes.

"I'll tell you when we get into our dorm," Persephone said quietly, taking Emma's hand. "Come on. Millicent won't be thrilled to have you, but she'll deal. Hell, she might even be asleep already. She can't complain until the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	18. Line in the Sand

"Emma, what did you _do_?"

Emma froze as she saw Persephone's head peering at her through the curtains of her bed. She had practically moved into Slytherin's dorms that week, but the guilt of what she wanted to do had kept her rooted to her bed. Her day had been stressful. Double Potions and Herbology in the morning and History of Magic, Defense Against the Dark Arts, _and_ Transfiguration all in the same day had been a lot. On top of her classes, the whispers had started to follow her again.

She tried whatever she could – tried reading a book, tried reading her mom's diary, and tried to draw, but nothing helped. In her desperation, she pulled out the poorly wrapped bundle that held the scissors and closed the curtain around her bed. The note Remus wrote was still sitting on top of the fabric, and it nearly made Emma break – _Because I trust you_.

He trusted her to do the right thing, to be stronger than her need to hurt herself, but she wasn't. With guilt settling deep in her twisting stomach, she hastily shoved the note into her nightstand. She pulled the vials of Dittany and Murtlap out and grimaced. _Because accidents happen_.

Emma let out a cry, torn between wanting to give in and listening to Remus, but she couldn't listen to him. She couldn't fight anymore. _Accidents happen_.

It wasn't until the blade touched her skin that Emma felt any sense of relief. It made her feel sick that the sensation of cutting into her skin felt nice. It shouldn't feel nice, she knew that – but she felt in control. Only she could decide what happened with the cuts, and it brought an overwhelming sense of calm.

At least until Persephone snuck up on her. Emma looked down at both of her wrists, ashamed. She hadn't just cut into one, but both of them and turned to Persephone. "I did – I did something stupid," Emma said breathlessly as she tossed the scissors out of her hand. "I – I don't know what's wrong with me."

Persephone slipped into Emma's bed, blinking back her tears. "What can I do?" Persephone asked, jumping immediately into action as she looked down at the vials that sat next to Emma. "What are those for?"

"Those – those are for…"

"Which one do you need right now?"

Emma swallowed hard, looking at the vials and back at her wrists. "I – I think the Murtlap."

"Which one is the Murtlap?"

"The blue one," Emma said, feeling herself grow cold.

Without another word, Persephone picked up the blue vial. "It's a dropper?" she asked as she unscrewed the top, understanding when Emma nodded.

It was almost like Persephone had fixed Emma up a million times before. She carefully held the vial in one hand and dropped the liquid onto the cuts. When Persephone finished, she closed the bottle and placed it back down on the bed, holding Emma's hands. "Why?" she asked after a while, meeting Emma's watery gaze.

"Because I'm weak," Emma moaned, looking down at their hands. She couldn't understand how Persephone could still want to hold her hands. She couldn't understand how Persephone wasn't disgusted with her or why she was still sitting with her. None of it made sense. Why wasn't she leaving?"

"You're not weak," Persephone said quietly. "Tell me what's been going on."

Emma looked back up at Persephone, surprised to see that she looked scared, just like Remus did. With a small nod, Emma began to finally tell Persephone everything.

The two had eventually snuggled up with each other under the covers, as Emma continued to explain everything that happened over the past few months. Emma would begin to cry, and Persephone would wipe away her tears and pull her into a tight hug until she could continue again.

"I don't know why it bothers me so much now," Emma whispered with a sniffle. "It's not like Jocelyn hasn't always been like this. I should be used to it, and it shouldn't bother me, but it does."

"She's such a little shit," Persephone said after a while. "But you're not the only one. She does it to the girls in her dorm, too. She just doesn't care."

"She does it to the girls in her dorm?"

Persephone nodded, brushing away a wayward tear from Emma's face. "She mostly does it to push them around and make sure that the others follow her." Persephone shook her head. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I thought you would hate me." Emma shrugged slightly. "I didn't think you would want to be my friend or…want to talk to me. And then, after we had our fight…"

"All I did was wonder about you," Persephone admitted. "I was scared because I didn't understand why you were pushing me away or why you weren't talking to me."

"But at the Dueling Club meeting?"

"Emma, you idiot. I _love_ you," Persephone said quietly. "You really don't understand how scared I've been. Now that I know, I'm going to do whatever I can to help you. I just wish you would've told me sooner."

Emma was quiet, a small frown crossing her face. "I love you, too," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Persephone smiled. "But you do know that I'm going to have to tell Snape, right? About what Jocelyn's been doing?"

"I think he already knows," Emma muttered. "He's been absolutely miserable."

"Well, he listens to us Slytherins. She's not going to stop otherwise, and to be honest, most of us are sick of it. It's like - it's like she's trying to be a mini You-Know-Who."

"Idiot," Emma giggled.

"Can you imagine her with no nose? That's even worse."

The two burst out into laughter at the thought as Jocelyn having no nose was indeed a terrible thought. The idea of her being like a mini You-Know-Who was terrifying, but Emma could understand the analogy.

"Effie?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay here with me tonight?" Emma asked with a yawn.

"Of course."

The rest of January went by quickly. With Persephone telling Professor Snape what Jocelyn had been doing, the girl had finally been forced into detention and couldn't do much. Persephone had failed to mention to Emma that Jocelyn had been on her final warning. That meant that the professors finally had no choice but to pay attention to the things Jocelyn was doing.

With Jocelyn being forced into detention every night, Emma felt she could breathe a little easier. She still struggled and gave in to her desire to hurt herself, but true to her word, Persephone did what she could. In her letters home, Emma still couldn't convince herself to call Remus "Dad," but he signed every letter as such. It made her feel better, but she felt guilty that she still couldn't get herself to write it back.

 _When you're ready,_ he wrote to her one day. _I'll be here, no matter what._

Without having to worry about Jocelyn, Emma started to get better. Emma wasn't as thin as she had been since she began to eat regularly in the kitchens. Her grades had begun to improve, and she had even started to win the praise of McGonagall.

Emma still found herself bouncing back and forth between Slytherin and Hufflepuff's dorms, but she didn't mind. If the second-year Hufflepuffs weren't going to talk to her, she could make new friends. Millicent never seemed to like her, but she was on speaking terms with Pansy, and she found herself enjoying spending time with Tracey. Daphne always kept to herself and spent time with Louise, who was just as quiet.

When Valentine's Day arrived, it seemed that the entire castle was abuzz. Lockhart had the bright idea of bringing in dwarves that were meant to be cupids delivering cards. Though the holiday had been the day before, their Monday classes were spent being interrupted by the card-carrying cupids.

To Emma's surprise, she found herself given three cards. The first card arrived that morning with a particularly surly cupid. The cupid practically threw the card at Emma during her History of Magic class. Professor Binns acted as though nothing was happening and continued on with his lecture. He didn't appear to notice that a man just walked into the class dressed in tiny wings and carrying a harp.

"You could've given this to me yourself," Emma said to Persephone with a laugh.

"And miss out on seeing how red you would get? Never," Persephone answered with a grin.

"Too bad I'll miss your face when you're in Potions," Emma said with a smirk.

"You did not," Persephone hissed.

Emma could only shrug.

In Herbology, Emma received a second card. She was partnered with Neville to give the Mandrakes fresh soil. The moment the cupid came into the greenhouse, he turned a bright shade of red. It wasn't until Emma read the card that she understood. With pink cheeks, Emma gave Neville a friendly kiss on the cheek and thanked him.

During her break, while Persephone was in potions, Emma received her third card. She was sitting on a bench near the Great Hall when the third cupid had arrived.

 _From your secret admirer_ , the card read. Emma was confused but proceeded to Charms in confusion. Emma showed the card to Persephone, who was grumpy for the rest of the class.

"I want to know who it is," Persephone grumbled, nearly hitting Flitwick with an overzealous Freezing charm.

"Miss Moon!" Flitwick squeaked grumpily. "Please do take care!"

"Sorry," Persephone muttered.

Emma bit back a laugh and turned to Persephone with a grin. "Like I don't want to know who it is?"

"I bet they're smart," Draco said from her other side.

"Yeah, they're smart because they know Persephone would go after them," Emma laughed as Persephone scoffed. "Is someone jealous?"

"I'm not jealous," Persephone grumbled.

"Of course, not," Emma smiled.

Just when Emma thought Jocelyn's reign of terror had been ruined, the first year came back in full force. There wasn't much that she could do to Emma physically as she was still being watched, but that didn't stop her from having others try.

Half-way through March, Persephone stumbled across Emma, quite literally, as she made her way towards the kitchens.

"Why are you on the floor?" Persephone asked, staring at Emma in confusion. "There's no reason for you to be on the floor…"

"I'll give you one guess," Emma grumbled, her head leaning back against the cold stone wall.

"Grossie Josie?"

"Grossie Josie."

Emma huffed, thinking about how Jocelyn had gotten her nickname in Slytherin. She didn't particularly agree with it, but most of the Slytherins refused to change their mind on the matter. Jocelyn's inability to pick up her clothes off the floor and her habit of chewing with her mouth opened had earned the girl her nickname. Emma wasn't surprised as she had become almost like a maid trying to keep their room clean, but she still wished they would stop.

"Wench," Persephone muttered as she grabbed the front of Emma's robes to pull her up. "But that doesn't tell me how you wound up on the floor."

Emma snorted as she grabbed onto Persephone's arms so that she could remain upright. "One of Jocelyn's friends tripped me. I just crawled over here and stayed."

"You – you haven't been, …right?"

"No," Emma grumbled, reflexively rubbing her wrists.

"Let me see," Persephone said sharply.

"Effie, I'm not cutting again. You would know."

Persephone just stared at Emma.

Emma huffed and pulled back the sleeves of her robe and rolled up the sleeves of her jumper. She held her hands up, turning the insides of her wrists out for Persephone to inspect. "I'm clean," she said. _For now_ , she added in her head. She didn't want to admit that she had been using the Murtlap to heal her cuts and spacing out her nights.

Persephone hummed, releasing her hold on Emma. "Just making sure," she said, scrutinizing Emma. "Are you coming down to the dorm tonight or staying in Hufflepuff tonight?"

"I'll stay in mine," she said, walking over to the portrait of the fruit bowl and tickling the pear.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Persephone asked as Emma sat down at one of the tables.

"I'm fine," Emma smiled, turning to the house-elf that had come by and agreeing to her usual meal.

When Emma made her way back to her common room, she wasn't expecting to be met with the rest of her classmates waiting up for her. Megan and Leanne stood to the back, looking as if they didn't want to be there, but the others gave her hard stares.

"Uhm, hello?" Emma said, freezing where she stood as she looked at everyone.

"You need to pick," Hannah said, glaring at Emma.

"I'm sorry, but what's going on?"

"You need to pick who your friends are," Wayne said. "All you do is hang out with the Slytherins."

"You don't come to the homework sessions," muttered Sally.

"You don't sit with us," Susan said.

"You don't think Potter had something to do with Justin being petrified," Ernie practically shouted.

The others turned to Megan and Leanne, who looked at each other and shook their heads. "We don't want to be a part of this," Megan said quietly. "She didn't do anything wrong."

"So, you want to be just like her?" Ernie asked, pointing a finger at Emma.

Leanne and Megan looked at each other again and fell back further from the group, not saying a word.

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?" Emma shouted. "I'm right bloody here."

"A _traitor_ ," Ernie snarled.

"Do all of you seriously believe him?" Emma asked the group, shaking her head as several pairs of eyes glared at her.

"You act like you're not even a Hufflepuff," Susan said, her voice sarcastic. "Don't act as though we haven't seen you wear that Gryffindor cardigan."

"That cardigan is my _father's,_ you idiot," Emma shouted. "Really? You lot are going to go on about me not being a Hufflepuff when you're pulling this nonsense?"

"What nonsense? _We've_ all been here," Hannah muttered. "You've been nowhere near here."

"Well, she does always go to bed before any of us do," Leanne said quietly.

"Leanne!" Megan shouted in surprise. "I thought we were on Em's side!"

"Am I not allowed to be tired?" Emma grumbled. "I can't believe this."

"And we can't believe _you_ ," Roger said. "You don't even care that Justin is petrified. Have you ever gone to see him?"

"Yes, I have!" Emma shouted in aggravation. "Just because I don't go _all_ the time like you lot, doesn't mean that I don't go."

"Funny how no one's seen her go," Wayne said to Ernie.

"You need to _pick_ Emma," Hannah insisted. "Are you one of us? Or one of _them_."

"What the bloody hell is going on?" asked a sleepy voice from behind the crowd. Paula, one of the Prefects, stumbled sleepily through the crowd. "What is with all of the yelling? You woke up most of the first years."

The crowd grumbled, looking over at Paula. "Sorry," Megan said to Paula, shooting daggers at the group. "I wanted nothing to do with this."

"What's going on?" Paula asked, stretching and looking at the group and then over at Emma, who stood by herself.

"She's a snake, that's what's going on," Ernie snarled as he looked over at Emma.

"Oh, here we go," Emma muttered, growing more annoyed as the conversation went on.

"A snake?" Paula asked, looking over at Emma again. "But she's one of us."

"She doesn't _act_ like it," Susan said with a shrug.

"How about you all go to bed," Paula suggested. "There's no point in talking about any of this right now, and it's rude for it to be _all_ of you against one. You lot need to figure out how to talk to each other."

"Fine," Ernie said, shooting Emma a look before turning to Roger and Wayne. "Let's go."

"Let's go," Susan said to the other girls.

Emma let out a sigh as the others left, leaving her with Paula. "You all right?"

"Fine," Emma muttered. "It's just been hard."

Paula nodded. "It's been hard on all of us. Rough with what happened with Justin, but we can't turn on each other like that. We're family."

"Right," Emma said, giving Paula a weak smile. "Family."

"Go to bed, Lupin," Paula said. "You look exhausted."

The next day, Emma couldn't help but find herself aggravated. Even the allure of the weekend wasn't inspiring Emma to have a better mood. She was annoyed that she had hurt herself again. She was annoyed that her housemates had started to ignore her completely. Most of all, she was sick of the stupid rumors that Ernie kept spreading. Ernie seemed to have taken it upon himself to be the voice for everyone petrified.

Professor Snape's lousy attitude that morning wasn't doing much to help Emma's already sour mood. To the Ravenclaw's surprise and the Hufflepuff's irritation, Emma insisted on making noises every time Snape walked around the room.

" _Snip, snop, snip, snop_ ," Emma muttered under her breath as Snape walked by her table.

"Lupin," Snape said, whirling around in a flurry of black robe to glare at her. " _What_ was that?"

"Snip, snop, Professor," Emma said with a shrug as she measured her Flobberworm mucus.

"Snip…snop?"

"Yes, Professor."

"5 points from Hufflepuff," Snape said, turning back around to make his way to his desk.

"Okay," Emma said simply.

"What are you doing?" Mandy asked Emma, her eyes darting around the room.

"Well, they all told me that I'm a snake, so why do I care?"

"What was that, Lupin?" Snape looked up from his desk, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, didn't you hear, Professor? Apparently, I'm one of your students now," Emma said to Snape with a grin.

There was a collective groan from the other Hufflepuffs as Snape's eyes bored into Emma's. "20 points from Hufflepuff, and if I find out you've been staying in the Slytherin dorm again, then you can expect detention," Snape said. "Do you understand?"

Emma's smile faded, but she nodded. "Yes, Professor," she said quietly, ducking her head. How did he know that she had been staying in the Slytherin dorm? It had to be Millicent…she was the only one who complained about her being there.

"You've been staying in Slytherin?" Mandy asked Emma quietly.

"Yeah," Emma whispered, glancing up at Snape, who was still staring at her. "They, uh…decided I didn't belong and basically kicked me out. I wasn't staying there all the time."

Mandy nodded and returned to her Sleeping Draught and frowning at the color. "It's not turning the right color purple," she said.

Emma looked down at her own cauldron and compared it to Mandy's. "I think you added too much Flobberworm," Emma said, scratching her head.

"Quiet," Snape said sharply. "Or that'll be additional points from Hufflepuff."

"Sorry," Mandy mouthed to Emma.

Feeling aggravated after potions, Emma found she couldn't stand Lockhart more than usual. After sitting through another week of listening to him talk through the entirety of _Wanderings with Werewolves,_ she had enough. She was fairly sure that she could teach the class with the amount of research she had done on werewolves last year.

She raised her hand, waiting for Lockhart to finally pay attention to her. The Ravenclaw students looked at Emma in confusion as she refused to drop her hand. Emma's eyes bore into Lockhart, who cast glances her way but ignored her until he finally couldn't. Mandy covered her face, not wanting to watch after the disaster that was Potions.

"Ah, yes, Miss Lupin – you have a question?"

"Yes," Emma said, finally dropping her hand with a smile. "At what point were you planning on teaching us something?"

There was a collective gasp from everyone except Lockhart, who looked confused. He chuckled, looking around at the rest of the class with his brows furrowed. "I'm sorry?"

"Well, we've been talking about werewolves for two weeks, and I'm fairly certain that I know _nothing_ about them."

"Well, I told you about how I saved a village from werewolves, surely that tells you everything you need to know."

Emma blinked owlishly at Lockhart. "Well, no," she said slowly. "I mean, can you tell us _how_ to spot a werewolf?"

"Well, the Wagga Wagga werewolf was a wolf all the time," Lockhart said, clearing his throat. His winning smile was beginning to droop as he realized that more people were suddenly paying attention to Emma.

"Right, well, how did you know that he was a werewolf?"

Lockhart's grin grew as the class turned back to him, mouths open in shock. "Well," Lockhart started before launching back into passages right from the book.

Rolling her eyes, Emma closed her book. If attendance wasn't taken in each class, she wouldn't bother showing up. She wasn't learning anything of use, and she could be spending time doing more research.

When the bell rang for class to be over, Emma practically ran down to the kitchens. It seemed that Persephone had the same idea as she was already waiting for Emma when she got there.

"Do I even need to ask who aggravated Snape this morning?" Persephone asked. "Thought he was going to chew our bloody heads off."

"Sorry, I was just…mad."

"You didn't talk much at breakfast this morning. What happened?"

"Oh, you know – just a Hufflepuff intervention last night," Emma said, sitting down and accepting the bowl of soup that a house-elf brought to her.

"An intervention?" Persephone bit into her sandwich, eyes narrowed. "For what?"

"It's nothing," Emma muttered. "Can you come to my dorm since I'm not allowed in yours anymore?"

Persephone looked at Emma sadly. "Snape read us the riot act and said we're not allowed in other dorms…"

"Of course, he did," Emma said, giving Persephone a wry smile. "Oh, well."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Emma was quiet as she twirled her spoon in her soup. "I guess I'm going to have to be," she said. "What choice do I have?"

"At least we can still come here," Persephone said hopefully. "No one said anything about the kitchens."

"Yeah," Emma said with a small nod. "I suppose you're right."

March moved slowly, and Emma was grateful when April arrived. It meant that she could go home for a few weeks, though a part of her didn't want to. Emma had eventually gotten used to her routine. Still, since Snape seemed to be watching her, she had something else to worry about.

"What can I do to help?" Persephone asked Emma one morning at breakfast after spotting soft, pink lines on her wrists. "You can't keep doing this."

"I don't know what else to do," Emma said, ignoring the burning in her nose as tears flooded her eyes. "The moment I started to feel like things were okay, everything went to shit." She reached into her bag and pulled out a letter. "Re wrote to me, and mum got worse." She handed the letter to Persephone. "Everyone in the dorm is bloody ignoring me, and I feel like I can't even spend time with the rest of you. I know your lot is fine with it, but Snape's not. Of course, the rest of my house isn't fine with it."

"Maybe you should ask Re for help?"

"I can't ask him," Emma moaned, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes. "I already had to ask him to send me more Murtlap two weeks ago. Do you know how _embarrassing_ that was? And the disappointment – I could bloody feel it in the letter. You know how he is…it just makes the whole thing worse."

"Em…"

"Persephone, I can't keep living like this. I can't read, I can't think – drawing is useless because I just get mad and wind up throwing everything…"

"What if you go to Madame Pomfrey," Persephone suggested gently. "Maybe she'll have something that'll help."

"I _can't_." Emma pulled her hands away. "I – I just can't. I can't have someone else know that I'm like this."

Persephone looked at Emma sadly and nodded. "If you're sure…"

The next week Emma and Persephone sat in the library reading through the pamphlet distributed to the second years.

"I can't believe that we have to start picking classes for next year," Persephone said quietly. "I just want to get through the rest of the week. I'm already imagining being in France."

Emma scratched her nose with the end of her quill as she looked through the pamphlet. "I just can't believe that Caspian isn't going with you," she said. "I would love to go to France."

"Maybe you can go with us next year," Persephone said. "If you want to, of course."

"More like if Re would let me go."

"You know he wouldn't say no to you."

Emma hummed quietly as she flipped to the next page of the pamphlet. "Have we changed our minds on classes?" Emma asked, her brow furrowed.

"I don't think so," Persephone said with a frown. "Bloody hell, this is hard. Everyone else has until the end of the holiday to do this."

"Well, silly us – we decided to go home for Easter hols," Emma grumbled. "So, we're taking Divination?"

"I think so," Persephone said, checking the box next to the class name. "Care of Magical Creatures?"

"Yeah," Emma said, checking the box next to Care of Magical Creatures. "Are you sure you don't want to take Ancient Runes with me?"

"I was thinking about taking Arithmancy, actually," Persephone said. "Mum said that Divination and Arithmancy go together really well."

"Really?" Emma gave Persephone a skeptical look.

"Yeah, mum said that they work together. Something about the charts and whatever."

"Well, maybe you could try and teach me, and I can try and teach you Ancient Runes?"

"That could work," Persephone said with a nod. "Let's do it."

The two grinned at each other and checked the appropriate boxes. "It's so weird to be thinking about third year when we haven't even done our exams yet."

"Oh, don't even remind me," Persephone groaned. "As soon as we get back from hols, I bet they start making us cram for exams."

"Probably," Emma said with a shrug. "Who takes the forms again?"

"McGonagall," Persephone said, taking a look through the pamphlet one more time before closing it. "Should we go drop the forms off?"

"Might as well," Emma said, closing her pamphlet. "One less thing to worry about before hols." Emma put her things away and stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder and starting to leave the library. With a frown, she turned back around to see Persephone just watching her sadly and not getting up. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah, sorry," Persephone said, gathering her things and joining Emma. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	19. Fractures

"Is Caspian upset that he won't be with the rest of you for the holiday?" Emma asked Persephone. The train was slowly pulling into King's Cross, and she was glad to be far away from the castle. It was a much lighter crowd on the train for the Easter holiday. Unfortunately, Jocelyn was one of the few that decided to go home. After spending an oddly quiet ride home with Persephone, Emma hoped she could avoid Jocelyn and just get off the train as quickly as possible.

The entire train ride had been quiet up until the sights of London had appeared. There was something heavy hanging between Emma and Persephone, and it had been lingering since before they even got on the train. Rather than acknowledge that anything felt wrong, the two had decided to take naps and start working on their holiday classwork. The entire ride made Emma feel anxious and itchy, and she had too much energy that she didn't know what to do with.

"He'll be fine," Persephone said with a shrug. "He's got friends, and I'm sure mum will send him something. We're not staying there for the whole holiday."

"You're not?" Emma was surprised to hear that. Only a few days ago, Persephone had told her they would be spending the entire time in France. "I thought you were going to be there the whole time."

"We were, but dad has work to do at the Ministry," Persephone explained, her cheeks flushing. "Mum and dad decided to just cut the trip a little shorter instead of not going at all."

"Oh," Emma said quietly. She wondered if Persephone had lied to her and had already forgotten the lie she had told.

"Yeah," Persephone said, standing up to gather her things. "It's fine. Maybe I could come over at some point? Or you could come over – whichever."

"That would be good," Emma said, forcing a smile on her face. She pulled her bag off the seat and exited the compartment so she could get to the door.

"Oi, off to see your dying mum?"

"Shit," Emma muttered as she looked over her shoulder at Persephone. "Does she have a bloody radar?" Emma peered past Persephone to see Jocelyn sauntering down the aisle towards them.

"Just ignore her," Persephone said, glancing back at Jocelyn and turning back to Emma. "She's stupid."

"She's right behind us…"

"OI. Did you hear me?" Jocelyn practically shouted.

"What do you want, Josie?" Persephone asked, turning around and folding her arms over her chest. Emma stood warily next to Persephone, glaring at Jocelyn, who was taller than her, much like everyone else.

"I was wondering what this one was doing," Jocelyn said, giving Emma a shove.

"Don't you fucking dare," Persephone snarled.

"Oh, what's this? You need your girlfriend to save your sorry arse, Em? Pathetic."

"For your information, I do not need my girlfriend to save me," Emma said with a laugh. "What do you want, Jocelyn?"

"I asked you a question. You didn't answer me."

"You didn't ask me a question worth answering."

"What was that?" Jocelyn asked slowly.

"Your question was stupid, so why would I bother answering it?"

"Because I asked you a question about your bloody dying mum. That's why."

"And what about yours, Jocelyn?"

Jocelyn froze, her eyes narrowing. "What?"

"Oh, you think I didn't know?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow. She knew it was a low blow, but something in her was starting to crack, and she couldn't take it. "Funny how you seem to give me such a hard time over mine when clearly _you_ killed _yours_."

"Shut up," Jocelyn snarled.

"No. It has been _years,_ Jocelyn. You have treated me like shit for years, and I have done nothing to you. Ever. All you try to do is make me seem like I'm the problem." Emma took a few steps closer to Jocelyn, annoyed that she had to look up at her instead of down.

"Oh, is that so?" Jocelyn's laugh was bitter, echoing through the hall and drawing a few curious faces to peer out of their compartments.

"It is. Why else would you _still_ bring up shit from the children's home, Jocelyn?" Emma couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips. "You don't know how to let go, and instead of dealing with it, you decided to make it your life's mission to make _me_ miserable. So, because _you_ killed _your mum,_ you've decided to project that on to me."

Emma had known that Jocelyn had been stewing in anger, but what she didn't anticipate was Jocelyn's fist flying directly into her face. The audible crack and the jolt of pain had surprised Emma, making her head spin as she tried to process what had just happened. She raised a shaky hand to her nose to feel it and let out a small gasp as she pulled it away to find it covered in blood. She glared at Jocelyn through watering eyes, wanting to hit her back, but not letting herself. Persephone stared at Emma for a moment in shock before turning to Jocelyn with a snarl.

"You _bitch_ ," Persephone shouted, hands swinging out and ready to grab onto the front of Jocelyn's shirt.

"No," Emma said, grabbing onto one of Persephone's arms with her clean hand. She shot Jocelyn a look and pulled Persephone back weakly. "It's not worth it."

"She just broke your fucking nose!" Persephone shouted, prepared to lunge at Jocelyn, who took a few steps back, her face smug.

"It's not worth it. Let's just go." Emma pressed her sleeve to her nose and groaned, seeing that the blood didn't seem to want to stop. Persephone growled and turned to Emma, trying to figure out what to do as curious faces peered out of the compartments.

"She's bleeding!" Someone shouted, and then the train erupted into noise as others began to look around and try to figure out what happened.

"Come on," Persephone said icily, pushing her way down the aisle to get off the train. Emma tried to take a deep breath through her mouth and regretted it immediately. With a shiver, she pinched her nose to try and staunch the bleeding. With a whispered, "ow," she kept her sleeve close so that she could keep her face from being covered in blood.

The wrath of Persephone made most students back away and into the compartments to allow her to pass. Emma was grateful for it as it meant they were among the first to get off the train and next in line to get back onto the platform.

"I can't stay because we're heading into France for the holidays, so I guess we'll say goodbye here," Persephone mumbled, looking at Emma and cringing. "I'd kiss you, but…"

"Oh, you're not into fighters?" Emma joked as Persephone's lips twitched slightly. "I can't even breathe anyway," Emma moaned, trying to ignore the ticket checker's gaze as they stared at her. "How bad is it?"

"Horrendous," Persephone admitted.

"Well, I'm sure Re's going to appreciate this one," Emma said glumly. "Trading one broken kid for a different type of broken."

"You're not broken," Persephone said, exasperated. "Why are you still not calling him dad?"

"Is this really the conversation we should be having right now? I thought it would be all declarations of love." Emma pulled her sleeve away from her nose and tried to figure out if the bleeding stopped. Unsure, Emma placed her hand back.

"It would've been if you didn't get decked in the face," Persephone snorted. "You should've let me hex her or – or something."

"I'm sure you'll do something as soon as we set foot back in the castle," Emma muttered, trying to keep her voice low, so it didn't sound as nasally. "I sound like a bloody trumpet."

"Isn't that just a hair too literal?"

"Oh, shut it," Emma said. The ticket taker gestured for them to walk into the station, and Emma cringed. "Guess I might as well get this over with," she said glumly as she covered her face with her sleeve again and followed Persephone through.

"I'll write when we get to France," Persephone said, turning to Emma.

"All right," Emma said. "Have fun. I still can't believe Caspian didn't want to go."

"Caspian isn't as refined," Persephone said with a small smile. "Mum said for me to meet her outside. Maybe I'll see you over the holiday."

Emma nodded and watched as Persephone practically floated off and took a look around the platform. She was surprised to see Lyall instead of Remus waiting for her, but her surprise was short-lived as he rushed over to her.

"Cariad, what happened? Wyt t'in iawn? A yw'n brifo?" Lyall held Emma at arm's length, shocked.

"I'm fine," Emma grumbled, pulling out of Lyall's grip. "I just fell getting off the train."

"You fell?" Lyall looked at Emma skeptically before muttering, "Rwy'n amau hynny." He gently placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. "Come on, let's get you someplace that we can get you…somewhat cleaned up."

With a groan, Emma covered her face with her sleeve and let Lyall guide her towards the closest set of bathrooms. He took a quick look around to ensure that no one was around and cast a quick Muggle repelling charm and whirled around to look at Emma. "What happened?"

"I told you! I fell," Emma said lamely, wincing as she brushed her hand against her nose. "Ow…"

"I've raised two children," Lyall said with a frown as he took Emma's face in his hands and looking at her appraisingly. "This doesn't happen from just _falling_."

"Where's Re?" Emma asked, trying to change the topic.

"At St. Mungo's, actually," Lyall said, letting go of Emma's face and crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma looked at Lyall, confused. "Did mum -?"

"She got worse, yes," Lyall said sadly. "I suppose it's fortunate we're heading over there, though. At least it seems like the bleeding's stopped…" He gestured towards the bathrooms with a frown. "I would try and take care of your nose, but I'll let a Healer take care of it. Get yourself cleaned up. Wouldn't do well to be walking the streets of London in your current state."

Feeling much cleaner after washing her face and in a clean shirt, Emma and Lyall set off for St. Mungo's. She was self-conscious of the bruising that had formed and her swollen nose and kept her sleeve up to her face.

"Thanks for carrying my bag for me," Emma said quietly after ten minutes of walking.

"Of course," Lyall said with a smile.

"Is there any reason why we didn't Floo?"

"Because it would've taken more time to walk to The Leaky Cauldron than it would to walk to St. Mungo's," Lyall said.

"Oh," Emma said quietly, looking down at the ground so that she didn't have to look at people as they passed by.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you two, and when you didn't show up, I got worried."

Emma groaned and ducked behind Lyall as she heard Remus's voice heading their way.

"There was a situation as the station," Lyall said.

"A situation?" Remus asked. "Emma? Why are you hiding?"

"I dare say it's because she was the situation," Lyall said brightly, earning him an aggravated look from Emma as he looked over his shoulder at her.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked slowly. "Emma?"

"Hi," Emma said, peering from behind Lyall so that most of her face was still hidden. She watched as he took a similar stance to Lyall from earlier, crossing his arms over his chest with an eyebrow raised. It was scary how alike they were sometimes.

"Emma, is there any particular reason _why_ you're hiding behind your grandfather?"

"Erm, not sure, but if you find out why, could you let me know?" Emma said, trying to smile but immediately wincing as it made her nose twinge.

Remus shot Lyall an exasperated look. "Da?"

Lyall looked back at Emma with a sympathetic look. "Sorry," Lyall said, stepping to the side before Emma could protest.

"Merlin's beard," Remus said, spotting the bruising around Emma's eyes that she couldn't easily cover.

"Thanks," Emma said sharply to Lyall as she was subjected to Remus's inspection.

"It's not like you would've been able to hide it for long," Lyall said simply, a smirk crossing his face.

"What happened?" Remus asked, turning to Lyall.

"She says she fell."

"I did," Emma groaned, grabbing onto Remus's arms to try and pull his hands off of her face.

"This didn't happen just from falling," Remus said sternly, turning back to Emma.

"That's what I said," Lyall said, looking pointedly at Emma.

Emma finally pulled her face free from Remus's grip and looked between Remus and Lyall. She couldn't believe what was happening. "Seriously? Both of you are ganging up on me now?" She covered her face again with her sleeve. "This isn't fair."

"If I'm going to be honest, I'm glad that someone is finally on my side," Remus muttered, glancing over at Lyall. "There's no point in lying, Emma. What happened?"

"Can we talk about this later?" Emma whined. "It…it hurts."

Remus's gaze softened, and he sighed. "All right," he said softly, meeting Emma's eyes. "But don't lie to me. I want to know the truth."

Emma nodded reluctantly. "Can we go now?"

"Yes," Remus said, stepping next to Emma and putting an arm around her shoulder. "The Healers wanted to talk to you," Remus said to Lyall. He motioned for Lyall to hand him Emma's bag and slung it over his other shoulder.

"Not surprising," Lyall said. "I suppose we shouldn't keep them waiting. And I suppose that we should get a certain little one fixed up while we're there."

Forty-five minutes later, Emma found herself sitting cross-legged on an exam table, trying to avoid Remus's gaze. "So, uhm, nice weather out here in London," Emma said conversationally.

"Emma, what did I tell you earlier?" Remus asked, staring at her from across the room.

"Not to lie," she mumbled.

"What was that? Not sure I heard you."

"Not to lie," Emma said a little louder, pouting slightly.

"Right," he said, "and I would like to know what happened _before_ someone comes in here. I have an idea of what happened, but I would rather hear it from you."

"I, uh…might have said something that made someone mad," Emma said vaguely.

"And let me guess – that person was Jocelyn?"

"Who else would it be?"

"Well, it could have been from you falling," Remus admitted with a sly grin, earning him an aggravated look. "But I learned very quickly that if you're injured, and you say you fell, it's from Jocelyn. You don't have a habit of lying about what actually happened except when it comes to her."

"That's embarrassing," Emma muttered.

"Tell me something," Remus said, his eyes sparkling.

"What?"

"Did you at least hit her back?"

"What?" Emma huffed and kicked her legs out from underneath her, dangling them over the edge of the bed. "Did you really just ask that?"

"It would've been the perfect excuse," Remus said with a shrug. "Where was Persephone during all of this?"

"Right next to me. We were trying to get off the train," Emma said, her eyebrows raising. "Are you telling me that you would be _okay_ with me hitting her?"

"Not normally, no. But it would be good for you to stand up for yourself."

"Persephone tried to go after her, but I told her not to."

"Why?"

"It wasn't worth it."

"Noble of you – are you sure you're not secretly a Gryffindor?"

"I just don't want to stoop down to her level. I mean," Emma sighed. "I did, and that's why she hit me, but… But in any other case, it makes me as bad as her. Although, a part of me really did want to hit her."

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but there was a knock at the door, and it opened.

"Knock, knock, remember me?" A silvery haired witch with kind eyes peered around the door, stepping in with a smile.

"I remember you," Emma said with a bright smile that quickly fell. "Ow," she muttered, throwing her hand up to her nose and immediately regretting it as she accidentally smacked it. She groaned as her eyes began to water. She was glad to see a familiar face even if she had only spent a half-hour with Elara at St. Mungo's last year.

"Saw Lupin as I passed by the doors and decided to take over," Elara said, giving Remus a grin and dropping the file in her hand on the counter. "Nice to see you again, Remus. Although it seems it should be for a much better occasion."

"Are you here _all_ the time?" Remus asked. "I'm sure it's been, er…a busy week."

Elara shrugged, picking up the fact Remus was referring to the full moon that had been a few days prior. "Yeah, it's been a little rough, but today was my first day back," she said, turning to Emma. "And what happened with you, kid? Normally we don't see Hogwarts students this early into holiday. The train only got back, what, nearly two hours ago?"

Emma opened her mouth to speak, prepared to use her usual excuse, but backtracked quickly, seeing the look on Remus's face. "I uh, got punched in the face."

"I can see that," Elara said, surprised. "Doesn't look like that feels nice. Is it all right if I take a feel?"

"I have a feeling I don't really have a choice," Emma said.

"Not really," Elara laughed, giving Emma a sympathetic look as she approached. "I just want to see how bad it is. Let me know if it hurts a lot."

"Right," Emma grumbled, closing her eyes tightly. "Just as long as I don't need to watch what you're do – ow! That hurt."

Remus snorted from the corner, and Emma opened an eye to glare at him. He quickly steeled himself, his face impassive, but a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Well, the bad news is it's broken," Elara said, biting back a smile. "But the good news is a few potions, and you'll be fixed up in no time. Perhaps a bruise salve to get rid of the bruising quicker – two days tops since this just happened."

"I hate taking potions," Emma pouted.

"No one likes taking them," Remus said sagely. "Trust me, there are potions that taste worse."

"Anything else we need to worry about while you're here?" Elara asked, giving Emma a wide grin.

" _Do_ we have anything else to worry about?" Remus asked.

"No," Emma said quickly, shaking her head as she glanced at Remus. She turned away, ignoring his narrowed eyes.

"Perfect," Elara said, walking over to a tall cabinet and pulling out a vial and passing it to Emma. "Drink up, kid. It'll help."

Emma pulled a face but unstopped the vial and downed it. "Oh, that's terrible."

"But, does your nose still hurt?"

Emma carefully brought her hand up to her face and touched her nose, letting out a sigh of relief. "No," Emma said quietly, dropping her hand.

"There you go," Elara said brightly, returning to the cabinet and pulling out another container. "Here," she said, opening the container, "let's get some of this salve on now, so it's one less thing to worry about later." She began to gently apply the paste to Emma's face. "I'm surprised – most kids complain about how cold this."

"She's very well acquainted with it, unfortunately," Remus said.

"With the bruise salve?" Elara looked over at Remus in surprise before gently rubbing the salve into the fresh bruises. "Really?"

"For the same reason she needs it now, actually."

"It's the _only_ reason I've needed it in the first place," Emma corrected.

"Yes, I suppose that's right," Remus agreed. "Honestly, you shouldn't need it at all."

"Well, I hope you don't need this for a very long time after this," Elara said. "Aaanddd you're all done."

"Emma, why don't you head on up to see your mother?" Remus suggested. "I need to talk to Healer Douglas about something."

"You're not coming with me?" Emma asked, looking between Remus and Elara curiously.

"Your grandfather is upstairs, and they know you. They'll let you in."

Emma pouted and placed a gentle hand to her nose, still not trusting that it wouldn't start hurting immediately. "Can I at least get a hug before I go up, then?" She asked, jumping off the table.

"Of course," Remus laughed, opening his arms for Emma to walk into and squeezing her tightly. "Now go. I'll be up shortly."

"Fine," Emma said with another pout. "Thanks," she said shyly to Elara. She left the room but gave Remus another curious look before she closed the door.

Elara turned to Remus and grinned. "Well, fatherhood suits you well," she said, leaning against the counter.

"Believe it or not, that was something I only figured out a few months ago," Remus said sadly.

"A few months ago? Hasn't it been a year since you went through all the creepy magic?"

"A year on Monday, actually," Remus said quietly, before giving Elara a look. "Did you just refer to it as 'creepy magic?'"

"If you think about it, it is," Elara laughed. "I didn't think things needed to get that far – using ancient blood rituals to make sure that the family bond is intact? Never would've figured that. There are other ways to make sure that the bond exists. But what do you mean, 'a few months ago?'"

"I mean that I am a complete fool and should have considered things further."

"You regret it?"

"I could never regret it – she's brilliant. I just didn't consider that it would be okay for me to step in as her father. But I will regret it if…"

"If you're found out," Elara said, knowingly. "The fact you've never been placed on the registry… Well, that's enough said right there. You risked a lot for that little girl. I know we've never been very close, but I know you well enough that it wasn't an easy decision."

"Unfortunately, as it turns out, it needed to happen as it did. At least part of it."

"Okay, you need to backtrack for a minute because I'm lost. _Part_ of it?"

"It was explained to me that only the initial, for lack of a better word, blood donation, would be needed to ensure that things worked correctly; that just inhaling the potion would be what was needed."

"So, neither of you actually drank it? I mean, really only Emma would have to, but as a show of good faith normally, that's how the entire ceremony is done."

"Merlin, no. Elara, you know that I could never do that."

"Why not?"

"What if I passed my condition to her?"

"As if being a werewolf is the worst thing in the world?" Elara asked with a laugh. "It's hard, but it's not like she would be dead."

"At that point, she might as well be. Especially if I was the reason why? She doesn't need to be subject to that. It's already bad enough that she met Greyback."

Elara froze and looked at Remus as if she misheard him. "She met Greyback?"

Remus sighed, running his hands through his hair. "There were initial issues after the entire ceremony that caused the wards to not be as solid as they should've been. We had figured that her magic accepted mine, but she grew terribly ill. For a few days, I thought maybe something went wrong, and she was infected anyway. I had to leave as it was the full, and one of her friends was supposed to stay with her, but her friend never showed up." Remus leaned against the wall. "We think the owls might have been intercepted, and Greyback took the opportunity to…introduce himself."

"He didn't hurt her, did he?"

"No, thankfully – surprisingly. I think it was more of a warning for me, but it scared Emma."

"I guess it's a good thing that her friend didn't show up. It could've been both of them."

"Trust me, I've had the thought. It haunts me often."

"Remus, can I ask you a question?"

"You don't have to. I still haven't told her."

Elara grew quiet, trying to process that Remus still hadn't told Emma the truth. She took a deep breath before speaking, "I said it last year, and I'll say it again – she's not going to hate you. It's undeniable that she loves you. Merlin, the child asked you for a hug before leaving."

"I know she does," Remus said, "but it's all…terrifying, especially now."

"Because of Margaret?"

"You're up to date?"

"I visit her from time to time. I know that you and your father can't be here all the time, and no one deserves to be alone," Elara said. "I wish there was more that I could do."

"You and I both," Remus said sadly. "I don't think she's going to last much longer."

"You're worried about Emma," Elara said, suddenly understanding Remus's fear.

"More than you can imagine. Christmas was tough, and she's already been struggling emotionally as it is. She's taken a huge blow to her self-esteem this school year. She seems to be okay for right now, but even just a week ago…"

"But, you worry that it's only going to get worse?"

Remus nodded. "It's not really a matter of 'if' at this point, it's a matter of 'when.' She's very sensitive, and I know how easy it is to just…give up."

"You and me both," Elara muttered. "Well, you already know that the wizarding community is terribly behind on mental health. I can make recommendations for Muggle therapists, but I don't know that'll help in the long run, statute of secrecy and all." Elara frowned, trying to think. "Obviously tell Pomfrey so that she's aware. She's a Hufflepuff, right? So, Sprout…McGonagall. The more people she has, the easier it'll be."

"I've let them know of the possibility already," Remus said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "They seem to have been keeping an eye on her, but that doesn't make me any less worried. I can't be there to help her."

"Then don't be worried about that now," Elara said. "Get Emma focused on something else for the time being. There's no point in worrying her for something that hasn't happened just yet," Elara suggested. "I know it's not easy for you either, but she's still a kid, and she'll feed off your energy."

Remus gave Elara and appreciative smile. "I suppose you're right," Remus said.

"Have I ever been wrong in all the time you've known me?" Elara asked, returning his smile.

"There was that one time…"

"Oh, shut it. Just admit that I'm right. Most of the time, at least," Elara laughed, standing up straight and stretching. "Go, get out of here. She's probably wondering what's taking you so long."

"I have no doubt about it," Remus said, strolling towards the door. "Thank you, Elara."

"Anytime," she said, touching Remus's arm gently. "You know where to find me. I'll send you an owl with my schedule just in case."

"I appreciate it. I'm sure I'll need to bother you sooner rather than later."

"Whatever you need. Emma seems like a really good kid, and I'll do what I can to help."

Remus nodded and began to open the door.

"Remus? Do you mind if I suggest something?"

"What do you suggest?"

"You mentioned that there were complications with the magic? I know that we have several vials of the potion here, almost like an insurance policy – why don't you just finish the process?" Elara said thoughtfully, giving him a small shrug. "The chances of her becoming a werewolf are practically non-existent, especially since the potion was made so far outside of the full."

"Have you been talking to my father? He's said the same thing," Remus said skeptically, but Elara gave nothing away.

"I'm just saying – it could help in other ways, especially with the healing. She won't bruise as much. Think about it."

"It's too much of a risk," Remus responded politely. "But thank you." As Remus left the room, he heard Elara give an exasperated sigh. It wasn't something that he could ever consider – the risk was far too great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Wyt t'in iawn** \- Are you okay?  
>  **A yw'n brifo** \- Does it hurt?  
>  **Rwy'n amau hynny** \- I doubt (suspect) that
> 
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> 


	20. Cinnamon Toast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's life changes and she's not ready for it.

Emma stared into the fireplace, watching the way the flames licked the air. It might have been April, but there was still a slight chill in the air. The warmth filling the living room was pleasant. She twirled a pencil in her hand, completely ignoring the paper sitting in front of her. It had been weeks since she had been able to draw anything. She didn't have the attention span to focus, and the itchiness of her skin was distracting.

Her thoughts continually turned to her mother, disturbed at how much smaller she had become since Christmas. Margaret had already looked thin then, but her skin was paper-thin, and she looked more skeletal than usual. Lyall had warned her before entering the ward, but there was no way to truly prepare her. Still, she put on a brave face and tried to act as if nothing was different.

Emma knew they weren't telling her everything. The evidence was all right there in front of her. It was the shared looks between Lyall and Remus, and it was how Remus held her closer than he usually would. It was the fact that she had been home for three days and had been to St. Mungo's to see her every day. The hours were long, and there hadn't been a lot of time spent at home. The worst part of it was the Healers' sympathetic looks, the knowing and gentle, but sad smiles. They were the smiles that you gave to a child whose life was about to change. Her mother was dying, and there was nothing that could be done to change it – everything was changing.

Everything _had_ changed, Emma realized. Not only had it changed, but it had also changed quickly, and that was a terrifying thought. Although, a part of her quickly discovered that her entire life seemed to have taken on that pattern.

In one night, she had lost her entire family, though she didn't know it at the time. She was placed in a children's home and lived nearly ten bittersweet years within those walls. On one fateful morning, she received a letter that changed everything that she knew. After all, in the four walls of the children's home, magic wasn't real and belonged only in fairy tales. Another morning and Emma was swept away from her old life and catapulted into the one she should have always known.

Only days later, she had become reacquainted with Remus. She had been terribly confused as to who he was but was even more confused as to why she felt she had known him forever. And then she was home.

"What are you drawing?"

Emma looked away from the fire, pulled out of her thoughts. Remus leaned against the wall near the closet, a cup of tea in hand. Emma wasn't sure that she had seen Remus without something in his hands the past few days. She couldn't blame him. It wasn't as though she wasn't doing the same but with a blade in the middle of the night.

"Nothing," she said quietly, shaking her head. "I can't think of anything to draw."

With a sigh, Remus crossed the room and sat down next to her. He placed his cup down on the table and put an arm around Emma's shoulder as she leaned into him. She tossed her pencil onto the table and watched as it rolled across and off the table. Typical.

"You're thinking too loud, little one," Remus said, gently rubbing her arm. "What's going through that brain of yours?"

"Too much, nothing – everything," Emma sighed, leaning her head on Remus's shoulder as she looked up at him. "The usual."

"I suppose that's to be expected," he said thoughtfully. "I'm sorry that we haven't been home very much…"

Emma turned her attention back to the fire, rubbing her wrists absentmindedly, guiltily. A small sigh left her lips as Remus reached his free hand over to take hers, stopping her from the compulsive rubbing of her wrist. "It's okay," she whispered. "Re? Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Mum's dying, isn't she?" Emma asked quietly. Remus's hand stopped rubbing her arm, clearly not expecting that to be her question. "Please, don't lie to me."

Remus took in a deep breath and kissed the top of Emma's head. "Yes," he said softly into her hair.

"Soon?"

"They believe so, yes."

Emma nodded, leaning more of her weight on Remus. "Is she in pain?"

"No. They've made sure that she's not in pain."

"Oh. That's good."

The silence that filled the room was comfortable, and Emma wasn't aware of how much she needed it.

"You're still thinking too loud."

"I know," Emma laughed. "I can't help it. If I don't…"

Remus squeezed her arm in understanding. "Well, I have something that might distract you from your thoughts."

Emma pulled herself away and looked at Remus with narrowed eyes. The smile on Remus's face and the twinkle in his eye made her suspicious. "What?" she asked slowly, observing him.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?"

"The day after Easter? Am I supposed to know what tomorrow is?"

Remus's smile grew. "You don't _know_?"

"Am I supposed to?"

"Well, I would have hoped so," Remus chuckled, not bothering to elaborate.

Emma sat back against the couch cushion, crossing her arms as she tried to think. What happened last year? "Was I still at school?" Emma asked, trying to dig through her memories.

"No, you were here," Remus said, his smile broadening.

"I was _here?_ What was – oh." Emma turned back to Remus with wide eyes. "You've been my…" Emma trailed off and stared down at her hands, aggravated that she _still_ felt weird saying the word 'dad' around Remus. "It's been a year."

"It's been a year," Remus said with a nod. He reached out and cupped Emma's cheek, turning her face gently to look at him. "Don't feel as though you have to call me your father. When you're ready, if you're ever ready, you will; it doesn't matter to me. It's not going to change the fact I consider you mine."

"I know," Emma said quietly, forcing a small smile on her face.

Remus glanced over at the clock and dropped his hand down to Emma's knee. "Perhaps you should try and get some rest. It's starting to get late, and we've had some very long days."

"Yeah, maybe," Emma said, standing up and stretching. She looked down at the cup of tea on the table. "Are you going to finish that?"

"No," Remus said, shaking his head. "I didn't even drink any of it. Might be a little cold, though."

Emma picked up the cup with a shrug and took a drink before pulling a face. "You never put in enough sugar for yourself," she muttered as she made her way to her room.

 _Screaming. There was so much screaming_.

Emma was confused and terrified. She didn't know where she was, and the screaming she heard sounded painful. The room she was in was barren, except for a small bed and a dresser. Hearing the screams again, Emma turned to the closed door, deciding to investigate. Whoever was screaming needed help, but she needed to find them first.

Opening the door, Emma listened for any sound that would tell her where she needed to go. She glanced both ways down the hallway – one direction led towards what looked like a set of stairs, and the other led to more rooms. Another scream pulled Emma's attention towards the stairs. Emma felt around for her wand and hesitated, unable to find it. She didn't want to venture unarmed, but the screaming pulled her forward.

Emma padded quietly down the stairs, listening carefully for noise, but the screaming had stopped. She paused on the landing, half-way between the first and second floor. Should she continue? She knew that she should, but she was scared and didn't have anything to defend herself with.

"What did I tell you about leaving your room?"

That voice. Emma had heard that voice before, and it made her freeze, rooted to the landing. A shiver ran down her spine as a face appeared around the corner, cold, dark eyes meeting hers. _Jude_.

"What did I tell you?" Jude snarled, stepping onto the first stair, brandishing his wand. "I told you _not_ to leave your room." He bared his teeth into a twisted smile as he took another step forward, and Emma took a step back. "I told you that if you left, you were going right to Greyback. And you know what Greyback does with little girls like you."

"No," Emma whispered, nearly tripping over herself as her heel met the steps. She glanced over her shoulder and carefully stepped up. She knew that she needed to keep the distance between them, and when Jude's wand started to swing, she turned and ran as fast as she could. She shrieked as red light touched her, her eyes closing as pain enveloped her entire body.

When she opened her eyes, she was back in her bed. It was still dark, but she felt that someone was in the room with her. She sat up, backing up instinctively as she turned on her lamp and was relieved to see Remus.

She leaned her head back against the headboard, closing her eyes, relieved to see a familiar face. But when she opened her eyes, she realized that Remus didn't really look like Remus at all. His eyes were gold, and the expression he wore was unlike any that she had ever seen before. He looked almost like a predator that just found its prey.

Panic flooded her system, and she pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. That wasn't Remus – it couldn't be. When she pulled her hands away and flinched as a face was inches away from hers. Golden eyes met hers, and Emma's scream died in her throat.

"Hello, pup," Greyback said huskily, his smile sharp and wide. His eyes darkened as he stared at her for a moment before a hand trailed up to the side of her neck. His face brushed up next to hers, the stubble scratchy against her cheek as he nipped along the side of her face, along her jaw and down her neck. Then, she realized that there was a heavy weight on her legs, and Emma's panic turned to pure terror.

She tried to swing out to hit Greyback, but he caught her hands easily, holding both wrists in one hand. He pulled away, his gaze dark and unyielding.

"You know what happens to little girls like you…" The hand touching her neck suddenly pressed tightly to her throat, suffocating her until everything went black.

Emma shot up in her bed, taking in deep breaths. She had never had a dream that vivid or terrifying before. The other dreams she had were scary, but this one felt entirely too real. Her entire body was covered in a cold sweat, and she was shaking violently. She looked around the room, almost positive that she was still in her dream. Her hands immediately went to her neck – she could still feel Greyback's hands on her. Emma's eyes darted over to the window, almost expecting his gold eyes to be staring at her. It was one of the few moments that she hated having sheer curtains. A creaking noise made her jump, the reaction jerky and violent with adrenaline.

With a frustrated groan, Emma slipped out of bed and opened her door cautiously. The entire house was dark, and it made her nervous. She wasn't scared of the dark, but she felt incredibly uneasy. She stumbled the few feet to the bathroom and quickly turned the light on, jumping when she saw herself in the mirror.

"Bloody Hell," Emma muttered, clutching at her chest. "You idiot." She glared at herself in the mirror before leaning towards the sink so she could splash water on her face. She felt nauseous, and she hoped the cold water would cool her down. When she straightened up, she looked in the mirror and gave a frightened shout as she saw someone else reflected to the side of her.

"Why would you sneak up on me like that?" Emma shouted, turning to Remus with a glare. "I thought you were asleep."

"I'm so sorry," he grimaced. "I just got into bed actually and got worried when I saw the light turn on. I wasn't sure if -"

"If _what_?" Emma snapped.

Putting his hands out apologetically, Remus sighed. "Nothing, I'm sorry," he said again, turning to head back to his room. "I'll go."

"Wait," Emma called out with an exhausted sigh. "I'm sorry." Remus turned back around, standing in the hallway, his face impassive. One of his eyebrows raised slightly as he awaited an explanation, and Emma sighed again. "I had a nightmare."

Remus stared at Emma for a moment, and his expression softened. He disappeared into his room and brought out a vial of Dreamless Sleep. "You haven't been sleeping enough," Remus said, holding the vial up to show her. "I hate having to give you this, but I would much rather you get some rest. Get back into bed, I'll get you a glass of water to drink before taking that."

Emma nodded, turning the light off and slipping back into her room. She took another look out the window and gave a start when Remus came back into the room.

"That must have been a terrible dream," Remus remarked as he passed Emma the glass. "I've never seen you this jumpy."

"Thanks," Emma whispered, taking a generous drink of water. "I'm sorry about earlier." She placed the glass on her nightstand and took another worried glance out the window.

Remus gave her a gentle smile. "It's fine," Remus said, opening the vial and handing it to Emma. "At least now you'll sleep."

Emma took a deep breath and downed the vial of purple liquid. She shuddered slightly before settling into her pillows and handing Remus the empty vial. "Hate how fast it works," she murmured, her eyelids fluttering closed.

Once Remus was sure that Emma had fallen asleep completely, he took a look out Emma's window. His hand twitched reflexively towards his wand as he turned off her lamp, and he conjured a chair to sit in. He made a mental note to get Emma new curtains and recheck the wards in the morning. Remus didn't move his gaze from outside, even as yellow eyes disappeared from his view.

Emma awoke feeling incredibly comfortable and warm. She stretched lazily and settled further into her blankets, her bed feeling like pure bliss. She couldn't recall the last time she had slept so well.

A hand touched her shoulder gently, and Emma groaned. "Sweetheart, it's nearly noon. It's time to get up."

"But comfy," Emma whined, leaning her face into Remus's hand as he cupped her cheek. "I don't want to." She felt the bed dip as Remus sat down next to her.

"You don't want to get up?"

"No," she murmured, keeping her eyes stubbornly closed.

"Not even for cinnamon toast?"

"Cinnamon _sugar_ toast," Emma corrected, opening a bleary eye to peer at Remus.

"Ah, yes. I always forget," Remus laughed.

"You look terrible," Emma commented as her vision cleared. She rubbed her eyes to clear the sleep from them and frowned. "Did you get any sleep?" She propped herself up on her elbows, studying his face. He had deep bags under his eyes, and they were slightly bloodshot as if he hadn't slept at all.

"A little," he answered. "I don't need much sleep."

"Except you look terrible…have you looked at yourself?"

"Rather honest this morning, aren't we?" Remus asked, his eyebrows raising.

Emma flushed, and she gave him a sheepish grin. "Sorry," she said, sitting up and stretching.

"It's refreshing," Remus said. "It means you slept well, and that's all I could ask for." Remus stood up, squeezing Emma's leg. "Now, cinnamon toast?"

"Cinnamon _sugar_."

"Right, right," Remus said with a wink.

Emma shook her head, taking her time to wake up before joining Remus in the kitchen. The smell of cinnamon pulled her in with an appreciative hum.

"Emma, why do I have the feeling that you would go with a stranger if they had cinnamon toast?"

"It's cinnamon _sugar_ ," Emma said, exasperated, snatching a piece off the plate Remus was preparing and taking a bite. "And possibly."

"Really? You can't even wait for me to finish making your eggs?"

"Nope," she said with a grin. She sat down at the table and smiled as she ate the toast in her hand. "What time did you wind up getting up?"

"Far earlier than you," Remus said, looking over his shoulder at Emma. She stuck her tongue out at him, which made him laugh. "I thought maybe we could go to London again today," Remus said, adding eggs to Emma's plate and placing it in front of her.

"Again? Can't we just stay home? I don't want to see London for a while, not until I have to go back," Emma pouted.

"Is that what you'd like to do?"

Emma nodded. "I would prefer to. I – I don't know if you had anything planned, so if we need to go, we can go," Emma said, between mouthfuls of egg. "We just haven't been home much."

"I don't mind," Remus said, sitting across from her. He watched her for a moment, a smile crossing his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Emma asked, giving Remus a look. "It's weird."

"It's just been a while since I've seen you like this," he said. "So carefree…"

Emma's face fell, and she stared down at her eggs, eating quietly. "I'm sorry," she answered after a while.

"Don't be. No more apologizing," Remus stood back up and stared at Emma for another moment. He wondered if he should ask her about her dream, but he didn't want to ruin the good mood that she was in. "I think I'll take a short nap."

"Good. You look like you need it," Emma said, taking a bite of toast.

"Cheeky little thing," Remus chuckled as he made his way to his room.

The day consisted almost entirely of naps. In their waking moments, Remus introduced Emma to Star Wars. She quickly fell in love, A New Hope capturing her attention just long enough to keep her awake.

"A lightsaber would be cool," Emma said, her eyes brightening. She rushed off to her room, grabbing her wand and brandishing it like a lightsaber.

"Okay, easy there, Luke," Remus said, pulling Emma's wand out of her hand. "You're going to take someone's eye out."

"Will not," Emma pouted, sitting back on the couch and curling up at the end of the sofa. It wasn't long before she fell asleep, and Remus joined her shortly after, stretching out on the other side. At one point, Emma had curled up next to him as he read, quickly falling asleep on his chest.

With both of them sufficiently rested, they both took the long walk into the town to find something for dinner. After an intense debate on pizza or Thai, they finally settled on getting Chinese. They camped out in the living room, setting their food up like they always did. Remus played The Empire Strikes Back for them to watch, and Emma was drawn in as quickly. For a moment, things were exactly how they should have always been.

Emma yawned sleepily as the end credits began to roll. "I feel like Luke," Emma said with a mischievous grin.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Jude's Darth Vader, obviously," Emma said with a shrug. Her grin widened at Remus's shocked look on his face. "It's not true!" She said, trying to put on a pained expression but giggling. "That's impossible! Nooo!"

Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or not, but he couldn't resist Emma's theatrics as she dramatically threw herself on the ground. "Perhaps that wasn't a good movie to show you," he said through his laughter. "I hesitate to show you the last one."

"No! I have to see it!" Emma shouted. "You can't show me two of them and then not let me watch the third one!"

"We'll see," Remus said, beginning to clean up their mess.

Emma began to help Remus clean, but they both stopped as a silvery mass landed right in front of them in the living room. A massive silver Newfoundland sat down on the floor, and as its mouth opened, Lyall's voice came out.

" _You need to get to St. Mungo's now. There's no time to explain_."

The silver creature disappeared, and she looked at Remus, worried by the look on his face.

"What was that?" she asked, looking back at where the dog had just been.

"That was your grandfather's Patronus," Remus said, standing up quickly. "Don't worry about cleaning. We have to go."

It didn't seem fair to Emma that it had been such a wonderful day, and for her mother, it wasn't. It wasn't fair that she was _dying_ while Emma got to live.

In an act of defiance, she shakily climbed into the bed with Margaret. In the back of her mind, Emma knew it would be the last time she ever could. A dull ache clenched at her heart as she realized she couldn't even remember ever doing this – just being. As a child, she had to have, but she had no recollection. Remus and Lyall didn't comment on it as they went to talk to a Healer, leaving the two alone for a few moments.

Emma lay on her side, propped up on her elbow as she watched the harsh ebb and flow of Margaret's chest as she tried to breathe. Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was slightly open as she took in labored breaths. With a deep breath, Emma took Margaret's hand in hers, suppressing a shudder at how cold it felt. Emma snuggled closer to Margaret, resting her head on the pillow next to her mother's head.

"Hi, mum, it's me," Emma started, silently pleading that her mother understood a word she was saying. "I – I really don't know what to say. I wish I knew what to say. I just hope that you know that I love you." Emma pulled her hand from Margaret's to wipe away the tears that had filled her eyes.

"Emma…"

"Mum?" Emma lifted her head slightly to watch Margaret closely, trying to figure out if she had imagined her mother saying her name. The sound was terribly familiar as if she had heard it a million times before, but it was impossible. Margaret had never talked before, and Lyall and Remus had never commented on it happening during a visit.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder, and she reluctantly pulled her attention from Margaret's face. Emma turned to see Remus motioning for her to get out of the bed, and she frowned. She didn't want to leave.

"Only so that your grandfather has a moment," Remus clarified, and Emma couldn't deny that. Emma studied Margaret for a moment and then kissed her cheek, trying to ignore the coldness of her skin. She was so _cold_. The moment Emma climbed out of the bed, she enveloped herself in Remus's arms, holding onto him tightly.

Lyall placed a gentle hand on Emma's back as he spoke to Remus, "You should go ahead and sit. We don't know…"

Remus understood and took a seat in the chair next to Margaret's bed, pulling Emma onto his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around her. Emma snuggled into Remus's arms, turning herself so that she didn't have to watch. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and rest her head in the crook of his shoulder. Another ache swept through Emma as she wondered how often she had sat on her mother's lap. Was it often? Did she only do it when she was hurt? She wouldn't ever know. To keep her tears from falling, she closed her eyes tightly and listened to Lyall's quiet speaking.

Lyall was telling a story from when Margaret was younger, chuckling sadly as Remus would add to the story. There was a point where Remus's voice began to waver that made Emma squeeze him tighter. After a while, Remus and Lyall switched places, and Emma held onto Lyall just as tightly.

Listening to Remus was a lot harder than listening to Lyall. While Lyall spoke of old memories, Remus spoke of promises and apologies. Apologies for not making more effort to be a better brother and promises to be a much better man for Emma. She didn't understand what Remus meant, but before she could reflect on it too long, Lyall and Remus switched places again.

Emma settled back into Remus's arms as Lyall gave his final goodbyes. She buried her face into Remus's shoulder, trying to keep herself from breaking, but the waiting was the worst part. The anticipation of what she knew would happen was crippling because it _shouldn't_ be happening.

Long after their little curtained bubble had grown quiet, a Healer entered. Emma opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder to watch the Healer as she waved her wand to run tests on Margaret. The Healer looked over at Lyall, and Emma immediately understood before she said a word.

"It's only a matter of moments," the Healer said sympathetically. The Healer looked over at Remus but didn't say anything, though Remus understood.

He tucked a piece of Emma's hair behind her ear and kissed the top of her head. "Did you want to stay, love? She'll understand if you want to leave."

Emma stared at Remus and frowned, unsure of what she wanted to do. She laid her head on his shoulder and nodded after a moment.

"Are you sure?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Emma nodded again. She wasn't sure that she wanted to stay, but a part of her felt like she needed to stay until the end.

"Okay, sweetheart," Remus whispered, pressing another gentle kiss to the top of her head. "She'll stay," he said to the Healer.

"All right," the witch responded. "I'll be back in a few moments."

The only one familiar with sitting vigil was Lyall as he had done it with Hope when she had passed.

A particularly labored breath from Margaret pulled their attention, and this time, Emma was nearly positive that she didn't imagine things.

"Emma…"

Emma let out a breath of disbelief, looking at Remus for confirmation. Seeing his awestruck expression, she turned to Lyall, who looked baffled. Emma shakily slid off Remus's lap and climbed into the bed with Margaret, taking the spot she was in earlier. Without second-guessing herself, Emma took Margaret's hand in hers.

"I'm – I'm here," Emma whispered. "I'm here…"

The curtains moved, and Emma knew that the Healer returned, but she wasn't leaving. She couldn't leave. Emma braced herself, sure that the Healer was going to complain, but Remus stepped in. She wasn't sure what Remus said, but she heard the huff from the Healer as she left.

Emma reached her other hand back, wanting desperately for Remus to hold her hand. She wasn't scared anymore, but she desperately wished her mother could open her eyes or say something else. Her voice was so quiet that Emma couldn't even be sure that she remembered it anymore. She _wanted_ to remember it.

 _Emma, Emma, Emma_. Her mother _knew_ her, she said her name. It made her stomach flip at the thought – _her mother knew she was there_.

A part of Emma knew when Margaret took her last breath well before it happened. It seemed that Remus knew as well since he gently squeezed her hand, but Emma didn't fight to stay. There was no point in fighting anymore. Margaret was gone.

As she stepped into Remus's arms, she found herself terribly confused. She was sure that she would have felt something – sad, possibly angry, maybe relieved that her mother no longer suffered. But she felt none of those things.

Emma felt nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	21. Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** suicidal thoughts, depressive episode

Emma felt numb. There was no other word to describe how she felt. She felt cold, she felt numb, and she couldn't understand why she couldn't _feel_. If she was honest with herself, she just couldn't get herself to care. No one had understood what had happened at St. Mungo's, but it left Emma feeling empty.

Lyall's home had become the headquarters for everything, and Emma mostly kept to her room, the door closed to the world. There were too many people she didn't know coming through the house as they made funeral arrangements. She couldn't stand the sympathy – she didn't want it. Sheltered in the walls of her room, she was safe. She was uncomfortable because it wasn't _home,_ but she was safe. As long as Emma could stay in bed under the covers, she would be fine. She _had_ to be okay.

A gentle knock at the door roused her attention. She pulled her head up from her pillow, watching as the door opened and Remus peered in. He gave her a small smile, not crossing the threshold.

"You haven't gotten dressed."

"I don't want to go," Emma said quietly. She flipped over so that she didn't have to look at Remus. Her stomach was in knots at the idea of having to go to her mother's funeral. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but she couldn't feel a thing. How was she supposed to go when she felt so empty? Emma felt the bed dip as Remus sat down.

"Okay," Remus said. "You don't have to go."

Emma looked over her shoulder at Remus, a jolt running down her spine as she took in his dress robes. She turned back around, burying her face in her pillow. The dress robes weren't just for the job he had left during her Christmas holiday – they were funeral clothes. At least it explained why they looked as though they weren't worn frequently.

"It's scary, I understand," Remus said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"She'll hate me for not going," Emma whispered, turning her head slightly back towards Remus.

"Your mother would never hate you, love. She would understand."

"But it's my _mother_ ," Emma said, unable to stop her voice breaking. She pulled her blanket up to hide some of her face.

She felt the bed shift as Remus leaned over, brushing her hair out of her face. "Emma, she would understand. I promise."

"But what if she doesn't?"

"Love, I can tell you without a doubt that she loved you more than anything. She wouldn't be mad at you for not wanting to go. She knew that you loved her."

Emma frowned, unsure of how to respond. She pulled her blanket a little closer and closed her eyes as Remus pressed a kiss near her temple.

"Persephone's family got back from France last night. Do you want me to find out if she can come stay with you?"

"Yeah," Emma said with a nod. "And Neville?"

"Neville?" Remus asked, surprised.

Emma nodded again. "Please?"

"Of course," Remus said. "I'll come back and let you know if they're coming."

Emma wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard another quiet knock at the door. She glanced over her shoulder to look over to see Persephone and, to her surprise, Caspian. She swallowed hard against the lump that formed in her throat, seeing them both dressed in black. Emma was used to seeing them in jewel-toned clothing that the black seemed entirely out of place.

"I thought Re was going to come back up?" Emma said, sitting up in her bed.

"He's talking to mum right now. He said Neville should be coming by soon," Persephone replied. "Is it all right if we come in?"

"Oh, yeah," Emma said. "Of course."

"We haven't been upstairs before," Caspian said, stepping into the room behind Persephone, looking terribly confused.

"Sorry…it just never seemed like either of you were here long enough that we could come up here," Emma said, looking around the room. "It feels weird to me that I have two rooms."

"It's nice that you've got your own room, here," Persephone said, climbing into the bed with Emma.

"I guess," Emma sighed. She turned her attention to Caspian, who sat down at the edge of the bed. "I thought you were staying at school?"

"Er, they picked me up last night," Caspian said, glancing over at Persephone for a moment. "Everyone – everyone says they're sorry, Em…They didn't know. Ernie feels terrible."

"Yes, well, Ernie probably should have thought about that before he said awful things that he did," Emma said. She let out a groan at the look on Caspian's face and covered her eyes. "I'm sorry…"

Persephone put an arm around Emma's shoulder and pulled her close. "Don't be sorry…"

"I shouldn't have snapped like that."

"Well, to be fair, Ernie has been stupid," Caspian said. "He's been driving the other boys mad. He's friends with Jack, who's in my year, so he's with us all the time, too."

"Git…" Persephone muttered under her breath, causing Emma to let out a huff.

Another knock drew everyone's attention to the door as Neville peered around the door, his face red. "'Lo," he said quietly.

"Hi Neville," Emma said, giving him a small smile. "Come in."

"Remus is, er…downstairs," Neville said, shuffling into the room. "He asked me to tell you that he wants to talk to you before…"

"Oh," Emma said quietly, pulling herself away from Persephone.

"Do you want me to have him come up here?" Persephone asked.

"No. I can go. I haven't really left the room since last night, and that was just to take a shower," Emma said quietly, carefully slipping out of bed and padding out into the hall and down the stairs. She nervously peered around the corner of the first landing, finding it strange that she didn't hear anyone. Emma let out a sigh of relief when she saw Remus sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

Remus turned to look up the stairs and gave Emma a gentle smile. "Come here, come sit with me," Remus said, beckoning for Emma to join him.

Emma sat down next to Remus, painfully aware of how small she was next to him. She clearly didn't inherit the height genes of the family, and it made her feel odd. She didn't even know how tall her mother actually was, only used to seeing her sitting up in a bed. Was Margaret all legs like Remus and Lyall? Or was she tiny and petite like Emma? Photos were deceptive – especially the ones that moved.

"Are you going to be okay?" Remus asked, placing a hand on Emma's knee.

She nodded and then shrugged. "I'm going to have to be, aren't I?"

"No, you don't have to be," Remus said, gently squeezing her knee. "It's okay to not be okay. I suppose I should rephrase the question and ask if you'll be okay for right now."

"I think so," Emma murmured. "I'm glad that the others could come…"

"They were all more than happy to come and be with you. They all love you."

Emma gave Remus a half-smile. "I know…"

Remus gently cupped Emma's chin and turned her face towards him. Though Emma's face was impassive, Remus could see the hurt deep behind her eyes, and it broke his heart. "I wanted to let you know that I gave Persephone and Caspian instructions to make sure that you eat something. I don't care if it's something small – it'll help," Remus said. "I asked Neville to make sure that you get outside for a little while. Please, don't get upset with them. I'm the one that asked them to do those things."

"Oh," Emma muttered, her shoulders slumping. "Do I have to do any of that?"

"I think it would help," Remus explained. "I would like you to try, at least. If you really don't feel up for it, then we can try again later. But let them help you."

"Okay," Emma answered, "I'll try."

"I'm sorry that I haven't been able to spend more time with you lately," Remus said earnestly. "It's been a lot –"

"I know. You had a lot to do." Emma stared at Remus for a moment before pulling her face away and pulling his arm around her shoulders. She slid close and hugged him tightly, grateful for how tightly he squeezed her back.

"I promise that I'll make it up to you," Remus whispered, only letting go when Emma pulled herself away. He started to say something else but was interrupted by Lyall.

"It's time to go," Lyall said quietly.

Remus sighed, looking at Lyall and then turning back to Emma and pulling her into another hug. "We'll be back in a few hours…"

"And then I have to let people see me?" Emma asked.

"Only for a little while," Lyall answered for Remus.

Emma nodded, standing up. She let out a breath and gave Lyall a quick hug before rushing back up the stairs.

"Hey," Persephone said when Emma returned to her room. "Everyone left?"

"Yeah," Emma muttered, "It's weird…"

"I know. Why don't you try taking a shower?" Persephone suggested gently. "Just to try and warm up?"

Emma looked up, taking in the expressions on everyone's faces. Persephone was concerned, Neville looked worried, and Caspian looked unsure of what to do. She nodded and stood up. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," she said. "I know I took one last night, but…"

"Go," Persephone said. "I'll get you something to wear. Just worry about being comfortable right now."

"Okay," Emma said, her feet moving to the bathroom almost as if she were on autopilot.

The moment Emma made it into the bathroom, she froze. A part of her knew that she should get into the shower, but the energy to do so had all but disappeared.

"You haven't even gotten in yet?" Persephone asked, mostly to herself. She placed Emma's clothes down on the counter next to the sink. With a frown, she stepped up to the shower, turning the knob and making sure the water temperature wasn't scalding. Persephone hated seeing Emma in the state she was in – robotic and stiff and extremely fragile as if a gentle breeze would knock her over. "Do you need help?"

Emma shook her head. "No," she said quietly, casting a half glance in Persephone's direction. "I just…I need time."

Persephone nodded and pulled Emma into a quick hug. "I'll be right outside if you need me. Neville and Caspian are hitting it off right now, so they'll be fine."

"Okay," Emma said, half-watching Persephone leave the room and close the door behind her. With a sigh, Emma disrobed and shivered at the coolness of the bathroom.

She stepped carefully into the shower and under the water, a small gasp escaping her lips at the sudden temperature change. She felt freezing cold, but the water was warm and welcoming. She tipped her head up towards the water, the warmth cascading down her face. As if she was being pulled, she slowly moved her face further into the water.

 _If I just keep my head under the water like this, I could drown_. _Maybe that would be okay._

The thought forced Emma away from the water. She stared at the bottom of the shower, watching as the water flowed down the drain and shook her head. She grabbed the washcloth that she had brought in with her, lathered it up with soap, and washed her body, letting her thoughts wander.

She wasn't sure where _that_ thought came from, but it terrified her and pulled her in simultaneously. Hesitantly, she walked into the warm water and dipped her face under the spray again. Her eyes closing unconsciously as the water touched her skin.

_It would be easy to die right now. And no one would know._

With a gasp, Emma wrenched herself away, shutting the water off as quickly as she could.

"Are you okay?" Persephone asked through the crack in the door.

"Y – yeah," Emma answered, shivering as the cold air touched her skin. "The water was getting cold."

"The water was getting cold? Isn't it heated up with a heating charm?"

"Uhm, no," Emma said, ripping off a towel and covering herself as Persephone opened the door so she could peer into the bathroom. "I don't know. I think it's still done the Muggle way. I've never asked."

Persephone's eyes were sharp, watching and studying Emma carefully. "Okay," she said quietly. "Is it all right if I come in? You haven't gotten dressed yet."

Emma snorted, the hint of a smile playing at her lips. "As if we haven't changed in front of each other a million times already?"

"I wasn't sure, considering…" Persephone trailed off, unsure.

"Persephone," Emma said, an eyebrow raising. "Just because things between us are different now doesn't change the fact we've changed in front of each other."

Persephone gave Emma a shy smile. "Are you sure?"

"It's nothing you haven't seen already," Emma said with a shrug. With a nod, Persephone stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

Emma was grateful that Persephone had managed to find her softest undergarments to wear. She tossed them on quickly, not missing the way Persephone looked at her before quickly looking away.

"I stole one of Remus's jumpers for you," Persephone said, handing Emma the oversized black garment.

"He'll love that," Emma said, unable to hold back her grin. "He always complains that I steal his clothes. He tells me that he'll have nothing to wear if I keep taking his clothes. I just tell him that I need bigger clothes." She tossed it on and rolled up the sleeves that extended well past her hands.

"It's huge on you," Persephone laughed, her eyes trailing down to the bottom of the jumper that sat just over the top of Emma's knees. "It's practically a dress."

"I know, I like it," Emma said, looking down. "It's comfortable. You should steal one of your dad's jumpers and see what it's like."

"I think I prefer real dresses, thanks."

"Suit yourself," Emma said with a shrug as she pulled on the yellow and black flannel bottoms Persephone had brought. "Could you have found me a more Hufflepuff-like outfit?"

"You didn't have anything that I could piece together to make you a Slytherin," Persephone said with a smirk. "Come on, let's go join the boys. I think Caspian can only take so much talk about plants. Did you know Neville knows _a lot_ about Herbology?"

"Oh, you have no idea," Emma said, cracking a smile.

Emma wasn't sure what had happened. The last thing she remembered was watching Caspian and Neville playing chess, but now her room was empty except for Remus, who woke her up. She tried to run through everything that had happened earlier. They had all gone downstairs, Caspian had made them all sandwiches that Emma barely ate. The trio had managed to convince Emma to sit outside in the garden for a little while. After Emma complained about having to be out, they returned indoors, and the girls were in the living room watching the two boys. She couldn't remember anything after that.

"Where did everyone go?" Emma asked, shooting up in her bed in a panic. _Was she even in her bed earlier? How did she get here?_

"Downstairs," Remus said. "I know you don't want to, but…"

Emma grimaced, her attention turning to the dress that was staring at her from the closet. "I don't…"

"An hour, an hour and a half at most – that's all I ask."

"Is she – oh, you're up," Persephone said, peering into the room.

"I'll take that as my cue to leave," Remus smiled, standing up from the bed. "I'll be back up in twenty."

Emma pulled herself out of bed, reluctantly, and turned to Persephone. "Well, this sucks."

"I know," Persephone said quietly. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be back in a minute."

"Right," Emma said, waiting for the click of the door closing before she walked over to the closet. She tossed Remus's jumper onto the bed and pulled the dress off the hanger. It was the same velvet dress that she wore at Christmas, and she felt guilty putting it on. That night had wound up being perfect, and now she was wearing it for her mother's wake to receive condolences from people that she had never met. It didn't seem fair.

Emma put the dress on and slipped her pajama bottoms off after a small giggle at how ridiculous she looked with pants on. She looked down at her feet and snorted at the thick socks on her feet. She decided to put on her tights with a heavy sigh and slipped on her shoes, feeling strange about wearing them indoors. Unsure of what else to do, Emma turned to the mirror, grabbing her hairbrush. She couldn't imagine that her hair would have stayed nice after falling asleep.

A few minutes later, the door opened again. Persephone froze in Emma's doorway as she took in her outfit. "That's the dress you wore at Christmas," she said quietly. "I forgot how pretty you looked in it."

A half-smile crossed Emma's face as she turned to meet Persephone's gaze. "I don't feel like it." She turned back to the mirror and frowned, fingers brushing through her hair. She looked down at the hairbrush in her other hand and sighed. "I don't know what to do with this."

"With your hair?"

"Yeah. I feel like I should be wearing it down, but I want to wear it up. I just feel like that's silly."

"Here," Persephone said, taking the hairbrush from Emma. "If you want it up, then you wear it up." Persephone pulled her hair out of the black ribbon holding her hair up and held it between her teeth. She carefully brushed Emma's hair back and tied her hair up in a high ponytail. "Where's your wand?"

Emma pointed over to her bag and watched Persephone walk over, pulling her wand out and returning to the mirror. "You have too much black," Persephone said, tapping the ribbon in Emma's hair and whispering a spell. She pulled the ribbon's end to the side so that Emma could see that the black ribbon was now a golden yellow. "To match your necklace." Persephone tugged the chain of Emma's necklace out of her collar so that the pendant sat out in the open.

"I feel useless," Emma mumbled, looking back at Persephone in the reflection. "I shouldn't be like this. I should be able to just…be."

"Don't," Persephone said, hugging Emma from behind after tossing Emma's wand on the bed. "Let people take care of you right now, Emma." A thoughtful look crossed Persephone's face. "Have you ever thought of piercing your ears? You've got good ears for it."

Emma was unable to hold back the laugh that burst forth at the ridiculousness of Persephone's statement. She began to laugh so hard that tears started streaming down her face, and her stomach began to hurt. It was something that Persephone never meant to be funny. Still, in the seriousness of the moment, Emma couldn't help but find it amusing.

"What did I say?" Persephone asked with a pout. She pulled away from Emma and put a hand on her hip, lost as to what was so funny.

"You told me…that I have…good ears!" Emma choked out between laughs, clutching her sides. "No one says that!" She took in deep breaths to try and calm her laughter and wiped away her tears. She couldn't remember the last time that she had honestly laughed that hard. The thought was nearly sobering enough to get her to stop, but then Persephone had to continue.

More laughter escaped Emma's lips as Persephone started to point out all the reasons why Emma had good ears. Emma held tightly to her aching ribs, doubled over from laughing. It hurt, but it was a good hurt, and it was one that she would welcome over and over again if she could. When she finally straightened up, she looked in the mirror, and her laugh died in her throat. Seeing Remus in the reflection had sobered her quickly.

"I'll leave," Persephone said, dipping out of the room and leaving Emma alone with Remus.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked. "It was nice to hear you laugh."

"Nervous," Emma admitted. "Effie said I have nice ears, and I thought it was funny."

"She said you had nice ears?"

"Effie asked me if I ever thought of piercing my ears. And then proceeded to tell me every reason why I have the perfect ears for it." Emma sighed, looking at herself in the mirror, trying to imagine having pierced ears. Taking another cursory look at herself, she adjusted her fringe with a frown. "Are there a lot of people?"

"More than I expected," Remus said. "Most decided to join us here, so…"

Emma nodded and finally turned to face Remus. "Guess I should do my part…"

There was hardly a moment that Remus didn't have a protective hand on her shoulder, gently steering Emma through the crowded house. Remus wasn't kidding when he said there were a lot of people, none of the faces familiar except for McGonagall and Flitwick, which surprised her.

"You look so much like your mother."

It was a phrase that was said so much that it made Emma sick to her stomach. A part of her wanted to believe, but she couldn't see it in herself. Emma was relieved when Remus decided to take her out to the garden where there were fewer people and sit her down on a bench just so that she could _breathe_. She leaned against Remus, grateful for the nonsense he spoke as he rubbed gentle circles on her back. It was enough to keep her distracted so that she didn't have to think. Unfortunately, the moment of solitude didn't last long as a rather large and relatively short bald old man approached.

"Ah, there you are, Remus. I've been trying to catch you all day but haven't had a chance. Terrible thing to hear about Margaret."

Remus gave Emma an apologetic smile and stood up from the bench, shaking the man's hand. "Well, as you know, it's been a lot to deal with, Professor Slughorn."

"Ah, call me Horace, Remus. It's been years since I've been a Professor and years since I taught you. It was nice to retire," the man said, suddenly turning to Emma. "And you – Merlin, you look just like your mother. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."

"T – thank you," Emma said quietly, standing up so that she could tuck herself into Remus's side.

"Yes, your mother was brilliant – one of the best students I ever had. Gave Lily Evans a run for her money," Slughorn said thoughtfully. "Of course, Remus was pretty good himself, but Severus and Lily were top in their year."

Remus seemed to freeze for a moment, but he gave the man a polite nod. "Professor Slughorn – Horace – was our potions professor," Remus explained.

Slughorn chuckled. "I miss teaching, but it was nice to retire," Slughorn said to Remus, a smile on his face. He turned back to Emma, "Now you, Miss Lupin, I have heard about already."

Emma looked up at Remus in confusion before turning to Slughorn. "You have?"

"Oh, yes. I might not teach anymore, but I do like to find out who some of the stand-out students are," Slughorn said. "Severus has mentioned that you have potential. Have you thought of becoming a Potions Master?"

"I, uh – I've never thought about it," Emma answered quietly. "I'm only in my second year…"

"Ah," Slughorn said in understanding. "Plenty of time to decide, but it'll go faster than you think. Your mother would have made a wonderful -"

But Emma would never find out what her mother would have been wonderful as Slughorn was interrupted. A man, who Emma could only assume was one of her mother's dozens of friends, had come over to speak to Slughorn. Emma let out a deep breath of relief as Slughorn went off with the man.

"Sorry about that," Remus said. "He's uh…known for poaching the people who might do him favors later on in life. Hence, the Slug Club."

"I didn't know mum was a part of it…"

"Neither did I, to be honest," Remus said with a small frown. "No one mentioned it to me, but it's not really surprising. Now, finding out that Severus thinks you have potential – that I find interesting." Seeing Emma's pout, Remus corrected himself. "I don't have any doubt in your abilities, love. It's complicated, and I'll leave it at that."

Someone else approached them, and Remus gave her another apologetic look before turning to them. Emma returned to the bench to try and have another breather, but she found herself suddenly overwhelmed. Her stomach twisted painfully, and she felt a wave of nausea wash over her.

There were too many people, too much noise, and even the spacious garden was starting to feel stifling. Remus, who had been attentive until that point, had his back turned to her as he spoke to the woman that had approached. She took the opportunity of his inattentiveness to make her escape.

Emma rushed into the house, past Persephone and her family, around Neville and his grandmother. She even managed to get past Lyall, who talked to a short woman she might have seen earlier, but she couldn't remember.

She weaved through people carefully, avoiding the sympathetic smiles and the gentle touches. It was too much. Making sure that no one else was paying attention, Emma slipped up the stairs and back to her room, closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door and took a deep breath, pressing her hand to heart, alarmed at how hard it was beating.

With slow steps, Emma made her way to the mirror to look at herself. The voices of all the people who had talked to her echoing in her mind – "You look just like your mother."

She looked nothing like Margaret. It was all lies, lies, _lies_. Her eyes were the wrong shade of green, her hair was too short, too straight, too much like Jude's for her to find the resemblance. Her face was wrong – everything about her was wrong. She was nothing like her mother except maybe in height, but she would never be able to know. She could never anything like the woman she barely got to know, could barely remember even when she tried to force herself to.

And then it hit her all at once – she would never get to learn who her mother was. Of course, she had her mother's diary, but Margaret, as a person, was gone. She was gone. _Merlin, she was gone_. Her heart began to race harder, slamming in her chest so hard that she couldn't breathe. Everything felt tight – her clothes were suffocating, her thoughts were suffocating, _she_ was suffocating.

She dropped to the floor, clutching at the front of her dress, her hair, her neck – whatever she could grab in the hopes that she could stop choking on air, her unspoken words. She grasped for anything tangible that could anchor her to reality, to the feeling of being alive. But there was nothing.

The room was spinning, her vision was twisting, and she was spiraling even further into desperation that she didn't understand. She couldn't hear – there was too much noise, like rushing water flooding over her. She was drowning. She was suffocating, and she was drowning. She was sinking further and further, down, down, _down_ into numbness, into darkness, into _nothingness_.

And then she wasn't. The world stopped spinning, _she_ stopped spinning, and for a moment, she was back on solid ground. She wasn't drowning; she could breathe, just barely. It was just enough to be overwhelmed by chocolate, of juniper trees, of cinnamon, and of spices she couldn't quite name. It wasn't enough to take away the pain, and she wished that it would, because _oh, Merlin_ , everything hurt.

It wasn't a dull ache – it could never be a dull ache. It was being impaled on a spike, right through the heart, but never quite being able to bleed out and being forced to feel _everything_. Then there were the tears. _When had she started crying?_ _Why_ had she started crying? She had nothing to remember; until she did. And then, fear suddenly coursed through her, raw and freezing, and she was fighting – trying to escape. She couldn't. She could never run. She gave up; she couldn't fight. She had no fight left.

She wasn't sure when the chocolate and the juniper and the cinnamon went away and was replaced by earl grey tea, burning wood, and the sea breeze. She couldn't figure out why everything felt scratchy beneath her skin, against her hair, against her face. The feeling beneath her fingers felt wrong – tightly woven fabrics of who knows what. _Why did things feel like this?_ Of confusion, uncertainty, and hopelessness?

Nothing made sense, and then suddenly, everything made sense. Soft fabric beneath her fingers tightly gripped onto the one thing that somehow seemed to make sense. There were shaking hands running through her hair, frantic hands holding her tightly, wiping away the tears that never seemed to stop, hands keeping her head pressed against a heartbeat. She took solace in the sound of a stuttering and erratic heartbeat that was as unsteady as her own.

It took her a moment to realize that she was back where she started. Chocolate, juniper, cinnamon, a _refuge_ from her broken thoughts, broken sobs, broken heart, and broken spirit. Then she was exhausted, clinging desperately to the desire to just _sleep_.

 _Fuck_ was she tired. She was so fucking tired _all the fucking time_. She was tired of being tired. _Was that possible?_ It had to be, she decided. And then there was rocking, gentle and soothing as if she was on a boat, docked safely and kept away from danger. For a moment, just a moment, she could breathe; could try to focus. But before she could, the darkness she had been fighting swept over her, and she couldn't resist it any longer. She allowed it to take her down, down, _down,_ and then she drifted into the nothingness until all thought disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	22. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** suicidal thoughts, magical substance abuse

The time after Margaret's funeral was taken day by day. The first day back at the cottage was the hardest, but Emma acted as if nothing had happened the next day. She was going through life, acting like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Except for her struggling to fall asleep, Emma seemed almost normal.

Remus observed her, ensuring that she didn't overwork herself as she spent hours working on her holiday work. She was distracting herself, which was important, but he couldn't seem to get her to understand that it was okay to grieve.

"I'm fine," she insisted after Remus approached her for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She closed the book in her lap and looked up at Remus as he sat down on the couch next to her. "I swear."

"I just want to make sure that you know it's okay to not be brave all the time. You need to let yourself grieve," Remus said softly.

"I'm fine," she repeated, giving him a tight smile. She looked down at her hands in her lap thoughtfully. "I want to talk about my dream."

"Oh? What about it?"

"It was confusing," Emma started before explaining everything that had happened. Remus's hands closed into tight fists when she had mentioned the red light and described the intense pain, but he said nothing. He allowed her to continue, wanting to hear everything before commenting. Emma purposely changed the bit of her dream where Remus had been, choosing to change it to Fenrir. "It felt real. Some of it had to be."

Remus appeared to be doing some quick thinking as he processed what Emma told him. "Sometimes our dreams can feel real," he said slowly. "There's a strong possibility that with everything that's been going on, your subconscious manifested in such a way that it felt real."

"But the bit with Jude – whatever that light was _hurt_. How can a dream hurt like that?"

"I'll admit that it's not typical…"

"Which means that it could have been real?" Emma suggested, hurt at the doubtful expression on Remus's face. "I just – I feel like there's something wrong with Jude. I don't think he's good at all."

"Emma, it was just a dream," Remus insisted. "I know I didn't know Jude well, but I highly doubt your mother would have remained with him for so long if he wasn't a good man."

"But what if there was something wrong? What if someone missed something?" Emma felt herself growing panicked at the thought. "What if there's something _more_? What if he was one of those – what were they called?"

"Are you talking about Death Eaters?"

"Yes! One of those!" Emma shouted, her panic giving way to hope.

"Emma…Jude wasn't a Death Eater," Remus sighed. "Sweetheart, with all of the books you read, I'm not really surprised your dreams have twisted the way that they have."

Emma's face fell, and she immediately felt sick. There was no way that her mind could have created something so vivid. This wasn't something from a book, or movies, or even from her own imagination. "You don't believe me?"

"I believe that your dreams are terrifying, but I don't believe that they're real," Remus admitted. "They can't be."

"How can you be so sure?" Emma shot up from the couch, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Emma, I am telling you that we would have known about Jude years ago. You are trying to tell me that the man was secretly working with Voldemort. That is impossible."

"But how do you know? You don't know that he wasn't!"

"Because we had spies, Emma! We had spies, and as much as I don't want to trust them – we would have known. We had tabs on every possible known Death Eater, and he was not one of them."

"You could have missed it!" Emma insisted. "Are you sure that you knew all of them?"

"Yes, we knew all of them."

"Are you sure?"

"Emelyn Theodosia –"

Something suddenly shattered in Emma, and she was hit with a wave of anger that she had never felt before. "Don't call me that," she said through gritted teeth.

"Don't call you by your name?" Remus asked, confused.

"Don't call me... _that_. Just Emma."

"And why shouldn't I call you by your full name?"

"Because I don't want to be reminded of _him_ ," Emma said, exasperated.

"Emelyn –"

"Don't. Don't call me that."

"I'm very curious to know what you expect me to call you, then," Remus said, sitting up straighter.

"I told you – just Emma. Emma Lupin. That's who I am."

"Fine, _Emma_." Remus stood up and mirrored Emma's stance. "I can tell you that without a doubt that we would know."

"I doubt it."

"I don't."

Emma huffed, looking around the room and fixing her gaze to a spot on the floor. "Fine, then I have a question for you."

"And what's that?"

"Why are you so certain that I never say Greyback before he just so happened to show up in my room last year?"

"Because I would know," Remus's response was as exasperated as he now looked.

"How would you know? You don't tell me how."

"Because I would, Emma," Remus said sharply. "It's exactly the same way that I would know that Jude isn't a Death Eater."

Emma flinched, momentarily stunned by how harsh his response sounded, but it only fueled her anger further. "You never answer my questions!"

"Because you wouldn't understand, Emma. It was a different time – we were at war. As difficult as it is for you to understand, I need you to trust me when I say I would know."

"But how? How would you know?"

"Because I was one of the spies!"

Emma's anger was quelled for a moment, her curiosity piqued. "You were a spy?"

"Yes, I was a spy for Dumbledore and the Order. I had to go on…" Remus trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. He rubbed a hand over his face, regretting saying anything.

"Go on what?"

Remus nearly let out a groan, knowing Emma wasn't about to drop the conversation. "My missions were very specialized. Only I could go."

"Why?"

"They were in my area of expertise."

"And what area was that?"

"I'm afraid that's Order business," Remus said, meeting Emma's hard stare. Her anger had returned in full force, and her eyes were ablaze.

"How can you sit here and tell me that it's Order business when it's been _years_?"

"You are just a child!" Remus shouted, wanting the conversation to be over.

"I am thirteen!" Emma shouted back.

"And that's exactly why you don't need to know."

"I'm not allowed to know what exactly you did in the Order because I'm too young, but I'm old enough to understand that my mother is dead. That makes perfect sense." Tears filled Emma's eyes but didn't fall. Her lip quivered, but she took a steadying breath, prepared to have the last word.

"Emma…"

"No! It's not fair."

"I'm sorry, but it's how it is."

"Fine, if you won't answer that, I have another question for you. Why don't you explain to me why last year you were so bloody excited about the idea of being my father? And then, out of nowhere, decided that you didn't want to be?"

Remus's eyes narrowed, and his lips pressed into a thin line. "What do you mean?" He asked, ignoring the sudden racing of his heart.

"I'm not stupid. I remember our conversations. Actually, I remember that the first time you ever referred to me as yours was our first Christmas together. Effie's mum had said something that had made you particularly irate, and that was the first time you said it. And then, for a while, that's who I was. And then you stopped and all of a sudden you decided, 'Oh, maybe this is all right.' Why?"

Remus stared at Emma, entirely at a loss. Emma was angry and rightly so. He would be too if he had to go through what she had. He had unintentionally hurt her in so many ways when he tried to do what he thought was best. In his misguided attempts at keeping her safe, he had aided in her suffering. He hadn't been aware of how much of his decisions had affected her. He certainly wasn't aware of how much she noticed. Of course, he should have realized – he knew how smart she was.

"I was trying to keep you safe."

"From who?"

"Greyback…"

"Were you trying to keep _me_ safe? Or was that just for you?"

Emma's blunt statement was like a slap in the face because she wasn't entirely right, but she wasn't wrong either.

"I thought that if I…took a step back, it would keep you safe. By telling people that I'm your father, I was afraid…" Remus trailed off, opening his mouth to continue, but unable to find the words he wanted to say.

"Afraid of what? You always do this. You start to say something, and then you never finish the bloody sentence."

"Emma…"

"No! It has been like this for nearly two years, and I know that if I were to ask you right now to tell me the truth, you wouldn't." The tears had finally started falling, and Emma wiped them from her face angrily. She tried to fight them, but they continued to fall. "I don't know why you don't trust me to know the truth."

"Because I don't want you to hate me," Remus shouted, taking a deep breath. He turned around for a moment, covering his face. When he turned back around, he looked everywhere except for at Emma. "Damn it, Emma – if you know the truth, you would want nothing to do with me."

"Well, it's too late for that…"

Remus froze at he met Emma's gaze. "Too late for what?"

"I hate you," Emma muttered, giving Remus one last pained look before going back to her room and slamming the door.

The sky had grown dark by the time Emma had come out of her room. She was tired of the silence, and she was tired of the guilt that knotted her stomach. Emma had never meant to tell Remus that she hated him, but she was angry, and it slipped out.

Emma padded out slightly to the living room and stood awkwardly around the corner as she peered in. Remus's back was towards her as he leaned back against the arm of the couch, his long legs stretched out as he read. Her stomach knotted as he turned his head slightly in her direction, casting her a sidelong glance.

"Yes?" He asked, his voice uncharacteristically cold.

"Hi," Emma said stupidly, fidgeting with the sleeves of her jumper.

"Hello," Remus sighed, looking up from his book long enough to study her for a moment. An eyebrow raised as he watched her, but when she didn't say a word, he returned to his book. He propped an arm on the arm of the couch just behind him, and half covered his face, almost in dismissal.

A small whimper escaped Emma's lips at the gesture. She knew that she had hurt him, but she didn't want to leave things the way they were. Biting her lip anxiously, Emma tried to think of all the things that she wanted to say but couldn't figure out how to explain. In a desperate attempt to make things better, Emma climbed over Remus onto the couch, wedging herself between the sofa back and his body.

"May I ask what exactly it is you think you're doing?" Remus asked, half amused, half annoyed as he watched her impassively.

Emma took Remus's book from him and tossed it on the coffee table, pulled his arm around her shoulders, and rest her head on his chest. "In that letter, the one you wrote me when I went back to school, you wrote and said I used to do this," she said, glad that she couldn't see his face as she made herself comfortable. She closed her eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "When – when I wasn't having a good day or if I couldn't sleep."

"You were considerably smaller when you used to it," Remus remarked, his hand reflexively rubbing her arm gently. His response was icy, but he didn't try to make her leave, which made Emma feel a little better.

"I'm still small," she muttered, lifting her head to look up at him. "And – and does…" She sighed, trying to force the words out. "Does a daughter need a reason to snuggle with her father on the couch?"

Remus's eyes met hers, though his expression was still unreadable. Emma desperately wished that she knew what he was thinking because the silence was worrying her. He had been cold with her before, but never like this.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean what I said."

Emma felt Remus's deep sigh before she heard it. His face softened, and with his other hand, he cupped her head and placed it back down on his chest. "It was my fault," he said quietly, stroking Emma's hair. "I should have realized much sooner than I did. But you were right. I truly was trying to protect you, but I was trying to protect myself as well. I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't," Emma muttered.

"I certainly hope not," Remus said with another sigh. "Emma, I want to tell you the truth, but I'm not ready to – not yet."

"When, then?" Emma asked, lifting her head to meet Remus's gaze.

"Soon – I promise," Remus said solemnly. "Not today, not tomorrow…probably not in a month, but I will. I just ask that you please give me a little more time. Okay?"

"Okay," Emma said. "I really am sorry, though."

"I know," he whispered, "but you're not as sorry as I am."

Emma buried her face in Remus's chest as tears started to fill her eyes again. She let out a huff of breath and sniffled as her nose started to burn. "Dad?" she whispered, testing out the word that felt foreign on her tongue.

Remus's breath caught in his throat, but he recovered quickly, pulling in a deep breath. He didn't think that he would ever get used to it. "Yes, love?"

"This fucking sucks," Emma said simply, taking Remus by surprise.

"Yes, it fucking does."

The last few days of the Easter holiday moved far too quickly for Emma's liking. She hated to once again leave the routine that she had made and have to readjust again. Remus was able to put off starting at his new job until after Emma had to go, which meant they were able to spend more time together. He wanted to wait longer, but he felt there was too much work to do, much like Emma. Neither of them could stop.

After fighting it for so long, Emma had finally started to write in her journal. It wasn't much, just random thoughts that she had, but Remus was relieved to see her trying. She was struggling to cope, and he found himself even more worried than he had been before. It had been common for Emma to burst out into fits of rage, and he encouraged it where he could. Though it left her exhausted and worn out, he preferred that she let out her emotions instead of keeping them in. He could only hope that her anger held on until the end of the school year.

Emma had finally started to call Remus, 'Dad,' something that he found terrifying and perfect all at once. It wasn't frequent, and she still called him 'Re' far more often, but she made an effort. It was a slow process, but it was one that she seemed dedicated to.

Remus made more effort to tell her more, telling her more stories of his time at Hogwarts. His heart ached when he told them, but Emma enjoyed hearing them. He told her more stories of watching her when she was little, more than happy to see the little smiles that would cross her face.

The thing that concerned Remus the most was Emma's near dependence on Dreamless Sleep. She struggled to fall asleep at night, and no matter how tired she was, she couldn't relax long enough to sleep naturally. When he realized a Calming Draught did nothing, he feared a regular Sleeping Draught would do nothing for her. Against his better judgment, he gave in and allowed her to have Dreamless Sleep, but only on the condition she only had it twice a week. The last thing he needed was for her to become addicted to it.

"Do you have everything I gave you?" Remus asked Emma as they made their way into King's Cross.

"Yes," Emma said exasperated. "I have my journal, I have my sketchbook, the million and one pencils you insist I need. And I think you've given me enough chocolate to last for the next five years."

"That's only enough for five days. You're slacking on me," Remus said brightly.

Emma rolled her eyes as they stepped through onto Platform 9 ¾. She immediately froze, the red steam-engine paralyzing her with terror.

Remus, noticing that Emma was no longer next to him, turned around quickly. He gave Emma an understanding look and pulled her to the side of the entranceway so that no one barreled into her.

"Professor Dumbledore said you could stay home another week. You don't have to go back today," Remus said gently.

"I know, I know," she said anxiously. "I'm just afraid to leave you."

"I promise everything will be fine," Remus said. "You will be okay. I will be okay. Your grandfather will be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Are _you_?"

Emma cracked a small smile. It had almost become a game of reassurances between each other. It was just for them, and it was something they both understood without having to elaborate.

"I'll be okay," Emma said after a moment.

"Then, I'll be okay, as well."

"Are you sure you can't stay until the train leaves?" Emma asked, looking past Remus to stare at the train.

"Unfortunately, no. I would like to, but some things need to be taken care of at the Ministry," Remus said.

"I understand," Emma said sadly.

"Emma!" Persephone came running off the train and tackled Emma into a tight hug. Her hug was so forceful that Remus had to step in behind Emma to make sure that she didn't fall over.

"Hi?" Emma said with a laugh, hugging Persephone back.

"Caspian and Neville are already on the train. Already checked – still Jocelyn free for now," Persephone said brightly, letting go of Emma and giving Remus a hug.

"Er, hello," Remus said awkwardly, returning Persephone's hug. Emma bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. "Er, Persephone, is it all right if you just give us a few more moments?"

"Oh!" Persephone said, with a grin. "Yes! Em, we're four doors down the first carriage. You can't miss us."

"Okay, I'll be on soon," Emma said, shaking her head as Persephone skipped back towards the train. She suddenly didn't seem so worried about going back, at least for now.

"That was different," Remus said, blinking owlishly at Persephone's back. He turned back to Emma and shook his head, looking at his watch. "I guess we need to make this quick."

"Are you _sure_?" Emma asked, turning to Remus and hugging him tightly.

"I know, sweetheart. Just two more months, and then we have all summer," Remus said, hugging Emma just as tightly. "Everything will be fine."

"I know," Emma sighed, pulling away.

"You have the Dreamless Sleep, correct?"

Emma nodded. "Yes – twice a week, don't take more. If I need anything, go to Madam Pomfrey. If I really need you, go to Professor McGonagall," Emma said, going down the list of things that she knew Remus would ask. "I think we've gone over it a million times."

"That was thorough," Remus smiled. "I worry about you, you know."

"I know," Emma said quietly. "You're _really_ sure you have to go?"

"I'm sorry," Remus said, pulling Emma back in for another hug. "Write as much as you want to. Keep up using the journal – it'll help more than you think. Don't push your friends away."

"I know," Emma whined. "I know, I know, I know."

Remus chuckled, kissing the top of Emma's head. He started to pull away, but Emma held on tighter. "Sweetheart, I have to go."

"Just another minute. Please."

"Okay."

☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾ ☽✶☾

As it would turn out, being back at Hogwarts felt like a personal Hell for Emma.

The train ride back had been uneventful, though Jocelyn had made it a point to stalk by their compartment glowering as she passed. The conversation had been light and didn't require any thought on Emma's part, which was appreciated. The less she had to think, the better.

However, stepping foot back into the castle quickly became too much. The Hufflepuffs practically swarmed on top of her, offering condolences and apologies. _So many apologies_. It took Persephone and Caspian stepping in to finally get them to back off so that she could breathe. Emma noticed Jocelyn's curious look as she entered the Great Hall for dinner, and Emma just _knew_ that there was going to be trouble.

Entering the common room was even worse. Without having Persephone to make the others leave, Emma had no choice but to sit and listen to them. It felt like it took her hours to escape to the dorm, and the moment she got into her bed, she closed the curtains and downed a bottle of Dreamless Sleep.

Emma didn't consider how long she would wind up sleeping with Dreamless Sleep and slept right through breakfast, her free period, and half of Potions. She groaned and threw on her uniform, rushing out of the dorm and down the stairs to the dungeons with her bag half-packed and uniform half on. She burst into the Potions classroom, her other shoe half on.

"Well, it appears as though Miss Lupin has finally decided to join us," Snape drawled, dark eyes boring into hers.

"Sorry," Emma said quietly, taking her seat next to Mandy. "I overslept."

Snape stared at her for a moment. "While I am aware of the circumstances of what happened over your holiday, but since you are here, I expect you to be here on time," Snape continued. "And prepared before you set foot in this classroom."

"I know, I'm sorry," Emma flushed, trying not to let Snape get under her skin. She couldn't let him set off her anger in the first few minutes of class. "It won't happen again."

"You're correct," he said, pulling his eyes away from Emma's and turning back to the class. "Now, before I was interrupted…"

Defense Against the Dark Arts had been downright embarrassing for Emma as Lockhart announced his condolences to the entire class. She was sure that she spent the whole class a brilliant shade of red as her classmates would turn to look at her sympathetically. She didn't want their pity.

For the first time ever, Neville joined Emma and Persephone over at the Hufflepuff table.

"He did _what?_ " Persephone asked, outraged. "I can't believe he did that! In front of everyone?"

"Are you really surprised?" Emma asked. "I felt so stupid."

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Neville offered. "I mean, it is Lockhart."

"That's exactly it. He's a bloody idiot," Emma muttered. She picked up a sandwich half grumpily and took a bite. "One of you can tell my dad that I ate today since I'm sure he'll bother at least one of you. I'm heading to Charms."

One of the good things about Professor Flitwick was he kept his classroom open. It wasn't often that she got to class early, but having the option was nice. She took her usual spot and threw open her book. In the middle of skimming through the pages, she glanced up to see Blaise Zabini entering the room.

He stared at her for a moment before putting his things down at his usual seat and taking the seat next to her. Emma didn't bother looking at Blaise as he sat next to her.

"What do you want?" Emma asked, bitter that he had come over at all.

"Well, hello to you too," Blaise retorted. "You know what? Never mind." Blaise promptly stood back up, spinning on his heel to leave.

"'Never mind' what, Blaise?" Emma snapped, turning to watch Blaise out of the corner of her eye.

"I came over to tell you that I understand what you're going through, but you're so bloody miserable to be around."

"You would be too if Lockhart announced to the entire class that your mum died," Emma said bitterly.

Blaise didn't offer his apologies but nodded. "Fair enough," he said. "If you feel the need to talk to someone…"

"Thanks," Emma muttered.

As soon as Blaise left, Draco appeared sitting to her right, and Persephone sat to her left.

"Draco, why do you insist on sitting next to me?" Emma asked, exhausted. She couldn't imagine trying to get through two hours of Charms with Draco sitting next to her again.

"It's mostly because Persephone knows what she's doing," Draco shrugged. "And you're in the way."

Persephone scoffed, turning to glare at Draco. "Well, aren't you a right little shit," she retorted. Draco only shrugged in response.

"It's fine," Emma grumbled. She looked at Persephone and frowned slightly as a wayward thought crossed her mind. "Hey, Effie, can we talk after class?"

"Yeah, of course," Persephone said, giving Emma a funny look.

Emma wasn't sure that she paid attention to Flitwick at all during class. She both wished the class would be over with and hoped that it would keep going. When the bell rang for class to be over, Emma couldn't help but cringe. She wasn't ready for what she was going to say, but she needed to.

Persephone packed her things slowly, trying to wait out Draco and smirked when he huffed and finally left. He didn't want to miss what Emma would say, but he didn't want to be late for their next class. Persephone didn't care either way.

"What's going on?" Persephone asked.

Emma turned to Persephone, taking in a deep breath. "Effie, I don't think we should be together anymore."

A relieved smile crossed Persephone's face. "Oh, Merlin…"

"Well, don't look so excited about it," Emma said grumpily as she started to pack her things faster.

"No, I just – I'm sorry," Persephone said, grabbing Emma's hand. "I've been thinking the same thing.

"It's because I'm screwed up, isn't it?" Emma said bitterly, meeting Persephone's gaze.

"No, Emma – I love you, but I don't _love_ you."

"That's rather confusing, isn't it?"

Persephone leaned in and kissed Emma's cheek. "Emma, you are wonderful. You are truly and honestly wonderful, but we're much better friends."

"I thought I was breaking up with you," Emma muttered, a small smile crossing her face. "How did it turn into you breaking up with me?"

"Because you knew already," Persephone said. "You would be a lot more upset if you didn't."

"Unfortunately," Emma admitted.

"Emma, not that I don't love you more than anything, but you need to be with someone who has more love to give to you. I am not that person."

"Is it because I'm broken?"

"You're not broken, Emma," Persephone said, holding Emma's hand in hers. "You have a lot of love in that heart of yours. I can't be the one to take that away from you. Not that I don't love you unconditionally, but you need more."

"So, it's not me, it's you."

Persephone laughed, pulling Emma into a hug. "Yes, you git. I'm letting you go because I know that I'm not right for you."

"This year is terrible."

"I know. But we'll always be sisters," Persephone said brightly.

Emma began to giggle, thinking about Star Wars. "Oh, wait until I tell you about a movie Dad and I watched…you'll be horrified."

"Hey, how about I set you up with someone?" Persephone suggested as she stood up.

"Depends on who," Emma answered, doubtful that Persephone would have a good pick.

"What about Neville? We already know he has the hots for you."

"Oh, Merlin, no," Emma laughed, following Persephone out of the classroom. "He's sweet, but no."

Emma was grateful that Transfiguration went without incident. As McGonagall had passed by her seat, she sneakily left a small tin of the ginger biscuits she liked. Emma snuck the container into her bag with an appreciative smile to McGonagall.

When she made her way down to dinner, the thoughts running through her mind grew progressively darker. Each step she took began to pull Emma into dark despair, and she found it getting harder and harder to breathe. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be around so many people. She should have stayed home another week and stayed with Remus.

Too focused on her thoughts, Emma missed Jocelyn running past her to the Great Hall. It was only when she landed hard on the stone floor that she was pulled out of her thoughts.

"Oops," Jocelyn smirked as she turned around to stare at Emma. "Was that how you killed your mum? How tragic…"

Persephone, who had seen what happened, rushed out of the Great Hall, shouting at Jocelyn as she went. Emma's throat constricted painfully as she blinked back her tears. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair. _She wanted to die_.

As Emma laid in her bed that night, she stared at the ceiling. Emma could barely pay attention at dinner, only partially alarmed by how sure she was that she wanted to die. She didn't want to deal with Jocelyn anymore, she didn't want to be a disappointment, and she could finally be with her mother. The thought had been mulling around her brain since the funeral, but Jocelyn's taunt made her realize how much she _wanted_ it. She _actually_ wanted to die.

Emma didn't want her death to be painful; she knew that. It just wouldn't do. That automatically ruled out the obvious option of jumping from the Astronomy tower. She couldn't convince another student to do it, namely because she wouldn't even know how that would work. _Jocelyn would do it_ , she thought bitterly. _If Jocelyn knew what to do, she would do it in a heartbeat_.

Curious about the time, Emma poked her head outside of her bed curtains. _2:54._

"Shit," Emma muttered as she slipped back into the curtains. She couldn't sleep – not when her thoughts were going a million miles a minute. With an exhausted sigh, she poked herself out of the curtains and dove into her nightstand. She knew that she shouldn't take it for a second night in a row, but she had a plan.

Pomfrey said that she could have Dreamless Sleep given to her three times a week. If she was careful, she could space the stash that Remus gave her and have it every day. She would be able to sleep, and all would be well. Her fingers found the vial, and relief coursed through her. She could practically hear the disappointed and gentle scolding Remus would give her if he was there.

 _I wonder if it's easy to brew_ , Emma asked herself as she settled herself under her covers. She knew it was remarkably similar to a standard Sleeping Draught, using similar ingredients and a similar set of instructions. There were small modifications to the ingredients to make sure that the induced sleep prevented the user from dreaming. She stared at the vial of purple liquid thoughtfully.

Emma's mind began to wander as she thought about what ingredients needed to change so that the potion worked. It was almost like a lightbulb went off in her head as she debated on the use of valerian in Dreamless Sleep. She knew what she could do.

She didn't want to have a painful death; she wanted it to be as easy as falling asleep. _She could make the Draught of Living Death_. The thought came to her unexpectedly, vaguely remembering Snape mentioning it in their first week of potion's class. Curiosity had gotten the better of her after that class, and she found it both terrifying and amazing. It was the perfect solution to her problems.

It was a complicated potion, very susceptible to error, but it was quick. If Emma was successful, then she would go to sleep and never wake up again. It was considered a N.E.W.T. level potion, but she was almost positive that she could brew it. Even if she messed it up, it didn't matter. She just needed to go to sleep. That was it – just sleep.

With a pleased smile, Emma opened the vial of Dreamless Sleep and downed it. Her plan would work. She just needed time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	23. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **tw:** suicide attempt

Emma was exhausted, and she felt herself slipping in a way that she wasn't expecting. One of the side effects of being on Dreamless Sleep meant that she was perpetually groggy after a while. Being so tired had left her grumpy, lashing out at everyone, and then immediately apologizing. She really did feel bad after, but she was starting to struggle without the potion. It had only been two weeks since she had started taking it, and she was nearly half-way through the stash that Remus had given her.

She was sure that Pomfrey suspected something, but she was glad that the matron made no mention of it. Letters from Remus didn't mention anything out of the ordinary. Emma was sure that if he knew, he would have been at the castle in an attempt to get her to stop.

Early on in May, the castle was abuzz as there was a fourth, unexplained attack leaving students petrified. It made Emma nauseous that one of the students was Hermione. Even though they weren't close, Hermione was the first magical friend she had made at Hogwarts. She was one of the last people she would've wanted to be petrified. On the other hand, Jocelyn could be petrified a million times, and Emma would never care.

To everyone's surprise and confusion, Dumbledore left the school, and Hagrid was hauled off to Azkaban. The rumors that flew around the school were enough to give Emma a headache.

"I knew it was Hagrid the whole time!" Ernie shouted in the common room to anyone who would listen.

But Emma didn't think it could have been Hagrid either. She knew that Hermione and the others were friends with Hagrid – he would never do anything to hurt them.

The Monday after Hermione was petrified, Emma stepped cautiously into the Hospital Wing. She had hoped no one would be around, but Harry and Ron were sitting next to Hermione's bed. She held onto the card between her hands tightly and slowly walked over to where the boys were.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"'Lo," Harry said with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry about Hermione," Emma said, ignoring the scathing look she was getting from Ron.

"I just wish I knew what happened," Harry muttered, looking back at Hermione. "I don't understand what's been happening at all this year."

"That makes two of us…"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

Emma looked over at Ron, surprised that he had spoken to her at all. "Excuse me?"

Harry looked at Ron in surprise, his face flushing in embarrassment. "Ron, shut it!"

"No, Harry – what is she doing here?"

"I – I'm Hermione's friend…"

"Are you _really_? Then where have you been?"

"I've been busy this weekend," Emma said defensively. "I've had a lot to catch up on."

"Ron," Harry hissed, dropping his voice lower. "Her mum just died."

"So?" Ron practically shouted. "If she was Hermione's friend, she would have been here earlier! Really, she would have been talking to Hermione more this year. Have you seen her say a single word to her?"

Emma shot Ron a look and walked around him, placing her card for Hermione on the nightstand.

"Oh, Miss Lupin!" Pomfrey said, popping out of her office to see who had entered the Hospital Wing. "I was wondering if you were going to stop by today."

Ron shot Emma a weird look, and Emma flushed, turning to Pomfrey. "Er, hi," Emma said. "I actually came to see Hermione." She gestured awkwardly to Hermione and stepped away from the bed, trying to ignore the looks from Harry and Ron.

Madame Pomfrey nodded, inspecting Emma for a moment. "Did you need anything from me?"

"I think I'll take, er…my medication for tonight," Emma said, casting a sidelong glance at Harry and Ron, who kept staring.

"Of course," Pomfrey said politely, motioning for Emma to follow her towards the back of the wing. When they arrived at the potion's cabinet, Pomfrey turned around to inspect Emma. "Miss Lupin, may I ask you something?"

"Yes?" Emma asked innocently, not liking the way Pomfrey was looking at her.

"Have you been getting Dreamless Sleep from someone else?" Pomfrey asked bluntly, nearly making Emma fall on the floor. She desperately hoped that she had started to pick up on Remus's ability to remain impassive because she needed it.

"No," Emma lied, shaking her head. "Dad told me to come to you for it if I needed it." She smiled brightly, but Pomfrey's expression was still skeptical.

"Would you still tell me the same thing if I were to write to him and ask? He didn't send the potion back with you before you returned to school?"

"Of course," Emma said, still smiling. "He wouldn't let me bring any. He gave me _very_ clear instructions to come to you."

Pomfrey surveyed Emma for another moment before opening the medicine cabinet, pulling a vial out, but not giving it to her. "Maybe I should just run some tests, first. The coloring around your eyes…"

"No, it's not necessary," Emma answered, forcing her eyes to fill with tears. "It's just been tough for me lately. I've been crying a lot."

There was a moment where Emma was ready to panic, holding her breath as she waited to see what Pomfrey would do. Eventually, Pomfrey held the vial out for her to take. "Remember, two more times this week, Lupin," Pomfrey said, turning to close the cabinet.

"Yes, I know," Emma said. "Thank you."

The week before exams were set to begin left Emma in a frenzy. She had gone through her entire stash of Dreamless Sleep from Remus, and it made her anxious. After having to go to Pomfrey two days in a row, she knew that the matron wasn't likely to give her anything else.

By dinner, Emma's anxiety had nearly reached an all-time high. Persephone had been watching her, nervous over how much fidgeting Emma was doing.

"All right, get up," Persephone said, pulling her things together and grabbing Emma's hand.

"What are you doing?" Emma asked with a whine. She didn't want to move; she just wanted to stay. Even though the noisiness of the Great Hall was bothering her, it gave her a distraction.

"Trying to get you to breathe. You're going to saw the bloody bench in half with how much foot-tapping you're doing," Persephone said, dragging Emma out.

Persephone sat Emma down on one of the benches and stood in front of her, arms crossed over her chest. "What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Emma muttered.

"Have you been cutting again?"

Emma looked up at Persephone guiltily. "No," she said and let out a groan. "Not as much."

"Emma! I thought you were going to stop," Persephone said, disappointed.

"I know, but it's been hard," Emma mumbled. "I stopped for a few weeks, and then I just…I had to."

"Do I need to write to Re and have him come here to see you?"

"No!" Emma said quickly. "No, no. I just – Effie, I need time. I'm ready for the school year to be over."

"I know," Persephone said. "It hasn't been a good one for you, has it?"

"No, it hasn't," Emma said, anxiously rubbing at her wrists. She stood up with a heavy sigh. "I didn't think that this was how this year was going to go."

"Well, at least you and Re figured out that it's okay to be a family," Persephone smiled. "It's not going to be easy, but you two have each other, and that's important."

"Oh, look," Jocelyn shouted from across the entrance hall, breaking up the moment Emma and Persephone were having.

Emma turned to Persephone and groaned. "Here we go," she muttered, watching as Jocelyn crossed the entranceway with her friends.

"Just ignore her, Em," Persephone said, putting a hand on Emma's shoulder. "She's not worth it."

"I still can't believe you finally did it," Jocelyn said.

"Did what, Jocelyn?" Emma asked, staring icily at Jocelyn.

"It's the fact you killed your mum. And now what, you're trying to kill someone else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard you've been in the Hospital Wing a lot. Trying to kill everyone in there, too?"

"What?"

Jocelyn laughed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why else would you be there all the time? Unless you're some sort of junkie like your father."

"What was that?" Emma asked slowly. She had been annoyed before, had been tired of hearing Jocelyn's comments about her mother, but she had crossed a line.

"I saw him before coming back," Jocelyn smirked. "Looking the way he did... I mean, it looks like he's been on something for years. You two have the same look. So, which is it? Something Muggle? I bet it's something Muggle. Doesn't look as though he could afford much else."

That was the last straw for Emma; she couldn't take it anymore. Emma was no longer just harboring a school year of resentment and anger from the children's home. Jocelyn had taken things much further, and that just wasn't going to do for Emma. No one was going to say anything about Remus and get away with it. Emma glanced over at Persephone and then turned her attention back to Jocelyn, her hand twitching into a fist. Before she even realized what she was doing, Emma's fist swung into the side of Jocelyn's face.

"Oh, shit," Persephone said, sounding both terrified and in awe.

Jocelyn straightened out, eyes narrowed as she glared at Emma. Before Jocelyn had a chance to swing back, she was ripped backward.

"Lupin!" Snape snarled, glaring at Emma. "What is the meaning of this?"

"She started it, Professor," Persephone said quickly, hoping to deflect the attention off Emma.

"I didn't ask you, Moon," Snape drawled. "Lupin, may I ask why you are attacking one of my students outside the Great Hall?"

"Why don't you ask _her_ ," Emma said coldly.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "My office, now," Snape said, pointedly looking over at the stairwell. "I'll be down there with Professor Sprout momentarily. Carmichael, Moon, stay here."

Emma glared at Snape, crossing her arms over her chest, but made her way to the dungeons. She stood in Snape's office, angry tears filling her eyes. The moment she _finally_ decided to defend herself, and of course, she got caught. She supposed the middle of the entrance hall was a rather foolish place to stick up for herself, but she needed to.

Sprout entered the office before Snape, who noticeably didn't have Jocelyn with him.

"Where's Jocelyn?" Emma asked sharply, glaring at Snape.

"Miss Carmichael will be dealt with appropriately," said Snape, standing behind his desk.

"Oh, Emma," Professor Sprout said, taking Emma's face in her hands. "What is going on with you?"

Emma tugged her face from Professor Sprout's hands, not wanting to look at her. She was angry, and she didn't want to take her anger out on the woman.

"Emma, this is _very_ unlike you," Professor Sprout said with a sigh. "Fighting with another student? Dear, what was that meant to do?"

"She deserved it…" Emma started to nurse her aching hand. Punching someone bloody hurt once the adrenaline ran off.

"I highly doubt that Miss Carmichael did anything worth attacking her for," said Snape, staring at Emma.

"Telling me that I killed my mother isn't a reason for me to punch her? Her saying that Re is a drug addict is supposed to be perfectly okay?" Emma asked, her eyebrows raising. "Last I checked, that's a perfectly valid reason."

"And the last I checked, students fighting is against the rules, Lupin."

"Funny, it's been okay for her to do all of the things she's done to me, but yet when I try to defend myself, it's not?"

"Miss Carmichael will be dealt with accordingly," Snape repeated. "If you were listening, you would have heard me the first time."

"Yes, which means you're not going to do anything about it."

"Emma!" Professor Sprout exclaimed, shocked.

"What? It's true! Everyone knows that nothing happens to the Slytherins!"

"Professor Sprout, might I suggest that Miss Lupin has detention every night for the rest of the school year?" Snape said, turning his attention to Professor Sprout.

Sprout looked at Snape for a moment before turning back to Emma, shaking her head. "I am afraid that I agree. Emma, I understand that you're upset, but you can't go around fighting other students," Professor Sprout said sadly. "Emma, you'll report here tomorrow night to serve detention with Professor Snape."

"With Professor Snape?" Emma asked incredulously. "Why can't it be with you?"

"Emma, you know that I need to prepare the Mandrakes. I can't be distracted right now."

Emma looked between Professor Sprout and Professor Snape, anger bubbling under her skin. "Fine," she said sharply. "May I go?"

"Yes, just – just go," Sprout said, exhausted.

Emma huffed and left Snape's office, angry tears burning her eyes.

She had no intention of going to those detentions. In fact, she didn't have any intention of going anywhere ever again after tomorrow.

When Emma woke the next morning, she knew that it would be for the last time. She wasn't even sure at what point she had fallen asleep, surprised that she had at all. It was more difficult without having Dreamless Sleep to help. She had everything she needed stored in her bag, ready to go; all she had to do was sneak into the Potions classroom later on that day when no one would be around. The parchment with instructions for the Draught of Living Death was tucked in her robe pocket and had the instructions practically memorized. All she needed was 45 minutes of uninterrupted time to brew the potion.

When she entered the Great Hall, she took in a deep breath, already shaking in anticipation of what was to come. She looked around, wondering if she should memorize the stones in the wall and the placement of the tables. She decided against it because it wouldn't matter. She instead searched for Persephone, relieved to see her already sitting at the Hufflepuff table, scanning through a book as she ate.

Emma threw her arms around Persephone tightly as she sat down next to her, surprised at the tears that came to her eyes.

"Em? What is it?" Persephone asked, concerned. After the night before, Persephone was wary. Proud, but very wary.

"Nothing," Emma muttered, pulling away and wiping away her tears with a smile. "Just wanted to let you know that I love you."

"I love you, too," Persephone said slowly, studying Emma carefully. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect," Emma said. "Just perfect."

"All right, then," Persephone muttered, turning to her breakfast. "First detention today, you troublemaker. Re would be proud."

Emma snorted. "No, he wouldn't," she said quietly, taking a piece of toast and biting into it. She wrinkled her nose – cinnamon toast. No sugar.

"What do you mean? You _finally_ did it," Persephone laughed. "Jocelyn bitched about it all night."

"It doesn't matter," Emma said. "I just want to get through today."

Persephone nodded, and that was the last of that conversation.

When the two parted the Great Hall, Emma made sure to give Persephone another tight hug. She hoped Persephone would understand…

Being in potions was odd. Snape was particularly grating towards Emma, giving snide comments as she worked on their potion for the day. She had been forced to restart her potion twice as Snape commented that she was doing the steps wrong.

"I see you have a taste for destructive behavior, Lupin," Snape said, clearing Emma's cauldron the second time. "This is a first-year potion. You should know that adding the Lionfish spine first will cause the potion to explode."

Emma said nothing, refusing to give Snape the satisfaction that he had aggravated her.

Half-way through potions, McGonagall's voice echoed through the castle, and Emma couldn't believe her ears.

"Everyone pack your things and return to your dorms," Snape said sharply, waving his wand to clear everyone's cauldrons. Everyone looked at each other in confusion, slowly putting their things together.

"Now!" Snape snapped before sweeping out of the room.

It was serendipity. It was almost as if fate had planned her death for her. Emma packed her things like the others, realizing she had to pretend to leave, but she could lie and say that she had to go back for something. Yes, the plan was foolproof.

She followed her housemates out of the classroom, listening to them talking about what they thought might have happened. No one had ever heard of an announcement being made throughout the entire castle like that.

"Oh, no," Emma lamented as they reached the landing to return to their dorms. "I think I dropped something! I'm going to go and backtrack really fast."

"I'll come with you," Megan offered, turning to follow Emma back down the stairs.

"No, it's okay!" Emma insisted. "I'll be back up soon."

"Are you sure?" Megan asked, looking towards the rest of their housemates and back to Emma.

"Yeah, it's fine! Go get comfortable!"

Megan nodded and turned to join the others, and Emma let out a sigh of relief as she rushed down the stairs.

45 minutes. That was all she needed.

She ran the length of the hallway and took a quick look around before slipping into the potion's classroom. She had a fire lit under one of the cauldrons and ingredients already in her hand before she had her bag on the floor. She ripped the instructions out of her pocket, flattened out the parchment, and read through everything she needed to get. Luckily the beakers and measuring cups were still sitting out.

Emma had already snagged valerian root and the Sopophorous beans on her way into the classroom. She scanned the list – Powdered root of Asphodel, Essence of Wormwood, and African Sea Salt. Everything else she needed was sitting right in front of her. She took a deep breath to steady her shaking hands. Making her way to the cabinets, Emma pulled down the rest of the things that she needed. Instead of digging through the jars to get the exact amounts, Emma just brought them all over. After all, she wasn't going to be the one to have to clean it up.

With unsteady hands, Emma picked up the large measuring cup and went to the sink, filling it to where she needed. She cringed as she returned back to her station, fearing that she was going to drop the entire thing. Grabbing a scale, Emma measured out 5 ounces of African Sea Salt and tossed it into the measuring cup. Glancing at the clock, Emma grabbed the Sopophorous beans to cut. She had precisely five minutes to cut the beans before she had to add the water into the cauldron.

Emma was panting by the time she got the beans cut. There was only 12 that needed to be cut, but working against the clock was stressful. As she cut the beans, carefully watching the clock, Emma's mind began to wander. She wondered who would find her. Would they care? Probably not; no one had really noticed her before, so why would they actually care now?

 _They won't_ , her brain told her. _They'll be glad you're dead._

After five minutes had passed, Emma poured the water into the cauldron, listening to the hiss as steam rose into the air. _She was really doing this_. She peered through the instructions again, grabbing the essence of wormwood and a graduated cylinder. She poured the green liquid into the bottle, watching carefully. 10 ounces, 20 ounces, 30 ounces, 40 ounces… It looked like it could be just a little over 40 ounces, but that should be fine.

She tilted the cauldron carefully, pouring in half of the liquid, and then tipped the cauldron the other direction to add the rest. Putting that to the side, Emma began to work on the Valerian roots.

"Chop three Valerian roots into small, squared pieces," Emma read to herself as she grabbed a knife and began to cut the Valerian.

Her mind drifted to Jocelyn and the others. Emma had spent almost that entire year bitterly fighting with herself, trying to feel like people liked her. She supposed that maybe Persephone did, but Emma had been left hurting after they had gotten into their fight. A lot. Persephone had left her alone to fend for herself with no regard for how she felt. Emma didn't have any real friends.

 _But you do_. A different voice popped into her head, one that she tried to desperately shove away. She didn't near to hear it, and she didn't want to think about it. She just wanted it to go away.

"Shit," she muttered, reading through the instructions again and rushing back to the sink to fill a beaker with water. She placed the beaker in its holder and added the cut root pieces in, watching as they floated lazily in the water.

Emma hummed to herself, turning her attention to the potion. "Your potion should now be resembling a smooth black currant colored liquid," Emma read from the instructions. She supposed it was turning the right color. It was on its way to darkening up. Looking curiously at the Sopophorous beans, Emma decided to wait until she was sure the potion had finished changing colors. And then Remus's voice was in her brain again. _You don't need to do this_.

A whimper escaped her lips, and her eyes filled with tears.

Remus. Sweet, loving, and terribly caring Remus had chosen the worst time to break into her thoughts. She had grown to find it almost hysterical how he managed to do that even when he wasn't there. It was bad enough the man seemed to be able to read her mind with ease. She didn't need him breaking into her consciousness now. Especially not when time was of the essence, and she was already almost half-way done. It was disturbing how deceptively quick the potion could be made, but she supposed there was a reason for that. She was sure it was designed for people just like her, who wanted a way out.

 _I would miss you_.

Emma let out a frustrated shout, pressing her hands to her temples. She just wanted him to _leave_. She would miss Remus, too, but that was the thing about death that Emma welcomed – you didn't have to miss anyone. She knew that she was a burden in his life.

It didn't ever escape Emma's attention how he would look into his wallet before treating her to something. She could never miss how he carefully counted out money, continually making sure there was enough to pay for her things and worry about everything else. It was always apparent in the way he would forego things that he desperately needed for himself just to take care of her.

Emma wasn't immune to noticing how often he would work double shifts or even work two different jobs, sometimes three, in one day. She hated that she was the reason he was always tired, exhaustion etched deep into the lines of his face. Emma hated that she was why he would doze off in the middle of the day. She hated that she was why he would give her overly sleepy smiles late at night when it was obvious he just wanted to go to bed.

Without her around, Remus wouldn't have to work as hard, he wouldn't have to worry. He could sleep again and go back to his old life uninterrupted. It would be exactly like she didn't exist.

But then there was Lyall breaking through into her thoughts. Brilliant and silly old Lyall who had captured her affection. She would miss him, too.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, Emma turned back to the potion. It had been five minutes for the Valerian to settle, and though she wasn't sure the potion's color was perfect, it was good enough. She reached for the Sopophorous beans and began to squeeze the juice into the brew, listening to the hiss as it hit the surface.

With the Sopophorous beans sufficiently squeezed, Emma turned to the beaker and tilted it carefully over the cauldron, adding seven drops exactly. _Was that a bit of root?_ Emma wondered idly to herself as she peered into the cauldron. The instructions said to make sure that there were no root fragments. She scrutinized the potion and reached for the stirrer. It looked fine.

First, she stirred the potion clockwise ten times, watching as the potion once again turned color. _Is it lilac? That's Lockhart's favorite color._ With her brow furrowed, she stirred the potion slowly counterclockwise. It wasn't getting quite as transparent as she wanted, but it was okay.

Emma's thoughts drifted back to Lyall as she finished stirring the potion and began to slowly add in more pieces of Valerian. She would miss the carefree way that Lyall would pick her up, spinning her around as if she weighed nothing. She would miss his fiery energy, throwing out expletives in English before slipping into rapidly spoken Welsh and making her laugh. She would miss the way he would look at her confused and then realize with a laugh, scooping her into arms with a soft, "cariad bach" and kissing her entire face.

And then Remus was back in Emma's mind, nearly shattering her heart into a million pieces. She began to stir the potion counterclockwise again, and Remus's cheeky smile came to mind. It was the smile he would give her before dragging her up from her chair to dance with him in the kitchen. There was the thoughtfulness of how he would mark the pages of her books for her and tuck her in on the couch. It was the simple act of finding herself tucked into her bed, wondering vaguely how she found herself there. Emma's mind drifted to how Remus would read to her when she couldn't sleep and how sometimes he would think of a spell she might want to know and then teach her.

Emma would miss both of them, but her mother called to her. She wanted to be away from the pain and even further away from the hurt. Even if Remus didn't believe it, Emma knew that her fate was meant to lie with Greyback, and that wasn't a life that she wanted. She knew her dreams were trying to tell her something. They were memories, they had to be. And most of all, she didn't want to live in a world where Jude still existed, taunting her with a reminder of everything that she should have had, but never did.

Taking a deep breath, Emma shakily measured out the root of asphodel. There wasn't much left to do after she added the powder to the cauldron. All that she needed was five more minutes. Emma wiped away her tears and added the asphodel and returned to stirring – ten times counterclockwise, eight times clockwise. And then the potion needed to sit for two and a half minutes.

Emma straightened up, keeping her eyes on the clock. Each second seemed like it was taking longer and longer. It was almost finished. With thirty seconds left, Emma took a deep breath, closing her eyes to steady herself. This was it. If it worked like Dreamless Sleep, it would be almost instant.

"Get it together," Emma hissed to herself, shaking out her hands to try and still them.

A loud crash and yelling forced Emma's eyes open. _What was that_?

She looked at the clock. It was time to add the final piece of Valerian. She picked up a bit of Valerian and heard more noises growing closer. She dropped the root into the cauldron and jumped as the sounds grew louder, nearly knocking the cauldron over.

" _Lupin!_ "

"Oh, no," Emma said to herself, panic settling in as she looked at the cauldron. She peered in, glad to see that it changed color, but she still wasn't sure it was the correct shade of pink. She heard her name called again, and she scanned the room quickly for a goblet – anything to pour the potion into. Finally spotting one behind Snape's desk, she sprinted, knocking things over in her haste.

" _LUPIN!_ "

"Shit, shit, shit," Emma muttered to herself as she ran back to the cauldron, grabbing a ladle and scooping the potion into the goblet. Her hands were shaking so much that she had to place the cup down on the table to continue filling it. The full goblet was nearly four times as much as she needed to take for it to work.

" _LUPIN!_ "

The shout was much closer, more urgent, and surprisingly fearful.

Emma whined, ducking down into her bag to find the letter she had written and shoved it into her pocket. She felt stupid with it, but the feeling wasn't going to last.

Doors began to slam open down the hall with more frantic calling of her name. _Was that Snape?_

"Oh, Merlin, please don't let Snape be the last thing I see before I die," Emma whispered to herself. She took another frantic look around the room before her eyes settled on the knife sitting on the table. If the potion didn't kill her…

Emma's tears started falling immediately as she ran the sharp blade over her wrists, much further and so much deeper than she ever had before. Her body shook with her sobs as she dropped the knife on the floor, every terrible thought washing over her all at once.

The slamming doors were approaching quickly, the shouts becoming even more frantic, and Emma knew she had to finish what she started. She reached out for the goblet, gripping tightly so that it didn't spill everywhere. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest, and she was seized with terror. Her wrists were throbbing at the same erratic pace of her heartbeat, and they _hurt_.

Without a second thought, Emma tipped the goblet back, downing the potion as quickly as she could. She clutched to the table as the room started to spin, her body growing far heavier than it did with Dreamless Sleep. This wasn't the same warm sensation that she was expecting. The book said it would be like Dreamless Sleep, but this was nothing like it at all. It was cold, and it was bitter, and it was lonely. She had messed up terribly, and she was terrified. All she wanted was Remus to fix things, but he couldn't fix this.

Something snapped inside of her brain, and panic took over as her vision began to swim. She didn't want to do this. _Why_ _did she do this?_ Her green eyes met black, and she tried to fight the darkness. There were other eyes, other faces – but she couldn't recognize any of them. And then everything was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you or someone you know is considering suicide or having suicidal thoughts, please remember that you are not alone. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out.
> 
> You are important and you are loved. Someone will always be there for you.
> 
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	24. Full Moon, Dark Stars

Soft noises crept into Emma's consciousness. Gentle, lilting sounds that she was both familiar and unfamiliar with as her brain tried to wake itself up.

_Voices. They were voices. Mum?_

Emma felt incredibly warm. Her body felt heavy, but she was warm and very, very comfortable. She could tell that she was lying on something soft and plush, her head cradled in pillows that felt as though Remus himself had fluffed them. They were exactly how she liked them.

 _But that's not right_ , Emma thought to herself. _Then again, if you're dead, maybe it is…_

She didn't know what death was like. For all she knew, the moment she opened her eyes, everything she enjoyed would be right at her fingertips. A smile nearly crept its way onto her face, but she needed to see for herself, needed to know what the afterlife had brought to her.

Emma struggled to open her eyes, but when they finally fluttered open, her head began to pound. She crushed her eyes closed, wishing for the sudden pain to stop. It hurt terribly as if her skull was suddenly too tight.

 _Death shouldn't be this bloody painful_ , she thought. _There's no way it's this painful._

With great effort, Emma forced her eyes open, trying to focus her vision through the stabbing sensation in her brain. She blinked quickly, trying to bring things into focus and understand where she was. She frowned at the metallic taste in her overly dry mouth. Everything felt dry and sore, and _fuck,_ it hurt. Her bleary eyes finally registered that there was a tall window across from her, as she could see the top of it. Her brain was slowly starting to work faster – the window was familiar. _Too, too, familiar_.

When Emma tried to lift herself from the bed, she found that she couldn't as there was a heavy weight on her chest. Confused, she looked down and nearly gave a start at the mop of raven hair that sat there.

 _That's not mine_.

She turned her head, surprised to find another set of raven hair. She tried to lift her head and saw another form at the end of her bed, this time with blonde hair.

_This isn't right._

Emma turned her head the opposite direction of the raven-haired objects, ignoring the sharp scratching of her throat. She found herself fixated on a tall figure that stood near one of the windows. She wasn't sure if they were looking into the room or looking out as they were bathed in shadow, but she found herself curious.

Her gaze followed the way the figure seemed to let out a deep breath, their body moving with the movement. She watched as hands raised up to what she assumed was their face, their actions weary. And then the figure's head dropped, body sagging almost as if in defeat. The figure began to come in clearer as she stared. The person, whoever they were, jammed their hands in their pockets in a way that Emma knew that, without a doubt, everything was very, very wrong. A name came floating through her addled thoughts, and it left Emma confused.

As the name reached the tip of her tongue, the figure seemed to freeze, their head snapping back up.

"Daddy?" Emma whispered hoarsely, wincing against how grating the sound was. The figure's head turned immediately in her direction, and her heart rate had picked up so fast that it was painful. There was no way that it was possible. The mop of raven hair on her chest began to stir, and the one to her side and at the foot of her bed did as well, almost as if they realized something was happening.

But Emma was never given the opportunity to understand what was happening or who had been in bed with her. They disappeared quickly, and another figure came into her vision, but it was as blurry as everything else. She desperately wanted to look past the figure that was suddenly right there, but she couldn't.

All at once, her body was in a sitting position, and glass was pressed to her lips, a cold liquid being forced down her throat. She choked and sputtered against the harsh burn in her throat, but before she could recover, a second and third liquid found its way into her mouth. She gagged against the taste, her eyes watering at the eerily metallic taste of the last one. Emma shuddered as cool fingers gripped her wrist, pressing on her pulse point seemingly to find the pulse that she wasn't even sure she had. There was a noise that was an equal mix of exasperated and relieved, and Emma couldn't understand.

 _What was happening_?

Emma closed her eyes tightly and was grateful the pounding in her head finally began to subside. But when she opened her eyes, panic flooded her system. Everything _was_ wrong. Her eyes met the sharp face of Madame Pomfrey, and Emma felt herself grow cold at the thoroughly unamused expression on her face.

_She fucked up. Bad._

She tried to look in the direction of where she thought the figures had gone. If Emma had Pomfrey boring holes into her skulls, she knew those figures. Persephone, Caspian, and Neville had been there, and she desperately wanted to apologize to them.

"I made them leave," Pomfrey said, her voice a lot softer than she looked. "They've been sneaking in here for the past week and a half. Someone has felt that my rules are meant to be ignored. You scared a lot of people…"

_A week and a half?_

Emma knew that Pomfrey said she sent the others away, but she kept her attention focused on the tall double doors. She just wanted to see the others, if only to prove that she didn't imagine everything. Emma heard a shuffling noise and the sound of a chair being dragged up to the bed, and her eyes clenched shut as large, shaking hands took hers.

"Oh, Merlin," Emma heard Pomfrey mutter as she shuffled away. "I _told you_ to come back later."

Unable to get herself to look, Emma ran her thumb tentatively over the fingers that clutched her hand. Her thumb brushed over scars that she had grown familiar with, and she felt herself break. She felt her face twist from the sob that worked its way through her entire body, a low whine creeping through her clenched teeth. She wasn't sure that she could loathe herself any more than she did as she lifted her free hand to clutch at her chest. The pain she felt was unimaginable.

Strong arms were wrapped around her body in an instant, and soft kisses were placed in her hair as a body joined her in the bed. A quiet wail nearly escaped her throat at the familiar smells that invaded her senses; the scent bittersweet and painful with reminders. Her hands folded themselves into the familiar fabric, clutching at the soft fabric as she was held tighter. Emma pressed the side of her face into a sturdy chest, grateful for the hand that held her head there. Guilt twisted her stomach as she felt the heartbeat underneath her cheek, beating just as hard and erratically as her own.

This was Emma's worst nightmare. She didn't want Remus to have to worry about her anymore, but yet here he was, holding her with a nervous energy that was unfamiliar to her. This wasn't what she wanted, and his pain was radiating from his entire being, and she _hated herself_. This was all her fault, and there was nothing she could ever do to take any of it back.

"I'm so sorry," Emma managed to squeak out through her sobs. Talking hurt so bad.

"Hush," Remus whispered through his own tears, gently rocking her in his arms in an attempt to soothe her. If Emma felt terrible, Remus was sure that he felt even worse. He wanted to say more, to tell her that everything was fine and would be okay, but that was so far from the truth. He wasn't mad at Emma, he could never be mad at her, but he was genuinely furious at himself for failing so terribly. Emma was in so much pain, and he didn't do everything that he could to help stop it. He knew that every day would be an even bigger struggle because a line had been crossed.

Remus had hoped in quiet desperation that he had done what he needed to help her. But he didn't. Remus had failed, and he had failed miserably. He failed himself, he failed his father, he failed his sister, but worst of all, he failed Emma. The moment Remus had taken her home for the first time, beaten and broken, but still fiercely optimistic, Remus had made a vow to make sure she remained that way. He vowed to make sure that she would stay happy and whole. He vowed that she would always be able to believe in love, in hope, and, most of all, in the joys of the world.

He couldn't help the bitter thought of his own hypocrisy from wedging itself into his thoughts. After all, there had been a point he had been where she was. He understood the turmoil going through Emma's brain and could remember his parents' worried looks – of James, of Peter, and oh, Merlin…Sirius. He remembered how Margaret would hover in the doorway of the Hospital Wing, teetering on the edge of coming or going, but ultimately going.

It was a part of his life that Remus wanted desperately to forget, but he understood. Hell, if Dumbledore didn't show up when he did, he would have died that night. The only reason Remus bothered to hang on, to try again, was because of Emma. He had to tell her the truth, not all of it – not yet, but he would try.

Emma's crying finally began to slow as he stroked her hair. Her sobs became broken hiccoughs and ragged breathing, but she was calming down. It was then that Remus realized the curtains were drawn around the bed, and he was relieved to see them. He had felt that Emma was far too exposed, but it was too much to try to move her. She was too unstable, too far gone, too close to dying.

"I'm so tired," Emma murmured as her crying slowed. Her voice was hoarse from disuse and her tears.

"I know," Remus said softly, brushing her hair away from her face and pressing his lips to her forehead. He nearly began to weep again from the sheer relief that the warmth had returned to her body. She was no longer the eerie cold that she had been the other day, almost as if she had already been taken into death's embrace. She was _alive_.

He carefully leaned back against the stiff metal bars of the headboard, cradling Emma against his chest. He wiped away her tears with his thumb as her weary arms snaked around his body, fingers weakly fisting the fabric of his jacket.

"Sleep, little one." Remus closed his tired and wet eyes – he had barely slept, and the full moon was only a few days prior. He was terribly exhausted. "'I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you and it as well,'" he whispered into her hair.

Emma's breathing began to even out as she thought about what Remus had said. Her brain was still trying to catch up to the sensory overload that she was experiencing. After a few moments, she began to weakly recite the next lines. "'So up you get! Come on, Mr. Frodo dear! Same will give you a ride." And then Emma understood what Remus was trying to say. A fresh wave of tears began to burn her eyes as she trailed off, unable to finish the rest of Samwise's fierce declaration.

"'Just tell him where to go, and he'll go.'"

Emma took a deep, shuddering breath and then yawned as Remus gently rubbed her back, lulling her to sleep. Instead of being scared of the darkness, this time, it was welcome. Emma knew that she would awake at the end of it, safe and warm. She didn't know that it was what she wanted, but as she was held close, she felt incredibly loved, and she knew it was what she needed.

Remus was left to his thoughts as Emma slept on him. The cold bars of the bed against his back was uncomfortable, but he had dealt with worse. His discomfort was nothing compared to the relief that Emma was _alive_. Broken and scarred but alive.

The past week and a half had been a waking nightmare for him. The frantic Patronus that dropped into the living room still made him sick to his stomach when he thought about it. He was just grateful that he was still home when it arrived, and he scrambled to the fireplace to Floo into McGonagall's office. The look on her face when he stumbled into her office had been terrifying. Seeing the state Emma was in was even worse.

Remus couldn't quite figure out what part of the situation was more unnerving. He couldn't decide if it the color of Emma's skin and her blood-stained clothing or the fact Snape was hovering over her. It had taken Remus off guard as he watched Severus quickly mixing a potion where he stood. Remus had watched Severus brew potions a million times before, but this was different. He wasn't sure if Severus breathed at all as he worked furiously and quickly. And that was when Remus realized that Emma was barely breathing.

He choked back a cry as he watched, turning to McGonagall, who stood next to him with her hand pressed to her mouth.

"They're trying to stabilize her," McGonagall whispered shakily in explanation. She looked at Remus and took in a shuddering breath. "She…oh, Remus, if it wasn't Severus who found her. And we're trying to find another student…"

Remus was confused. Another student? Remus couldn't allow himself to think about it as he turned back to watching the situation in front of him. Whatever Severus was trying to make was completed as he had Pomfrey help hold Emma up as he tipped a green liquid down her throat. It felt like ages where all they did was watch and wait for something to happen, and then Emma took in a deep breath.

"She'll live," Severus said to Pomfrey, his voice shaking in anger. "But I can't guarantee her condition won't change. I don't recommend moving her from this room."

Pomfrey nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Severus. I'll contact St. Mungo's to have someone come here."

Severus nodded, gathering his things, and the moment he spotted Remus, his face twisted in a fury. He gathered his things quicker and marched over to Remus, a finger pointed accusingly at him.

"She is _never_ allowed back into my classroom," he shouted at Remus, glaring at him for a moment before storming out of the Hospital Wing.

Remus didn't even have a chance to react, far too stunned to think rationally as he turned to McGonagall. "What did she do?"

McGonagall was quiet for a moment, nervously reaching into her robe pocket and procuring an envelope. "She…she tried to take her own life, Remus," McGonagall said, blinking back tears. She looked down at the envelope in her hand, holding it out for Remus to take. "She wrote it all down in here. I'm so sorry. I didn't see…"

Swallowing hard against the lump that had formed in his throat, Remus took the envelope from McGonagall, but couldn't get himself to look at its contents. "I need to be with her," Remus said suddenly, tucking the envelope into one of his pockets. He couldn't read it, he couldn't know.

"Let Poppy clean her up first," McGonagall said quickly, placing a hand on Remus's arm to stop him. "She…it wasn't good."

It had felt like an eternity before Remus was allowed anywhere near Emma. He felt uncomfortable in the Hospital Wing, suddenly realizing the oddly statuesque bodies lying on the other beds. He half-listened as McGonagall tried to explain the students' current situation and the missing student in question. Emma had managed to pick the most chaotic moment to try and end her life. It was only because Caspian noticed her absence and dared to escape the common room that anyone even knew she was missing.

The moment Remus could be by Emma's side, he sprinted, pulling Emma's limp body into his arms. She was so _cold,_ and her skin was as pale as the hospital clothing, and it made him ill.

Pomfrey gently explained to Remus what they think happened as he held Emma close. She explained that Severus had found her in the potion's classroom brewing Draught of Living Death and had hurt herself in the process. In addition to the blood loss, she had taken what would be considered a lethal dose of the potion if Severus hadn't worked quickly to make an antidote. While she was alive, there weren't any guarantees that she would wake up. They weren't sure how much damage she could have caused, but they would do their best to fix it.

"Remus, I need to contact someone at St. Mungo's," Pomfrey said gently. "Is there anyone in particular –"

"E – Elara Douglas," Remus said quickly, not allowing her to finish her sentence. "She's the only one I want here. She…she knows the situation."

It felt like ages before Elara entered the Hospital Wing, escorted by McGonagall. Madame Pomfrey met Elara at the entrance, giving her all of the information that she knew and handing her a piece of parchment. Elara was at Emma's side quickly, running all of the scans she needed, the color draining from her face.

Remus sat in the chair next to Emma's bed, feeling hopeless. He held onto her hand, hoping to pass some of his warmth to her chilled skin.

"Remus?"

A hand touched his shoulder, and Remus looked at Elara in surprise.

"Remus, remember what we talked about?" Elara asked, looking down at the parchment in her hand.

"What we talked about?" Remus asked, not understanding what Elara was referring to.

"The potion – remember the potion?"

There was a moment where Remus could only stare at Elara, but he nodded.

"She needs it."

Remus's blood ran cold at Elara's words. "No. No, Elara, I already told you –"

"Remus, she is _dying_ ," Elara said, her eyes boring into Remus's, in the hopes he would understand. "She poisoned herself, and she has lost a lot of blood. She only reason she isn't dead right now is due to some very quick thinking, and she is trying to fight." Elara looked at the parchment in front of her. "Remus, if you do not want her to die, you _have_ to…"

"But what if she –"

"Remus," Elara said sharply, not allowing him to continue, "there are only two choices that you have right now. Either you let her die, or you get your head out of your arse and do whatever it takes to make sure this little girl lives. And Merlin, I know you would follow her if you don't, and then what? You leave your father with no one?"

"Elara…"

"Remus, you know what you need to do. All it takes is you agreeing. You're her father, and that means you're stuck making the hard decisions now."

Remus watched Emma for a moment, just to make sure that she was still breathing.

"There has to be something else," Remus said. "No. I don't agree."

Elara's face fell as she looked down at Emma. "Remus…"

"No."

"I'll do what I can," Elara said, "but Remus – don't be selfish."

The next few days had been spent in agony as Emma's condition didn't get better, but she didn't get worse either. Remus was positive he had never just watched someone just to make sure they were breathing. If he wasn't sitting and waiting, he was standing and watching; when he wasn't standing, he was pacing.

Remus angrily watched as petrified students left the Hospital Wing, passing curiously glances as they passed. A bushy-haired girl and a brown-haired boy gave pause as they passed Emma's bed but didn't say a word. He watched, half-surprised, as a small red-headed girl (a Weasley, he quickly learned) recovered from her visit into the Chamber of Secrets. He watched as Lockhart was taken off to St. Mungo's after prattling on about himself for hours on end – apparently, he could still remember himself. It was unfair that everyone got to live, got to return to their lives, and Emma was barely existing. She deserved the world, and so much more.

Only able to watch Emma, Remus found himself lost in his thoughts far more often than usual. He knew that he loved Emma more than anything, but he never realized how much he actually knew. Emma was a series of little quirks that made her the person she was, many of her characteristics carrying over from toddlerhood. In a way, it was almost like he didn't miss out on her growing up.

He knew that Emma preferred sleeping on her side, and she was _very_ specific. If he would find Emma sleeping on her left side, she had been reading, though she often still had the book in her hand. She preferred to fall asleep on her right if she could get herself to stay up long enough. Remus knew that she liked to go to sleep with her blanket pulled up to her eyes, but have a leg kicked out from underneath the covers. She always insisted that it was for maximum warmth. He knew that eventually, that leg would creep its way back underneath the blanket, and she would curl up tightly.

Emma needed three pillows precisely – no more, no less; there was no logical explanation that she could give. As much as Emma would deny it, he knew that Boris, her teddy bear, would be hiding underneath the covers with her. She would tell him that she didn't need him to fall asleep, but Boris was _always_ there.

Those were the first two things that he realized he could fix. He quickly conjured two more pillows to settle Emma into. He was able to Floo call Lyall and have him go to the cottage and send Emma's teddy bear. Remus had wondered why she left Boris as home, finding it odd, but she never asked for the bear. He couldn't tell his father why it was so important, but Lyall readily agreed. Remus made sure to tuck Boris just underneath the blanket, exactly how she would at home.

Emma always took her tea scalding hot, never giving it a chance to cool down or even steep. She would always complain about the flavor, add far more sugar than necessary, and complain when the tea would cool. Every. Single. Time. Hot chocolate was never "hot" chocolate, but "warm" chocolate. Some days it would even become glorified chocolate milk, but she insisted that it "tasted better," and that was that. On the more unremarkable days, when Emma seemed to have a sixth sense the day would be dull, she would have coffee. She would pour in enough milk so that the coffee turned into a light brown color and then swirl exactly two spoonfuls of sugar into the cup. Emma would then stare at the coffee cup, doubtful of its contents, and then drink it and loudly declare that coffee was better than tea. She would then proceed to not touch a cup of coffee until the next month, despite her adamant proclamation.

Remus knew that Emma would go through books as quickly as she ate her chocolate. She would take multiple books from one of the full bookshelves, sit them in front of her, and just stare. Emma would tell him it was to figure out which book wanted to be read – they would "speak" to her. When a book didn't call her, she would return the pile to the bookshelves and start the cycle anew until she had finally amassed a small collection to sit and read. He knew that eventually Emma would turn on the radio or the television for background noise. On the rare occasion she would allow herself to get lost entirely in a book, she would sing along to the music or recite a television commercial word for word.

A lump hard as a rock formed in Remus's throat. Did Emma love him? Did she want to truly be family? He stared at her pale face, deep in thought, and the lump dissolved when he realized how stupid he was being. Of course, Emma loved him. Of course, she wanted a family, but she wasn't loud about it.

The way Emma loved was perfect. It was a mix of youthful joy and complete trust in the people she loved. Emma's love was quiet, and it was simple, but it was telling.

Emma's love could be found in the way she would listen to him, attentive and careful to make sure she didn't miss the important details. It was the late nights with him, where she would walk into the living room with blanket dragging behind her. It was the way she would wait for silent permission to snuggle up with him on the couch as if he would ever tell her no. It was the way she would sidle up to him after breakfast while he would still be reading, placing a featherlight kiss on his cheek. She would scrunch her nose at the stubble there before bolting away. It was one thing that she used to do when he watched her as a child; he wondered if she knew.

His favorite thing, though, he had to admit, was how Emma would sit next to him on the couch, trying to slyly read over his shoulder. He loved the smile she would give him when he would finally put his arm around her, pulling her closer so that could read with him.

As simple as Emma's love was, she shared it far and wide with everyone she cared about. She always made sure that others were okay. It was the gentle arm touches or hugs that she gave freely, trying to envelop people and share her giving spirit. It was Emma's willingness to share with the others around her. It was how she always tried to say the right thing when people needed it, even though she needed it more. There needed to be more people like Emma, and he refused to give that up.

A week had passed, and Emma's condition never changed. She was wavering somewhere between life and death, and nothing Elara tried had worked. They were able to replenish her blood supply with a tricky combination of potions. The mixture that Emma had managed to create didn't react well with blood replenishment potions, and it took time to figure out why.

"Remus, it's the full moon tonight," Dumbledore whispered one afternoon, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Dumbledore had returned to the castle a few days prior and made sure to visit daily to keep up to date.

"I can't leave," Remus said, unable to take his eyes away from Emma's face. Remus had scarcely slept since he had entered Hogwarts, and he was paying for it, but he didn't care. He knew his transformation would be painful, but nothing would compare to his pain if Emma died.

"You're more than welcome to use the Shack again," Dumbledore said, his voice sympathetic. "It would allow you to stay close."

Remus rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head. He watched anxiously for the subtle rise of fall of Emma's chest, just to be sure, before looking over his shoulder at Dumbledore. "I should go home," he said quietly.

"Elara will be here in an hour," Dumbledore said, consulting his pocket watch. "Stay until then and come to my office. The Floo will be available for you to use."

It was the longest hour that Remus had ever experienced. Remus's eyes darted between Elara and Emma as Emma's diagnostics were taken.

"Nothing has changed, Remus," Elara said quietly as she tucked her wand into her robes. "She's trying to fight whatever is happening in her body, but it's keeping her from pulling through."

Remus could only turn his attention back to Emma, trying to ignore how sick he felt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Elara," Remus said quietly, opening his eyes to look at Elara, "you said it will help?"

"The potion?" Elara asked, sighing as Remus nodded. It felt like they had the same conversation every single day. "Yes, there are no guarantees, but it's better than nothing," Elara said, exhausted. In the hopes that Remus would agree, she had brought three bottles back with her from the hospital. Since day one, they had been sitting in Pomfrey's office and had been ready to return them to the hospital's stores. She paused for a moment before looking up at Remus with narrowed eyes. Not once did Remus ever bring the potion up himself; instead, he would get aggravated whenever she did. "Remus, does that mean what I think it means?"

Remus nodded, glancing over at Emma. "I can't lose her…"

Elara placed a hand on Remus's arm. "You're doing the right thing, Remus. Just, please remember this might not work."

"Just do it," Remus muttered, returning his attention to just watching Emma. He reached out to take her hand, holding it gently in his. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do, there wasn't enough research, and he was terrified.

"Remember," Elara said as she filled a cup with the potion, "this might not work. We're relying on some bizarre magic right now, but it's the only hope that we have."

"I'm hoping with the full tonight…"

"We'll see what happens after this," Elara said, sitting Emma up and tipping the potion into Emma's mouth. As Elara set Emma back down, Remus found himself growing impatient.

"Is something supposed to happen?" he asked, staring in the hopes that he would notice something.

"I'm not sure," Elara said, running her tests for the second time that day. Her face was impassive as she read down the parchment, but as she neared the end, she paused.

"What is it?" Remus asked anxiously as Elara rushed off.

Elara returned with the file that she had been keeping on Emma, flipping through the papers. A small smile crossed her face as she compared the test results from when she arrived at the test she just did. "Remus, that might have been the best decision to make," she said.

"But does she –?" Remus watched the smile on Elara's face fade, and bile rose in his throat. "That wasn't the best decision to make," Remus spat bitterly, covering his face with his hands.

"Remus, she won't be a werewolf. It's not as though you bit her," Elara said quietly, letting out an exhausted breath at Remus's low growl. "You gave her a chance, and that was what we needed."

Remus wasn't convinced, but with whispered promises to Emma that he would return as quickly as he could, Remus left.

Both exhausted from the full moon, Remus and Elara met in Dumbledore's office the next morning and made their way to the Hospital Wing together. Neither said a word to each other as Remus was still incredibly grumpy, and his transformation was the worst it had ever been.

Elara startled, seeing Pomfrey standing at Emma's bed, which made Remus nervous. As the matron turned to them, they could see she was smiling.

"She's got color in her skin," Pomfrey said as they approached. "And she moved by herself just a little while ago." A smirk crossed Elara's face, and Remus had to concede that she was right.

It had taken a few more days for them to finally get where they were, but Remus was grateful. He was sure that he had more grey hair with how stressed he had been, but that meant nothing to him. With a sigh, Remus tried to get himself comfortable without disturbing Emma. He pressed a kiss to the top of Emma's head and closed his eyes. Remus knew that he would hear an "I told you so," from Elara later, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Emma was alive, and that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	25. That Would Be Enough

When Emma awoke hours later, she struggled to open her eyes. She was warm and so incredibly comfortable, although her back had a dull ache. Emma heard voices speaking softly, felt something moving underneath her cheek, but her brain was still fuzzy. Emma wasn't entirely sure where she was, but she liked it.

A soft hum of delight rose up from her throat as she felt fingers running through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. It was relaxing, and she felt herself being slowly pulled back into sleep, but then the fingers on her scalp went away and brushed against her cheek. She let out a small groan, wanting desperately for her head to be rubbed as that was starting to hurt as well.

"Can you open your eyes for me, love?"

Remus. It was Remus. Her brain started to connect things a little bit faster, and everything that had happened began to come to her. She was in the Hospital Wing, she was at Hogwarts, and _oh, Merlin…_

Emma felt sick, not wanting to open her eyes. She couldn't look at Remus ever again after what she had done. It was a wonder that he was still taking care of her. It wasn't as if she didn't want him to, had always imagined it would be something a father would do for their daughter, but she had done the unthinkable. Guilt pitted itself in her stomach, and she gently shook her head. _She couldn't_.

"Sweetheart, please," Remus said, still gently brushing his fingers against her cheek.

With a whine, Emma reluctantly opened her eyes, turning her face into Remus's chest as she was met with blinding light. "Ow," she muttered, the pounding in her head increasing. She pulled her arms from around Remus, flexing her fingers to try and get the feeling back into them. It felt like every part of her body tingled, and it hurt.

"Take your time," Remus said. "It's been a while, and it was much darker this morning."

"It's bright," Emma whispered hoarsely, slowly turning her face towards the offending light, blinking against the harshness of daylight. Unhappy with the brightness, Emma turned her face back into Remus's chest. She reached a hand up to find the lapel of his jacket and pulled it over her face. Emma felt Remus's gentle chuckle in his chest before she heard the sound. It made her feel a little better, but the laugh held a sadness that broke her heart.

"It'll get easier," Remus said quietly, gently pulling his jacket out of Emma's hand. "You have to try."

Emma heard a rustling noise and then let out a small yelp as something cool touched her lips. "What's that?" she asked, opening a bleary eye to peer at the object that had just touched her.

"Something that'll help."

With a frown, Emma allowed Remus to tip the liquid back into her mouth, and she pulled a face. It was terrible, but her head stopped hurting almost immediately. She decided to test her vision again, opening her eyes slowly so that the light didn't hit her all at once.

The brightness of the sun leaking through the windows still made her eyes burn, but it wasn't as bad as before. She blinked quickly, trying to clear her vision. Against her better judgment, she looked up at Remus but quickly looked away as their eyes met. Her entire body went cold with shame, and she felt like crying again.

"Hi, sweetheart," Remus said softly, tilting her face back up to look at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Miserable," she admitted, meeting his gaze and immediately feeling even worse. He looked terrible, and it was all her fault. He gave her a sweet smile in response, but that only made her feel worse.

"It's wonderful to have you back here with us, Emma. You've had a lot of people worried."

Emma turned her head, surprised to see Dumbledore standing at the end of the bed, a soft smile on his face. She swallowed hard, wanting to pull her eyes away from his gaze but found that she couldn't. At least it was easier than looking at Remus, but she didn't like that it felt like he was staring right through her.

"I'm sorry," Emma said stupidly, annoyed with herself that she was just grateful her voice wasn't as hoarse. She knew that saying she was sorry wasn't going to change anything, but she was genuinely sorry. She didn't understand what it was she had done until she had done it, but by then, it had been too late.

"You are here, and that is what counts," Dumbledore said with a small nod, turning his attention to Remus, who nodded as well.

"Just stay alive," Remus whispered into her hair. "That would be enough for right now."

"That _would_ be enough," Dumbledore agreed. "Professor Snape's quick thinking helped to ensure that you remained with us."

Emma made a choking noise, feeling impossibly colder than she had before. "Was…Was Professor Snape?" Emma couldn't finish the question, but the way Remus gently took her hand told her everything she needed to know.

"He was," Dumbledore said solemnly, though his eyes were twinkling. "I rarely see Severus looking worried, but you, my dear, managed to achieve that."

Emma couldn't hold back her laughter as tears fell down her face. The whole entire thing was ridiculous. Snape being worried was the strangest thing she could have ever heard of. And to think that the last thing she wanted was for Snape to be the one to find her made things worse. Perhaps fate wasn't as cruel a mistress as she had thought. He wasn't the last thing she saw before she died, and that was a relief. She was alive, snuggled into Remus's side and talking to Dumbledore. She was a bit damaged, very lost, but very much alive.

"Emma?" Remus's voice was quiet and confused at her sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry," Emma said through her laughter. "I just – I'm so sorry…" She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't think that they would understand why she was laughing or if they would understand why her laughs were punctuated with tears. Emma wrapped her arms back around Remus, finding herself increasingly grateful for the man as he pulled her tighter to his side. She took a few steadying breaths, and finally, her laughter became hiccoughs.

"It's okay, Emma," Dumbledore said, his voice honest. "But there is another matter of concern."

Unsure of what to say, Emma just wiped her tears from her face. She stared at Dumbledore, worried about what it was he was about to say.

"I won't ask you to relive that day as you will need to heal, I believe that we all will, but I must ask you about your issues with your classmates."

Emma could only stare at Dumbledore, waiting for him to continue. Her hands fisted into Remus's jacket, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Your letter," Dumbledore said softly. "In your letter, you did not name the students in question. I would like to know."

 _The letter_. The bloody letter that Emma wrote. She had all but forgotten about it, and she looked up at Remus, growing anxious at the idea that he had read it. His face gave nothing away, and she felt herself growing dizzy, but she forced herself to look back at Dumbledore. She was almost positive that he already knew the answer, and she didn't understand why he was asking her.

 _Fuck_ , Emma thought to herself. She was trapped with nowhere to go, and she didn't want to answer his question at all. "I'm afraid I can't do that," Emma said bravely, studying Dumbledore's face.

"Emma," Remus said in surprise, "we've talked about this…"

"I know," Emma said, thinking of one of their late-night conversations around Christmas. "I can't give the names…Professor McGonagall had already asked me, and I can't do it."

"Are you afraid of telling me the names of the students because you're afraid that they will retaliate?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes staring into hers.

"No," Emma said, finding herself surprised by her answer. A part of her was worried about retaliation, but that wasn't the entirety of it. She felt stupid with the reasoning she had. "That isn't what I'm afraid of."

Dumbledore looked at Emma inquisitively. "Then what is it that you're worried about?"

"I don't want them to be expelled," Emma said quietly. "I feel that everyone deserves the opportunity to be here and learn."

"Emma, they don't deserve to be here," Remus said, surprised by Emma's response. "They hurt you…"

"I know that they don't deserve to be here, but that's why I want them to stay," Emma said, taking a deep breath. "By letting them stay here, they're forced to live with what they've done. I – I know that things are going to have to change, and that's entirely my fault. I know what I've done, I know the problems I've caused, and now I have to live with the guilt. But, so do they." Emma peeled herself away from Remus with a sigh.

Remus was quiet as he looked over at Dumbledore, the two passing a look between each other. Emma didn't understand the look, but Remus acknowledged whatever message Dumbledore was silently sending with a nod.

Dumbledore returned his gaze to Emma, and he inclined his head. "Very well," he said. "Then I must ask you this – if I assured you that those students would not lose their place at this school, would you agree?"

"Nothing will happen?"

"Of course, there will be consequences, but that will be left to their Head of House."

Emma considered Dumbledore's proposal, torn between still refusing and trusting the man. She nodded slowly in agreement. "Only if nothing more will happen," she answered.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said with a kind smile. "I know that was a difficult decision. If you could please name them, one at a time."

Emma took a shaky breath, putting some more space between herself and Remus. As she moved, she felt something next to her, and she reached under the blanket and pulled the object out. _Boris_. Her face flushing, Emma pulled the bear tightly into her arms and began to name each person she could think of. By the time she had finished, tears had started falling down her face again, and Remus's hand was gently rubbing her back.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said when he was sure Emma had finished speaking. "I must say that there are a few names that I was surprised to hear, but others… Well, let's just say that you learn from your mistakes when one is as old as I am. That being said, other issues need to be discussed."

"There are?" Emma was growing more exhausted by the minute. She wiped away her tears, suddenly aware of how scratchy the clothing she was wearing was. She hated it.

"In your letter, you mentioned particular instances of concern," Dumbledore said, reaching into robe pocket and pulling the all too familiar envelope out.

Emma's breath hitched in her throat, seeing the envelope again. She stared at the envelope for a moment, and then her eyes widened as they darted to Remus and back to Dumbledore. "Did -?" Her question trailed off quickly, not wanting to know the answer to what she wanted to ask.

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, your father did not read this letter. It has come to my attention, upon reading it and considering the circumstances, that there are things you do not want him to see," Dumbledore said, looking over at Remus. "However, I do feel that out of necessity to further understand the situation, it would be beneficial that he does. Out of respect for your privacy, Remus requested that it would be your decision to make."

Emma looked up at Remus, thoroughly unsure about him reading the letter. The things she had written weren't things she would ever say in any other circumstance, and once he read them, there was no turning back. A lot of what she wrote were things that she had said before, but there was a lot she had kept tucked away in herself. Remus gently brushed a finger down her nose, forcing her to give him a sad smile. His expression was soft and not expectant – whatever decision she would make didn't matter to him.

She finally turned back to Dumbledore and nodded, not missing the sharp intake of breath from Remus as she did. "Okay," she said.

"Emma, I don't have to if you don't want me to," Remus said, his voice soft and level. "I don't want you to feel as though you have to agree."

"I want you to read it," Emma said quietly.

Dumbledore nodded, gesturing for Remus to join him. "Remus, I believe we should discuss this in Poppy's office. If I'm correct, there is a very impatient Healer just outside these curtains, and I'm sure Emma will need her privacy."

Remus hesitated, not wanting to leave Emma's side.

"Go," Emma said. "I'll be fine."

There was another moment of hesitation as Remus looked between Emma and Dumbledore. He sighed and leaned down to kiss the top of Emma's head and slid out of bed. Reluctantly, Remus followed Dumbledore out of the curtained area, leaving Emma by herself.

Emma placed Boris off to the side, seizing the opportunity and solace of being alone for a moment. She had a sneaking suspicion that her solitude was going to be infrequent for a while. Swinging her legs over the bed, she slid out of bed. However, instead of finding herself upright, she found herself crumpling in a heap on the floor just as someone entered the curtains.

"Whoa, there," said a voice that drew Emma in quickly. She had no idea how relieved she would be to see Elara, but she felt infinitely better.

Elara quickly dropped down to help Emma stand back up. "What were you trying to do?" Elara asked, helping Emma sit back on the bed.

"I just wanted to get out of the bed," Emma said with a whine. "I–I have to…" She didn't want to tell Elara that she had to desperately use the toilet, but Elara seemed to understand.

"It's been ten days since you've touched solid ground, kid," Elara said good-naturedly. She gently gripped Emma by her elbows, tugging her forward. "Here, let's see if we can try and figure this out." Elara guided Emma back down the floor, supporting her weight.

"What is wrong with me?" Emma asked as she struggled to take a step, even with Elara's help. Bloody hell, her legs ached already.

"It's going to take a little while for your brain to catch up with the rest of you," Elara said sympathetically. "You can do this, I promise."

It took several minutes of Elara's encouragement to get Emma to start walking, and Emma was thoroughly embarrassed by it. Her steps were wobbly, almost as if she had never walked before. "This is stupid," Emma muttered, red-faced as they finally reached the Hospital Wing's bathroom.

"It's going to take time," Elara smiled. She then gave Emma a sympathetic look. "I, er, have to stay in here with you."

"I figured," Emma said bitterly. "Can I at least try to get over to the toilet by myself?" Emma eyed the toilet, trying to figure out how easy it would be to cross the room from where she stood.

"Give it a try," Elara said, carefully letting go of Emma, but sticking close enough that she could grab onto her. With Emma safely close to the toilet, Elara ran the sink and turned around to give Emma her privacy.

"How long is it going to be like this?" Emma asked, trying to strike up a conversation as if she were having a wee with Persephone the next stall over. She watched the way Elara's shoulders shifted, almost in surprise. Clearly, this wasn't typical behavior, but Emma gave up on being embarrassed. She had nearly died, what purpose did being embarrassed serve?

"With walking? Or having someone with you?" Elara asked.

"Both," Emma muttered, dragging herself to the sink once her business was complete. The water felt fantastic against her hands as she washed them, and she became _acutely_ aware of how grimy she felt.

"Well, it's going to depend," Elara said, cautiously looking over her shoulder before turning around. "I think at least until you leave school, you're going to have someone with you at all times. I might have a solution to the walking situation, but I'll have to talk to your father first. To be quite honest, it's a wonder you're able to talk so well."

Emma nodded and turned to look over at the shower longingly. "Is there any possibility of me being able to take a shower?"

Elara studied Emma for a moment. "I think that might be a possibility," Elara said, reaching for Emma's arms. "Let's see if we can't get you walking a bit more, first. I need to talk to your father about something."

Heaving a heavy sigh, Emma gripped onto Elara's arms, frustrated with how wobbly she was. "Fine," she grumbled as they walked back out into the Hospital Wing. "This is bloody exhausting."

"Give it a few days, Emma. It'll get easier, don't be so hard on yourself," Elara chided gently. Instead of forcing Emma back into bed, she let her sit in one of the chairs. She pushed back the curtains and turned back to Emma. "Stay right here, I'll be back in a moment."

"Can't get very far even if I tried," Emma said bitterly as Elara walked towards Pomfrey's office.

"Emma Lupin!"

Emma's eyes grew wide as her eyes turned to the entrance of the Hospital Wing. Persephone stood in the doorway, fat tears in her eyes as she glared at Emma. Emma could only watch in a panic as Persephone stormed into the room, rushing over to Emma.

Persephone and Emma could only stare at each other for a moment, but then Persephone let out a strangled cry and pulled Emma off the chair and into her arms. "Don't you _ever_ do that to me again!" Persephone cried, her entire body shaking with sobs as she held onto Emma.

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered stupidly. How many times was she going to repeat that? "I'm truly and honestly sorry."

"Why didn't you _say_ anything! Merlin, Emma – do you even know how worried I've been? How all of us have been?"

"I know. I'm sorry – I…I didn't mean for things to be like this," Emma muttered. She wanted to cry, her heart breaking at how much she had hurt Persephone as well, but she couldn't.

"We-we've been worried sick," Persephone choked out between sobs. "W-w-worrying and thinking t-that…that you weren't going to w-wake up. C-Cas hasn't slept in d-days. Neville has cried as much as I h-have!"

Emma's heart was being torn into a million pieces, but all she could do was stand there and listen. She had no words left, and her apologies could only go so far. She didn't mean to hurt everyone the way that she did. A part of her desperately wished that _someone_ would just come out, so Emma didn't have to listen anymore.

"I want to be so m-mad at you," Persephone sobbed, "but I can't!" Persephone suddenly wrenched herself away from Emma, holding her at an arms-length. Her eyes were accusing, not angry, but pained as she stared into Emma's.

"Is _this_ why you broke up with me?" Persephone asked, practically shouting the question.

Emma was sure that if she could melt through the floor, she would gladly do so. Neither girl had noticed that the others had finally left the office, and they were no longer alone until someone cleared their throat. Emma could only imagine what color red her face had turned because her entire body felt very hot. Emma wondered if she became the same shade of red as Persephone

Swallowing hard, Emma slowly turned her head to look at the others. Dumbledore looked slightly pleased, a small smile on his face. Remus looked no better than Persephone, tear tracks down his face, but now looking equally as embarrassed. Elara and Pomfrey looked, to their credit, looked thoroughly embarrassed. All at once, everyone seemed to move into action with Pomfrey gently taking Persephone's arm in an attempt to lead her away.

With a groan, Emma turned back to Persephone, grateful that Remus quickly ducked his head, turning his attention elsewhere. "No, Effie," Emma said quietly. "I – I knew that I was going to…" She trailed off, covering her face with her hands. "This wasn't why."

Persephone glared at Emma for a moment before sighing. "Okay, she said quietly, finally allowing Pomfrey to lead her back to the entrance.

"Wait a moment!" Elara said, placing a glass on the nightstand next to Emma and running over to Persephone and Pomfrey.

Emma eyed the glass suspiciously, trying to figure out what was in it. It wasn't the same color as Dreamless Sleep or a Sleeping Draught, but the lavender color was strangely familiar. She bit her lip as she tried to figure out what it was, but unable to reach any conclusions, she glanced up to see Remus watching her. He still stood next to Dumbledore, seemingly ignoring what the Headmaster was saying, but Emma knew that he wasn't.

It was always worrisome to her when Remus's face was impassive, not giving anything away. Sometimes it seemed like it was his default expression, very rarely letting anyone know his true feelings. Emma had gotten to know him well enough to gauge how he could be feeling, but there wasn't much for her to work with. The addition of the tear tracks down his face made it even worse, and he quickly wiped them away. She hated that Remus, who was always so stoic, had been crying. She wasn't sure if they were angry tears, and that worried her. That was the last thing that she wanted.

"Sorry about that," Elara said, drawing Emma's attention away from Remus. It seemed that was fine, as Remus had finally turned back to Dumbledore. "I was asking your friend if she could get you some clean clothes. Cleaning spells can only do so much, and I imagine you want to get out of those."

"You have no idea," Emma said, sighing in relief. "Er…how much of that conversation did you all hear?"

Elara's face was sympathetic as she answered, "All of it."

"I suppose it's not the worst thing that's happened today, so far," Emma sighed.

"None of that," Elara said, picking up the glass and holding it out to Emma. "Now, you're going to need to drink all of this."

"What is it?" Emma asked, staring at the glass. "I can't figure it out."

"It's specialized," Elara said simply, casting Remus a side-long glance. "Trust me, it'll help."

"Specialized?" Emma finally took the glass, frowning when she didn't smell anything.

"Just for you," Elara said brightly. "While you take that, why don't we get you something to eat?" Elara walked over to Remus, seemingly to ask if he wanted anything.

Emma eyed the lavender liquid, pulling a face before she even began to drink it. She feared it would have the same sickly-sweet flavor as either sleeping potion, but to her surprise, it didn't. Other than the oddly metallic flavor, it wasn't overly sweet. Despite the color, it tasted almost like chocolate-covered oranges. What she found even more surprising was the sudden warmth that seemed to run through her bloodstream. Was it some type of anxiety relief potion?

Elara returned with a tray of food just as Emma finished drinking the potion. "How are you feeling?" She asked, placing the tray down on the bed.

"Fine," Emma said, putting the glass back on the table. "What is that supposed to taste like?"

"Well, it's different for everyone," Elara answered simply. "Are you hungry?"

As if on cue, Emma's stomach growled, and she grinned sheepishly. "I think so," she said.

"Good," Elara said, conjuring a small table in front of Emma and placing the tray down. "Don't push it. Eat, and then we'll get you in the shower, okay?"

Emma nodded, and Elara pulled half the curtains around the bed. It was just enough to give her some privacy, but not enough that someone couldn't look in to see what she was doing. Emma frowned when she noticed that she was only given a spoon to eat with. Clearly, they didn't trust her enough to have a knife and fork, but they believed that she wouldn't try to off herself with a spoon. Uncovering one of the plates, Emma nearly started to cry.

_Cinnamon sugar toast._

Remus peered around the corner of the curtains. "Anything for me?" He sat on the edge of the bed, nodding down at the tray.

Emma smiled around the piece of toast she had just taken a bite into. "Only if you can figure out how to eat everything with a spoon," she said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "I didn't even bother looking at what's under the other cover."

"Really? Why not?"

"Because how am I supposed to eat with a spoon?"

There was a slight twinkle to Remus's eye as he smiled. "Did you consider the fact that perhaps there's something there that might require a spoon?"

"No?" Emma said, finding herself suddenly curious. She finished the piece of toast that she had and lifted the cover, half-surprised, half-not. Underneath the second lid, sitting in a bowl, was two heaping scoops of vanilla ice-cream. It was a subtle homage to their first night at home, where things were still scary and new. Emma couldn't help but feel ridiculous as the tears finally broke through.

"I thought you might need the little reminders of how much I love you," Remus said.

"This was you?" Emma sniffed, gesturing to the toast. "I mean, I figured at least this was because of you, but I thought Elara was asking what you wanted."

"No," Remus shook his head. "She was asking me what I thought you should have." He looked down at the toast thoughtfully before picking up a slice. "You know, in all of the times you've had me make this for you, I've yet to try it?"

"I think you'll like it," Emma said, wiping her eyes.

With a small shrug, Remus took a bite. "Huh," he said, chewing slowly. He turned to Emma and gave her another smile. "I think you're right."

It was nice to be to talk normally, almost as if nothing had happened. Emma was happy that she had been able to share her preferred version of toast with Remus. It was comfortable.

But a lot had changed, and it settled into Emma's stomach uncomfortably. Things weren't exactly the same, and they probably wouldn't be for a while, if ever. There had been a moment where a shiver of something passed over Remus's face that Emma didn't understand as she had a bite of ice-cream. It had made her curious, but it quickly passed as Remus took the spoon from her to have a few bites himself. It wasn't exactly the most nutritious meal, but it was certainly comforting.

"So," Remus said slowly after a while, "you and Persephone were together?"

Emma took the spoon from Remus, taking a generous scoop of ice-cream. "We were," she said quietly.

"I can't say that I'm surprised," Remus admitted.

Popping the spoon into her mouth, she narrowed her eyes at Remus. There was something in the look on his face that was suspicious, "You already knew that, didn't you?" The smile that crossed Remus's face gave him away, and Emma felt her face flush again. "How did you know?"

"Er," Remus cringed slightly, "I may have…accidentally figured it out on Christmas."

Emma's eyes grew wide as she understood exactly what he was referring to. That noise they heard wasn't imagined at all. "You _knew_?"

"I didn't want to embarrass you," Remus said quickly. "I wasn't sure if – well..."

"You're not mad that I'm not…normal?"

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but Dumbledore stepped into their little bubble, his eyes twinkling.

"We'll talk more about it later," Remus said gently, and that was the end of that conversation.

"Hello again, Emma," Dumbledore said, stepping into their little bubble. "I trust you enjoyed your meal?" He looked at the tray with a smile, taking in the bit of toast that remained, and the melted ice-cream still in the bowl.

"It was different," Emma admitted. "But yes."

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said, clapping his hands together, the table and tray disappearing. "Now, I must ask something else from you, and then you may relax however you would like for the rest of the day.

Emma looked over at Remus and frowned as he noticeably kept his attention focused elsewhere. She didn't think it had anything to do with the conversation they had just been having, but it was unnerving all the same. "What do you need from me?" Emma asked quietly, still trying to catch Remus's eye.

"While we were in Madame Pomfrey's office, we discussed a few things. First and foremost, we discussed your letter," Dumbledore said, waiting for Emma's acknowledgment on the matter. "As we spoke on the issue, we found one particular passage of interest. It was very specific and references what you believe are memories and not dreams?"

"I don't see how they could be anything but memories," Emma whispered, no longer trying to get Remus's attention as she knew his opinions on the matter. "I mean, I suppose they could be dreams, but they're too real."

Dumbledore nodded slowly as he looked into Emma's eyes. He eventually turned to Remus. "I think it's worth taking a look into, Remus," Dumbledore said, inclining his head slightly.

Remus's gaze never left Dumbledore, but eventually, he shook his head. He turned to Emma, his expression pained. "Emma, would you be all right if we viewed these…memories?"

"Yeah," Emma said quietly, "but I don't know how you can do that."

"I own a tool that allows me to view memories. It involves removing the memory and placing it within this tool to view the memory. It's very insightful," Dumbledore explained.

"And how do you get the memory?"

"It's very painless, although it might be a touch uncomfortable," Dumbledore said. "All that you need to do is think of what you want to show us, and I remove the memory with my wand."

"And I'll get the memories back?"

"Of course."

Emma thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Okay."

"Perfect," Dumbledore said, reaching into his pocket to retrieve both a bottle and his wand.

Emma wondered if he knew that she would agree or if Dumbledore carried random objects around with him at all times. Dumbledore handed the bottle to Remus to hold, and Emma couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable Remus appeared to be.

Dumbledore approached her, eyes still twinkling. He held his wand up, pressing the tip to Emma's temple. "All you need to do is think of everything that you would like us to see."

Emma nodded, doing as Dumbledore said, and watched in awe as strings of silver trailed after Dumbledore's wand and dropped into the bottle Remus held. If all memories were that mesmerizing color, perhaps life could be beautiful…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	26. Secrets

It felt odd to be standing back in the bathroom and having someone supervise her as she took a shower. Elara kept her back turned, of course, but it wasn't any less odd. Was it _always_ going to be like this?

Persephone, by the grace of Godric, had put aside her anger and found Emma's softest clothes for her to put on. She was even more grateful for the fact that Persephone had the brilliance to grab her shower things. Emma knew that her best friend was not thrilled with her, but she didn't blame her in the least. Pomfrey, seeing what Persephone brought for her, wasn't too excited. Pomfrey had insisted that Emma be placed back in the scratchy hospital clothes, but thankfully Remus had stepped in. Emma wasn't sure what Remus had said to get Pomfrey to back down, but the matron didn't seem amused.

Walking back to the bathroom had been terribly awkward and challenging. Elara had insisted that Emma take a few laps up and down the Hospital Wing beforehand just to stretch. Emma was relieved that she didn't need to rely on Elara so much to keep upright, but it was still embarrassing.

"Hey, Emma? I want to run another set of tests once you're done," Elara said, breaking through the silence.

"Another set?" Emma asked, putting her shampoo covered hair under the water. Emma wondered how many tests had been done while she wasn't awake. It already felt like she had done at least a hundred in 4 hours. The tests weren't painful, Emma never felt anything, but it was still strange to her. Magic was still such an odd thing to her, and she wished she understood how the medical spells worked.

"Yeah, I just want to see how things have changed since you took that last potion," Elara said.

"All right," Emma said, turning to face the water.

_If you stand here long enough, you can drown yourself._

Emma shot back from the water, nearly tripping over herself and falling. She landed hard against the wall, terrified by the thought that crossed her mind. _No, not again_ …

"Are you okay?" Elara asked, worried.

"Y – yeah," Emma said, peering around the shower curtain, grateful that Elara didn't move. She had only turned her head marginally in the direction of the shower, brow pinched with worry. "I, uh – legs."

"Did you have an Ariel moment?" Elara asked, glancing back at Emma's confused face.

"A what moment?"

"Ariel. Like The Little Mermaid? Disney?" Elara said, watching as Emma shook her head. "Merlin, have you never seen it?"

"No?" Emma ducked back into the shower. "I've heard of the book before…"

"Emma, have you never seen a Disney movie before?"

"I'm not sure," Emma admitted. "Tell me more."

Elara began to tell Emma all about Disney movies and some of her favorites. Emma was grateful as it kept her from her thoughts, and she found herself growing interested. She would have to make sure to track down some videotapes to watch the movies Elara was talking about.

Emma was grateful that she could handle getting out of the shower by herself. It was a stretch, and her legs didn't cooperate with her too well, but she used the wall to help her move.

"It's going to take time," Elara said after Emma let out a frustrated shout.

"It's walking, it shouldn't be this hard," Emma grumbled as she dried herself.

"It's also been ten days since you've used your legs."

"And there's no magic that's supposed to help?"

"There is," Elara said, "but we can't risk you getting dependent on something else…"

Guilt twisted Emma's stomach. She was so tired of feeling guilty and ashamed. "So, everyone knows about that?" She asked, annoyed at how small her voice sounded.

"Yes," Elara said sympathetically. "No one is mad at you, Emma. Mistakes were made, and it's a matter of learning and getting past it."

Emma dressed silently, not wanting to continue their conversation. As she dressed, she decided to look at herself in the mirror, but she frowned when she saw herself. She had taken to avoiding mirrors as much as possible but stole glances of herself on occasion. It was only to make sure that she didn't look like a complete mess, but this was different. Had she _always_ looked this way?

She dressed slowly, peering at herself in the mirror with each new piece of clothing. She paused as she looked at her arms, taking in the faint lines that lined her wrists. Her fingers brushed over the most recent cuts, the one she had made just before… Emma threw her shirt on over her head, not wanting to look at them anymore.

When Emma looked back in the mirror, her mouth fell open. She knew what was different. _She looked just like her mother_.

"All good?" Elara asked, turning around once she was sure Emma was fully dressed.

If Elara had noticed anything different, she didn't say anything about it. Emma was almost sure there was something about the way Elara smiled at her that suddenly seemed off, but she wasn't sure.

"Yeah," Emma said after a moment. She took Elara's arm as she held it out, still feeling stupid that she couldn't walk normally. The walk back to Emma's bed was slow and awkward, but Elara continued to offer reassurances that it was normal. Emma wasn't convinced.

Remus was waiting near Emma's bed for them. He looked as impassive as ever, but the subtle tapping of his foot told Emma something was wrong. She _knew_ that she didn't want him to see what she saw. When they were nearly at the bed, he finally looked up at them, but the moment he looked at Emma, he quickly looked away.

"Elara, could you come with me?" Remus said, turning to Elara and avoiding Emma's eyes.

Emma pushed up the sleeves of her jumper, looking between Elara and Remus curiously. She wasn't given a chance to question what was happening as Persephone entered the Hospital Wing. Persephone paused as she met Emma's gaze, head tilting slightly.

"Of course," Elara said, helping Emma back into bed. "I'll run those tests later, okay?"

Emma nodded, moving over so that Persephone could climb into the bed with her. She looked over at Remus, bothered that he wasn't looking at her, but was distracted by Persephone.

"Where did these waves come from?" Persephone asked, running her fingers through Emma's damp hair. "The fact that your hair is doing this and it's still wet?"

Emma watched helplessly as Elara and Remus left. She wanted to know what was going on.

"You look like Re," Persephone said, looking at Emma appraisingly, her eyes narrowed, and her lips pursed. "But for some reason, you just _really_ look like Re. Like, not completely, but…"

"I don't know," Emma admitted, pulling a strand of hair in front of her, stretching it out, and then letting it go to see it bounce back up. Then her hand went to her fringe. "I don't look like Re. I look like my mother."

"I don't think I've ever seen what she looks like," Persephone admitted.

"I've never shown you photos? I've got a photo album in my trunk."

"I'm going to go get it," Persephone said excitedly, jumping off the bed.

In Persephone's absence, Emma had to deal with Pomfrey fretting over her, and she _hated_ it. At least Elara gave her some room to breathe, but Madame Pomfrey did not. Emma couldn't be any more excited about Persephone's return.

Emma was unable to hide her sigh of relief when Persephone came bounding back into the Hospital Wing. Pomfrey let out a small huff but left the two alone. The girls spent what felt like forever flipping through the album together. Persephone had been amused by Remus's long hair in some of the photos.

"You really do look like her," Persephone said, stopping on a photo of Margaret that was taken somewhere on the grounds. Margaret was dressed in uniform, her jumper tied around her waist, and her sleeves rolled up. She was smiling at something off in the distance and then turned to stick her tongue out at the photo taker. "Why did you ever say that you didn't look like her?"

"Because I didn't," Emma said, "I really didn't. When have I ever had wavy hair?"

"Maybe the Hospital Wing uses different water," Persephone suggested with a shrug. "In this photo, you really look like her, though."

Emma grinned and couldn't help but stick her tongue out at Persephone. The opportunity was too perfect to pass up.

"Just like in the photo," Persephone smiled, nudging Emma with her shoulder.

The girls had nearly gone through the entire album when Remus and Dumbledore returned. Emma was bothered by the fact that Elara wasn't with them, but Remus not looking at her bothered her more.

"Hello, girls," Dumbledore said, giving both Emma and Persephone knowing smiles.

Persephone flushed, closing the photo album on her lap. "Hello," she said, sliding out of bed. "Er, I'm going to go put this back for you. I'll come back later."

Dumbledore waited until Persephone left to start speaking.

"Now, Emma, I'm sure that you have a lot of questions about what exactly we've been discussing today," Dumbledore said, drawing vigorous nods from Emma. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I must ask that you wait a little while longer." Emma deflated, not wanting to wait longer.

Dumbledore chuckled, pulling his wand back out of his pocket. "Yes, I know it's disappointing," he said, motioning for Remus to join him. "But I would at least like to return your memories to you in the meantime."

The process of having memories returned felt strange. Though it was done the same way as taking them, the sensation was more uncomfortable. Emma rubbed her temple to alleviate the prickling that she felt. She looked over at Remus, but he still wasn't looking at her, which she found frustrating.

"Thank you for sharing those with us," Dumbledore said. "I promise that everything will be explained in time. For now, I'll leave you two alone."

"Where did Elara go?" Emma asked curiously as Dumbledore turned to leave.

"She'll be back later tonight," Dumbledore smiled, leaving Emma at that.

There were a few moments where Emma just stared at Remus, willing him to look at her. The fact he wasn't looking her way made her regret letting him see anything. She looked down at her hands in her lap and rubbed her temple again. It still prickled.

"I owe you an apology," Remus said, finally looking at Emma.

"For what?" Emma asked, meeting his gaze.

"I can't say anything yet," Remus admitted, an apologetic look crossing his face at Emma's expression. "Not because I don't want to, but there are a few things we need to figure out first. But I apologize for not understanding what you were trying to tell me."

Emma was still confused, but she nodded. She was going to have to wait, and if Remus wasn't going to explain anything, she knew she had no choice. "It's okay," she said quietly.

"It's not. Not really," Remus sighed. "Why don't we take a walk? I imagine you're tired of being cooped up in here, and I'd like to talk to you."

Emma felt strange being out of the Hospital Wing, out on the grounds. She felt even stranger having to be supported by Remus, her arm looped through his to keep upright. She was growing even more frustrated and didn't understand why walking had to be so difficult. It took everything she had to ignore the looks of the other students they passed, watching curiously. News had apparently gone through the castle quickly.

Despite her aggravation, she couldn't deny that being out in the sun felt nice. Remus walked them out to the rocks near the Black Lake, helping Emma get comfortable on the sloped surface. Even that was difficult.

Pushing her aggravation out of her mind, Emma closed her eyes, tipping her face up towards the sun. The warmth felt wonderful, and she could spend all day outside if she could.

"Emma, I want you to remember this feeling," Remus said, settling on the rock next to her.

"What feeling?" Emma asked.

"The feeling of being alive."

Emma opened her eyes and looked at Remus in surprise but didn't say anything. She hesitated for a moment before leaning her head on his shoulder, turning her gaze out towards the lake. The squid was out to play, and it brought a smile to her face.

"Life is fleeting, Emma," Remus said quietly. "And I apologize for how cliché I'm about to sound, but it's true. We don't know when we're going to get another day or what fate lies before us. Every day that we wake is another opportunity, another chance to do something different from the day before." Remus put his arm around Emma's shoulder. "I know that life can be hard. I know that all too well."

"What do you mean?" Emma asked cautiously.

"Do you recall when I said that I promised to tell you more?"

"Yes," Emma said slowly, drawing out the word.

"Well, today needs to be that day. I'm still not ready to tell you everything, not yet, but…" Remus trailed off, clearing his throat. "When I was in my sixth year, I tried to end my life."

Emma's head whirled around quickly to look at Remus, in shock. She _never_ would have expected to hear those words from him. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it quickly, entirely at a loss.

"There was an event that occurred at the end of my fifth year that was greatly distressing to me. A secret of mine was revealed to someone, and I was worried about what would happen if others were to find out," Remus explained. "If others were to find out, my life would have been ruined. I thought that I would try to jump off the astronomy tower, but I was stopped by my friends who found me before it was too late. That was the first time I tried... I know exactly what you'll be going through for a while."

"There was another time?" Emma asked, startled that he had tried again after the first time.

Remus nodded slowly, leaning down and kissing Emma's forehead. "There were two other times," he said. "The second time, I was 21. It was just before my 22nd birthday, and I felt so incredibly alone. After I lost everyone, I was terrified. I wasn't used to being by myself because there was always someone, but then I had no one. I was the only one left. I had your grandfather, but…it wasn't the same thing." Remus hesitated for a moment, before continuing, "Emma, I'm going to tell you something that you can't repeat, and I hope that you can understand. Things were meant to be a lot different."

Emma swallowed hard but nodded. She was growing more confused by the minute.

"After that Halloween, after everything that had happened, I tried to get custody of Harry."

"Harry? Harry Potter?" Emma grew quiet, her brow furrowing as she tried to figure out why Harry was suddenly significant to the story. She turned her gaze back out to the lake, watching the squid skimming the surface of the lake. "Oh, because his parents were your friends, right?"

"They were. My plan was to take care of both of you, but that obviously never happened. I knew that it would take me longer to find you, but the plan was to get Harry first, get him settled, and then find you. I thought that if I had the two of you to care for, it would give my life a purpose. But that's obviously not how things worked out." Remus brushed Emma's hair out of her face as a breeze blew by. "The only thing that kept me going was the thought of both of you, but mostly you. You were both very important to me, but you were always my first priority. The third time was fairly recent."

"It was?" Emma found this even more unexpected.

"It was a week before I actually found out that you were still alive. If Dumbledore didn't come when he did…"

"Things would have been a lot different…"

"Yes, tremendously so. It's a thought that crosses my mind often." Remus sighed. "You would have probably grown up a lot happier, a lot safer, but…"

"I wouldn't have you."

"If I'm going to be honest, you would probably have been better off."

"Better off without you? I don't think so. Then I wouldn't have grandpa either."

"He would've found you," Remus said. "I feel that you would have lived with him. Your life would have been a lot different."

"But I still wouldn't have you…"

"Emma, I need you to understand that I wasn't…a good person," Remus said, taking in a deep breath. "I was not only an alcoholic, but I was also heavily into drugs." He paused to study Emma's face as she tried to process that information. It was one of the things that he was terrified of telling her, and he could see her trying to understand.

"But you're not now," Emma said into the silence.

"No," he said, "because I knew I needed to get myself together for you. It was one of the harder things I had to endure, but you were worth it."

The silence that followed was comfortable. Remus knew that Emma was going to need time to understand what she was told. He was relieved that she didn't seem upset with him but instead seemed to be reflecting.

"You were a good person," Emma finally said after a while. "You were just broken, and…you were just hurting yourself a different way."

That wasn't what Remus was expecting to hear, but it warmed his heart regardless. "I suppose you're right," he said. "I suppose you're right…"

"Dad?"

"Yes, love?"

"Do you think that Harry and I would have been friends growing up? If things were different?"

"There's a strong possibility," Remus said, alarmed at how quickly a lump formed in his throat. His thoughts went to Sirius, and he hated how affected he was years later. "I suppose I'm telling you a lot of secrets today. My partner and I were very close friends with Harry's parents. In fact, my – my partner was Harry's godfather."

 _Partner?_ Emma looked back up at Remus, startled that he was watching her. It was apparent he was anticipating her to ask. "You were with a _man_?" Emma asked stupidly, and she felt her face heat up immediately after saying it. "I'm sorry, that was terrible."

It was the first time Emma had heard Remus truly laugh in what felt like a long time. He pulled his arm from around Emma, grabbing onto his sides as he laughed. Even though she was terribly embarrassed, Remus's laugh made her feel like things were going to be okay.

"Stopppp," Emma whined, lying back on the rock and covering her face. "I didn't mean for that to come out the way it did."

Remus took deep breaths to calm himself. "I'm sorry, I just forget how sweet you can be, and that was incredibly innocent," he sighed, looking at Emma fondly before shaking his head. He looked back out at the lake. "At the time, I was with a man, and I was certain that he was the love of my life."

"So, you're not mad that Persephone and I were together?"

"Oh, Merlin, no. That would be awfully hypocritical of me, wouldn't it? Honestly, for me, it was the fact that I didn't think you were interested in relationships yet."

Emma sat up and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around them. "I didn't think that I was," Emma said, "but then she kissed me, and it was a lot different than I thought. It just…happened, and then, for a while, everything made sense."

"Did you love her?"

"I think I always did," Emma said quietly. "But in a different way. Like, I love her, but I'm not _in love_ with her. I love her like a sister, and I might have loved her as more than that for a little bit, but…" Emma sighed, resting her chin on her knees. "Like I liked being with Persephone. A lot. But then I think I might be able to have the same feelings for a boy. It's confusing." And it was confusing. She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel or what was right.

Remus nodded in understanding. He knew _that_ feeling all too well, as well. "Little one, we are far more alike than I realized," he said, looking over at Emma to see the confusion on her face grow.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know how you said you think you like both girls and boys?" Remus asked. A small frown appeared on Emma's face, but she nodded. "So do I."

Emma looked over at Remus, a small smile crossing her face. She had been worried about Remus being disappointed, but it was just something else they had in common. Emma turned her attention back to the lake, feeling much lighter than she had in a while.

"Oh, Merlin," Remus said suddenly, his face turning a brilliant shade of pink. "I didn't think about…"

"About what?" Emma lifted her head up, worried again.

Remus cleared his throat, "You're growing up and er, well, since you've been in a relationship…we have to…"

"No," Emma said quickly, realizing right away _precisely_ what Remus was referring to. "You are not. I already know how everything works." Did he plan on having _the talk_ right _here_?

"But it's…a little different for us," Remus muttered.

"Oh, please don't. I can't…"

"And do you think I want to?"

"Persephone's already told me…"

"And Persephone is still young. I would much rather you not learn the…particulars from your friends."

Emma groaned, pressing her forehead to her knees. "It was bad enough having to listen to the conversation once, and now I have to have it with _you_?"

"Regretfully so," Remus said, "but it can wait until you come home. I think I need to prepare myself."

"Good," Emma said, letting out a sigh of relief.

Remus placed a hand gently on Emma's back. "Speaking of home, Emma, you do know that things are going to have to change at home, right?"

Emma turned her head slightly to look over at Remus and then nodded.

"It's not going to be the same," he said. "It's to keep you safe. I love you too much to lose you."

"I know," Emma sighed. A yawn escaped her, and she leaned her head against Remus's shoulder, closing her eyes. It had been a very long day, and she was surprised that she had even stayed up so long. The sun was beginning to set and was bringing in the cooler air.

"Did you want to head back inside?" Remus asked.

"Not yet," Emma said, "Because going in means having to get back to reality, and I want to stay here."

"We'll stay a little while longer, then," Remus said, putting his arm around her shoulders, resting his head on hers.

"Hey, dad?"

"What is it, little one?"

"I'm sorry," Emma whispered, sounding wholly defeated. "For everything."

"I know you are, sweetheart," Remus said, pulling her closer. "We'll take things a day at a time. You're not going through this alone."

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you…"

By the time they made their way back to the castle, the sky had grown dark. Emma, thoroughly exhausted by the day, only made it halfway to the castle before becoming too tired to walk. Rather than having her struggle further, Remus had her climb onto his back, and he carried her the rest of the way.

Emma immediately sunk into the pillows, curling up on the bed and her eyes closing.

"Whoa, not yet," Remus said with a laugh, realizing that Emma would drift off quickly if she kept her eyes closed for too long. "You need to eat something."

"But I'm tired," Emma whined.

Remus gently helped her sit up. "And you need to eat," Remus said, smiling as she grumbled and tried to glare at him through tired eyes. The effect was lost when she yawned, and she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"Fine," she agreed.

Halfway through eating dinner together, Remus realized that Emma was just far too tired to eat. She had nearly fallen face-first into her soup several times, and it was only due to fast reflexes that he caught her just in time.

"All right, you're going to get hurt if I don't let you sleep," Remus said with a sigh, finally giving up. She hadn't had much to eat at all, but if she woke later, he would get her something from the kitchens. He took the tray away and helped her lay back down.

"I don't wanna sleep," Emma muttered, settling down.

"Only an hour ago you were saying you were tired," Remus said, amusement thick in his voice.

"That was an hour ago," she mumbled, settling into the pillows.

"I'll be right here when you wake back up."

Emma could only let out a quiet hum in acknowledgment before quickly drifting off to sleep. Her arm wrapped around Boris, she turned onto her side, and that was where she stayed.

"Merlin, do you fall asleep that fast, too?"

Remus turned to look at Elara, her eyes twinkling brightly. "Sometimes," he admitted. "Not lately, but I can't say I can blame her. I wish she would have eaten more."

"She'll be fine," Elara said with a wave.

"Ah, Remus, she's settled down for the night?" Dumbledore asked, joining them.

"Out like a light, Professor," Elara said with a smile. "It was impressive."

"Wonderful," Dumbledore said, smiling as he looked at Emma's sleeping form. "Her being asleep will make getting answers a lot easier."

"Getting the test results relies on her not moving, so it'll certainly be a lot easier," Elara agreed. "It'll be fine, Remus," she added when she noticed the look on Remus's face.

"I'm afraid to know the truth," Remus said, looking at Elara. "Especially after I told her so many times that it was just dreams…she'll never forgive me."

"How were you supposed to know? Remus, it's not as though you got to watch her all the time," Elara insisted. "You are doing what you can for her _now,_ and that's what you need to focus on."

"Remus, we mustn't dwell on what could have been," Dumbledore said softly. "She is here, she is alive, and that is what is important. If the results show us what we suspect, then we will know how to proceed.

"She clearly doesn't remember anything happening, Remus," Elara said. "For her to have such an empty space in her memory, it could mean anything."

"And if Greyback hurt her in _that_ way?"

"Then we will better understand why her fear is so great," Dumbledore said. "We can only hope that isn't the case."

"And with Jude?"

"Then, we'll have more to investigate."

Remus could do nothing but accept those responses. There was nothing he could do right now, not until they had concrete answers.

"All right, then," Elara said brightly, going to retrieve parchment and a quill. Laying them down on the nightstand, she turned to Remus and Dumbledore. "This will take around ten minutes, provided she doesn't decide to wake up."

"She won't," Remus assured her. "With how exhausted she is, I'll be surprised if she moves from the spot she's in." Elara smiled at Remus as she pulled out her wand, whispering quiet incantations.

It felt like the longest ten minutes ever as Remus watched Elara's face. He felt himself begin to grow sick as the smile on her face quickly faded and then proceeded to grow pale. But all Remus could do was helplessly wait for the quill to stop scratching and for Elara to stop reciting whatever spell she was using.

"Well," Elara said slowly, once the quill stopped scratching on the parchment and dropped to the table. "The good news is that we knew already knew the more recent issues, but…"

"But what, Elara?" Remus asked coldly.

Elara looked up from the paper, looking over at Dumbledore and then meeting Remus's gaze. "It wasn't just what we thought. And it wasn't just the one time…"

There were very few times that Remus had ever felt himself start to lose control from anger. He always made it a point to keep himself level, mostly so that he could be sure that he could keep the wolf at bay. He hated the way that it made him feel, but he couldn't get himself to care. Emma had gone through enough and to find out what was happening behind closed doors…it was no wonder her nightmares were as terrible as they were.

"I'll kill them both," Remus said through a snarl. He pulled the stiff-backed chair closer to Emma's bed, practically throwing himself onto the seat. He didn't care that Jude was in St. Mungo's; he wanted to go and tear him limb from limb. And after he finished with Jude, he wanted to go find Greyback. But he couldn't leave Emma alone. Not now.

"I'll leave a copy of the results here," Elara said, placing a gentle hand on Remus's shoulder. "I'll come back tomorrow to see how she's doing." Elara took the parchment with her as she left.

"Remus, we can't change her past, but we can do our best to make sure that her future is the best it can be," Dumbledore said. "I believe that you and I should discuss this more tomorrow. I'll leave you alone for the night."

Remus said nothing as he watched Dumbledore leave. He didn't want to leave Emma's side, but he wanted to look at what the parchment said. He stood, slowly unclenching his fists, and he gently stroked Emma's hair.

He was never going to let someone hurt Emma ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	27. Fix You

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Emma had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing from how uncomfortable she felt. She wasn't expecting so many people to be at the meeting, and she felt out of her element. Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and Sprout sat on one side of the desk, talking silently to each other. Emma was getting tired of having to wait, and that's what the entire weekend felt like. She had to wait to see her friends, she had to wait to do anything mundane, and she had to wait to hear what anyone had to say.

Emma picked at the hem of her skirt, keeping her eyes downcast. Remus sat to her left, a hand resting protectively on her knee. His foot was tapping anxiously on the floor as he waited for the Professors to stop speaking.

"Well, none of us are getting any younger just sitting here," Dumbledore finally said, turning his attention to Emma. They had all finally finished their discussion, and now it was Emma's turn. "And I think that we have all but exhausted this conversation. Emma, you are aware that starting next year, precautions will be put in place, correct?"

Emma nodded, but Remus took her hand, giving it a small squeeze, and she sighed. She looked up to meet Dumbledore's gaze. "Yes," she said quietly.

"I understand that you made the decision to stay for the last week," Dumbledore said, his blue eyes staring into Emma's. It wasn't the easiest decision to make, but she figured another week at school wasn't going to make much of a difference. "And you understand some of those precautions will be put in place as of today?"

"Yes." It wasn't as if they hadn't already gone through her things. The first thing they had made sure to take from her was her wand and her potions kit. It had become evident that she wasn't going to have much freedom.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Now, it is to my understanding that there was an incident involving you and Miss Carmichael two weeks ago," Dumbledore said, causing Remus to look over at Emma with raised eyebrows. He clearly didn't know. She ducked her head, trying to act as though she felt terrible about it, but she watched Remus out of the corner of her eye. "Unfortunately, as much as you may believe she deserved to have been hit, I'm afraid that you will still have to serve your detention."

Emma didn't miss the way Remus's lips twitched slightly, but never fully lifted into a smile. He squeezed her hand again, and Emma had to bite the inside of her cheek. He might not have been proud of the things she had done lately, but he was certainly proud of that.

"Now, Professor Snape has made it clear that he will not have you in his classroom for the rest of the year," Dumbledore said, causing Emma's head to rise quickly. She had utterly forgotten her detention was supposed to be served with Snape. "Instead, you will be serving that time with Madame Pomfrey and Professor Sprout. Your time with Madame Pomfrey will be during your first and second period on Tuesday, your full afternoon on Wednesday, and your sixth period on Thursday. You will be joining Professor Sprout during your fourth and fifth period on Monday and your entire morning on Friday."

 _It could be worse_ , Emma thought to herself. At least she wouldn't have to deal with Snape's scathing comments.

"For your safety, you will not be permitted to attend your final astronomy class. You will have an escort for each of your classes. Depending on the situation, this will range between another professor or a student. Your free period must be spent in either your common room or the library. Miss Moon and Mr. Longbottom have already been given permission to join you in your common room if you would like their company," Dumbledore explained, pausing to wait for Emma's acknowledgment.

With Emma's small nod, Dumbledore continued, "If you have interest going onto the grounds, a member of staff will need to remain with you at all times, regardless of whether another student joins you. As I have canceled final exams, all I ask from you is patience and your honesty. None of this is to make your life harder, it's to make sure that you stay safe."

Emma frowned slightly. Remus had already prepared her for most of what was said, but if this was just for a week, what was the next year going to be like? "I understand," she said quietly.

"Perfect," Dumbledore said, turning to Professor Snape and Professor Sprout. "I think that will be all."

Professor Sprout gave Emma a small smile, but Snape didn't look her way as they went to leave.

"Wait, Professor Snape," Emma said, pulling her hand from Remus's grip and turning around in her chair. She was surprised when he actually stopped and turned to look at her, his gaze cold.

"What, Lupin?" Snape drawled, an eyebrow raising. "If you are going to insist that I let you into my classroom for the rest of this year, you are sorely mistaken."

"No," Emma said quietly, ducking her head. She stood up slowly, ignoring the looks she was getting from Remus. "I wanted to apologize. I wasn't thinking."

"You are correct. You _weren't_ thinking, and you were extremely selfish."

"I know," Emma said quickly, cutting Remus off before he started speaking. "I just – I need to know what I did wrong." She met Snape's sharp gaze for a moment and then turned her attention to a spot on the floor. "I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, but no one's explained to me exactly what I did."

"Sweetheart, please," Remus said softly. "You don't need to do this right now."

"No, I need to know," Emma said, fixing Remus with a look. "No one has told me a thing, and I think I deserve to know."

"You think you _deserve_ to know?" Snape asked slowly, his eyes narrowing.

Emma turned to look at Snape. "Maybe I don't deserve to know," she said quietly, feeling her face flush. "But if I'm not allowed back in your class, then I need to figure things out myself. If I don't know what I did wrong, then I can't figure out how to teach myself in the future."

Snape stared at her for a moment, his face like a stone. His eyes moved practically imperceptibly over her shoulder to look at Dumbledore. Just when Emma was sure Snape was about to leave Dumbledore's office, he straightened himself out and stared into Emma's eyes.

"You poisoned yourself, Lupin," Snape said. "And not well, might I add."

"That was as far as I had gotten," Emma admitted, swallowing hard. She could feel Remus's eyes boring into the back of her skull. She wasn't sure how much more she could handle him staring at her while she tried to keep eye contact with Snape.

"There were several steps that you did incorrectly. Ultimately, the amount of that mess you consumer would have been your demise had it been brewed correctly. However, that was not the case because what you considered a complete Draught of Living Death was lethal in another way. Why would that be?"

Emma thought about it for a minute. If she had poisoned herself, then she had most likely messed up on – "My measurements weren't correct," Emma said after a moment. "I don't think there was enough Sopophorous bean juice."

"Did you follow the instructions exactly?"

"Yes," she said.

"What did the instructions say to do?"

"It said to cut the beans."

"Would there have been a more effective method? Or do you believe that your method was correct?"

This gave Emma pause. "I could have crushed them instead of cutting. If I decided to cut them again, then I would need more beans to compensate."

Snape's eyes narrowed slightly but was apparently intrigued enough to continue his line of questioning.

"What makes the Draught of Living Death toxic?"

"Emma," Remus repeated, trying to draw Emma's attention, but she ignored him.

"Wormwood is considered a toxic ingredient when used in high amounts. Asphodel isn't considered toxic except for the root," Emma said, running through the steps in her mind. "Because the draught requires the use of powdered root, the combination leads to high toxicity."

Emma paused, looking down at the floor as she went back through the steps she had to take and what the instructions required. It was almost like a lightbulb went off in her mind as she started to figure out what exactly had gone wrong.

"When both ingredients are mixed with the Sopophorous, it dilutes the toxicity level because it acts as a binding agent, not mixing," Emma started to talk faster, everything started to make sense. "My measurements of asphodel and wormwood weren't as perfect as they should have been. Even if they weren't exact at the start, if I had compensated with additional Sopophorous, the potion would have been brewed correctly. By crushing the Sopophorous right at the beginning, I would have been able to fix the over-compensation of wormwood and asphodel."

She looked up at Snape, trying to read his expression. Unable to figure out what he was thinking, Emma looked back down at the floor.

"There was another mistake that was made, one that was crucial and would have caused an adverse side-effect," Snape said after a moment.

Emma felt her blood run cold, knowing immediately what he was referring to. "The valerian. I didn't take enough care to make sure that the reduced liquid wasn't free of root when pouring it," Emma said slowly, shivering slightly as she remembered how cold everything had been. "There was too much root, so the sedative qualities were, for lack of a better word, canceled out the moment it bonded with the wormwood and asphodel. And that was why everything got cold before…"

There was a sharp intake of breath from someone, but Emma refused to turn her head to see who it was. She kept her eyes trained on Snape's, refusing to look away despite that weird feeling she had.

"As idiotic as you were attempting to brew a potion far past your skill level, I will take this conversation into consideration when making my decision," Snape said curly after a moment. He held Emma's gaze for another moment and swept out of the office.

Emma let out the breath she didn't know she was holding and slowly sat back down in her chair. Remus gave her a look but placed his hand back on her knee.

Dumbledore only gave Emma an appraising look, and McGonagall only wore a soft smile.

"If only you talked like that in my class," McGonagall said, drawing an embarrassed smile from Emma. "Though, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised after the glowing reviews I've heard from Professor Sprout."

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore said. "Potions and Herbology go well together, after all."

Emma couldn't help but duck her head to try and hide her blush. She couldn't understand how they could compliment her after what she had done. McGonagall took the opportunity to leave the office, stopping to squeeze Emma's shoulder as she left.

"Now, I know that you have been pestering your father to give you information all weekend," Dumbledore said, causing Emma to look away in embarrassment. She just wanted to understand what was happening. "I promise that I won't keep you waiting much longer, but I need to tell you something first before I delve into our next topic."

"What's that?" Emma asked quietly.

"Your past does not define you, Emma. I know that things have been difficult and that you have had a difficult year, but I trust that you will learn from your mistakes," Dumbledore said, smiling as Emma nodded. "There are a lot of people who love you and would be very disappointed to not have you here."

"I'm sure that there are more that would be glad if I wasn't," Emma said bitterly and instantly regretting it as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Emma, don't you dare ever say that again," Remus chastised. "That's not the truth, and you know it."

"Sorry," Emma muttered, flinching slightly.

"Remus, remember that she still needs time," Dumbledore said. "She'll figure it out in time, and we should remember that."

"Of course," Remus said after a moment.

"Now, Emma, I suppose that we shouldn't keep you waiting any longer," Dumbledore said. "Unfortunately, I have to tell you we don't have all the answers, even after our very long discussions. We believe that there is a validity to the dreams you were having."

"They're not just dreams?" Emma asked, unsure if she was more nervous or relieved by the possibility.

"They are not just dreams," Dumbledore confirmed. "At least, not all of them."

"What do you mean?"

"For the sake of simplicity, we will refer to them as dreams as they only come to you in sleep," Dumbledore said, looking to Remus to continue.

"The dreams that you have been having are mostly based on real places," Remus said carefully, glancing over at Dumbledore. "We have reason to believe that you remember places, and in some instances, even events."

"Which ones?" Emma asked curiously.

"All of them, but for different reasons," Remus answered. "Emma, do you recall any of those places outside of your dreams?"

"No," Emma said quietly. "The only thing that's always been familiar has been…" Emma trailed off with a shudder.

"Greyback?" Dumbledore asked, filling in Emma's sentence for her.

Emma nodded, watching as Remus and Dumbledore passed a look between each other. "But what does that mean?"

"It means that there are more questions that we need answers to," Dumbledore said. "We have some answers, but we don't have all of them."

Remus hesitated before turning to Emma. "And that means we're going to look more into Jude."

"Does that mean that you believe me?" Emma asked, her eyes wide.

"It's not a matter of anyone not believing you," Dumbledore answered. "The issue right now is discovering what we might have missed and what else might have gone unnoticed. We are not taking this lightly."

"Emma, do you recall the dream you had that we had an argument over?" Remus asked, watching as Emma crossed her arms.

"Yeah," Emma said, her confusion quickly turning to terror. She forgot that she had omitted a very crucial piece to that dream. "Oh…"

"Why didn't you tell me everything?"

"I didn't think it was important," Emma said slowly. "I mean…it's not like you're actually like that, right?" She laughed nervously, looking away quickly.

Remus was grateful when she looked away so that he could steel himself. He looked over at Dumbledore, who only raised his eyebrows in return, but Remus wasn't ready. A part of him knew that Emma had to know what he was, but he still couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Of course not," he said, forcing a smile on his face. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I mostly wanted to bring it up because I was wondering if you knew where you were?"

"Should I know?"

"It was your home," Remus said, glad that he had a moment to reset his face as Emma looked at him.

"That was where I lived? Before?"

"It was how your home looked when you went missing," Dumbledore clarified. "I'm sure you noticed that it didn't appear as though many people lived there."

"I did find that weird," Emma said quietly. "But if I try to remember it while I'm awake, I couldn't tell you anything about it. At least not everything."

"We believe that while you're sleeping, you become relaxed enough that you begin to remember things," Dumbledore said, looking over at Remus. "We're not sure what causes you to remember certain things, but not others."

"And you're not sure what's real and what isn't?" Emma asked, swallowing hard.

"That's correct," Dumbledore nodded.

"So, now what?"

"Now we wait and see. I will be taking part of the summer holiday to look into some of the things that we found concerning. I make no guarantees that I will find the answers, but I will do my best."

"And I'll make sure that I really pay attention to what you tell me," Remus said, squeezing Emma's knee. "I don't think I can ever apologize enough to you for not listening to you."

"I wish that we could give you more than the promise that we are going to try to figure out what your dreams mean," Dumbledore said. "After all, our dreams are meant to tell us something."

"Thank you," Emma said quietly to Dumbledore.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start my search in finding a new Defense teacher for next year," Dumbledore said, giving Remus a pointed look.

"I think that's our cue to leave," Remus said, helping Emma up. She looped her arm through his, though she was having a much easier day walking.

"I wasn't aware that you enjoyed potions that much," Remus said as they left Dumbledore's office.

Emma shrugged. "It just makes sense to me. At least mixing things makes sense. Spellcasting is weird."

"I'm disappointed, though," Remus said, his tone lighthearted.

"What did I do?" Emma asked, worried.

"You don't seem interested in Defense Against the Dark Arts," Remus said, giving her a cheeky grin.

"You wouldn't either if you didn't have a decent teacher." Emma sighed. "Hey, maybe you should take the position," Emma said excitedly.

"As wonderful as that sounds, I can't," Remus said. "I don't have the qualifications."

"I think you should do it. Will you at least think about it?" Emma asked with a pout.

Remus stopped and turned to Emma, holding her at arms-length. "I'll think about it, but I don't think that it'll be possible," Remus said. "Try not to get your hopes up."

The rest of their walk was quiet, but Emma felt herself growing more upset the closer they got to the entrance hall. She wondered if she should just go home early; it wasn't as though she would be allowed to do much anyway.

"Are you going to be okay until the end of the week?" Remus asked as they stood in the entrance hall.

Emma anxiously shuffled, looking down at her feet before she nodded, a cheeky grin crossing her face. "Are _you_?"

"What am I going to do with you?" Remus laughed, stroking her cheek.

"Take me home now?" Emma asked, almost pleadingly.

"Did you want to go home today?"

"I don't know," Emma answered. "I want to, but I feel like I need to stay…"

"It's up to you," Remus said, sticking his hands in his pockets. "If it were my choice, I would just take you home today."

"Emma!"

Emma turned to see Persephone and Neville standing in the Great Hall entrance, waving at her, and she frowned. "It's lunchtime, right?"

Remus looked at his watch, "It would appear so." Remus watched as Emma's brow furrowed as she looked at Persephone and Neville. "It's okay if you want to stay. I won't get _that_ offended."

A huff of a laugh left Emma. "Are you sure?"

"Are you?"

Emma smiled, wrapping her arms around Remus. "I'm sure," she said, pulling away.

"Then so am I," Remus smiled. "Go, don't keep them waiting. You know how impatient Persephone gets." Remus pulled Emma in for another hug and watched as she joined her friends.

Persephone and Neville pulled Emma into tight hugs, and Remus worried for a moment as Emma tensed up. It took her a moment, but Emma finally relaxed, and when she turned to give him a broad smile, he knew that she would be okay. He eventually made his way through the large wood doors when he saw that the three had finally disappeared into the Great Hall. They would all be okay.

At first, Emma wasn't sure that staying at Hogwarts had been the best idea. It was very inconvenient to have to wait for someone every class period and for every meal. It was even worse when she needed to use the toilet and was escorted by a male and would have to wait for a female to take her to the lavatory.

She felt naked without her wand, but she didn't mind not having to wear her robe. The weather had gotten hot, and she didn't mind not having to wear the extra layer. It made the last of her classes difficult as they reviewed, but it allowed Emma to get ahead on their summer work. She wondered how things would work the next year if she wasn't allowed to have her wand, but she decided she would worry about it when it was time.

One of the benefits of having to be escorted everywhere was Jocelyn didn't say a word to her. To Emma's surprise, Jocelyn didn't even _look_ at her, and neither did her friends. Emma wasn't sure if any of them had been talked to, but she didn't care. They were leaving her alone, and that was all she could ask for.

Working with Professor Sprout and Madame Pomfrey wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She didn't enjoy having to help Madame Pomfrey clean out bedpans and the other mundane activities, but she did enjoy helping her organize. Emma found that she really enjoyed helping her when other students would come in needing care. Madame Pomfrey seemed to have realized the same thing and offered for Emma to start shadowing her if she was interested. Emma said that she would think about it.

Emma found that she enjoyed working with Professor Sprout just as much as she enjoyed working with Madame Pomfrey. Emma was even treated to visiting one of the other greenhouses, which held some of the more dangerous plants. The greenhouses were warm, and Emma was left covered in dirt and sweat, but the knowledge she learned was invaluable. She enjoyed being able to share the new information she learned with Neville. Persephone didn't understand, but she listened anyway.

At one point, McGonagall had taken pity on Emma and offered to escort her and Persephone out onto the grounds and sit near the lake. Emma took the opportunity to finally bring her sketchbook back out. Emma and Persephone sprawled out on the grass, enjoying the sun. To Emma's delight, the squid seemed to somehow know what she was doing and appeared to almost wave at her as she drew. McGonagall sat nearby in what looked to be a very comfortable chair, grading papers.

When McGonagall decided it was time for them to go back inside, she hummed in surprise at Emma's drawing. "I see you've picked up Remus's artistic talent," she said, almost as if she wasn't surprised by the revelation. Emma could only smile in response.

The final feast of the year had been bittersweet. Emma's housemates had finally started to talk to her again. Ernie had finally apologized to Harry and spent a lot of time apologizing to Emma. She was even more surprised when Chloe had apologized to her after the feast was over.

"She's my sister," Chloe told Emma, wringing her hands nervously. "But none of us should have done what we did. I'm not talking to her anymore." Chloe had bit her lip, cringing slightly as she thought about everything that she had done. "I know that you won't want to be friends, but…I want you to know that I'm really sorry."

Emma knew that she should say something as Chloe walked away, but she couldn't find it in her to say a word. Maybe next year.

"Can you believe it? We're _third years_ now," Persephone said as they walked up the stone steps to board the Hogwarts Express the next morning.

"I'm nervous about our new classes," Neville admitted, grabbing onto Trevor as he tried to leap out of his hands.

"I'm only a second year," Caspian complained.

"Trust me, you'll wish you were still a first year," Emma said, causing Persephone and Neville to laugh in agreement.

Emma, Persephone, Caspian, and Neville settled into an empty compartment. Emma still found it funny that Neville tagged around with them, but it was nice. Persephone and Caspian didn't seem to mind, and they were two people that Neville seemed to feel comfortable around.

The train departed the station, and they all let out a collective sigh of relief. The summer had finally started. The air in the compartment suddenly changed as they looked at each other, everything feeling much lighter than before. Surrounded by her best friends, Emma finally realized something – she had almost everyone she needed next to her. She was loved, and she was important to everyone in that compartment. As they discussed their plans for the summer, Emma couldn't help but smile.

She would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for once again joining me on this journey. It's been a very long one and it was very difficult for me to write. It forced me to relive some of the darker moments of my life, but allowed me to finally come to terms with some things in my past.
> 
> I hope you'll join me and Emma for her third year!
> 
> **come find me on:**  
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/mymoonyandstars)  
> [the moonlit stars discord](https://discord.gg/JPMtnd9NPW)
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r6xi6203vwza01epk6askwk15?si=t4wwYBERRymTJvw09FJG3Q)  
> 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Written in the Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29717568) by [mymoonyandstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonyandstars/pseuds/mymoonyandstars)




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